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The Asexual Witch

@weepingfishturtledragon

Headcanon:

Billy Batson is well aware that saying the wizard's name is one of his few weaknesses. He either figured it out by himself or with the assistance of Solomon.

Because he is aware of this, he has created a strategie to prevent others from exploiting this weakness.

He spent months poring over the books from the Rock of Eternity in search of a spell or poison that will make him completely mute and finding a way to undo the spell/potion. Practicing this over and over again until he can do it in his sleep.

Placing the book/potion in a pocket dimension that he can access whenever, wherever, and in whatever form he desires.

Billy could also use it to prevent others from accessing Captain Marvel without his permission. For example, if a villain was controlling him, he could simply drink the potion or cast the spell to prevent him from saying shazam.

I honestly hate when DC makes Captain marvel and Billy Batson act less intelligent than they are.

I know Billy is smart enough to do this and even if he isn't, he still has Solomon who I know for a fact would figure this out. (The guy literally controls demons he knows how to find a loophole)

Imagine Billy is adopted by Bruce but he doesn't want to be so in an effort to get Bruce to hate him he does things like wear dresses, skirts, and paint his nails. Only to find out about his gender identity (gender fluid) and how Bruce along with the bat-family are really loving and accepting people who care for him.

I think Billy would have some kind of trauma from his uncle or other foster homes with his identity so he'll think Bruce is just the same and because he's spoiled rich Billy probably trusts him even less.

First he would do a small thing like steal some nail polish from one of the girls and paint their nails then go to breakfast so Bruce can see them but they are surprised by his lack of reaction. They do make them feel nice though.

Then he'll go further, when Billy and Bruce go to the mall to get new clothes (his old clothes were tattered and dirty) he sees expensive skirts and dresses so without asking throws it in the cart but is surprised when Bruce is completely ok with it.

For his last chance, he decides to wear a dress to a big gala event but when he's done dressing she looks up into the mirror and stops. Takes a moment to look at herself and thinks about how pretty she looks along with how right she feels, then starts crying. Bruce sees this and comforts them telling them that everything their feeling is completely ok. Once everything is talked out and ok, they go to the gala and have an amazing time as a family. <3

They also do other small things, not gender related to try to get Bruce to hate them but you get the main idea.

(sorry for the long read)

Billy and Captain Marvel are such sweethearts. If he saw you fall down he would purposely fall down as well to make you feel less embarrassed, he'd pick up litter at the park, offer to take a photo of a couple, handwrite a letter to a fan, buy lemonade from a stand (if he has extra money), and leave positive notes in library books.

What other small but kind thing do you think he'd do?

Imagine a few days before Christmas the Justice League did a secret Santa and Captain Marvel just joined the team so this is his first Christmas with them

Everyone would get someone random and Captain Marvel happens to get Superman

Captain Marvel isn't close to Superman but he does remember Superman being sad that he doesn't know much about his own culture and it gives Cap an idea

So Cap travels to a different dimension where Krypton wasn't destroyed and buys (maybe steals) a book about Kryptonian to give to Superman as a Christmas present

Then he comes back home to wrap it in Superman wrapping paper with a red bow

Captain Marvel is very nervous because it's his first Christmas giving a present to someone and he doesn't want to screw it up

But when Superman opens the present and sees what it is he'd start to tear up

Captain Marvel's freaking out cuz he just made Superman cry and has no idea how to comfort him so he just starts frantically apologizing

Superman stops him and thanks him for the thoughtful gift and says how much it means to him but Cap is just glad Superman doesn't hate him

The comedic potential of the Wisdom of Solomon is greatly underutilized in comics.

Bumbling man child starts talking about the ancient trade routes in Russia.

“How do you know that”

Shazam, every-time without fail:

He gets banned from the league trivia night.

Game night at the watchtower playing scramble

Superman: I'll put down my "A" to make "A"

Green Arrow: I'll add to your "A" to make "At"

Wonder woman: I'll add to your "At" to make "Rat"

Captain Marvel: I'll add to your "Rat" to make "Biostratigraphic"

Justice League:

Flash flips board game >:(

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Was trying to get a good idea of how big Captain Marvel is by using the average height of a 14 year old(5ft 3 inches) an old cover featuring both Billy and Marvel, and a shitty height chart and uh

he big

(whoops sorry I meant 5'3 for Billy)

So I saw this video of the Joker visiting Fawcett City and at the end he goes to a kids birthday party. Captain Marvel shows up before anything bad happens and defeats the Joker.

And there's this idea that Lex Luthor also visits Fawcett City because he thinks Captain Marvel is Kryptonian but gets his ass handed to him when Cap isn't affected by the kryptonite.

This got me thinking what if a bunch of different villains come to Fawcett City and are defeated then spend a night in jail. Inside the jail there's a "wall of shame" Cap made to discourage people from doing bad things and has a lot of pictures of people.

One day the league comes to Fawcett City and they see their villain on the "wall of shame", villains that are incredibly dangerous but Captain Marvel is just posing with a peace sign and a smile in the photos, the village look like they're having a terrible time.

Captain Marvel has no idea these are the dangerous villains the Justice League keeps talking about in meetings, he just thinks they're random bad guys.

Billy Batson with a split tongue. There's no reason I just think it'd look cool on him.

And maybe Captain Marvel can choose if he wants to have it or not. (kinda goes with the body horror headcanons)

One day Cap goes to a Justice meeting and in the middle of it he discreetly gets Flash's attention then just sticks out his tongue. Flash of course is freaking out inside (because Cap was literally fine last time he saw him) but he can't say or do anything due to the meeting.

I think Billy would creates a language only he understands and that makes sense to himself.

Since he doesn't go to school he has a lot of free time.

He also probably had trouble with the English because of all the rules and expectations so he just decides to make up his own.

Later when he's adopted by the Vasquez's and becomes the Shazamily he teaches them the language as a secret way to communicate with each other. (or the bat family)

They talk about superhero stuff right in front of people and they talk crap about people right to their face.

(it also might help with the lasso of truth)

What If Billy had the powers of a Disney princess! Like singing to animals, going on weird adventures, breaking into song and dance!

I keep thinking it'd be something like the movie "Enchanted"

Like Bruce would find a lost magical child then take him home with him and as repayment Billy tries to clean the house even though he doesn't have to.

He gets a lot of City animals like rats, bugs, and pigeons to come help, of course Alfred finds out and freaks out. (Damien wants to keep them but Bruce stops him)

Then Bruce gets into a fight with Selina and Billy once again trying to help, breaks into song and dance about how Bruce needs to show his love more. Random people on the street start to join in until there's a giant flash mob all singing "That's How You Know"

Bruce is in the middle of all this having no idea what's happening. (Bruce starts thinking Billy has reality warping powers, he might)

And the entire bat family defeats a witch who turns into a dragon together <3

what if billy's powers don't even come from the gods like he thinks they do. like the wizard was like "hmmm, i need a way to quickly describe these powers to the next champion... aha! i know what thing to reference that ever modern child will understand!"

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Billy, who has never heard of any of the gods the wizard is listing: ah yes i understand perfectly

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Thoughts of what Captain Marvel looks and sounds and smells like to Superman's senses are a source of endless comedy to me.

If Clark tries to look at Billy's skeleton for whatever reason, what will he see? Is it a boy-sized skeleton? Does it actually fit his frame? Can Clark see it at all?

He doesn't smell like a sentient being, he doesn't even smell alive. He smells vaguely of ozone and something Clark can only describe as "sparkly."

Can Clark hear his heartbeat? Does Cap have a heartbeat? No heartbeat means Billy can sneak up on him, making him the only being invisible to Superman. He would absolutely abuse that.

Ok so I think that Captain Marvel can see people's aura and maybe one day Red Hood comes to the watchtower for whatever reason. The moment Jason walks into the room Cap is just staring at him like 👀 and of course Jason being Jason he's like…

Jason: What the fuck are you looking at?

Cap: Sorry it's just that your aura is very weird. It has a strange glowing green color to it and it seems to be affecting your mind.

Jason:

Batman:

The League:

Cap: Do you want me to take it out?

So I've been thinking what if one day Captain Marvel was on watch duty and incredibly bored. He saw a bunch of towels that were there (maybe from the training rooms or the bathrooms idk) and was like "What if I learn how to make those cool towel animals people have in hotels?" and then gets really into it! (he even puts googly eyes on them)

Like these:

So now there's just these towel animals everywhere. In the bathroom (one's on the toilet reading a newspaper), in the cafeteria, in some of the bedrooms, in the meeting room (there's an animal in the seats corresponding with the person that sits there like a bat for Batman), ect…

Everyone's really confused on where these towel animals came from (sometimes it even scares a few of them) that is until Batman looks at the camera footage.