Okay last one then I have to go write stories, it’s just that I’ve been trying to get into Aziraphale’s head for it and I keep getting waylaid by feels.
So, I want to talk about the moment when Aziraphale goes to Heaven with the information about the antichrist. He tells Gabriel that he believes that the other side may have lost track of the antichrist.
And they don’t even seem to comprehend, they all look at one another in confusion. Michael asks him “other side?” which kills me because like. What else could Aziraphale possibly MEAN if not Hell?? But they act as if Hell couldn’t possibly have, like, screwed this up. Surely Hell knows what it is doing well enough to not fumble this. Aziraphale points downward, and Gabriel scoffs and reminds Aziraphale, as if he’s being completely ridiculous (which he IS NOT, HELL LITERALLY DID LOSE TRACK OF ADAM), and reminds him in the most condescending tone ever that “he’s under constant surveillance” and Michael jumps in to tell Aziraphale “the other side are currently transporting him” as if it’s nonsense that anything else could possibly be going on. They explain to Aziraphale, who mind you is the only one in the room who actually has been on Earth and knows what the fuck is going on, what is going on, and it’s all wrong. But they don’t want to even give him the time of day.
So Aziraphale switches tactics. He starts trying to explain about Crowley, but then immediately realizes he just broke up with Crowley and that way lies danger, and switches again to try to just explain that the ambassador’s son isn’t who they think it is, and finally lands on the right tack. The tack that has always worked, the tack that Heaven will easily believe.
He blames himself.
He swallows all that pride we normally see him with, and tells Gabriel “it may have been a ruse.”
On the surface, maybe this doesn’t seem like much, and it’s easy to miss but think about it for just a moment with me. Aziraphale isn’t just admitting “Hell played a clever trick.” This was Aziraphale’s assignment specifically. He’s had 11 years to figure out that this kid wasn’t the antichrist, and he didn’t. To say it “may have been a ruse” is admitting “I was assigned this task which I have been reporting to you about for the last 11 years saying everything was going just fine when, in fact, it turns out that I’ve had the wool pulled over my eyes by the very person I assured you I could handle” (per their conversation 11 years ago, when Aziraphale assured Gabriel he’d been down here doing this since the beginning and Gabriel pointed out “so has Crowley” in that ‘and you still haven’t managed to beat him’ way).
This moment, saying “it may have been a ruse” is Aziraphale telling them “I fucked up.”
But that’s not even the kicker!! That’s not even the worst part.
The worst part is that Gabriel asks Aziraphale where the real antichrist is, and Aziraphale lies to them about it, saying he doesn’t know, and he gets away with it. He gets away with it because Heaven expects that he’s that incompetent and that he would come to them with no plan or actual evidence/information.
Listen to me. Listen. That KILLS me.
Aziraphale is probably one of, if not the smartest character in this series. I don’t mean in every way, I don’t mean at all times, but in general. Crowley recognizes it aloud for us (”you’re so clever”) but it’s recognized in the book as the only one of the three assumptions made about Aziraphale (”that he is intelligent”) that is true. We know he’s smart. WE know that. He’s the ONLY one who manages to track Adam down by hand. The riders are called to him, but Aziraphale is the only one clever enough to actually FIND him without assistance and that’s honestly fucking AMAZING. Because it’s not JUST “without assistance” is it? It’s against all odds because Adam literally has powers which deflect people from finding him, and Aziraphale outsmarts those restrictions and locates him anyway. He’s so smart.
And there’s Heaven. There’s Gabriel and Michael and Uriel and Sandalphon, and they cannot seem to grasp that Hell, their mortal adversaries and an opponent they believe they’ll be able to just wipe out when the war comes, could fuck this up. But they’re perfectly ready to accept that Aziraphale would.
Their faith in Aziraphale’s ability to perform his job well is lower than their faith in Hell’s.
And Aziraphale knows it. And I can’t tell what’s worse- that he’s basically accepted it/gotten used to it or that he still has hope it will change.
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@jahloveangel comment: Posts like this are why Aziraphale feels so much like the abused child trying so hard to impress their family in order to be loved and accepted but nothing is ever good enough….
@cheeseanonioncrisps reply: This is especially sad when you consider how it contrasts with how Hell treats Crowley, because he is seen as competent.
In fact, Hell overestimates him on a regular basis. Crowley works hard, but he works hard to create large-scale minor annoyances. Otherwise he’s pretty much spent the past six millenia hanging out, getting drunk, soaking up the local culture and having clandestine meetings with angels.
He frequently gets commendations for stuff he didn’t even do, because Hell can’t fathom the idea that something evil could happen on Earth without Crowley being behind it. It isn’t like they’re being left to guess what he did and didn’t do either— he has paperwork, he has to send in reports of his evil deeds.
Somehow the powers that be apparently find it more believable that he forgot to write up his work on the French Revolution or Spanish Inquisition, than that he wasn’t responsible.
It shows in how he gets treated in his direct interactions with Hell as well. Rankwise, Crowley is pretty low down. Beelzebub is a Lord, Hastur and Ligur are Dukes, and in the book we’re told that Crowley “wasn’t even a local counsellor”.
But all these high-ranking demons still have to show up for and sit through his presentation on the M25. And he’s the one who gets the coveted AntiChrist job. And, in the book, when they’re telling him about how much everyone involved will suffer if the mission goes wrong, Hell feels the need to add:
“EVEN YOU CROWLEY. ESPECIALLY YOU.”
Which implies that he’s important enough that ordinarily he might expect to be exempt from such things.
Since they’re doing basically the same job, it’s easy to forget how differently Aziraphale and Crowley’s positions would be viewed by their respective sides.
From the perspective of Hell, working on Earth is quite literally going up in the world. Of course they’re going to send their best and brightest, the guy who invented Original Sin.
For Heaven, meanwhile, going down to Earth and mixing with the sinful humans, as opposed to the perfect angels, is less likely to be seen as a desireable career option. So who better to send than “that idiot who let the snake in”?
Probably this difference is shown most clearly at their respective trials, in that Crowley has one.
It’s a mock trial, sure, but it’s still a ceremony. One that the whole of Hell shows up to. They clearly have no trouble killing people without any of this— the little demon they kill to test the water doesn’t even get a warning— but the Demon Crowley is evidently important enough that they want to put on a show.
Aziraphale, meanwhile? Is barely allowed his last words. He’s tied to a chair while waiting for the Hellfire to arrive, only three angels actually show up to witness, and Gabriel orders him to “shut up” before he dies.
There’s a marked difference in how much respect they’re given despite the fact that, once again, their jobs are pretty much the same. To the extent that they have no trouble covering for each other if needed.
And now I’m stuck wondering exactly when they both realised that one of them was getting considerably more respect and recognition than the other.
