just overhead the most fucked up conversation at walmart:

customer: do you guys have any grapes?

employee: no, they stopped making grapes *walks away*

That face

We're just normal men

What is a clown but a goblin and a sprite and a tackle box of makeup? 

I worked very hard on this

hey uh what exactly is possessing you people to reblog a nearly 10 year old shrek meme that I made in high school

Your hard work isn’t going unnoticed

me and my friend jessie are physically incapable of having a normal fucking conversation so things happen where we accidently end up rping a dude bro trying to hit on me, an ordinary woman who is not a snake

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the Greek pantheon has to share one braincell

Jimmy literally

#they’re not technicalities!#they’re the law!#cops say it’s a technicality because they didn’t do their due diligence#if a cop finds evidence in a place he shouldn’t have had access to without a warrant#and the case or that evidence gets tossed because of it#the cop and media will say it’s a technicality#but it’s not!#it’s a constitutional right they failed to adhere to!#and the penalty is that evidence which was found illegally can’t be used 

As usual, @socialjust-ish leaves the gold in the tags and it’s up to me to mine them.

Star Trek: Voyager 5x24 “Relativity”

morrigan: *wanders around orlais with her tits out and living under bridges eating garbage* anyone wanna see a magic trick

celene: oh fukckbhghhjbn

celene: ccome live in my house

my mom was taking a little drivers quiz thing and one of the little videos was like "you should keep your hands visible if you get pulled over" implying cops are very scared. theyre so scared. theyre afraid. theyre so afraid of you person they pulled over. what if you have a gun? thatd be fucked up its a good thing they have a gun for sure. in case you startle them. like horses. like an abused circus animal.

a severely underrated feature of steam is that it'll be like "hey your friend you haven't spoken to since you were both like 14 is currently playing Kramer's Quest for Hentai VR"

Join for FREE today and you could be having sex tonight!!

Sex tonight, you could be having! HRMMMMMMM!!

Across the bar we did see you, your vibe we dig mmmmm

*tamp tamp*

ah i see youve noticed me tamping down the soft earth

i respectfully request that we bring this meme back because i think it came before its time. we werent ready in 2013. i think were ready now

Need everyone to experience this video with me.

“why don’t you just…?” the answer is either money or anxiety

or the Bone Pharoh

*walks into your house* its quite lovely in here i *spots a ghostly apparition* ...................well first who is that saultry little binch in the corner

Due to centuries of cultural exchange there are a lot of similarities between the hamster religion and that of the chipmunks, both now being functionally death cults. The root of where they differ is how the two religions view this holy death.

To hamsters, death is an art form, an ever-ascending pillar of the strange and the grotesque. Hamsters seek beauty and uniqueness in death, venerating the most outlandish of the dead as saints: Our Lady of the Plumbing, Saint Tim the Blended, and Saint Ms. Cupcake Who Got Into That Barrel of Degreaser, to name a few. Through death, they connect with their god, whose immense corpse formed the world after choking to death on a stray asteroid. Hamsters will spend weeks planning their deaths and awaiting an opportunity to swan dive off this mortal coil.

Chipmunks follow a warrior’s religion. While hamsters embraced humanity as creators of new and exciting shapes and poisons, chipmunks never forsook their wild ways. Chipmunk culture idealizes the divine struggle: to face insurmountable odds and to die with honor. Only by throwing themselves under the wheels of a moving vehicle can they earn their reincarnation and escape the cruel jaws of the fox-god who awaits them in the underworld. Every chipmunk goes to their death secure in the knowledge that they have faced their fate a million times before and that they will face it a million times again.

Squirrel religion does not speak of death.