We will be loved

may 2020 bring you your “i’m doing better than i ever was” moment

this didn’t age well

well it definitely didn’t

I’m so confused why he would think cookie dough would give him salmonella??? What parent told him this. There’s no chicken in there!

Two words: Raw eggs.

?? What kind of world do you live in where Raw eggs carry salmonella or are in anyway unsafe

Don’t ask me, ask them Americans. I’m an Asian just passing the word on

*deep breath* Though the risk is small, raw eggs can carry samonella.

MORE THREATENINGLY Raw wheat can carry E. Coli. However, if you don’t mind making your own cookie dough, you can easily make it safely.

Take your standard recipe. Omit the eggs. Eggs serve as a binding agent to hold the cookie together. Since we’re eating the dough raw, that’s not needed. Take the flour, put it in a pan and bake it at 350 for 7 minutes. Any E. Coli is now dead.

Just mix the rest of the ingredients together as the recipe is called for and BAM, perfectly safe edible cookie dough.

Thank u so fucking much for this wisdom

wait you’re telling my i can get E, Coli just FROM EATING FLOUR straight from the bag???

Why..why are you eating flour straight from the bag?

Thandie Newton winning Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series at the 70th Emmy Awards for her role as Maeve Millay on ‘Westworld’.

The Catholic church convicts Galileo of heresy (1633)

i the snail.

everybody here is perfect

I have never seen a happier snail omg

I think this is the most hilarious thing

the storybook font is what does it for me

Ok so I have a story. I worked Fantasyland (Dumbo) at Magic Kingdom. We had a girl transfer from Pirates of the Caribbean. And she told me the most amazing story.

So Pirates is down (shocking) And this particular boat is stopped at the first big scene, Where Barbosa is on the ship yelling for Jack Sparrow.

Anyway the boat has been stopped for about 15 minutes at this point, and there’s a couple sitting alone in the back. So the guy decides that nothing gets him in a better mood than the smell of water that hasn’t been changed in roughly 50 years, and convinces his girlfriend to blow him.

Now this girl is in the booth, along with the coordinator, watching this go down. Literally. There’s not much they can do to stop it at this point, other than notify security. Then another problem arises. The guy finishes, and the girl makes the motion to spit.

In. The. Fucking. Water.

Now if that load is released into the water, thats an automatic biohazard, and the ride is shut down for weeks. The water is removed, the ride path is scrubbed, along with the ride vehicles, and then new water is brought in. Costing the company thousands of dollara and pissed off tourists. The worst combination on this earth.

Panicking at this predicament, the coordinator grabs the mic in the control booth and says:

“Spitting is for quitters.”

This echoes over the bitching of guests and 50 year old audio of pirates commiting various crimes.

The look on this woman’s face was priceless. She gazes up, as if Walt himself commanded her from the grave, and swallows.

I’m told the ride started 5 minutes later and the couple ran out from the exit queue as fast as they could.

And this is why you dont fuck at Disney. Because cast members will call you out and it will be the highlight of our day.

I HATE ALL OF YOU FOR THIS OMG

LMAO

Ravenclaw lad asking the real questions about transfiguration

I made dis

does someone ever say something to you and you can just feel the

figuratively pop up over your head 

when you have no idea what the fuck is going on in class anymore

this website is like 99% bad but like 1% of it is good content that cant really be pulled off on any other site so thts why i stay

not all heroes wear capes

Big sit energy