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Paranoid

@whateverfloatsyourgoat33

Are you ever so clingy that you miss yourself?
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Even though I’m an insecure person, but when you said that you loved me and would do anything for me, I figured you meant it.

h.w.

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I love you, an apology.

I am so sorry if I ever take your love for granted. I’m so terrible sorry. I love you so much more than I could ever explain. You’re perfect in every way. You deserve so much better than me. I’ve lied to you, cheated on you, mistrusted you and gotten jealous for no reason, I’ve been super clingy, and I’m always upset about something and I always take it out on you. We get in fights because I’m jealous or because I’m clingy or because I talked to the boy I cheated on you with. I am sorry. I know you’ve heard that before, but I really am and I’m going to be better for you, I promise. Because in spite of all these things you’ve given me unconditional love. You have forgiven me for cheating on you and you’ve moved on and trusted me again. Every time I get mad you try your best to fix it or not make he same mistake again. You pick up all my broken pieces when I’m upset. You make me whole again, and give me a sense of peace. We’ve argued a lot lately which makes me scared because I feel like you’re gonna give up on me soon... to me all this arguing means is that we’re talking about things and figuring it out. We’re getting to know each other better and that just makes us stronger. But I hope you don’t give up on me because I’m trying to change for you. I love you. And I’m sorry for not being the best girlfriend lately because of some other things going on in life right now. But I love you and that will never changed. And most of all I trust you so much. I’ve never trusted anyone more than I’ve trusted you.

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I'm so scared of losing you. No matter how much I get annoyed. No matter how many stupid things you do and say. No matter how much of an ass you are and no matter how difficult you are, I'll always love you. Part of that is just because love blinds you from the other parties flaws. The other part is that because none of those things can even come close to compare to losing you. Losing you would shatter me to a million pieces. Whenever I feel that you're too clingy, I always think of how I'd feel if you weren't. I don't have to worry about you cheating, or flirting with other girls. I don't have to question if you love me , or wonder if you're all mine. I love being told that I'm beautiful. I love being constantly reminded of how much you miss me and how much you love me. I love being told that you're aching for my presence. I love all of those things, because it confirms that you feel the same. I love clingy. And I'm sorry if I get jealous and I get way out of line. I'm sure it do that a lot. Just know that my jealousy isn't a sign of my mistrust or non-existent faith in you. It's proof of my love for you. It's proof that the thought of you being with someone else kills me. Just know that all of my intentions are souly for your benefit, in spite of the many flaws of my own, I allow myself to love you. Even though, it's not hard for me to fall in love with every inch and aspect of you. I know that I don't deserve you and I'm sorry that you ended up settling for me. But I've fallen In love with you, and this may be selfish of me. It may be selfish because you deserve more than just my mediocre self. It's selfish because I would still be so upset without you, and would blame you for hurting me, if you ever did so. And man am I sorry for all the things I've done wrong. I'm sorry for trying to justify them with the "lack" of attention I revive from you just because you're busy, because that is no excuse. I really hope that I don't screw this one up again. Because for the first time in a while I haven't just accepted the fact that i will screw up. Ive tried so hard to be the best I can so I can keep you. I've tried so hard to make myself a better person, and you make me wanna be better. You make me want to work to deserve you. All I really ever want is you. Nothing else matters when I have you. You make everything better. You make me happy. You make life better. All I ever wanna do is be with you, and laugh with you, or even cry with you. I'd rather be miserable with you than on cloud 9 with someone else. And hell, if that isn't love. Then I guess I'll never find love, because nothing could ever be better in my life. You are my world and my everything. So please stay, because I'm so scared of losing you. I love you.

h.w.

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miseryxdespair
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hunterinabrowncoat

Self harm doesn’t always happen when a blade touches skin.

It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s having sex because you want to be used or abused or defiled. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.

Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.

It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.

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miseryxdespair
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thoseguiltyeyes

I'm sorry but

The average high school student has the same levels of anxiety as people put in mental hospitals in the 1950s.

Over 25% of my year group has self harmed recently.

Some of my best friends at school cry themselves to sleep because of the pressure of school.

I’ve talked to people considering suicide and having mental breakdowns because of all the work they have to do and the high expectations.

So don’t you dare tell me that there is nothing wrong with our education system.