That post about 30 year old coming of age stories?
I’ve been thinking about it all morning. What would the plot points be for that? What makes a 30 year old coming of age story?
Old folks sound off in the comments
This article about a woman who went on a life changing lesbian cruise.
Rather than beginnings like teenage coming of age stories, a 30's coming of age is about change.
The thing about turning 30 is that you know yourself better, and you are usually just starting to have the means to seek what you want. You have enough life experience to know what you like and don't like. You may have a little disposable income, freedom from family, or finally be treating something like depression.
It isn't like being a teenager where the coming of age is new experiences; it's coming of age in knowing what you want and changing your circumstances. You look around and think, "I want and deserve better than this, and I can do it," and you make the change.
Getting a new job. Going back to school. Dating someone new. Moving somewhere else. Going on a long trip. Trying a new hobby. Or even just dressing differently! There's so many ways this coming of age can occur.
But there are layers to this. Unlike a teenage growing up story where you're writing on a blank slate, a 30's coming of age is turning the page. You might have to do something painful. Quit your job. Break up with someone. Say goodbye to your hometown. There's change. And with that, comes apprehension for the future and grief over the past, but you work through that anyway to seek something better for yourself.
To quote the article above, one of my favorite quotes of all time: "There’s something so deliriously pleasurable in the idea of trusting myself enough to know exactly what I want.”
Oh and by the way. This doesn't just have to be the plot of a book or fic. This can be your life, too. You can always do better.
Getting older isn't bad. Turning 30 isn't the end of your life. Things can be better once you know yourself more and know what you want. Embrace it.
All of this. Coming of age in the sense of coming into one's own power, coming to a realization that all this suffering you've been enduring doesn't have to be this way, that even though there are a lot of things in this fucked up world you can't change, there ARE some things you CAN change, and one of them is the way you set boundaries. Setting a boundary isn't saying, "You can't hit me," while someone punches you again and again and again. Setting a boundary is saying, "You can't hit me," then turning and calmly walking away. I mean this metaphorically, but also literally. The book Why Does He Do That can be life-changing. Here's a link to a pdf, but if you think it might not be safe to have that book on your phone or computer, consider looking for it at the library instead and reading it there.
The 30s coming of age is about realizing who your real friends are, the people who, when they reflect back your truth to you, it feels true and right, and they do it with love and acceptance, not with ultimatums to change if you want to keep their love.
It's about finally believing that you are worth stepping out of the comfort zone of a shitty situation into the fear of the unknown, because you have faith that it could be different, and that different could be better. It's about fighting and clawing your way to the life you have dreamed of, about taking one step after another in the direction of your heart's whisper.
I love you! 30 isn't old. Already my 30s are so much better than my 20s, and I hear good things about your 40s too!
Turning 30 was the most revolutionary thing that had ever happened to me.
My entire life, I had been belittled, mocked, and dismissed. Many times for being weird, sometimes for lacking confidence, other times for having the audacity to try and have confidence in my twenties (especially because I looked younger).
Being the good little people pleaser I was, I played into it. I was simply Too Young to Know Things, those were the rules, and I played by the rules. Even though it seemed like I had good opinions, or I could definitely see how others in my life were very, very wrong despite their age.
When I hit 30, I realized that I still felt like some witless kid. I still felt like I wasn't allowed to have opinions, have confidence, feel like an adult. I realized that was incredibly silly -- I was OBJECTIVELY an adult. I had objectively gathered a lot of life experiences that gave me a personal perspective on things. I realized, in fact, that I shouldn't have been allowing my age to stop me anyway. But 30 was, nonetheless, the catalyst for a completely revolutionary change in my thinking.
30 also happened to coincide with parenthood and other several huge changes, and I was desperate to not let my voice become my child's voice like my mom's negative voice became mine. So these things all culminated in me doing everything I can to build my self-esteem, confidence, worth, everything else.
I've loved my 30s self so much more than I did throughout my 20s -- but I don't hate that version of me, either. I feel so sad for her, often, dealing with things she had no idea about, and trying to survive in a world not built for her, with shitty plastic tools that broke the moment they were used.
I definitely think the plot points of a 30s coming of age story would be the story of change and empowerment and perseverance. I feel like it would be the story AFTER the one where a young, doe-eyed child goes on this adventure that strips them of their innocence and beats them down and forces them to climb back up. The story typically ends there, but the story DOESN'T end there.
It's a bit like when you prestige in a game, but keep all your points. You're facing more challenges, sometimes harder challenges, but you've got the battle scars to prove you know what you're doing. You're doing hard things, but you've DONE HARD THINGS BEFORE and you've SURVIVED. You survived that, and god damn it you'll survive this too.
