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Kelly

@waywardkelly

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waywardkelly
succeeding

I LIIIIVE for those nights when you got nothing going on and so you like take a shower and deep condition your hair and shave everything and lotion yourself up and you like throw on your coziest jammies and give yourself a facial and light candles and incense and watch Netflix and listen to music and just like chill all night in your cleanest most relaxed state

waywardkelly
spongebobssquarepants

if teenagers are ever being mean to you just pull out any miscellaneous item you have on you at the moment and make up some bullshit term to scare them

teenagers: we are going to punch you me *pulling out spoon*: have you lot ever been Uncle Jimmied

teenagers: we are going to kick you me *pulling out an electric toothbrush*: have you all ever experienced a Norwegian Christmas…

teenagers: we are going to unlawfully take your money me *taking car keys out of my pocket*: say, have any of you ever had a Pacific Ocean Garbage Patch…….

teenagers: we are going to call you mean names me *taking Costco brand pair of socks out of my purse*: it’s been a while since i gave someone a Tropic Of Capricorn………….

teenagers: we’re violent just for the fun of it ! me *microwaving a hard-boiled egg*: you’re all about to get a Matthew Broderick Jr.

teenagers: we are going to spread rumors about you me *getting out my tube of rash cream*: don’t force me to give you a Chinese Whistling Garden

teenagers: we are about to physically assault you me *pulling out cantaloupe*: seems like you rapscallions have never heard of the Screaming Astronaut

teenagers: we are going to commit felonies me *pulling out handfuls of spaghetti*: I’m sorry you all have to experience the Kansas Turnpike …

teenagers: i am preparing to steal an automotive vehicle me *taking out a roll of dental floss*: keep this sort of behavior up and you’re going to get the Rick Astley’s Crochet

teenagers: i plan to do acts of physical hooliganism! me *takes a Bop It out of my pocket*: I don’t normally do this but I’ll enjoy giving you a North Carolina Senator G.K. Butterfield

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ierohero

if theres a day i dont reblog this assume i died

waywardkelly
succeeding

So I can’t stop crying after watching this.

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featheredtentacles

this is by far the most incredible thing I’ve watched in days

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smartass-stripper

This is why I try to see the best in people. This is why I will always take the side of people trying to make this world a better place. Incredible story.

waywardkelly
idioticastro

oh my god

I need the rest of this story

right okay, her husband pays these dudes to kill her, and they kidnap her, but rather than kill her (they told her they don’t kill women) after a day, they drop her off with a cell phone, the recording of her husband asking for her to be killed, plus the $7000 he paid them, and tell her to go make sure it doesn’t do that again, so she fucking turns up right after the funeral about a week later??, and his ass freaks out and he screams some shit about ghosts, but shes like “lol no bitch i’m real” and hes in jail now and she free af to be with her 8 kids.