having one of those executive function days where everything is too many steps

by which i mean, like, here's how my brain parses the steps in making coffee

good day:

regular day:

bad day:

anyway this is a "14 steps to make coffee" kind of day

This is actually a really good way of explaining this

when i say “that reminds me” & theres zero connection you just have to take my word for it theres no time to explain

rare vent art from a few months ago

I feel this!!! Also love how you muted the color along the way, I think it makes it that much more impactful!

This is the thing!

(source: me on twitter)

As someone recently diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, one thing that’s been helping me grapple with the intense shame I have over all my “wasted potential” is accepting that potential doesn’t exist and never did.

This sounds so harsh, but please bare with me.

I procrastinated a lot growing up. I still procrastinate today, but less so. And yet, I got good grades. I could write an A+ paper that “knocked [my professor]’s socks off” in the hour before class and print it with sweat running down my face.

I was so used to hearing from teachers and family that if I just didn’t procrastinate and worked all the time, I could do anything! I had all this potential I wasn’t living up to!

And that’s true, as far as it goes, but that’s like saying if Usain Bolt just kept going he could be the fastest marathon runner in the world. Why does he stop at the end of the race??

If ANYONE could make their top speed/most productive setting the one they used all the time, anyone could do anything. But you can’t. Your top speed is not a speed you’re able to sustain.

Now, I’ve found that I do need to work on not procrastinating. Not because the product is better, even, but because it’s better for my mental health and physical health to not have a full, sweating, panicked breakdown over every task even if the task itself turns out excellently. It’s a shitty way to live! You feel bad ALL the time! And I don’t deserve to live like that anymore.

So all of this to say, I’m not wasting a ton of potential. I don’t have an ocean of productivity and accomplishments inside of me that I could easily, effortlessly access if I just sat down 8 hours a day and worked. There’s no fucking way. That’s not real. It’s an illusion. It’s fine not to live up to an illusion.

And if you have ADHD, I mean this from the bottom of my heart: you do not have limitless potential confounded by your laziness. You have the good potential of a good person, and you can access it with practice and work, but do not accept the story that you are choosing not to be all that you are or can be. You are just a human person.

i think it’s very very interesting that adhd and autism comparisons and solidarity are very prominent in the neurodiverse community, but autism and schizophrenia, another disorder that has a lot of ties and similarity to autism almost NEVER gets brought up in relation to it. i wonder why that is.

i think it’s also very interesting how much antipsychotic ableism there is inside the neurodiverse community, despite the fact that a lot of neurodivergencies share quite a few traits with schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders.

My dad is autistic and schizophrenic. I'd actually love to learn more about its co-occurrence.

this is a good source summarizing the shared history of autism and schizophrenia, as well as their overlaps and differences!

There's also a ton of overlap between ADHD and BPD that never gets discussed. I've watched folks in ADHD groups get MAD when you say as much because cluster B stigma is so fuckin prevalent.

yep.

So much of the "advice" given to people with ADHD is just like

Step One: Become neurotypical

ADHD is only motivated by 5 things: -urgency -challenge -novelty and play -interest -being a contrarian little bitch

i’m also very food motivated

We’re cats.

other peoples laughter is sweet as nectar and ambrosia... call that acceptance sensitive euphoria

wait a minute.

Cant invent shit w ADHD 😔

people with adhd after following a completely fucking unhinged impulse for short term satisfaction and negatively impacting their long term goals

I saw this tweet about how things don't always "occur" to adhd people and I thought I could relate to it as well, although I'm autistic and not adhd.

For example - if I have a headache, it simply won't occur to me to take pain meds. I know I have a headache. I want the pain to stop. I am aware of the existence of pain meds. But the idea never occurs to me to take them until someone else suggests it.

The example they gave in the tweet was that if someone says hello to them, it may not occur to them to say hello back and yep... I do that as well.

I just never realized that other people may not do these things.

This is called executive dysfunction and it’s very common for both adhd and autistic people! <3

I was under the impression that executive dysfunction was being unable to transition between tasks. Like that feeling when you're trying to get up and make some food, but your brain won't let you no matter how hard you try. Is that something different?

They are both forms of executive dysfunction! Executive dysfunction simply means one of your executive functions isn’t working. The executive functions are:

What you’re experiencing and what you already considered executive dysfunction are both issues with task initiation, and I think what you’re experiencing is also an issue with planning.

The reason ADHD and autism are so similar is that the executive functions are impacted; among other symptoms and traits, they are both executive functioning disorders. Which is why you experience this thing that a lot of ADHDers experience, and why ADHD and autism have such a high comorbidity rate.

That makes a lot of sense. Thank you!

^^^ things I would have loved to know much sooner after being diagnosed than when I did

im calling myself out on this one

I should be studying but instead I made this

When I was a (unmedicated, undiagnosed ADHD) kid, like, under 12, my room was a mess all the time. Not shocking.

I struggled keeping it clean.

I struggled getting it clean.

I would sincerely put in quite a bit of effort and be really proud of the progress I made. Then one of my parents would come check and see how I was doing.

"Well, you've still got a long way to go."

That sentence. I was like, 11 when my parents were saying that to me. It was crushing. All my pride and satisfaction with my work was completely gone. All my effort was worthless to them. All they saw what everything I didn't do.

At the age of ELEVEN, I knew that wasn't right. That wasn't fair. I swore to myself I would never invalidate someone's work like that.

Now, at 30, I catch myself thinking 'I cleaned up, but my apartment is still so messy.' and I flashback to standing in my bedroom as a child, hearing those fucking words from my parents.

'No. I wouldn't invalidate someone else's work. I'm not going to invalidate my own. I did good. I made progress.' and I'll list the things that I DID get done to myself.

You deserve credit for all the progress you make.

You deserve credit for all the work you do.

It doesn't matter how much work you have left.

What you accomplish, no matter how small, counts. Even when what you accomplished was taking a day to rest and recharge and give yourself a break.

Never let anyone invalidate your work. Not even you.

I feel like adhd bored is different than neurotypical bored because like. You don’t understand. I have a billion things I could be doing. I turn on the tv. I stare at the Netflix screen for five minutes. Flip through shows and movies for the next thirty minutes. Nothing looks good. I put in a video game. Play for two minutes. Not feeling it. I load up YouTube. Watch half a video before closing the app. Maybe I’ll read a book? I stare at my giant bookshelf. The thought of starting a new book seems too hard. I lay in bed and play phone games for six hours. Nothing has gotten done. Still bored.

I feel like a better term for this experience is “restless.” 

Sometimes nothing sounds good; I have a specific experiential craving or itch that needs to be scratched but I don’t know what it is or how to placate it so I will rapidly cycle through activities in search of something that will provide the level/type of stimulation I crave. Like a tiger pacing in the zoo. 

It’s a really bad, unbearably vibratey itchy feeling. A craving for relief that takes too great a mental effort to overcome.

It can be physical too…sometimes if I don’t walk/pace it feels like my bones are squiggly and it’s as unpleasant as it sounds

My bones are squiggly and it literally physically hurts sometimes and a lot of times I will get abruptly and inexplicably exhausted bc my brain has had enough of this “bored” shit and would rather just shut down for the day than endure it any longer.

Understimulation is incredibly mentally draining because when nothing motivates you and feels good, every little thing you do needs an absurd amount of spoons for you to actually do it. You may not notice it, because the understimulation is so intense that it overpowers fatigue, but it’s something that constantly drains you in ways that are almost impossible to explain to people who don’t experience similar issues.

What’s the Real Lesson?

Here’s something that happens to ADHD children a lot:  Getting pushed beyond their limits by accident. Here’s how it works and why it’s so bad.

Child says, “I can’t do this.”

Adult (teacher or parent) does not believe it, because Adult has seen Child do things that Adult considers more difficult, and Child is too young to properly articulate why the task is difficult.

Adult decides that the problem is something other than true inability, like laziness, lack of self-confidence, stubbornness, or lack of motivation.

Adult applies motivation in the form of harsher and harsher scoldings and punishments. Child becomes horribly distressed by these punishments. Finally, the negative emotions produce a wave of adrenaline that temporarily repairs the neurotransmitter deficits caused by ADHD, and Child manages to do the task, nearly dropping from relief when it’s finally done.

The lesson Adult takes away is that Child was able to do it all along, the task was quite reasonable, and Child just wasn’t trying hard enough. Now, surely Child has mastered the task and learned the value of simply following instructions the first time.

The lessons Child takes away? Well, it varies, but it might be:

-How to do the task while in a state of extreme panic, which does NOT easily translate into doing the task when calm.

-Using emergency fight-or-flight overdrive to deal with normal daily problems is reasonable and even expected.

-It’s not acceptable to refuse tasks, no matter how difficult or potentially harmful.

-Asking for help does not result in getting useful help.

I’m now in my 30’s, trying to overcome chronic depression, and one major barrier is that, thanks to the constant unreasonable demands placed on me as a child, I never had the chance to develop actual healthy techniques for getting stuff done. At 19, I finally learned to write without panic, but I still need to rely on my adrenaline addiction for simple things like making phone calls, tidying the house, and paying bills. Sometimes, I do mean things to myself to generate the adrenaline rush, because there’s no one else around to punish me.

But hey, at least I didn’t get those terrible drugs, right? That might have had nasty side effects.

#I wonder if this might potentially apply to people with autism as well?#because I haven’t been diagnosed with adhd but MAN do I fee this#and like I had the situation a lot of people went through#breezed through elementary and high school and in gifted and talented#but then college happened and I was LOST

There’s a lot of overlap between ADHD traits and autism traits.  Whether you meet the diagnostic criteria for ADHD, too, I have no idea (because I’m a random person on the Internet), but you might find ADHD resources helpful in figuring out your life challenges. A lot of “help” for executive function skills comes from neurotypicals who are naturally good at it and lack insight into people who aren’t, which makes it spectacularly useless to the people who actually need it.

Well shit this explains so much about me

Yes, I am autistic without ADHD, and this is…how a lot of things happened to me.  I’m an adrenaline addict, too, and this is why.

And I’m not going to say that that mode of operation doesn’t have its uses.  But it is a really, really counterproductive way to teach kids how to take the time and focus to learn to do something well and sustainably.

It can also make kids look lazy who aren’t, because you start to learn that you’re only good at things if you can do them PERFECTLY, IMMEDIATELY, RIGHT NOW and you don’t learn how to work through your anxiety and processing difficulties to actually practice and understand something.

Also, child never learns how to articulate why the task is difficult.

They learn that they’re not allowed to.

^ This is it. The child IS taught that they’re not allowed to talk about the task being difficult. Whether they’re ignored, disbelieved, punished, or given “help” that actually makes things worse, the message is the same: Don’t.

Oh my God. I never realized why I was like this. I can do incredible things in a panic mode, like write an advanced 12 page neuroscience research paper and edit it in less than 24 hours. But sit down and skim my class notes in my free time? Nope. I even had a therapist tell me once that I needed to learn how to study when I’m not running on adrenaline because it doesn’t work (sadly it DOES for me so that advice didn’t help.) This explains so much

-Asking for help does not result in getting useful help.

God that’s something that still fucks me over.

This has been going around again, and several tags and reblogs refer to people saying things that are meant to be encouraging but are actually scary. Like, “I know you can do it!” If I’m thinking about trying a new hobby, but I’m not sure, this kind of message might give me confidence to go for it. But if I’ve repeatedly tried and failed to do something, and now I’m asking for help, “I know you can do it” does not mean “I respect your abilities.”

It means “I refuse to believe you need help and I will not help you.”

GONNA MAKE THIS BIGGER AND BOLDER SO SKIMMERS LIKE ME READ IT

“I know you can do it” does not mean “I respect your abilities.”

It means “I refuse to believe you need help and I will not help you.”

Can someone give an example of ”help” that made things worse? I can’t understand that part

Here’s one example. You know how to do subtraction, but the worksheet you were given has too many problems. You can’t maintain focus long enough to get it done, you have a hard time even holding the pencil and writing legible numbers that many times. You ask for help and, instead of reducing the worksheet to something you can do, the teacher decides you don’t understand subtraction and makes you do even more problems. Which you will fail to finish, or make mistakes due to rushing or mental exhaustion.

on the other end of the unhelpful help spectrum, many kids—kids in general, but i think especially kids with adhd or other neurodiversities—often have a hard time keeping their rooms tidy. a parent or other authority figure will demand to know why it’s not cleaner, and the child says that they can’t do it.

the support that they need might be things like more storage areas, open storage, labeled storage, help breaking ‘clean your room’ into more manageable steps, a discussion about what level of cleanliness is realistic and sustainable for them, a discussion of what parts of ‘clean room’ matter to them, etc. but some common forms of ‘help’ are:

obviously all of these are unhelpful, if not super damaging, and they don’t do anything to help the child keep their room clean. they do, however, make the child afraid of asking for help in the future, and teaches them that no one will help them, and teaches them to be ashamed of even their best efforts.

i’ve thought before that the best illustration of the ‘help’ that neurodiverse kids get is the ‘fold in the cheese’ scene from schitt’s creek. you’re trying to do what you’ve been asked to do, but you don’t know how, and every time you ask for clarification, someone who’s clearly never had to think about it (due to inexperience in the scene, but more often due to brain differences in real life) says ‘well, you just do it, obviously,’ with increasing levels of fury in their voice. 

why closed captioning should always be provided on every video:

feel free to add on!

as always, ableism will get you blocked (:

just sensory processing disorder things:

Help, girl, my executives are dysfunctioning