Are you constantly arguing about the children? Understand why and what you can do about it.
He was too tough with my boys when he corrected their behavior. His charisma was too direct. Too strict. I thought. I was sure that my boys could not tolerate his way of acting! That was indeed what I angrily told him. Or more exactly yelled at him. I thought it was about him not liking the boys. That he thought they weren’t worthy of his love. I didn’t get his long explanation about, that he DID like my boys, but not their BEHAVIOR! In my world was boys' behavior was proportional to how lovable Jégwan thought they were. For me, it was about the boys weren’t worthy, rather than that they DID something wrong. The massive sense of wrongness was something I recognized ad nauseam from my own life. THAT feeling I defended my boys against, so they wouldn’t have to feel what I had endured. Many quarrels later I suddenly understand that it was not about the boys. It was about me! About MY sense of wrongness. That I felt SO inadequate. That I was not good enough as a mother. Or partner
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