KILL CLAUDIO

One last silly before this presidency blows up the world

dating an identical twin scares me bc what if i get them confused

i read a book once where this girl was romantically involved with this guy who had a twin and they would punk her all the time and be like which one is your boyfriend you have to kiss the right one and then it turned out one of them was evil and trapped her in a dungeon with a bunch of rats or some shit

but that’s like, worst case scenario

they plotted and schemed and nearly succeeded in the wicket plan to steal my secret teeth, but luckily i was so fucked up on laughing gas that i vibrated directly through the chair at the atomic level and used my special move where i invoke a tooth's memory of its home in my mouth to call them all back like a loyal flock of pigeons. now all thats left is the necromantic rite to return my jaw to its perfect primordial state of having three impacted wisdom teeth to fortify it against any violence my enemies could visit upon me. oral and maxillofacial surgeons everywhere will gnash their teeth in fury but i never will due to my soon to be restored flawless bite

sphincters & such

Saint Applebees, champion of Cassandra, and Sir Applebees, Knight of Cassandra.

(please pick this future Bucky, it's the one with better friends and a sick mullet)

I saw you again in a dream, or maybe it was a nightmare

i love astarion baldursgate. if we were walking side by side id stick out my foot on purpose to trip him so he falls four to six feet into a shallow ditch full of muddy water. and i would laugh

masturbation is evil not for any puritan anti-fun reason but because it has permanently claimed so many verbs

nobody can crank anything anymore. and god forbid you jerk

Just this drink to hold my hand One glass of anything Anything cheap […]Oh, I don’t know these buildings I think I’m lost

(x)

My legal requirement to draw gay little animals whenever i get into a new series 🦮🦊