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Mrs. Anxiety

@wearethesoundofrain

"Avrei potuto anche accontentarmi, ma è così che si diventa infelici."
Charles Bukowski
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creatingnikki

Dear the next person I fall in love with,

I hope you fall in love with me too.  

Why are we taking so long to meet? It’s okay though, I’m working on myself so I don’t burden you with my insecurities when we meet. I won’t expect you to rid me of my past pain and neither will I put the pressure of being ‘the one’ on you. That’s not what I want in the least. I don’t want to know about the women you’ve loved before either. I won’t interrogate you on your past that way. But if you think I will let go of seeing your baby pictures, hearing all about your embarrassing teen phases and the kind of student you were, you are in for disappointment. 

I do have a lot of issues, I won’t lie. I keep shifting between polar ideas and feelings so frequently that you will think I’m lying…I don’t know anything myself either. I’m not lying…just figuring it all out. But when I tell you that I love you…that won’t be a question mark or a confusion. That will be the truth of my heart. I’ll be expressive and honest and that’s one thing I’ll ask of you too. 

I can’t promise you that I won’t write about you because in all probability I will (I already am!) but I sincerely hope it’s about our love and not our goodbye and the pain in its wake. I understand if we will have to part ways and if we change as people, but let’s love truly while we’re together. 

Was that too much of a serious note to begin on? I will spiral into such talks. That’s just who I am. I hope you can have such conversations with me without thinking I’m ‘too much’ because I may be but that’s what I want out of life as well. I won’t settle anymore for too little.

But the little things I would want to regularly do with you are eat a lot of our favourite food and go on long walks and talk for hours. 

I don’t have varied interests and I literally know nothing about sports, cars, politics, action movies or mystery novels but if you’re into any of these things, I’ll be open to trying them once more with you. 

As you can see, I haven’t tried many things in life and while I won’t wait around for you to do them, I’d love to strike some of them off with you.

I don’t want you to buy me fancy things but if you notice my favourite authors and buy me books accordingly, I’ll feel loved. Not because of the books itself but because that would mean you see the little things and care enough to add to their treasure. 

I won’t ask you for your passwords or demand to ever see your texts but I will convince you to watch kdramas with me, so be prepared. 

I will click too many pictures together and write you long letters in my weird handwriting and make too many perfect hearts around your name…in those ways I’ll be immature. But I won’t reply with ‘k’ when I’m mad or wait double the time you took to reply to texts or lie about how I feel because that’s petty and that’s not me.

In the interest of honesty and expression…

I’ve never had anyone love me as much as I’ve loved them or in the same way…I have always been the more loving one. But this time equal affection has to be because I think that’s the only way I can fall in love again. 

I do have a list because everyone does of the kind of person they want to be with but I already know none of the points on them will matter when I meet you. 

As long as you’re kind and genuine…

I’ll fall in love with you as you are. 

I know I’m going to show you this letter once we’re together and be totally embarrassed when you’re done reading. 

So hence it’s not cheesy and neither is it specific because I don’t want to fill in blanks before we even meet. 

Just know…I’ll be your friend, your lover, your comrade. 

All my love

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nikitaagupta

i want a relationship where

i want a relationship where he is as crazy about me as i am about him. i want a relationship where he chooses me over any other girl, no matter how hot or pretty she is. i want a relationship where i sit in my teeshirt on the kitchen counter and he cooks me breakfast between stolen kisses. i want a relationship where he saves all the selfies i sent to him because he can’t get enough of me. i want a relationship where he sends me long messages telling me how much he loves me every time we fight. i want a relationship where we can sit on a rooftop at two am and discuss my dreams and aspirations. i want a relationship where i come first before the tall, skinny blonde who sends him nudes. i want a relationship where he gets me orchids without asking. i want a relationship where he is protective of me because he can’t stand the idea of other guys touching me. i want a relationship where he plays scrabble with me. i want a relationship where he takes me out to the greek restaurant i told him i always wanted to try because he listens to what i say to him. i want a relationship where he holds my hand in public. i want a relationship where he sees the bitch in me and chooses to stay. i want a relationship where he knows me and not just my body. i want a relationship where i am pampered because he wants not and not because i ask him to. i want a relationship where he never lies to me. i want a relationship where he realises how important my grades are to me. i want a relationship where he tells me he can’t see a tomorrow with me. i want a relationship where he calls me every time i say i am fine. i want a relationship where he understands me. i want a relationship where he takes me out to get drunk and forget about the things i screwed up. i want a relationship where he loves me. i honestly just want a relationship where he loves me, unconditionally.

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philosophybits
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quotespile
Living, there is no happiness in that. Living: carrying one’s painful self through the world. But being, being is happiness. Being: Becoming a fountain, a fountain on which the universe falls like warm rain.

Milan Kundera, Immortality (via quotespile)

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Cari Voi, mi sembra impossibile come tutto sia così superficiale. A come vi interessa, come lo preferite. Mi sembra di vivere in un mondo contrario. Preferite quella persona che durante il giorno e le ore che passano schiamazza, grida e fa versi per attirare l'attenzione, bensì sia palesemente falso. Si vede subito. Si vedono subito. Quelle persone che fanno di tutto per farsi notare per avere tanti amici. E la cosa più sorprendente è che vi va bene così. Ciò di cui sono composte le vostre conversazioni riguardano i ragazzi, le tendenze, gli slang. Questi ultimi soprattutto. Parole comuni che d'un tratto una persona comincia a ripetere sempre in continuazione, tanto che tutti la ripetono e diventa l'espressione più usata da tutti. Ecco, mi avete deluso. Preferite una persona che vi racconti i suoi cazzi piuttosto di una con cui potersi esprimere e confrontare. E potrei tranquillamente essere come una di loro, ma preferisco essere realistica con me stessa. Potrò essere troppo seria, o magari siete voi che non sapete come prendermi. Ma vi interessa davvero infin dei conti? No. Ecco, basta un semplice no, non tanti giri di parole. Perché infondo, a chi interessa davvero essere amico di qualcun'altro? Si è persa questa abitudine. Si dà tutto per scontato. Tutti per scontato. Come se per fare amicizia basta uno slang e delle ore a dire cagate. Preferite una bocca che parla che una mente che ascolta. Perché abbiamo due orecchie, due occhi e una sola bocca. Perché parlare dovrebbe essere la metà di ascoltare e percepire. Ma ormai non è più così. È una gara al chi intrattiene di più. Ma se a voi così va bene, resterà così. Perché finché un giudizio non è comune al resto, non si va avanti. S.

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deadsensescompany

“Love Conquers All”

“Love Conquers All” I’ve spent most of my life dying While trying to find meaning in eyes Crying out for help and reliance After they have given up on mine Paralyzed in fear there is no escape When those who once prayed give up their faith And lay waste to the tortures in the gaping Hole between sanity and serenity’s space But when everything else falls And there’s no one left to call In the vicinity where it all began Love conquers all my dear best friend Life feels meaningless without Someone to share the good times and the bad On a level higher than the clouds And let feelings flow you never knew you had For when we feel there’s nothing left And all our burdens have been laid to rest Life can be an unfair test To hold onto the one we love the best And yet I hesitate to negotiate a plan To help those lost understand That their lives can start again By the lost lore of someone’s hand For everyone has different routes And paths to traverse towards goals Involving different ladders and chutes Across various bridges and tolls I always seem to lurk in the shadows Watching over those quietly Like the wind that blows in the air Because you can feel me but I’m never really there I’m never important enough in lives To be remembered but never fully left behind And so I dangle in the background holding pain In my heart and always accepting blame But the day may come when you and I Might cross paths in the aftermath Of bitter times and silent nights In which to you I will dart and dash And leap and hurdle if I have to strain My fragile body in cuts and pain If I haven’t watched myself fade by then Love conquers all my dear best friend Even if against our closed-hearted wills We need this empty space to be fulfilled So when the song starts I don’t want to be Alone dancing grasping air I breathe You can hold me battered and torn And my faith in suffering can be reborn