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April's.

@wholerolledoats

I love you always ❤️🌻✨🤭
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Femme Fatale Guide: How To Cultivate Self-Love & Boost Self-Esteem

Acknowledging these two truths is essential: 

  • You have inherent worth. No one can deprive or deplete you of this value – except yourself. 
  • Only you can be the hero of your own life. It's no one's obligation to be your personal cheerleader – except you. 

Understanding that only you are responsible and able to generate your sense of happiness and fulfillment sets you free. 

How To Practice Self-Love: 

Discover and live by your values: Unapologetically! Some of the best advice I ever got when I was in high school (the OG Tumblr era lol) was this sentiment that I still live by: It’s important to live your life with respect and consideration for others but to never live for others. Your life is for YOU, not THEM. Remember: Self-neglect has a domino effect. You don't know how to provide others with the proper emotional space and validation until you first give it yourself. 

Find what gives you energy: What activities, habits, and people in your life help you feel alive and most connected? Lean into these routines. Make it a priority to spend time with these valuable people who earned a place in your inner circle. Give yourself the gift of ease whenever possible. Life is hard enough just by virtue of existing and having to engage with society daily. 

How To Build Self-Esteem: 

Gain confidence in your areas of mastery: Affirm your strengths. These can be character traits, skillsets, accomplishments, etc. Any truths about your personality and achievements that you can use to hype yourself up. While being delusional has its place when setting goals, I’ve found it easier to internalize naturally healthy levels of confidence and self-esteem when I can back it up with facts or experiences grounded in reality. 

Perceive your past mistakes as life lessons: Understand that every decision can serve as a data point. Every action has a certain outcome – whether that’s positive or negative. Seek to understand how your behavior, actions, and reactions shaped either outcome. Lean into the patterns that created positive results and adjust those that led to negative results when encountering similar situations in the future. 

Release the desire for revenge: Stop giving away your power to others. Stay in your own lane, unbothered. The ultimate revenge is personal success and fulfillment. 

Acknowledge what’s outside of your control: Don’t internalize outcomes that occurred due to external factors outside of your control. Other people’s actions, reactions, mannerisms, criticisms, and praise are most often (if not always) a reflection of how they perceive themselves. Detach yourself from the outcome or approval of others. Once you gain an understanding of yourself, your values, how you want to show up in the world, and ways to feel secure in your own skin, it's easier to stay objective when dealing with a high-stakes situation, conversation, or conflict. Once you cultivate a sense of self-respect and integrity, you can be objective and have the energy to listen to and validate others as needed. 

Focus on your goals and priorities: Remain laser focused on achieving your career, personal growth, health, relational, and other life goals. Make your fundamental habits and most valuable relationships in your life your utmost priority. Everything else is an outside indulgence or distraction. Choose to give into your temptations wisely. Prioritize your life to ensure you make room for pleasure, love, abundance, and joy. You have the ability to give to others freely once you’ve already filled up your own cup. 

Remember everything takes time and experience: No one has it all figured out. It’s okay if you’re not where you expected to be or desire to be at this stage of your life. Stop comparing yourself – we all have our own paths. Choose to do one small thing every day to make your life better – either a step towards reaching a goal or indulging in a deep desire. Ensure there's a healthy (not necessarily equal) balance between the two. Leave your future self better than you found your past self. Express compassion towards yourself and acknowledge that you’re doing your best. Everything starts to make considerably more sense in hindsight. 

wholerolledoats
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Have a lifelong love affair with yourself. Seduce yourself with high standards. Set goals. Stay true to your values. Remain intoxicated with your intentions and the woman staring back at you in the mirror.
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Becoming your own muse makes you magnetic. It's the secret to seducing your dream clients, potential business partners, lovers, spouses, friends, family, and anyone who has the honor to grace your presence. People sense individuals who exude confidence and have ignited the fire inside that drives them. Smile at the mirror and recognize the perfection in your reflection. Never let a negative person, undesirable salary, relationship status, or circumstances dim your light. Only you can define your worth. Trust your intuition. You know deep down what's truly meant for you.
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femmefatalevibe
Attention is not validation. The only remedy to loneliness is learning how to fall in love with your solitude. You attract those meant for you when you're already fulfilled while alone. Match the energy you desire to attract. It's the secret to self-confidence. This inner strength makes you magnetic.
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Femme Fatale Guide: How To Reduce Social Anxiety To Boost Your Confidence, Make Friends, & Become Magnetic

Some practical tips to reframe your thoughts going into social settings to help you boost your confidence and step into your power. Here's how to hold your own in every conversation, connect with anyone, and use the art of seduction, influence, and charm to become a social magnet to level up in every area of life.

HOW TO MANAGE SOCIAL ANXIETY: 

  • Everyone Is Self-Conscious: Remember that, like yourself, everyone is more focused on (and critical of) how they’re presenting themselves and their actions, not yours. People care too much about how they look to overanalyze what you do. They often forget most (if not all) of the things you say in a casual conversation by the next day. Realizing that we all are too self-focused to really care about the small things others do or say is freeing. This reminder can help calm your nerves and reframe the situation to ease anxiety when you start to worry about what others are thinking of you in a social setting or during a conversation.  
  • Prioritize Self-Presentation: Consider how confident you feel with your actions and self-presentation when interacting with others before worrying about their impressions of you. Focus on how you can show up as your best self when engaging in social activities and conversations. People notice when others like and feel comfortable with themselves. This quality is attractive to others and will make them feel more at ease when speaking to you. Interactions flow better when your conversation partner is relaxed, so finding ways to stay calm when speaking makes it easier to manage social anxiety. Allow your self-assurance to speak for itself. This ability to hold your own will radiate through your words, tonality, delivery, and mannerisms during any conversation. Simply put – People like others who already like themselves. Who you attract into your circle reflects the person you've decided to be.
  • Listen. More than you speak: This tip kills two birds with one stone – it allows you to sit back without worrying about what you need to say while allowing the other person to feel heard. The easiest way to be well-liked is to give people the space to share their thoughts, have them be valued, and feel understood. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Practice active listening to increase your charm. Use the information you uncover to drive the conversation. You don't necessarily need to be chatty or extroverted to be charismatic (more on this point later). 

TIPS FOR SOCIALIZING & MAKING FRIENDS: 

  • Get Curious To Connect: Follow-up questions are your best friend if you get nervous and anticipate a wave of social anxiety. These questions have a dual benefit: You’re allowing others to indulge in subjects or experiences that resonate with them and helping to guide the conversation. Listen to ways that you can branch off into related topics, mutual interests, and shared emotions or experiences. Ask relevant questions to keep the conversation flowing and demonstrates your interest and desire to connect with the other person. There’s no quality more charming than making others feel special and understood. This interpersonal skill allows you to connect with others without feeling like you need to fill up air time or be more vulnerable than you’re comfortable. It can be especially helpful to remember this advice when conversing with a stranger, authority figure, or someone else you want to impress without looking inferior (teacher, boss, industry leader, partner’s parents, etc.).  
  • Read & Develop Interests/Opinions:  Expanding your knowledge base provides an entry point to more people, engaging conversations, and opportunities. It’s easier to speak to people when you have some understanding of relevant topics others are discussing around the table or are of interest to the person in front of you. Take time to read about and study topics you’re interested in. Stay on top of cultural topics (movies, music, books, TV shows, etc.) and news within your chosen industry (or one you’re hoping to break into), different destinations you’ve been to or want to go to, favorite products, etc. Develop some robust opinions (don’t share those on hot-button topics like politics and religion) on these subjects and current events. Having the ability to listen to others' perspectives on a topic with an understanding of the subject matter and dive further into the topic with a distinct POV makes for an engaging conversation (and a potential new connection). 
  • Learn The Art of The Follow-Up: If you hit it off with someone, exchange contact information (social media, phone number, email – depending on the context of the situation and level of initial connection). Send them a relevant message at some point over the next few days to stay connected. Try something related to the conversation – like an article on a topic you discussed, or a recommendation for a coffee shop in the area. Or, get more personal if you’re comfortable, and ask how a meeting went, if they ended up liking a certain show, movie, or book, or whether they want to grab lunch at that place they mentioned they love. Remain thoughtful and interested without looking desperate. People want to know others are thinking about them as long you’re not obsessive. 

BEING EXTROVERTED VS. SOCIABLE:

Extroversion vs. introversion is about how you recharge. You can’t change this part of your nature. For some people, being around others for too long makes them feel exhausted no matter how comfortable they feel in the situation or enjoy the company. As an extroverted introvert, I’ve noticed that learning to be sociable is the key to connecting with others – even if you realize mid-conversation that you might need a week of reading a book in bed to bounce back from attending a couple of events. 

Learn how to present yourself with relaxed, open body language. Smile, and make eye contact (but not too much). Speak slowly and carefully with pauses, so your conversation partner latches on to every word and is intrigued to hear more. Use your tone of voice to communicate the emotion behind your words. Ensure the other person is done speaking before responding. Nod your head to acknowledge the person’s talking points and show they’re heard. Laugh at the correct times to bond and share your sense of humor. Shake their hand firmly. Wave and hug goodbye (when appropriate). 

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electric-daisy-forest

I just want a relationship where we are both equally obsessed with each other, but in a healthy way. Save my selfies when I send them to you. Text me “I know you’re sleeping right now, but…”. Take the time to listen to the songs that are important to me. Joke around with me and make fun of me and then kiss me right after. Tell your friends how happy I make you and how excited you’ll be when we are finally married. Double text me because you miss me. Reassure me when I’m feeling insecure. Grab my hand, hold me, show everyone I’m yours. Don’t hold back on me, tell me how much you want me and how much you love me. Make me happy and I will do my best to make you happier.

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vergess

assemble-the-fangirls:

nonelvis:
kleinsaur:
decodering:

Dos and don'ts on designing for accessibility

Karwai Pun, GOV.UK:
The dos and don’ts of designing for accessibility are general guidelines, best design practices for making services accessible in government. Currently, there are six different posters in the series that cater to users from these areas: low vision, D/deaf and hard of hearing, dyslexia, motor disabilities, users on the autistic spectrum and users of screen readers.
[…] Another aim of the posters is that they’re meant to be general guidance as opposed to being overly prescriptive. Using bright contrast was advised for some (such as those with low vision) although some users on the autistic spectrum would prefer differently. Where advice seems contradictory, it’s always worth testing your designs with users to find the right balance, making compromises that best suit the users’ needs.
[github]
I’ve been wanting something like this to reference! Boosting for the others that like to dabble in code/design.
This is some of the most lucidly written accessibility advice I’ve seen. Making accessible web pages should be the default, not an add-on. It’s really not that hard to do, especially when you think about it from the start – and it benefits everyone.
(Obligatory note that there are exceptions to some of these guidelines, e.g., “bunching” some interactions together is an important way to cue which interactions are related to each other, but that’s why these are guidelines, not absolute rules.)
young web designer: thank you oh my god no one has been able to explain this quite as well and this is just good shit
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When I realized pre-packaged food was for me, my entire outlook on life changed.

Let me explain.

I remember walking through the grocery store with my mother as a teen and her making a bitter comment about how everything had more packaging now. De-shelled hard boiled eggs in plastic, cut fruit, pre-portioned salads, all of it was "laziness" to her. She insisted people were getting lazier to the point where if my brother ate pizza from the fridge, she would chastise him for not heating it. She would say "you deserve warm pizza" as a way of saying you should do something the "right way" because it's worth doing.

This isn't because my mother had no concept of people with disabilities, she is disabled herself. However, in raising me, she taught me to hide that disability, to try to be on everyone else's level so we aren't seen as weaker. That laziness is worse than being disabled and there's simply no excuse for taking shortcuts. I don't think she intended to teach me this, but her own internalized ableism was so loud.

When I became an adult, I realized I hated cooking. The prep was tedious, I almost always have dishes in the sink, there's cleanup after, my back hurts, my eyes burn, it's too hot and in the beginning, I got overwhelmed to the point of crying. Leftovers were almost never eaten becuase heating them up (the "correct" way to eat them) was an extra step that made me not want to put the effort in. I thought I was lazy and felt ashamed when I wanted something to eat but couldn't bring myself to make it.

At some point, I finally said "I'm tired. I don't care how much packaging it is, I don't care how lazy it is, I'm going to get meal kits."

It was life-changing. Dinner takes 30 minutes to make. Everything is portioned. The directions are clear. I don't hate it anymore. I want salads in bags. I want eggs that don't take three steps to eat. It's not laziness, it's accessible! I don't have to make a meal, I can eat the raw vegetables, have pasta with butter, eat a granola bar! There's no right way to feed myself!

I made things SO HARD on myself because I wasn't acknowledging my disability or my depression and they didn't need to be hard! I didn't need to go around the store saying "is that really necessary?" Because it IS necessary for me! It's brilliant! It's so helpful!

Accessibility takes so many forms and overcoming internalized guilt for not being able-bodied or mentally well enough to handle tasks other handle easily is incredibly freeing. Obviously I'm lucky to be in the position to have this option avaliable to me, but I kept myself from it for far too long.

I do deserve warm pizza. I can have it delivered.

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joasakura

A lifehack I recently figured out for myself on this exact vein: I love wraps. No place around me has gluten free wraps for takeout. Buying all the separate ingredients to make wraps ensures a lot of it will go to waste+some days just *assembling* ingredients is too much.

Enter:

The amount of stuff in the bowl is perfect for a nice wrap sandwich

Did I have to get over the “don’t be lazy/waste money” hump? You betcha.

Do I love being able to have wraps for lunch again at work? Oh yes.

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laogodess

A little tip that has been working WONDERS for me!! 🦭

✨I say “what if (insert my desire) right now?” & as soon as I say that I get that feeling in my stomach! The feeling Neville talks about!! The feeling it real!! I say it a few times & then I affirm my “I am” affirmations. Honestly it’s amazing for getting into the state and feeling good!! So many things have shifted since doing this!! ✨

E.g. “what if I made over £500 a day right now?” “What if I made over £500 a day right now?” “I am so rich” “I am so wealthy” “I am so successful” Do it as many times as you want too💞

Gurllllll it fucking works🦭