#1 almost all of everything 7:21am

I am lost in my own head. Sometimes i just have a moment where i stop and realize that there is nothing going for me right at this time. Im struggling. I have no one to catch me when i feel weak other than the floor. I have no one to hold me and tell me everything will be ok. Dont get me wrong i came into this life with a mom dad brothee but none can help. I have a guy in my life that is literally my only source of happiness. My mom has her own issies aint no way she could help me. Struggling to pay her bills , moving place to place cause there was no one helping her but now her not so good of a boyfriend who actually just got out jail isnt making her as happy as she wants to be. You at your last point living in a trailer barely have money for food but your guy can buy weed all the time. Shes an emotional mess that i had to take care of for a year due to the fact that she couldnt face the fact my dad no longer loved her. Stayed out late , cheated , lied and left her heart broken but i was there. Through the depression , through the heart ache , the seizures and the times she spent in the hospital due to the fact that she couldnt even stay on her two feet. I hope that love never have that on me. My dad is a whole other story. I consider him as a bad person. Hes done alot of things that i basically ruined this family. I stopped caring for high school because i couldnt see how someone who can lie straight to their childs face and expect them to listen to what they say. I hated my dad. He basically lived a lie. Guess who ended up getting the house we all lived in. Him. Brother mom and i got kicked out and he just lived happily ever after up in there. Ive been thinking about all this lately. Alot. Like what if things couldve happened differently. After we got kicked out we moved into some apartments and then my brother moved in with my dad which was hard on my mom and i. We ended up having to leave the apartments cause there was no way to afford it anymore. I moved in with my grandma by then my moms boyfriend was out of jail so i didnt feel the need to take care of her anymore. Shit was hard. It was suppose to be the other way around but i was always the only one helping her with shit. I was the one who put her in her place. I was the reason she gave up one of the cars cause she knew for a fact she couldnt pay for it but ofcourse when her guy got out of jail she made sacrifices to get it back just for him. Again she wasnt thinking for herself but i let it be and left. Living with my grandma wasnt so bad but i had to leave. I tried to see if i could move in with my dad which was my last option ofcourse. Couldnt even do it. Wasnt going to work. I dont even know why i even tried. My dad is very manipulative and has anger issues. I couldnt live with that again. Who could live with a parent they were scared of. Literally anyone who raises there voice or does something with little anger scares me and it only reminds me of my dad and i hate it so much. I hate having fear like this.

he makes me happy