i miss every girl in my life who was nice to me
"Please don't ask me" I said. "I am in love that is all I know. and it is the most wonderful feeling in the world." (…) I said I was in love. and I am. I think I have always loved, and am loving and will love forever. Who? I do not know. A shadow, a fancy. smoke, a vision. no tangible person yet, but someone. (…) Had I been a man, I would have been an eternal lover. Being a woman, what am I? The future will tell. Only, I am in love, because my heart is awake to every vibration, to every touch or nature and humanity. I feel, always, from day to day, sorrow and joy. I live and dream love.
The Early Diary of Anaïs Nin, 1920-1923
the thing about barbie is that it captures the exact feeling of growing up as a girl. you begin with thinking everything is perfectly pink, that you are perfect, until.
until someone stares at you.
until you compare yourself to others.
until you feel the fear of aging.
until someone assults you.
until someone makes you feel unsafe.
until you notice the horrors of the world around you.
until you want to crawl into a hole where no one will look at you.
until you feel like you can do nothing at all.
and you have to find ways to stop these things. these things that you can not change, and barely influence.
and you think nothing in the world is fixable. you arent fixable.
until you see friends laugh together.
until you have a nice moment with a stranger.
until you look at the beauty of nature.
until you talk about these issues with others.
until you find community.
until you find yourself.
and then the world starts looking a little pinker again.
in your 20s you must rediscover the joys of arts and crafts to stave off spiritual decay
