The curtains are never just blue

Abolish the comic book industrial complex 🙂

awkward family reunions with one person who was presumed dead and another who was resurrected from the dead

darth nihilus being able to eat planets in legends drives me crazy. we know palpatine and dooku were planning the death star as early as AOTC, and palpatine had to have invested a ludicrous amount of resources into the project even before vader's actually, y'know, darth vader. but i'm imagining those early months where vader is absorbing sith history, sith dark magic, and palpatine is a sith as a path to power but vader was lured in specifically by the promise of learning powers that break natural law, y'know? he's a little evil college student hitting the books for his cult midterms, y'know? he also maybe wants to resurrect a couple important people he might have killed, it's whatever. but he's perusing palpatine's acquired sith library while palpatine gloats over the progress of his death star. very domestic for two despots. but vader's reading about darth nihilus. and then, y'know, he looks at the death star plans. and then he looks back at the ancient tome containing the history of darth nihilus. and after five minutes of mentally wringing his hands, he's like, "master, could we not have.... utilized the force..... to achieve this end?" palpatine spends several minutes monologuing about how the empire needs a symbol of strength and something concrete to fear and also he holds stock in the company the project was contracted to so fuck off and vader's just standing there, looking between the death star (that is not on schedule to be completed for nearly twenty years) and his silly little bedtime story about a sith lord who could eat planets for breakfast, convinced he could teach himself how to eat a planet faster than palpatine can get the death star finished. he is kind of irritated palpatine won't even let him try. so in ANH when vader bellows about the power of the force, this is an actual disagreement he's had with his boss, and vader's been annoyed about this for nearly twenty years now, because fuck you, he could totally eat a planet. don't underestimate his power. FUCK you

To be fair Nihilus was basically a slave to his hunger by the end of his life with possibly no real remnant of his conscious or personality left, only a Sith in the loosest sense of the word since he was going to one day become so hungry that he wouldn’t be satisfied with the Jedi and start consuming his own forces, inevitably seeking to eliminate all life and the universe itself before dying of his own hunger so it’s more a practicality than anything else for Palpatine…but Vader honestly might kinda be into that given his vague allusions to thinking of himself as the galaxies avatar of death and arbitrator of destiny. So yeah he’s still going to be jealous.

vader, in the middle of his elevator pitch about how palpatine should let him eat planets: it will save the empire trillions in costs and allow for—

palpatine: you do realize that lord nihilus lost his consciousness entirely and then proceeded to mindlessly devour all life in an endless procession through the galaxy? no political gain to be had, just complete emptiness, eating itself?

vader, trying not to reveal how much he thinks that rules: yes. but there is no reason to take it to the extent lord nihilus did. if it were targeted, controlled—

palpatine: are you actually suggesting a plan that relies on your self-control.

vader:

this is extra funny because this is the dialogue every jedi who wants to use the Dark Side juuuuuuust a liiiiiiitle bit for a Good Reason has with some mentor figure but this places Palpatine in the role of Sensible Role Model Aware Of Consequences And The Deletrious Effects Of The Dark Side.

#i'm laughing so hard #he would want to be darth nihilus so bad

he really would!!!! i think sith should develop a sort of patron saint-esque idea surrounding dead sith lords, and there’s no way vader doesn’t latch onto nihilus as Peak Sith Ideology. vader himself is also consumed by agonies of the soul and desires boundlessly in a way that’s specifically impossible to satisfy - he can’t stop death, so he becomes it. vader would also like to leave his shambling corpse of a body behind and attach his consciousness to his mask and armor. nihilus is all-consuming fatalism personified. vader would eat that shit right up.

also extremest lol @ Sensible Role Model, Sheev Palpatine. i’ve been prodding at the idea for a while that vader’s honestly very into the fucked up sith magic and rituals side of sithing around, moreso than the galactic domination angle, but evil magic probably comes with a high cost and sometimes palpatine looks at his apprentice - who is in respiratory failure, kidney failure, liver failure, heart failure, has boss lightning-induced epilepsy, brain tissue that looks already zombified, the works - and has to try to get the guy to rein it in. sometimes palpatine has to step in to make sure vader doesn’t die through doing too much sith blood magic. he has to lose his status as the Fun Uncle for this

Ysayle

i want art to feel EARNEST. this disgusting, near pornographic level of tongue in cheek meta humor is making me sick to my stomach. i don’t know how many more movies i can take about clever subversions and the movie winking at you to say “we know it’s a little silly, but…” where is the whimsy? why can’t we believe in the pretend you’ve created? why don’t you have enough faith in it? in my ability to believe?

My (scalding) hot take here is that this is a byproduct of artistic cowardice in the face of unrelenting criticism.

It doesn't just plague mainstream media; this kind of tongue-in-cheek self-referential, self-deprecating "I know this isn't that good wink wink" is all over indie media too.

So many creators are deathly afraid of being criticized for their creative choices, so terrified of an increasingly volatile online audience, that they feel compelled to sell themselves short on what their intentions are, just to plant that tiny nugget of plausible deniability: maybe if I create the illusion of not taking this all that seriously I'll be more insulated from criticism.

If the thing they're doing actually *is* good and becomes well-received, then they end up looking like accidental geniuses who had a moment of inspiration amid a sea of shitposts, and if the thing they're doing is panned they get to laugh it off and go "well I wasn't taking this that seriously to start with! You're the one who's making a big deal out of it!"

If no one thinks you're really trying or that you don't wholly and fully stand behind your creative decisions, then anyone who tells you that you could be doing your craft better looks like an idiot, and that's the whole point.

A lack of earnestness is the perfect "get-out-of-criticism free card."

They met a gregorian monk attempting not to commit the sin of gluttony

That's your takeaway? I was gonna say a wizard split Mr. Bean in two and that was the evil half

They met a gregorian monk attempting not to commit the sin of gluttony

That's your takeaway? I was gonna say a wizard split Mr. Bean in two and that was the evil half

the ancient flooded halls

I’m going to be honest. Zero empathy for formerly trans masculine detransitioners who wax poetic about how testosterone made them sooo ugly and they just weren’t prepared for it and how the evil trans cult destroyed their feminine beauty. That’s not testosterone’s fault, that’s not trans people’s fault. That’s a genetic fault. Take it up with your bald-headed daddy. Get a toupee and get a grip.

It's actually the patriarchy's fault for making the detransitioner think there is such a thing as "feminine beauty", and it's the patriarchy's fault for making YOU think bald people are ugly. Baldness is not a "genetic fault", bald folks are not ugly, and baldness is not a "male only" problem - plenty of cis women and afab people who never go on T also go bald. Please do not spread that kind of rhetoric.

like i understand being upset with detransitioners who are weaponizing their experience to be transphobic. that’s wrong. but also we would have way less of those ppl if we stopped being fucking weird abt “ugliness” and the changes that happen on t like hairline changes and bottom growth, and destigmatized detransition. there’s lots of shit we do and say in the trans community that alienates intersex people and detransitioners, and i know we don’t wanna hear it but we need to do better. “get a toupee and get a grip” doesn’t help when intersex people detransitioners are forced out of trans spaces but also face discrimination in cis perisex society. like at a certain point we have to think abt if our witty one liner abt balding is more important than like. people.

i just beefed with someone online and I got tired of it so I said "I ate some really good blueberries today" and they replied "I had a fire ass peach today". world peace

who fucking litters. why do i ever see litter. who thinks that’s okay. who. who NEEDS to throw their fast food bag out the fucking window instead of waiting until they get somewhere with a trashcan. what kinda clown behavior. get fucked.

One time I saw a guy walk out of a restaurant and throw his half finished soda on the ground and I picked it up and put it in the garbage to make him feel self conscious and with otherwise no visible reaction to me he got into his truck, pulled out of his parking lot, threw another half full soda out the window onto the same pavement and sped away and I realize he’s a giant sack of shit and yes littering is absolutely gross and childish but objectively that was the funniest I’ve ever been completely owned

For years I've heard that those booby mousepads are actually really good for a person with carpal tunnel syndrome but didn't decide to test that knowledge because I don't want to buy a booby mousepad that would make me some sort of sex pervert, I was raised Catholic I'm a good boy not a sex pervert. But earlier this year I bought a Gigan body pillow as a joke only to find out body pillows are actually really comfortable sleep aids, so... so I bought one... I bought a booby mousepad.

...and my wrist feels so much better when I'm using it.

How many other comforts and aids have I forsaken because they're embarrassingly horny? How many discomforts have I endured purely out of a societal shame about expressing anything sexual? This world is fucked man.

For those curious why exactly this is, it's because booby mousepads are pretty much the only ergonomic mousepads which still use silicone gel. Basically everything else has switched to either air-filled memory foam or a cured silicone rubber – like the kind used in silicone bakeware – because it's not prone to springing leaks and oozing everywhere; unfortunately, it also doesn't work nearly as well.

(In theory, if you're not a fan of boobs you could get a silicone gel wrist pad without the booby design. In practice, good fucking luck; consumer fraud is rampant in non-prescription medical and assistive devices, and the overwhelming majority of non-booby mousepads which claim to use silicone gel are straight up lying – what you actually receive if you order one will be air-filled memory foam or solid rubber at least 80% of time, regardless of what the product description says.)

i posted this ages ago on twitter and no one cared so im hoping i will find some bird likers on this app. ardeidae fancam!

BIG fan of this

horse laying down looking at camera nose rather close to the lens its face is one of tranquility though a spark of curiosity and life still remains in its eyes

"weird al is a quirky tumblr band" BRO EVERYBODY LIKES WEIRD AL

MY PARENTS LISTEN TO WEIRD AL, WEIRD AL'S PONYSONA STARTED A FAMILY WITH PINKIE PIE, I KNEW WEIRD AL PARODIES BEFORE KNOWING MOST OF THE ACTUAL SONGS HE WAS PARODYING, POLKA FACE DEFINED MY TWEEN YEARS

idc what you think of jack stauber or whatever acoustic song about sapphic pining is popular this month or what tiktok is taking out of context

IN WHAT WORLD IS WEIRD AL A QUIRKY ARTSY UNDERGROUND INTERNET EXPERIMENTAL MUSIC THING WHO THE FUCK ISNT LISTENING TO WEIRD AL

wish i had a bit going where whenever i said "the prophecy" like three of my friends would repeat "the prophecy" in different tones while squinting into the distance and rubbing their chins like sages deep in thought. i would also do this for them, im a team player

okay, so, be me, 27 years old at the time, an adult by any definition in the world

be me at the los angeles zoo, one of my very favorite places in the world, because i love animals. i am immedietly 8 years old when presented with a little creature. i can’t help it. 

okay, wait, go back. we must establish two things for this to hit right

first: 

the year before, i’d gone to the san diego zoo with my aunt and grandma and! they let you feed giraffes there!! 

how wonderful a world and how wonderful a life, where for $10 I can hand feed a giant creature three crispy biscuits. i go “i am feeding the giraffes right now” and go in line to buy the biscuits and return moments later triumphant, 3 biscuits in my grasp

“oh good!” my grandmother says, “one for each of us!” 

“yes,” i say, despondent, “one for each of us.” 

i wanted to feed all three to the giraffes myself but since i am an actual adult and not a child i do not say this and share the biscuits 

second: 

my friend group echoes. a lot

someone tells a story and ends it with “and that’s what happened!” and the rest of us will repeat “and that’s what happened!” 

often in unison. and it’s constant, all the time, even to little stuff. often said in the tone of “they don’t even have dental” 

ok, so we’re back at the los angeles zoo. they have opened the giraffe feeding 

i am not going to be thwarted again 

my two friends (K and M) get in line to feed them and i go to buy the biscuits. i return with nine biscuits because i am going to give the giraffes three biscuits myself and i do not want to hear a word of protest. i am being fair. i am being equitable. i am sharing. no one can judge me 

“wow!” says K. “that’s a lot of biscuits!” 

“the cult provides,” i say generously, handing over their share, because what is a friend group if not a small cult 

and then, automatically, in unison, like they have so many times before and thinking nothing of what exactly they’re saying, M and K reply, “the cult provides” 

two different people in line turn to stare at us while we all blink at each other and then M nervously shouts, “we are definitely not in a cult!” which sounds like something someone who is in a cult might say 

and ever since it’s been a running bit where one person says “the cult ____” and everyone echoes it as seriously as possible, no matter where we are or who we’re around

which is to say, OP, that you could be living the dream if your friends weren’t cowards