dnd jokes that will always be funny no matter what your dm tells you

feel free to add more

10/10 would watch

and if i start weeping over her last wait for me reprise????? what then???????????????

all this “bottom rights” and “top rights” discourse…. u fools….. where is my support for switches!

support.nintendo.com

chinese mantou (steamd bread) be like

... what

Come to Quark's, Quark's is fun! Come right now! Don't walk, run!

Star Trek is so funny. All of starfleet is so aggressively Neutral Good. Every time they're up against something they Always do the noble thing. Every one of these motherfuckers is so ready to jump on the grenade. It's so cute I love them

Starfleet officers come out of the academy with 2 things: a passion for science bordering on sexual and an incomprehensible desire for self-sacrifice

I love how this is like, acknowledged in lore, too. Like, the reason Starfleet is so full of these bozos is because it's a big non-profit where you get to Do Science and Be Noble. So only people who want to Do Science and Be Noble join up. The organization has a reputation for producing the most moralistic greater-good-loving yuppies in the galaxy. It's a straight-up hero factory. You love to see it

I bet vulcan ships gossip about how starfleet officers can't go a day without volunteering for a life-threatening mission before they start climbing the walls looking for enrichment

sending them on dangerous missions is actually a safety measure, otherwise they start tinkering with the warp drive, and you end up as salamanders

Or start tampering with subspace rifts and end becoming a galaxy-shattering vocal ensemble

It's a post scarcity society! At least, for the core Federation planets.

So what happens when your healthy, happy citizens (numbered in the trillions) runs out of things to do? You can only learn so many obscure skills, study so much art & philosophy, consume so much media before boredom sets in.

Time to explore!

Send those obnoxious grown-ass "I'm bored, mom" kiddos off to Starfleet to see the galaxy!

And the really super-intense ones end up on starships.

"So how'd you get your culture so noble and driven toward general improvement of society?"

"For generations, since the advent of warp travel, we've let our libertarians dirt farm on whatever otherwise worthless rock they find on the frontier."

"It's so bubbly and cloy and happy." "JUST like the Federation."

Omg

Available today!

it's a lot of stuff...

ouch, baby. very ouch.

Follow | Confess | Archive

[I don’t understand why the last scene of the last episode of DS9 is of Kira and Jake looking out the window. Why those two characters?]

Because they’re Sisko’s heirs? Kira is inheriting the station, and Jake is his son.

No, better reason because Jake was frequently the character who represented humanity, such as in his arguments with Nog or as the only human on board during the Dominion occupation of the station, while Kira was the representative of the Bajorans. So the final shot of the series is humans and Bajorans, side by side.

I made a Worf motivational poster

Hollywood Studios’ WGA Strike Endgame Is To Let Writers Go Broke Before Resuming Talks In Fall

Regardless of whether SAG-AFTRA goes on strike this week, the studios have no intention of sitting down with the Writers Guild for several more months.

“I think we’re in for a long strike, and they’re going to let it bleed out,” said one industry veteran intimate with the POV of studio CEOs.

While some dismiss this as just “cynical strike talk,” studio and streamer sources around town confirm the strategy. They also confirm that the plan to grind down the guild has long been in the works for a labor cycle that all sides agree is a game-changer one way or another for Hollywood.

“It’s been agreed to for months, even before the WGA went out,” one executive said. “Nobody wanted a strike, but everybody knew this was make or break.”

Receiving positive feedback from Wall Street since the WGA went on strike May 2, Warner Bros Discovery, Apple, Netflix, Amazon, Disney, Paramount and others have become determined to “break the WGA,” as one studio exec blatantly put it.

To do so, the studios and the AMPTP believe that by October most writers will be running out of money after five months on the picket lines and no work.

“The endgame is to allow things to drag on until union members start losing their apartments and losing their houses,” a studio executive told Deadline. Acknowledging the cold-as-ice approach, several other sources reiterated the statement. One insider called it “a cruel but necessary evil.”

The studios and streamers’ next think financially strapped writers would go to WGA leadership and demand they restart talks before what could be a very cold Christmas. In that context, the studios and streamers feel they would be in a position to dictate most of the terms of any possible deal.

this is why ongoing support for strike funds is super important — taking care of each other is the only way to prevent corporations from being able to starve out their workers to force them to give in to unfair working conditions!

here's a link to donate to the entertainment community fund, which the WGA website says will assist all entertainment workers affected by the strike. if you've got spare cash, definitely consider donating!

& here's the WGA website's list of ways to stand with writers!

thanks for this addition!

I have to reblog this every time because frankly this is absolutely genius prose

So funny story actually. One of my friends was hooking up with this girl, they were friends with benefits. She needed a date for some work party so he agreed to go with her. Turns out her dad owns like 3 dental practices and she worked as the business manager for one of them.

Anyway my friend had some not so nice teeth and during dinner the father of his fwb was like “you work where you work, you sleep with him and his teeth look like that? Get him an appointment.”and then bounced. So his fwb made him an appointment at the practice she managed and my friend ended up needing like 3k worth of dental work and his friend with benefits just gave it to him for free.

So that is the story of how my friend not only got sex, but dental out of the friends with benefits deal.

me explaining to the other trainers that apricorns are unknown outside of Johto because of deliberate suppression by the Silph and Devon corporations to present artificial pokeballs as the only means of capturing pokemon and establish regional monopolies after they eliminate renewable sources

(via @itsbenedict)

eternalfarnham replied to your post

there’s no pocket for me to BE in, there’s no LOBBYING involved, there’s no SUPPRESSION campaign because you don’t need one! traditional methods suppress themselves when you make modern pokéballs available. you might as well start accusing AT&T of deliberately suppressing the noble traditional art form of the goddamn semaphore.

not to mention OP demonstrates a total lack of understanding of the market realities of the pokéball industry- Silph and Devon are not monopolies, if they weren’t in constant competition their magic monster domination spheres wouldn’t cost two bucks a pop. the ball spec is a public standard, and Bill Masaki’s storage system based on that standard is an open-source project. they’re only the two largest players because they’re able to leverage economies of scale. you still get smaller operations like the Laverre City Poké Ball Factory, with better regional supply chains and local brand recognition, making room for themselves in the market. 

sm FUCKING h at y’all granola-crunching conspiracy theorists. you probably also believe Super Potions cause autism.

Ok, but it is a shame that artisanal balls are basically off the market now. Like, you have to ride the monorail and hike through a half dozen routes just to find someone willing to sell you a Fast Ball. Believe me, when your boss at the power plant needs five Electrodes by Tuesday you are not going to want to make the trip to Alola; you’re going to head on down to the Mart and get some Ultra Balls, which will do the trick but aren’t well tailored to the job.

I’m with you that modern catching techniques are better, not to mention more humane, but there genuinely is a loss from more niche balls becoming harder to find. Maybe someday the long slowpoketail of consumer demand will be met, but I wouldn’t hold my breath for that Shellder.

look y’all are missing the point. mass production of silph balls crowding out traditional apricorn craftsmanship is, if anything, more a side effect of the real problem: that capture artifacts are too easy to get your hands on these days. $2 basic balls are a problem. before modern ball tech you had to go to an artisan, yes, but part of their job was to care about who had the power to recruit pokémon from the wild, as a backstop against another Knight of Veilstone coming along. there was a time when you’d never lay a hand on a ball yourself until it was clear you respected pokémon, whether tame or in the wild. but now, a “pokémon journey” is open to practically every teenager, even if they’ve got not interest in treating their team with trust and love.

the worldwide rise in the last century of organized crime and apocalyptic cults who use pokémon as their muscle is a direct result of capture artifacts becoming a mass produced market commodity rather than a mechanism for preserving the sacred trust between humans and the wilderness. it’s a miracle that the powder keg hasn’t already gone off by now.

Oh that is rank historical revisionism - what, do you think artisans’ definitions of “respect” were constructed in a vacuum? We already had rhetoric as far back as the warring states period in Ransei about how only the soldierly classes, overwhelmingly descendants of nobility and taught from birth, had the intangible qualities necessary to “bond” with Pokémon. And when we start seeing apricorn balls develop in Johto, which borders Kanto - Kanto, where we know there’s been extensive cultural cross-contamination with Auroran and Dragnoran expeditions - surprise, suddenly only a small population has the intangible qualities necessary to use them, too.

That notion was, and remains, a tool to limit general access to Pokémon in the interest of maintaining class disparities. I mean, have we already forgotten the Aether Foundation’s pseudo-conservationist nonsense? Their attempt to manipulate natural resources and establish a power base in Alola, while they were modernizing and taking their place on the world stage, was founded on this exact rhetoric of “rescuing” Pokémon from local disenfranchised populations, as if taking Pokémon away from places like Po Town would improve things instead of increasing competition between trainers and decreasing safety.

Do you want more disillusioned kids joining gangs? Because that’s how you get Teams!

Artisanal balls and anyone who supports them are tools of the aristocracy to suppress the common folk. In the days when a ball could only be made by hand by an expert, only the wealthiest could afford pokemon, and as a result anyone not born into the “elites” was forced to be subservient to their “betters” for protection.

The release of the $2 pokeball meant that the balance of power shifted to the common citizens. If any child can wield the power of a god, the military and the government and the wealthiest businessmen have no power over them.

More than that, instead of power being determined by the wealth to acquire pokemon, power comes exclusively from the dedication, effort, and empathy required to train them to high levels and to maintain their loyalty. If a person simply buys their pokemon, then those pokemon will either stay at low levels forever, or refuse to obey the human because there is no respect between them; the most powerful people in the world are those who caught a critter at level 2-5 and then devoted their life to raising it into a world power.

And as a beautiful side benefit of this, standard of living has increased across the board. Since every household has at least one minor pokemon in the family and there are increasing numbers of professional, working pokemon joining cities and other civilized areas and working to improve them, every aspect of economy and industry has been enhanced by their supernatural capabilities. Electricity is generated cleanly and in abundance for everybody. Pollution is cleaned up almost completely and instantly. The production of farms, mines, and workshops is multiplied, even as safety standards improve. Yes, every few years another potential apocalypse comes about and needs to be prevented by a couple of brave teenagers, but outside of those incidents the world is damn close to utopia.

…that was all fascinating to read and I would like to see more like it, please

for instance; what the hell is in lemonade that makes it a more powerful healing alternative to regular potions

Opium

See, unlike in the real world, the Pokémon world has yet to ban cocaine in drinks.

this website is INCREDIBLE

Y'all are missing the REAL fucking problem with the Silph and Devon monopolies - conformity and standardization. Oh, sure, in the last few years they’ve gotten better with pokeball variety and specialization that create balls with different appearances, but it’s been a prevailing problem for YEARS that pokeballs are locked into their color and appearance. I’ve got a Swalot that has wanted for YEARS to be in a proper ball that matched its gelatinous form - a proper purple pokeball. And the only purple pokeball that exists? That frickin’ MASTER BALL that these companies have been promising FOREVER yet never comes to market. Frickin’ thing might as well be called the Half-Life 3 Ball since I don’t think it’s EVER going to be released. And even if by some miracle it DOES come out, you KNOW it’s going to be prohibitively expensive because no company is going to put out a ball that’s supposedly ONE-HUNDRED PERCENT DOES NOT FAIL CAPTURE and put it at the same price as a great ball - would crowd out the rest of their entire market because why WOULDN’T people want a ball that never fails? And even after all that, I STILL don’t want that thing for my Swalot because it’s got a great big “M” on it, as if my Swalot’s nickname is “Mike” or something (It’s Nurple, as it happens - Swalot picked it out itself, don’t ask me it just clearly wanted it). Whatever the hell they make pokeballs out of, the stuff CAN’T BE PAINTED. Believe me, I’ve tried - oils, acrylics, enamels, you name it - the stuff does not stay on it no matter how much primer you lay down (consequently the primer does not stay on, either). I want to CUSTOMIZE my pokeballs’ appearances, which even artisan balls are a bit limited by, but you at least have more options for appearances. “Oh, but what about stickers and capsules?!” Yeah, again - the products BY those companies to squeeze even more money out… and they STILL don’t offer me everything I want! Honestly I’m pretty sure those things just add fireworks and sparkles for when your Pokemon exits the ball - not changing the appearance so much. Hell, it took them years to upgrade those things so that you can put your balls through the PC with them still on - anyone with the original generation of capulses? You’re out of luck - need the new ones! I just want pokeball customization. How hard is that?! No, have to keep them conforming to the same designs for years and years and years! It’s bullcrap.