Ok why did noone tell me that book shrek judt absolutely FUCKS

And they didn’t even mention the best page.

yeah i use this pro gamer technique called "hitting every single button frantically with my little raccoon hands until something happens" you probably wouldn't get it it's really advanced

Its maths dont you dare say its not

“If it’s about a dad dating other dads, how come some of them have kids???”

everyone stop reblogging the chains that don’t include the trans flag challenge

sooooo can yall help me determine if this is a fireable offense

a lady just came in asking if we have oat milk and we dont so i said “our soy milk is pretty good though, thats what i use in my drinks!” and she looked at me and went “yknow soy milk lowers a mans sperm count” and without thinking i just went “cant lose something you never had”

youre laughing. i got called a soy boy and youre laughing

okay to the people confused by this allow me to shed a little light on the subject

icant fucking breathe

I heard too many sounds at once and now I am a bitch

We're all one sensory overload away from becoming the strongest versions of ourselves

supervillain origin story: two conversations happened near me at the same time

I mean isn’t this the book Ginch’s origin story?? Why steal Christmas? To stop the noise, noise, NOISE!!!!!

god, same. every day I relate more and more to the Grinch.

Also Grendel

Grendel did nothing wrong!

one of my coworkers has this sticker on his water bottle and it sends me into hysterics every time i see it

What’s up with the fairly recent trend of leap years all being bad fucking years like 2008? Shit. 2012? Fucking shit. 2016? Absolute fucking shit. I’m just gonna predict 2020 is gonna be the Most Absolute Stinky Piece of Shit year to date

Date of Origin: July 3, 2018

master has called dobby a slur

The Runaways . Photo by Richard E Aaron

2020 has been like:

listen……. ‘my love’ is literally the strongest and greatest pet name in existence. there is literally nothin better than somone callin you that….. especially when things are soft and quiet and they look at you with utter adoration and whisper “what’s the matter, my love??” or “i hope everything is okay with you, my love” like oh my god?? let me marry you already

The person I reblogged this from is someone I enjoy seeing on my dashboard.

NO WAYYYY YOOOO I LOVE AND NEED THIS SHIT

I-