lucky

*goes to Coachella in a white linen suit like an antebellum lawyer, sweating profusely and dabbing at my forehead with a handkerchief* now, I’m no fancy scientist, but would you folk know where a simple gentleman such as myself could obtain some acid? Now, I’m no big city lawyer, but could any of you fine youths point a country boy such as myself in the direction of some fucking acid?

easily a contender for post of the decade

Something, something… sometimes i fantasise about disappearing from life.

my dealer: got some straight gas 🔥😛 this strain is called “protein source of the future… now!” 😳 you’ll be zonked out of your gourd 💯

me: yeah whatever i don’t feel shit

5 minutes later: dude i swear i just saw a monkey in the basement

my buddy john pacing: i will make them pay for taking my yams away

the ocean (against me!) / norwegian coast by moonlight (andreas achenbach) / cotton (tmg) / chip somodevilla / new river (toh) / what the water gave me (f+tm) / teeth (hannah moskowitz) / mountainqoats

ultimately every time i see Egg Discourse happen it boils down to people just defaulting to vocabulary and ideas developed for discussing systemic oppression and using them in a totally inappropriate context--and so taking what is at worst an individual interaction where a trans woman is presumptuous and rude and framing it as if it's on par with overwhelming societal norms that are enforced with social & physical violence

i mean i also think it's kind of an unpleasant and invasive thing to do to offer someone your unsolicited opinion on their gender situation. but framing it as an organised system of 'pressure' or acting like people need reassurance and affirmation that it's okay to be cis (!) because of the machinations of those perfidious trans women--or even making the comparison to the gender binary, which has the weight of legal systems and sanctioned social and physical violence behind it worldwide, is making vesuvius out of a molehill. like i'm sorry if your friend called you an egg and it bothered you but sort that out with her instead of posting about it like it's a systemic axis of oppression we need to organize ourselves against.

your opinion on 100gecs is actually governed by the same genome that decides whether or not cilantro tastes like soap to you

What If cilantro tastes like cock

check out Machine Girl

calling the cops on a drug user is 10000x more evil and wretched than almost any Problematic Behaviour Online could ever manage

fully believe that if you call the cops for any reason other than 'being in immediate physical danger' you should be made a persona non grata wherever you go

I do wholeheartedly believe Wes Anderson is a sick sick freak. I like his movies but I definitely think this guy has like a hidden room in his spacious french apartment that he slips into quietly each night and it is just filled with tiny little doll replicas of all the actors he's ever used in any of his movies and he puppets them around and mimicks their voices and shit. and sometimes he'll text Owen Wilson pictures of his little doll with a comb or something from an untraceable number and pair it with like "see how I take care of you Owen?" and then the following day Owen Wilson will find him at the service table and go, "Geez Wes look at this," and Wes will pretend to be all concerned and horrified but there is this calculating almost eager look in his eyes that unsettles Owen Wilson. and the next time Wes is having a little soiree with all his actors, his beloved beloved actors, maybe Owen Wilson will accidentally get lost on his way to the beautiful bathroom and find that little room and see all those dolls and his throat will hitch with horror. And before he can call Bill Murray or Adrian Brody to look a dark silhouette will appear in the doorway and Wes looks sort of resigned when he says, "I see you finally found my secret, Owen," and Owen Wilson will try and pretend that he's fine with it but they both know better. and Wes will go (the look in his eyes back again) "We both know this can't get out, right?" and he'll grin very suddenly and Owen Wilson will laugh along very nervously and leave the room and eat some brioche and when the evening is over he will rush over to his Prius and frantically click his keys but over the cobbles on the beautiful beautiful street there is the sound of footsteps. and tears are running down Owen Wilson's cheeks but he can't say a word and Wes, emerging from the shadows, will gently touch him on the shoulder and say, "look, I'll drive you to the airport, huh?" and Owen Wilson will try to refuse but they both know it's futile. and, halfway through the drive, Wes Anderson will smile and say, "I'll miss working with you" and then perfectly jump and roll out of the car, wiping off his corduroy pants, while Owen Wilson's Prius swerves into a local patisserie, bursting into flames

making the tranny cashier flash me a tired but genuine smile is the only thing worth a damn in this godforsaken hell

sorry we abolished your boyfriend. yeah the abolition of the family and disintegration of the couple form kind of rendered him redundant at the end. he's not really sure what the term "boyfriend" is supposed to meaningfully describe anymore

a 12 pack of dr pepper is like a monkeys paw but instead of 3 wishes you get 12 and you can only wish for a can of dr pepper

people who think taylor swift is groundbreaking for doing surprise songs at her shows wouldn’t survive a john darnielle solo set

kicked out of another chess club for repeatedly sneaking my new piece 'the warlock' onto the board

the real gay agenda is eliminating harsh overhead lighting and just having 50 different types of soft, ambient mood lighting instead

the real gay agenda is eliminating harsh overhead lighting and just having 50 different types of soft, ambient mood lighting instead

the real gay agenda is eliminating harsh overhead lighting and just having 50 different types of soft, ambient mood lighting instead

the real gay agenda is eliminating harsh overhead lighting and just having 50 different types of soft, ambient mood lighting instead

the real gay agenda is eliminating harsh overhead lighting and just having 50 different types of soft, ambient mood lighting instead