I Do My Own Stunts

Hey y’all!!

TheHuz and I kicked off Date weekend @Foxwoods with the Melissa Ethridge concert. Shit, that woman can sing. She put on an awesome show.

There are some movies you should Not watch while high.

I’m watching one now.

I declare it to be Wake and Bake Pajama Sunday.

That is all.

Big events in TheGirlChild’s life this past week. Her Senior prom and her High School Graduation. So proud of her. She’s one of the lights of my life. So lucky to be her Mama.

Finally got my Pride flags hung up. I had fully intended to getting them up on the 1st but you know what happens to best laid plans. I had to get the flag pole replaced from when we had the house painted. But to do that we needed the drill. Can’t find the drill. Ugh borrow one from the neighbor-friend. Finally get it done.

My Rents are coming for TheGirlChild’s graduation. I’m already having anxiety about it. And lawd knows my Dad is going to make a nasty comment about “you need to take that gay shit off your house. Only flag should be American flag blah blah blah. I’m going to bite my tongue off trying to hold it or I’m gonna bite his head off. Neither option is appealing or a good start to a week long visit.

I fell so far from the family tree it’s not even funny. I’m glad.

TGC has her prom Friday night and graduation Monday. My last baby. Thankfully two of my chickens still live at home. We are currently remodeling the basement for TheBoyChild & GF to move into. They just have his bedroom upstairs right now. In the basement they will have a bedroom and a den area. Saves them rent but gives them their own space and it has its own entry to the backyard.

I’m starting with a new therapist in a week or so. My previous therapist had to take a leave of absence to deal with her physical health. She has a chronic condition and couldn’t function and maintain her health. I get it but I hate starting therapy over again.

Y’all behave and be sweet to each other.

Y’all look at “my” beach today. It’s not really mine, it’s where I lived before we had to move and where we vacation at my Rents house on the canal.

I need sand between my toes with a visit back home soon!

Ranty rant rant rant

Dear TheGirlChild just because you are 18 does not mean you are grown. When I tell you that your shorts are too short and inappropriate to go to a young kids baseball game with your super Catholic new boyfriend’s whole ass family then the shorts are too fucking short and In-fucking-appropriate and to go change your shorts I FUCKING MEAN GO CHANGE YOUR FUCKING SHORTS. I will not listen to you rant and rave and bitch and ask why eleventy-fucking-dozen times. I don’t fucking care that you spilled soy sauce on your other shorts. Put them the fuck on your fucking body. When I quiet my voice to just above a whisper and calmly and clearly say “You have two choices 1. Go change shorts or 2. Stay at home. I mean it.

NOW CHANGE YOUR FUCKING SHORTS BEFORE I SNAP YOUR FUCKING NECK.

Ok, thanks for letting me get that off my chest because that’s what I wanted to say but I didn’t. I just did the calm quiet voice thing.

Also, I would never physically harm my child duh.

I have a question for y’all. I just want opinions.

I am thinking about getting a tattoo around a scar. The scar is a cut line from one of several CVC/Central Lines I had placed when Covid nearly killed me in 2019-2020.

I’m thinking of getting a heartbeat/ekg type pattern and then leave the scar part blank to represent the 5-6 months of my life I missed while I was in the hospital/coma/rehab. I plan on the being petite no longer than an inch- an inch and a quarter.

The problem is….the scar is on my neck. As much as I actually want the tattoo, I don’t want to look “trashy” or scandalous. Which is what my Mama would say about a neck tattoo. Hell, I’m 49 years old, you would think I wouldn’t care what my Mama thinks, but alas, I do.

What say you tumblies?

Y’all, if you ever want to go to a beautiful beach but stay stateside…..this is where I lived before I had to move to the frozen tundra aka New Hampshire. This is Orange Beach, Alabama. This is where I go when I go home to visit The Rents. It’s a barrier island literally connected by 2 bridges to Alabama and another bridge to Florida. Surrounded by 2 bays, the intercoastal and the Gulf of Mexico. It’s beautiful. I miss living there.

Been busy as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest lately. Mid purge of all the crap and reorganizing and moving my pantry to a larger pantry and buying beds and decorating TGC’s room. Taking control of the chaos that has overrun my house. It does wonders for my mental health. Chaos around me is fallout of the chaos inside of me. I’m taking control of that bitch, now!!

The days are getting longer and sunnier which makes me happy!! I’ve going to get seedlings started soon also makes me happy!!

Y’all be sweet!!

New black nails to match my cold black soul.

The kids are good. TheHuz is well, TheHuz.

My shrink is still on hiatus and is encouraging me to see another therapist while she deals with her physical sickness and I am like nope nope nope, I just let the scabs heal from ripping the bandaid off with her. There is no fucking way I’m doing that again soooooo I’ll just do what I’ve always done, shove my feelings down down down, pack them away and let them collect dust, slap a smile on and be “fine, I’m good, no worries.” I did it for 47 years before I started therapy, I’ll just start again at 49 (in March)

TheBoyChild is cooking supper for the family tonight. Chicken Parm, my favorite. And I have to give him props, his chicken is always better than mine!!! I taught him well. Yes, I’ve been teaching him to cook since he was 2 years old. He will never have to rely on cans and frozen pizza. Nothing against cans or frozen pizza, I enjoy them too but nothing beats a home cooked meal.

TheGirlChild turns 18 next month. I’m not ready. She’s my last baby.

We are in the middle of “Fools Spring” here in New England. It was in the 50’s today and supposed to be relative nice all week. But do not be fooled into thinking it will last. It won’t. Winter is just lulling us into a false sense of security before it gives us the finger and strands us on the highway under feet and inches of snow and ice, while we are wearing shorts and flip flops. Don’t ask me how I know this but I do know this.

Y’all be sweet!

At least today.

My house has been afflicted with TheRona. First TheBoyChild’s GF (she basically lives here). Now TheBoyChild. TheHuz’s office went to, please don’t come in unless you have to, so he’s been into the building three times since the week before Christmas. TheGirlChild was home for a week because of close exposure and now because of it in the house.

I depends on the days but every day since before Xmas at least one of them has gotten on my last damn nerve. Although, I really enjoy having them home and will suffer empty nest big time when they move out. TheKids I mean, TheHuz is stuck with me till one of us lands in the morgue.

I can’t imagine being quarantined with people who get on your nerves all the time. Lol.

Newer nail color today.

My shrink isn’t back back from her leave of absence but we have a session tomorrow. My lawd, y’all have no idea how much I am looking forward to it. I sooooo appreciate her scheduling this for me, without me having to ask.

I am Facebook friends with a good number of y’all so I keep up with some of y’all there. I check in here with others when I can.

To be perfectly honest, I am absent from most of my life, other than my kids and Grandbaby. I am using all of my energy to keep all my broken pieces in the same pile of rubble.

Damn every time I post here it’s yucky. I need to stop that.

Anyway happy about my nail full and color…pay attention to that!!

❤️ you guys. Be safe and sweet to each other.

Fuck Christmas. Fuck this Christmas dinner (we do Xmas eve because TBC-GF’s family does Xmas day.) Fuck these gifts. Fuck the kids attitude. Fuck this tree. Fuck this weather.

And it pisses me off because Xmas is my favorite and this year can suck a bag of festering syphilitic donkey socks.

Fuck me. But not really because I will rip you apart.

I get where The Grinch is coming from.

All y’all, have a fabulous Christmas. Next year, it will be better, hopefully.

You know what…..My last post was the reason I stopped myself from posting for several months.

I had nothing positive to say, it was all bitching. It added no value. It didn’t brighten anyones day or make them smile.

And No, I don’t post for others but I don’t want to willingly contribute to the negative that is constantly being blasted in our faces by the current situation in our world.

I was raised if you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all. Yeah, I know that’s fucked up in its own right but damn…..

I didn’t mean to add negative to anyones day who read(s) my posts.

Positive—losing 60 pounds means you can wear your shoes again and not just exist in your athletic slides!

Y’all I am not gonna lie…..it’s been a “Not today Satan” kind of day.

Satan has been 17 yr old TheGirlChild today. She woke up bitching and she hasn’t stopped since. That’s a whole ass 14 hours of bitching. Granted she was in her room most of the time but every interaction was her bitching.

My anxiety and PTSD can’t take this shit for this extended period of time. Self medicating is in full force. Also, my shrink is currently taking a break for her physical health (she has a chronic health problem like I do so she is the perfect therapist for me, she gets it.)

I have realized exactly how much I need talk therapy when I don’t have it. I need it.

I’m gonna throw my Christmas tree and decorations away. Because fuck it all. I’m tired of doing it by myself and getting attitude when I ask for help. And no actual help. You wanna bitch, you got Queen Bitch. Next year it’s….Here’s your cash, Merry Christmas you can make yourself a sandwich.

Damn I’m bitchy tonight. Sometimes it happens like that and I can vomit it here and not at my family. And I know I will wake up tomorrow and it will be better. Hell, I’ve already bought a newer and better Christmas tree for next year.

A weekend in pictures.

Friday I got a mani/pedi. Omg it was fabulous. Did you know when you’re in a coma and in ICU etc. they don’t really care about your feet and hands other than where can we get a vein and her hands are cold and her fingernails are blue tinted. I know it now!

I deviated from my standard French tip or muted solid color and got sparkly red Christmas tips!!

I also made homemade creamy tomato and spinach soup and enjoyed it with a nice warm baguette. It was wonderful on a cold snowy day. Thankfully we didn’t get as much snow as predicted. Estimates were 4-7 inches but we barely got 1/4 inch, you still see the grass.

Getting ready to do some Christmas baking for TheBoyChild’s boss, TheGirlChild’s boyfriends parents and TheHuz’s employees.

I have purchased all the provisions for Xmas. We had turkey and all the trimming for thanksgiving. So, Xmas is prime rib, makes potatoes au jus, horseradish sauce, asparagus sautéed in olive oil and garlic, mixed sautéed mushrooms and onions with dinner rolls. I hope I got all the gifts I needed to.

TheGirlChild is flying to spend the week with her boyfriend and his parents/family the week after Xmas. She hasn’t seen him just before her went to basic training mid summer….needless to say I haven’t heard anything but boyfriend this and boyfriend that for the last 3 weeks.

Y’all be sweet and have a great Sunday!

Fuck Me Running. Not literally. I tried that one time at the gym on a treadmill. Does. Not. Work.

Watching one of my favorite tv shows and my favorite character nearly died and woke up in a coma 10 months later.

I lived through that, thank everything all of us hold dear. Mine was only 2 months but the depiction was so unreal and sent me right back to that helpless, terrified, alone, broken person I was.

I fell apart.

I’m drunk, for the first time in idk how long. And still panicking.

Needless to say, I won’t be sleeping tonight and will be having edibles when I get a bit clearer.

Thank cheezus TheHuz was here to hold me and hold me onto the earth because I felt like I was going to fall off it. (Figuratively not literally). It was so bad that he even shed a few tears like he’s been for the last 26 years, he was there loving me and telling me it would be all ok, he loved me.