2/17/18

Peach perfume droplets attack my neck like soldiers in a war

My favorite bracelet is stained on my wrist

Too many days in the sun

My glasses frame my face,

Protect the gates into my mind

No one can get in

Except chlorine

Which stings my eyes and fill my lungs

Everyday, worse than the last

Our bodies are made of cells

Each one genetically different

Yet the same

If we all bleed red

Why does it matter what race, ethnicity, or gender we are?

Can't our hands just join together in peace

Can't we blindly love all of humanity

Can't we learn to forget hate

Can't I just sit in a room of men without fear

Anxiety holds me captive in its palm

But the burning of my flesh is relaxing

I'm trying to impress you if you couldn't tell

It's a bad habit of mine

I don't even know you

And I want you to like me

But I am just a spear of grass among millions of others

I am one grain of sand

On a deserted lonely beach

But I am also an art gallery

All the rooms in my mind hold memories

Each a dream, each a nightmare

Each demands to be analyzed

Every inch of me has a story to be read

And I'm sorry you don't understand them

I am a black hole

Desperately reaching out for something I can't understand

And one day I will destroy galaxies searching for it

And this may be a song of myself but when people read it

they will not hear a melody

they will not hear the rhythm that I

have worked hours upon hours on

they will only hear a long monologue of me complaining

They will sigh and groan in frustration

But it's okay

Because I am used to the hate

But sometimes

I think what if,

I am nothing

4/29/18

I consider myself an artist

My hands are paintbrushes, pens

Keys to the universe

My eyes are telescopes

Looking at far away stars

My mouth speaks dreams and hopes

On good days, I am a canvas

Happiness seeps into me

Never drains out

Until the bad days

Where I am a piece of paper

If you crumble me up

I can be fixed

Lay a book upon me

I will be flat once more

I will hold scars of my past

But I'd still be usable

On really bad days

I am ripped up into tiny pieces

So tiny I don't know if they were even mine

So I lose parts of myself

I didn't know I had

Until I am just a bit of scrap to be thrown away

I consider myself an artist

I am broken and scarred

And covered in graphite

But I will never cease to look for stars

Or speak of my hopes and dreams

I will search for myself

And until I find every worn down scrap

No canvas will be saved for later

#georgesalazar

the true meanings of hate

"I hate you"

you say this after I win at Monopoly on Friday night

hitting me playfully while grabbing a coca cola can

I watch you open the aluminum without a struggle

the rebellious droplets sprinkle all over your face

like angel kisses

I observe how you gulp it down quickly, not caring about the flavor like you did not care about me

The way your eyes shut to prevent the condensation from dripping in the universe behind your lids

you smash the can with a grin on your face

like you enjoyed mutilating the corpse of a delightment

you ask me what my problem is

at that's when i realize just how long i've been staring

but how can i look away from something so worthy of my eyes

we start another round

instead, this time, when I win, you grab the beer instead

you open with anger

you don't shield your eyes from the water soldiers attacking you

you still don't enjoy it as you should

and you still destroy the can after you have drained it of its purpose

no more grins

just a curled lip

i do stare

but you don't ask me what my problem is

you yell at me to continue the game

and i let you win

i did not want you to destroy another 4 cans as you just did during this hell of a children's game

i did not want you to scream at me everytime i rolled doubles

to break the wine glasses on my hands when you scored 3

to take my neck that holds your charms and slam my face against your mothers tv stand

you have no care for things that aren't yours

or that are

or yourself

so when my knuckles start to bleed

your hands will start to swell

and i will mend your wounds

and when i pour whiskey on that papercut of yours

you will break my rib cage

the one thing left, protecting my heart

you have emptied out my insides and now there is nothing left

i thought we were playing monopoly i ask

not a twisted mash up of 7 deadly sins and mouse trap

you have beaten me until i could not recognize myself

yet i still see constellations in your eyes

before it all goes black, I get lost in the stars

and i realize that you were not the universe

you were a black hole

desperately reaching out for someone- anyone

to help you

I love black holes

even though i am the lost astronaut inside of them

you are ripping me apart cell by cell

and before you walk away

before you release my corpse

from your emptiness

realizing there is nothing left of me

before you drain the smallest bit of human I had left

you whispered

"I hate you"

-me