Rating the birds in my backyard by tendency toward violence

Northern Cardinal, 4/10

I'm sometimes worried the male is sexually harassing the female but I'm pretty sure they're just doing some elaborate public pickup roleplay. The rest of us didn't agree to participate in your kink, guys.

American Robin, 1/10

Literally just some dude hanging out. Never bothered anyone but worms. Big fan of the way you just stand there in the middle of the grass like you forgot what you were supposed to be doing.

House Sparrow, 10/10

You're a gang. You're participating in gang violence. There's ten billion of you living in a single wood pile and it's been civil war for three years now. When will the bloodshed end?

Tufted Titmouse, 1/10

A shy baby. A pretty little guy. I saw you on the neighbor's garage roof and time stopped. There were anime sparkles around you. Come back.

European Starling, 9/10

Why is it always you? Listen, I know, I KNOW the sparrows are the problem, and YET. When the fighting starts, it's always you in the middle of it, provoking them and then screaming like you're an innocent bystander defending yourself. I'm onto you.

Carolina Wren, 3/10

This rating is not for physical violence, which you don't engage in, but for your role as an incurable narc. A tattle tale. I know they're fighting again, okay? I see it. Our yard has been a warzone for years, you don't have to make a big announcement every time someone misbehaves.

Eastern Wood-Peewee, 0/10

If this were "birds who think they're better than everyone else," you'd get 10/10.

Red-bellied Woodpecker, 6/10

It's a utility pole. It's not a tree. You're surrounded by trees that are full of bugs. But there you are, on the utility pole. Committing vandalism.

American Crow, unrated

For who am I to cast judgment on the actions of La Famiglia? I assume you are doing what is best for the neighborhood. If I could, though, without criticism, make a single observation. That when large numbers of you gather in the ominous dead cottonwood - no? No, you're right. None of my business.

Great Crested Flycatcher, 5/10

Frankly, I think you could be doing more. I think your name implies a great potential. I think you should massacre the insects. I think your beak should drip with viscera.

Stay tuned for more criminal activity!

(continued)

Common Grackle, 7/10

La Famiglia does not suffer you to stop in our neighborhood long, and I trust their judgement in this manner. You have the look of a guilty bird.

Tennessee Warbler, 2/10

You keep to yourselves, and I respect that. I get the sense that you could defend yourselves if it came to it, though.

Brown-Headed Cowbird, 3/10

You're not a crow, and eventually they ARE going to figure it out, kiddo.

Gray Catbird, 5/10

Would you. Respectfully. Would you shut the FUCK UP.

Eurasian Collared-Dove, 0/10

You're doing great, sweetie, everyone loves you.

Red-Breasted Nuthatch, 4/10

A comedian. A little jester of a bird. You're so silly. Sure sometimes you incite violence in others but, really, is that your fault? If it is, we forgive you.

Blue Jay, 12/10

If you could learn any human behavior you wanted, it would be how to build a bomb.

Honorable mention:

Turkey Vulture, 5/10

You weren't in my backyard, but you WERE eating roadkill in the street in my neighborhood. I know the animal was already dead when you got there, but you get violence points for frightening the small children that walked past you. Incredible work.

And it isn’t JUST turkey vultures. This is a shared skill among every new world vulture.

Ah, what a nice warm day.

Whoops! A cool breeze! Time to zip up my hoodie!

Just a vulture being a vulture.

Uh oh! Turtleneck time!

When you’re meeting the boys for dinner at 6 but have a fashion walk at 7.

Rarest turtleneck in the continent.

And yes, they absolutely do deploy the turtleneck in colder weather just like humans might. Some species are more often seen with it deployed and the opposite is true for others.

Oh this makes much more sense. I’m not sure why, but somewhere along the line I became convinced that it had to do with reaching maturity, like how bald eagles don’t get their white head and tail until they’re about five years old.

But this. That’s what I look like on a cold, wet winter day, too.

If they feel a single rained drop they pull their turtleneck up. They hate rain on their bare little head and necks. They crave umbrellas.

You aren’t wrong to associate it with age though. Juvenile vultures tend to have the turtleneck deployed almost always. Andean condors also get a larger caruncle and more prominent flaps of skin when the turtleneck is not activated as they age, so it is more emphasized when adults are going bare necked

compulsory abledness also (partially) explains why disability aids are forced onto some people and denied from others

prosthetic limbs are forced onto amputees whether they want them or not because the goal is to make disabled people look as abled as possible. whereas, all sorts of people who would benefit from mobility aids are often denied them until it’s a “last resort” because! you guessed it! the goal is to make us look as abled as possible

neither person in this situation is privileged. it’s just that the same harmful phenomenon impacts different groups in different ways

sorry, any disability movement that tries to have me say that I DON’T have deficits or that I’m NOT defective will always end badly. endlessly trying to reframe disabled traits as superpowers will only ever exclude the most vulnerable. it will only ever shove aside other disabled people in an attempt to normalise the limited symptoms that CAN be reframed as “benefits”. and that’s not a movement I can prescribe to

sorry, any disability movement that tries to have me say that I DON’T have deficits or that I’m NOT defective will always end badly. endlessly trying to reframe disabled traits as superpowers will only ever exclude the most vulnerable. it will only ever shove aside other disabled people in an attempt to normalise the limited symptoms that CAN be reframed as “benefits”. and that’s not a movement I can prescribe to

his also means that asking disabled people about their disability, when they are not known to you or especially if its a personal boundary for the disabled person, is rude. Obviously there is nuance and everyone is different, some may be happy to talk while others may find it triggering. Asking complete strangers is rude.

ID:

Line art illustration of a man, with scarring covering majority of his face, and his arms, as well as an upper erm amputation on the left and finger amputations on the right hand. Text reads: Disability Pride Month, You are entirely within your right to refuse to answer strangers who ask invasive medical questions. You are not rude for refusing to answer, they are rude for asking. You're entitled to your privacy. End of ID.

I love the idea of dead gods. Not in the sense of “hey i killed something supernaturally strong” but in the sense of “i killed it and it’s still a god.” It is still worshipped. prayers are still answered. miracles are performed in its name, even as it lies pierced by a thousand swords and burning with chemical fire. even as it drifts through vacuum, decapitated and bleeding molten rock. in cosmic spite of being shot through each eye and hurled into a plasma reactor, it still radiates the power of the divine in a way that primitive death cannot smother. the nature of godchild is not so simple as to be tied to the mortality, or immortality, of any living being.

In science that's called a whalefall :)

ID: A retweet of a DiscussingFilm tweet by Emily @memilies. The original tweet contains a picture of Louis and Lestat from Interview With The Vampire and reads: “Interview With The Vampire Season 2 has halted filming due to the studio’s unwillingness to give the actors fair pay and working conditions.” The retweet reads “I love this phrasing, more of this please.”

END ID

happy disability pride month to people with life threatening illnesses

happy disability pride month to people with terminal illnesses

happy disability pride month to people who don't know how much longer they're going to live, whose bodies are dominos

happy disability pride month to people who feel guilty every time they talk about their illness around people they know, who feel guilty about having relationships and friends, who feel guilty about experiencing symptoms in front of people, who feel guilty about always experiencing "scary" symptoms around people, to people who spiral at night or just when they're alone, especially to people who are alone, especially to people who can't go out because of covid or because they're bedbound or housebound, to people who are always asleep because they have no choice, to people whose experience gets trigger tagged so people who don't have it don't have to see it

i love you. please be gentle with yourself

job applications just keep getting weirder…..

pro jobseeking tip: never answer these surveys honestly

also a tip: if they have a question like “Everybody steals from work sometimes” answer “disagree.” I found this out when i was working as a hiring manager and the company i worked for started instituting these tests for managerial hires or promotions. My boss and I were promoting someone and she failed the test because she answered that question as “slightly agree” which in the results tells them that she is someone likely to steal because she believes everyone does it. When we asked her about her answer, it turns out she picked what she did because she’s cynical and does assume that people steal but didnt agree with them doing so. she almost sued the company for not promoting her based on that but chose to leave instead. We lost a good employee because corporate decided these tests were a good way to screen for “good” employees. tldr these things are poorly designed, ambiguously worded, and structured in ways that are designed to eliminate people because the intention of the questions is never made clear. these tests are evil.

this sounds like an ableist disaster for people who aren’t neurotypical and who struggle with reading signals 

 When I went to get diagnosed with ADHD, the neuropsychologist couldn’t figure out what was going on, because on paper I’m apparently floridly psychotic.  No, the questions are imprecise, and I am hyper-literal and extremely honest.  

“Do you often see things that other people do not see?”  Yes. 

     The question I was answering:  “Are you especially observant?”

     The question the test was actually asking:  “Are you having visual hallucinations?” 

“Does your environment ever have special messages for you?”  Yes.  

     The question I was answering:  “Does the sudden sight of a rainbow during a    bout of doubt and self-loathing make you feel as though the world is trying to cheer you up?”

      The question the test was actually asking:  “Do you believe that your toaster is trying to convince you that the neighbors are spying on you?”

Five years later, I bombed a psych eval for a park ranger job for the same sort of thing.  Tread carefully, darlings.  

^^^^ that is actually such a huge issue with diagnosis!!!! and I’ve thought I didn’t experience symptoms for ages that I actually clearly had all along because of things being phrased super weirdly and confusingly :(

And this is why McDonald’s never called me after I applied

Yeah, this is why this kind of thing in job apps needs to be illegal. A lot of discrimination is well hidden.

Oh! That explains why even having friends and my then-husband proofread these every time didn’t even work. They may not be as weird as me, but they’re not neurotypical. We all read the questions tantefledermaus mentioned as observational skills!

Fuck. This explains why I’ve failed all of these fucking things.

My sister said to answer these as if you were a really passive person who relied on management/authority to tell you exactly what to do/think.

Protip: my Dad is a hiring manager at Home Depot and he told me the system they use (with the stupidass pointless 500 question quiz) is designed so it filters out people with neutral answers. Several months ago I applied for numerous jobs, each of which required their own dumbass tests. To save time (and my sanity) i would click the “sometimes” or middle option for nearly every question unless it was serious. Nobody every called me back. Hell only 1 of the 8 places i applied to even messaged me back saying “thank you but we have gone with someone else”. Your applications wont even get seen unless you “pass” the quiz.

So when all yall do fill out these dumb things be sure to pick strong yes or no answers. Never “maybe” or “slighty agree/disagree”

Thank you for that, cause I do that a lot. Like I legit feel neutral on some of those questions. Tumblr with the life hacks

It’s really bad for someone who isn’t neurotypical because often, these questions do contain language meant to filter us out.

For me, I tend to notice the ones meant to filter out people with ADD, like myself. For example “do you have trouble focusing on one task” or “do you like to move around.” My normal answers to these would be “yes, but I have it under control” and “of course, no one can sit still for hours”. But corporations read them as “do not hire”

It’s a bunch of BS. So I answer them like a yes man from office space. Works pretty well.

why is “report hate speech” not one of the default options with “report spam” instead of “report sexually explicit material”. i’m not a cop so i don’t care if people post hole & pole but i would love if i didn’t have to explain every time why it’s bad when there are nazis

moment of silence for everyone who's just like their dad but a girl

Klingon Therapist advice

I don't know who needs to see this today, but here you go. It is "honorable combat". May Kahless see honor in your battle. Qapla'!

Started replaying Twilight Princess recently and ahhhhh, love the characters so much

It’s not sustainable …it’s still about profit > planet

Enjoy a drink on one of my special coasters. Yea I custom made them (the coasters) to be so light the drinks condensation makes em stick to the bottom of your glass, but still heavy enough that when it (the coaster) finally clatters to the ground it's loud as fuck and shatters your nerves and makes you spill your drink everywhere. Why am I doing this? Well, it's a sex thing for me

He's like catnip to serial killers.

I made stew. It was awesome. I love potatoes.

i luv u too

wait what was in the stew

tag your results!

remembering that time I explained on Twitter that Jews are 0.2% of the world’s population and control like 1.2% of its wealth

while Christians are 30-something percent of the world’s population and control 55% of its wealth

so, like, there IS a minority of the world’s population controlling the majority of its wealth

Christians.

and of course a bunch of utter walnuts were like “SEE??? this proves that Jews ARE disproportionately wealthy!!!”

which, like, sure

sure

we have $1.20 to Christians’ $55

but sure, individually we average out to having a bit more pocket change than the world’s average

a couple of things, though:

-those are AVERAGES—it doesn’t mean that every Jew you meet is wealthy, especially because…

-we are such a small population that the existence of *one Jewish billionaire* would skew the average, learn what an average is ffs, if there are 10 of us and 1 is a billionaire and the rest of us have $0 dollars, on average we each have $100,000,000 but in reality 9 of us still have $0 dollars

-y’all killed off a LOT of our poor people less than a century ago which also tends to skew the average

The minority group (in the sense of being less than half the population; they’re still the largest religion) controlling the majority of the world’s wealth is Christians. Sorry about your favorite conspiracy theory.

i want to print that out and staple it to ppl's foreheads. a lot of the jews who fled extreme violence, genocide, and ethnic cleansing were only able to do so because they had the funds. those who couldn't afford to leave were killed. and those who were barely able to scrape by enough to escape usually were forced into assimilation wherever they immigrated because poverty doesn't give you much of a choice.