the holy trinity

If you don’t have at least five headcanons about your favorite characters that all directly contradict each other, what is even the point?

allofthefeelings

My feelings about how multiple headcanons can exist simultaneously and be equally valid regardless of the aim of the text is the closest I can come to understanding the concept of Schrödinger’s Cat.

whatisgoingonnn

twelvecrumbs

manywinged

“private detective who can’t help but grudgingly admire the clever, charming rogue they’ve been hired to catch despite being increasingly frustrated by their ability to evade them” is such a fun dynamic. like we all know how it’s gonna end but it’s still so exciting to watch.

detective: you should just turn yourself in, it’ll save you the humiliation of me catching you and me some time

criminal: IF you catch me. AND if you haven’t fallen in love with me by then ;)

detective: what

me:

*one of them gets injured or finds themself danger or both and the other one swoops in to save them even though it means risking their job and/or freedom as well as their life, and they agree a temporary truce in order to both get out of the situation but swear that “it doesn’t mean anything” and “i’m not doing this for you” and refuse to acknowledge or talk about it afterwards*

me:

an-aura-about-you

Please also consider “Other detective or law enforcement also trying to catch the Criminal and the Private Detective being mad about this not because they’re getting a reputation of being incompetent as Criminal is the ONLY one they haven’t been able to catch but because ‘THEY’RE MINE!’ and the Private Detective begrudgingly works with the Criminal because the other detective/law enforcement is actually corrupt and even WORSE than the Criminal”

whatisgoingonnn

daylighteclipsed

lesbianshepard

I would be the worst spy of all time because on one hand I overshare like hell, but on the other hand I also have THE shittiest memory so it’s really a lose/lose scenario for everyone involved.

lesbianshepard

guy interrogating me: What’s the passcode?

me: Ah fuck. I think it might be 792.....4?

me: Actually no I think it starts with a 2.

me:

me: Yeah I usually just rely on muscle memory for it. Do you think you could get a keypad in here? That might be faster.

lesbianshepard

guy interrogating me: who do you work for?!

me: Okay, so this is super embarrassing. I know he told me his name when we first met but I forgot and at this point it would be weird if I asked him for his name again, right? So I just kind of go with “sir” whenever I have to talk to him. It might be David though. He looks like a David.

lesbianshepard

me, after being extracted: bad news guys, I totally blew Dave’s cover.

my boss: Wait, what?

me: Yeah, like they had knives and shit and it was kind of stressful so I just told them that my contact’s name was David Johnson. Really sorry about that.

boss: We don’t have a David Johnson working for us. Are you thinking of James?

me:

me: Good news, guys, I did not blow James’ cover!

lesbianshepard

Enemy 1: So, how did the interrogation go?

Enemy 2: We got nothing. All they did was ramble on about their childhood trauma for two hours.

Enemy 1: Hmm. maybe lower the dose of the truth serum next time.

Enemy 2: We didn’t use truth serum.

whatisgoingonnn

twelvecrumbs

thestovetops

imagine your otp

broadwaytheanimatedseries

Oh my God don’t tempt me with a perfect prompt like this I’m already up to five new aus just these past few weeks.

whatisgoingonnn

twelvecrumbs

stjoandearc

The first funny bitch was Cain, who straight up lied to God after killing his brother.

nakedinasnowsuit

God: where’s Abel?

Cain: fuck if I know??? I’m not in charge of him

thewitchway

It is TRAGIC that you can’t read this in the original Hebrew.

God: Where’s the Sheepkeeper?

Cain: Do I LOOK like a Brotherkeeper?

careful-crow

God: hey where’s Abel???

Cain:

He killed his yonger brother in cold blood because he was jealous of him. There is in no way anything funny about this. No hesitation just poped a rock over his turned head, droped his body over the edged and tried to lie to god about what he did. FUCK YALL CRAZIES!!!

oh are those the receipts, Cain is problematic now?

Cainceled

hello would u guys like a pic of my son being, Bad?

averruncusho

You guys have GOT to stop putting your jokes in the tags

You forgot gays

why is “olde vampires in high school” the big thing and not “olde vampires in college”

everyone in college is eccentric. everyone
you wanna wear full on Victorian suit? the girl in pajamas who clearly hasn’t slept in three days supports you
everyone is too preoccupied to care as long as you’re polite and follow class etiquette
multiple high school diplomas? eh. same stuff. multiple BAs? Enjoy learning chemistry AND art history! All in detail!
wandering around campus at 3am? that’s just the lifestyle tm
no matter how old or young you look it’s not really that weird, there’s sixteen year olds and sixty year olds doing BAs somewhere
big schools are very anonymous so nobody’s gonna bother to hassle you

the girl in pyjamas is the vampire

themauvesoul

Also:

If u put ur blood in a water bottle ppl will assume it’s juice and be Jealous
“Oh god I’m a monster” 20 students who r all procrastinating big projects say “same” simultaniousely and with the exact same tone
Everything is a joke so if u say “I subsist on the lifeblood of mankind” someone will go “lol what a mood”
It would take u like 100 years to major in everything
Seen sucking the blood of a fellow classmate and u r instantly the campus Cryptid and Mascot
Listen. If u have an ethical dilemma go find a philosophy major that believes in ethical subjectivism and they’ll make u so angry u forget abt whatever the fuck was bothering u
College is the only acceptable place to get into fistfights over classical literature
Literally all u need to do to avoid suspicion is be the guy that always has gum and a stapler
If u have a majestic mustache ppl will just assume ur an English major
Allergic to crosses? Cool. So r certain stem majors.

@earlgraytay

EDIT: i’m dumb as shit, of course he already reblogged it, oh well

Too many people overlook how cute boys with brown eyes are. If you’re a boy with brown eyes and you’re reading this, guess what; you cute.

whatisgoingonnn

belleyells

s-oftboys

Too many people overlook how cute boys with brown eyes are. If you’re a boy with brown eyes and you’re reading this, guess what; you cute.

whatisgoingonnn

belleyells

s-oftboys

Too many people overlook how cute boys with brown eyes are. If you’re a boy with brown eyes and you’re reading this, guess what; you cute.

whatisgoingonnn

territorial-utopia

damianimated

At Target this lady told her son he couldn’t have a Wonder Woman doll because “that’s for girls” and then bought her daughter the same one. It got me thinking about how often I see people bar young boys from appreciating girls/women as protagonists and heroes, and my own experience with it as a kid.