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@weaver-z / weaver-z.tumblr.com

Zo. Keeper of the crypt.
nest-deactivated20181209

at my job we have to go through a training program that teaches us the library of congress classification system, and when i was first being trained my boss started to boot it up and she gave me a really anxious and guilty look and said “listen, i’m really sorry in advance, there’s nothing i can do about this, just…. just try to get through it” and i was like lol what’s she talking about and then the program loaded and i was greeted with a deliriously funny-looking photoshopped wizard with glowing eyes pointing at some intro message like “AH YES, JUST AS THE PROPHECY FORETOLD… APPRENTICE, YOU COME AT A TIME OF MOST DIRE NEED… YOU MUST LEARN OUR WAYS” and my boss just looked at me helplessly and was like “i’m so sorry. it’s like two hours long.”

thankfully it wasn’t an elaborate fever dream and i have found screenshots

The ORC DJ blocks your path

The ORC DJ plays a LOWKEY VINTAGE HOUSE SET with your VINTAGE HOUSE VINYL

The ORC DJ finds the vibe MID!

The ORC DJ delivers a PUNISHING ROUNDHOUSE

You are DEAD

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Being poor makes you so crazy. I've never been able to afford nice kitchen stuff, right? Well, my partner just got me my first mug that's microwave safe, and I've been microwaving everything in all of god's creation in that thing. Hang on a second.

I fucking hate my piece of shit phone. It's always suggesting these scary emojis, like, yeah, when I accidentally hit the emoji button, I wanted SCORPION MONKEY to show up. Thanks so much.