Caitlin

i think not having to work would fix me

i want to write but without the actual writing bit i just want the story in my head to be birthed fully into the universe of its own volition

Guy who’s only ever seen Rocky Horror Picture Show watching his second movie with the word “horror” on the cover.

What’s something that gives your anxiety?

Making Phone calls

people

socializing

going into a public place

talking to someone i don’t know

going to a party for my parents’ friend

STANDING IN THE CHECKOUT LINE AT TARGET WHILE MY MOTHER IS GRABBING THE MILK

walking to the bus stop after leaving a little later than usual and worrying i’m gonna miss the bus

something unplanned being added into my schedule

having to order first when i’m in a group (even if i already know what i want)

everything makes me scared… idk why.

“Can I speak with you for a moment?” “I need to talk to you.”

My stomach just drops when I hear those words.

if you give me time to over think, then i can easily get anxious over ✨a n y t h i n g✨

Felling tired as hell but then when going to bed I start to fear I’ll have nightmares and suddenly can’t fall asleep, nbd 👍🏼🤷‍♀️

My favourite: “I need to talk to you. How about Friday next week?”

Suuuure, let me suffer for over a week, catastrophize, and overthinking everything I’ve ever done in the last five years😒

getting notifications

attitude or mood shifts

falling asleep when I’m alone (sometimes, I’m paranoid about ghosts these days I know I’m sorry 😭)

using Ubers and all

giving presentations

confrontation/serious conversations

Arguments fights someone yelling at me, raising voice

going to the doctor’s office and sitting in the waiting room.

Waking up in the middle of the night.

Receiving messages, notifications, calls….

Outings.

Shopping.

People.

Silence.

Noise.

✨ e x i s t e n c e ✨

slut era (overthinking, ruined sleep schedule, constant feeling of loneliness and existential emptiness)

im so calm and normal but also if im misunderstood by people in a way i cannot control i will tear apart the fibers of the universe

I have eaten a thousand lies to avoid confronting this truth. I will become my mother. Right down to her sadnesses. I will become her.

- Nikita Gill

what if I decide to let the joy slowly creep into my life the same way dread does…… what then