Avatar

BRIANBLAST CENTRAL

@welcometomyhell

where my machinations in my head spark joy

For the adventure prompt thing: How about an inland city with a towering lighthouse dominating the skyline? Instead of warding ships from the coast, the lighthouse projects a magical field of energy every night to keep out the hordes of monsters in the wilderness. People need to venture out of the city for supplies, but woe to anyone caught outside the ward after sunset.

Avatar

Oooh, lots to work with here, let me see what I can do: 

Adventure: A Fading Memory of Light

“On that terrible night when the beacon tower died, the whole city’s hope went with it. The Corpse-king’s ghostly legions, long denied the promise of conquest that bound them to the living world, were able to march against the fortifications that had so long kept them at bay. 
In a single night, the city was swept clean of life, drained to feed the corpse-king’s armies or tolled to the well of darkness from which his power sprang. Only a score of survivors managed to flee the fall of their home and cross the haunted waste to civilized lands. 
may this account teach us that there are limits to what we can accomplish under our own mortal power, and that there is some darkness in this world that not even our brightest light can withstand.” 
-A history of the strongholds of humanity, volume IV: Southeastern continent

Setup:  The party comes into possession of a most unusual object: the diary of a refugee who fled Svivolda, a magocratic city as it was overtaken by an army of undead. So traumatic were these events, that anyone who reads the journal ends up bodily transported into a dreamlike memory of the days leading up to the conquest, able to live and relive the city’s trials before being returned to their previously unconscious body, no worse for wear and only a few hours having passed. 

Little more than a ruin reclaimed by the wilderness in the present day, Svivolda was once a city ruled over by a powerful mages, that for all their power failed to prevent the rise of a conquest hungry necromancer called “The Cadaver-King”. Whatsmore, when the threat presented itself, the masters of the city refused to heed the call and join their neighbors in dispatching the foe, trusting instead in their walls and wards to ensure the safety of their holdings. This isolationist attitude saw all of Svivolda’s contemporary settlements wiped out, as the corpse-king’s influence spread  and turned the surrounding landscape into a haunted wasteland. They held out nearly a generation, before some agent of the corpse king snuck into the city and managed to destroy the city’s protective beacon tower in an act of cataclysmic sabotage. 

Today the city of Svivolda is known mostly for its tragic end,  spoken of by sages and skalds as one of the most obvious examples of what happens when good does nothing but bide its time in the face of an overwhelming darkness. 

Adventure Hooks

  • The party starts their first loop awakening in a disused tavern (as the isolated city has little need in way of hospitality for outsiders) after the conclusion of some kind of festival the previous night. they are granted a few days to explore the city before, at sunset, the city’s beacon tower explodes, leading to a night of furious resistance as the corpse-king’s forces appear out of the mist to besiege the now unwarded city. After the defenders fall, its a few days of panic and nightly purges as the city either flees into the wastes or attempts to hide from the phantom army. After a few days of carnage, the loop suddenly ends, kicking the heroes back out to the real world. 
  • It the players are wise, the book can be more than just a historical curiosity: as the rumors have it, the final, deepest vault of the magisters, with all their riches and wonders survived the corpse-king’s plundering, as well as his defeat some decades later. A smart band of treasure hunters can follow likely suspects and perhaps ascertain the location of the vault and perhaps a manner to circumvent its defenses. After that, all that’s left is to plan an expidition to the city’s ruins, through the blasted wasteland left by the corpse-king’s defeat. 
  • The barrier beacon of Svivolda is perhaps one of the greatest works of abjuration magic ever developed, and was thought to have been lost to the ages when the city fell. If the party can somehow steal its plans or otherwise reproduce its function, they may be able to shield their own holdings or vessels from powerful opponents as well. 

Think of something that you have lost.  That thing slipped into a different universe, gaining power in the process and empowered someone who is now a powerful hero or villain. Draw that character wielding your lost object.

ok but has anyone considered… stormtrooper memes. stormtroopers with injokes. stormtroopers quietly passing along little nudges and references while they’re standing guard or patrolling endless hallways. hux pausing halfway through a speech, suspiciously— he just heard a very tiny, staticy giggle. like,

  • (standing in front of blank wall or empty box) nothing to see here, move along
  • let’s just put that in the back pocket for now mmkay
  • *eats ration bar* mm mmm tastes like [dead comrade]
  • you can’t be mean to me on my birthday
  • *force chokes a problem*
  • (between heavy darth vader wheezes) i’m not mad, i’m just disappointed. 
  • (when something falls over) rebel scum!
  • *points at large machine* mom
  • it’s party time (everyone stands perfectly still for at least a minute)
  • (when friend come into the room) you’re surplus to requirements
  • they put a worm in him
  • *picks up thing that is not a phaser* pew pew
  • i’m matt the radar technician
  • millennium falcon as a code for “mother fucker”
  • Sending troopers new to the unit on an ruffleluff hunt
  • spreading the rumor that Hoth is secretly the main base because that’s the only place their uniforms make sense as camo
  • tagging other trooper’s helmets with mysterious substances when they’re not looking
  • radioing sanitation to ‘come take out this trash’ when dragging another trooper
  • there’s coffee and doughnuts in the breakroom
  • *does something dangerous* eat me ass first
  • healthy habits start at home
  • well, as we all know, [lie]
  • *gives someone a pinecone*  (very difficult to pull off)
  • i can’t go out dressed like THIS!
  • my morale is so [genital adjective] right now.
  • does anyone need to stormpooper before we go
  • fun is illegal 
  • *puts foot in small box* i live here now
  • doubletime sleeping
  • *points at captain phasma* mom
  • *humming Vader’s theme tune when someone’s in trouble*
  • Jedi are a myth
  • Kylo Ren is a myth
  • *explaining damage* It got KRed. (Kylo Renned)
  • KRUBAR Kylo Renned Beyond All Recall/Recognition/Repair
  • Calling helmets faces (a relic from the clone days)
  • Backtalking superior officers “begging to be spaced”
  • Kylo Ren is having a moment as an acceptable excuse for deviating a patrol route
  • General Hux is in a good mood as an acceptable excuse for deviating a patrol route
  • And Captain Phasma is smiling at us under that helmet (synonymous with “bullshit”)

Finn accidentally slipping into stormtrooper memes while with the Resistance and getting some odd looks.

Finn trying to explain to them why their Force-using manchild deadly enemy destroying property in a rage is funny and getting some more odd looks.

Finn feeling a little knot in his gut when he realizes he’s never going to be able to tell these jokes again. How’s he even going to connect to these people enough to make them laugh when they’re all scared shitless? How’s he going to carry his entire squad around in his head when he can’t even speak their language anymore?

Meanwhile Rey’s standing there squinting suspiciously at a pinecone.

Avatar

Okay but Rebels who see Finn being upset and making a concerted effort to figure out meme culture. Rey and Jessika talking it out while Jessika is teaching Rey the cultural miscellany of Resistance and pilot culture.

Rey being the first one to get it, because she synergizes what Jessika’s telling her and what Finn’s explaining and realizes, this is all communication around communication, the key point is shared understanding, and then she starts making her own, with Jessika, and Finn picks it up, and soon the whole base is in on this bastardized mix of stormtrooper meme and purely Resistance meme and a ridiculous combination of the two.

And then they interact with stormtroopers and something goes on in the background on the First Order side and a Resistance soldier asks, “Is Kylo Ren having a moment?” and there’s muffled laughter and an absence of blasterfire from the stormtroopers.

Pretty soon there’s a whole code that stormtroopers and resistance soldiers can use to communicate. “Nothing to see here, move along” means “I’m ignoring you on purpose, don’t shoot me,” and “I’m KR’d” means “I want out, please capture me.”

From the Rebel side, “Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi” becomes “throw me a bone here” in either direction to ask for a favor; “That’s no moon” means “you’re walking into a trap here/we’ve got a secret weapon you won’t like.”

Okay, I was expecting someone to pick this up, but damn, this is even better than I hoped.

I am in love with this and will marry it, the end.

do people on tumblr like. realize that friendships arent therapy

this is how yall end up going around calling every ex-friend your abuser. its nice for your friends to be able to drop everything for you when youre having a bad time, but its literally NOT mandatory. your friends should not have to ignore their own problems to fix yours. get some therapy.

as a friend, you are allowed to say “i would really love to help you right now, but i cant push back my own issues to help you. im going through my own problems right now, and thats what i need to focus on”. it is NOT selfish. you arent going to be of any help to the people you care about if youre in bad shape and not taking care of yourself. its only going to make you worse for wear.

The filmmakers stated that ICE threatened to subpoena raw footage and “threatened legal action” if scenes that negatively portrayed their policies and actions were not removed. 

The pair went as far as to start using encrypted messenger services, installing cameras in their office and moving the raw footage to a secure location to thwart what they believed was very aggressive rhetoric by ICE through the negotiations around the finished film.

Reblogging again because it’s important. It comes out this Monday, August 3rd, on Netflix. It’s called Immigration Nation.

he has flattering footage? 

from when? before he could speak?

Octopuses are going to kill us all someday

I had a biology teacher that told us this story about an octopus at an aquarium in Australia. The staff were concerned because their population of crustaceans kept disappearing. No bodies or anything. So they checked the video feed to find out what’s up.

Across from the the crustacean tank was a small octopus tank. This little fucker squeezed out of a tiny hole at the top of his tank, walk across the hall, and get into the crustacean tank. He would then hunt and eat. After he was done, he crawled back out and get back in his tank

Here’s the kicker: security guards patrolled the area. The staff realized that the octopus had memorized the security’s routine. It would escape and be back between the guards’ round.

My friend who worked at Henry Doorly Zoo in Omaha, Nebraska had a similar story.  Rare fish were disappearing, they suspected theft, and so set up a camera. An octopus was unlocking the top of its tank, walking across the suspended walkway, unlocking the other tank, eating his fill, re-locking the other tank, then re-locking its own tank.

I can’t remember what zoo this happened at, but there was another octopus somewhere who was unscrewing a water valve in the room where its tank was located and routinely flooding the place. The staffers had no idea what it was until they filmed the octopus caught in the act.

RELEASE THE KRAKEN!! But, sir, it has already released itself!

My dad worked in a lab and one of the rooms had a tank with an octopus in it. If they didn’t go play with the octopus he got bored and would climb out of his tank and steal the paperwork off the desks, and drag stuff into his tank to let the scientists know he was upset with them.

Avatar

working on the plot: 🚫🙈🤢🙅

working on tiny worldbuilding/character details that probably won’t even make it into the story: 👌😍💯👁️

One day, you lose your wallet, and it is found by a mob boss, who figures out that you aren’t in such a good place financially, and takes pity on you. So they start anonymously sending cash, clothes, and furniture to you in the mail, eventually, the mob boss sends you a letter to stating that they bought you a house, and it lists an adress. What do you do?

In this economy? Thank them politely, pledge your loyalty, and join the mob.

Avatar
Image

Here goes another shitty clickbait countdown video that I’m not going to watch. How dare it try to tell me what video game moments scared me as a kid. There’s only one video game moment that ever scared me, and it’s most certainly not on this list. I was playing with Mario’s face in Mario 64 when my dad comes into the room and looks me dead in the eyes, as serious as can be. I thought I was in trouble. He said “You’re hurting Mario! You’re making Mario’s face melt!” Then he just started screaming. I was like six and didn’t know what was going on, so I just started screaming too. I looked at the screen, and Mario’s mouth is open and he’s fucking screaming.

My mom walked into the room wondering why the fuck everyone is screaming. She’s like, “Why the fuck is everyone screaming?” Then my dad looks at her and he has Mario’s face, and she starts screaming. None of this stuff really happened, so of course it wouldn’t be on the list. The one thing that scared me in video games as a kid was when you would play Crash Bandicoot and crash would tell you to go fuck yourself. Thank you for reading this post.