eight-and-thirty-year-old spinster i am courting who still says “got the morbs”: they’re debating whether “rubenesque” is obscene & i simply cannot deal with the absurdity of the papers’ columnists to-day

i, who heard “rubenesque” & my member became so stiff i fell physically ill: dear i believe i hauve caght the influenza

my dealer: got some straight gas 🔥⛽️ this strain is called “dimensional scream” 😱 you'll feel like you can see the future

me: i don't feel anything

me five minutes later: urrgh... where... where am I?

grovyle pacing back and forth: we have to steal the time gears

Hey man, don't even worry about me and the newly formed membrane of skin covering my unnaturally huge, permanently open mouth that prevents me from speaking in anything other than muffled, vibratey grunts. It's not a bad deal at all- I recently found out that I can use it to filter various particulate matter from the air, and that it's all actually quite delicious, and nutricious. And, well, I'm always hungry nowadays, and those particles arent worth much .....So I'm just gonna sit myself down right here under the breezeway and never move from this spot in order to concerve calories. And maybe once I'm at a surplus I can use the growth of my body to anchor myself in, incase the wind picks up too much for me to handle. And maybe others like me will congregate here and as our flesh begins to touch, it won't seperate, and we'll gradually form a grand structure, one akin to coral, here in the remains of the city. And at the same time, other structures will form too, in other places, rising like skyscrapers dotting the horizon over the course of decades, centuries, thousands of years, eventually leaning in, touching eachother for the structural support and aerodynamicysm, melding, growing, reproducing. Until at last the air is completely free of all germs, pollutants, aeroplankton, all that good stuff, bringing on the long process of our colonies starving one by one, starting from the top where the air is thinnest, down to the bottom where our numbers are greatest, eventually rotting, the rest of us calcifying, leaving fresh materials for the newest batch of mobile life on earth, but by the time the luckiest of this new life gains sapience, the strong wind will have already eroded at our bones, spreading it all amongst the now rich soil, leaving not even a legend of what had happed before.

fuck u mom i wish the noble and strong lucario was my mom instead

baby animals

You can actually cut the hat off of a gnome and count the rings on the leftover stump to see how many berries it's eaten. The gnome does die from the process

young men are experiencing alienation, which is apparently a different thing than transforming into a little green guy with a ray gun

Imo smosh fell off

orcs at the top of a very tall watchtower

grand wizard

Anorith tribute

Most sexual motherfucker in Hoenn

"yea man i ended up not killing myself cuz i pulled an SP class dream builder tuffy" "a what?" "an SP Class Dream Builder Tuffy. from Tom And Jerry: Chase, the chinese multiplayer action isometric game where four mice have to face-off against a cat in a specific map full of items. This is him:"

"alright. thats good." "I also stopped using because I didnt want to be a dissapointment to my S Class Realm of the Dragon Jerry." "ok."

Hi this is jigsaw. last week in starbucks you did a gross fucking burp that put me off my panini. In front of you is a panini press. You will notice also, that your dick is out,

the only way out is through the only way out is through the only way out is through the only way out is through the only way out is through the only way out is through the only way out is through the only way out is through the only way out is through the only way out is through the only way out is through the only way out is through the only

let’s fuck this thing