I'm staying alive to spite the devil.

No, I'm not pretty

I'm not a pretty lass, I'm not perfect, petite, fanciable or sexy.

I cannot say I ever have been.ever.

I am middle aged, slightly overweight and incredibly hairy, like gorilla hairy.

I used to cry when I was fourteen at Mariah Carey's all I want for Christmas video because I knew I looked bad and for once I wanted to be beautiful.

I have suffered from long term manic depression, fibromyalgia and I have polycystic ovaries.

I have been tricked, used, laughed at and recently spat upon by complete strangers just because my ugliness offended Thier space.

I have had difficulty going out and just being allowed to live my life.

No one knows what people like me go through on a regular basis, sprouting a beard on a woman may not be attractive but it is little trouble in comparison to the pain and frustration of diseased ovaries.

Every negative pregnancy test is a kick in the teeth, not to mention the evil jibes off ordinary people and Thier kids.

Yet know this, I like many other sisters in my condition may look disgusting to you now, but looks fade my friend, one day maybe through scowling at me and others your face will become wrinkled, your beer rot your teeth, maybe all the tanning will make you older and for once in your life you will feel as bad as I do.

I will not gloat, tempting as it is, I will not make sport of your distress as you have done to me.

I have learned that looks tho important to your selfie led generation are not actually so important and if that is all you are coasting on believe me friend it's short lived because someone more pretty, vibrant and youthful is always around the corner.

Develop for yourself a beautiful soul full of love, fun, empathy, respect and joy for these are the real things in life that don't age and get "ugly"

Be these and love will not be short lived, it will cost you nothing except a little patience. May God bless you all.

It's great to see you

How nice to see you

Welcome in!

Of course you are blacked ,smudged with sin

Not like me of course

I'm here every week

If they need helpers- yeah tho it's forced

It's me they seek

Welcome to you (customary shake of hand )

You look blue I'll try to understand

So long as you don't take up

All my time

With your life's story

Each sigh and each whine

Sitting in a foyer

God bless thee

The everlasting annoyer

(Hope my husband rescues me)

Polite careful words

Well practiced smile

Hopefully I'll be noticed

Maybe it'll be worth my while

Hope that it's sanitary

The face I just kissed

Say don't leave it so long next time

Like "they"will be missed

Pat them on the back

Say the expected prayer

Maybe God will help you love those

You wish were never there

A happy Christmas?

Tis the season

That's why it's hard

Seems there's more blank space

On the customary card

When I am built up well

I will fall beneath

Yeah this is hell

A kick in the teeth

Snow will cover some of this land

Like the excuses to cover

What I don't understand

In the shopping mall

Twinkle lights ads bright

I find it harder to get through the night

Money spent up for the rich

For the poor is this lesson

Ain't life a witch?

Its called depression

Jingly Christmas song

stuck in my brain

Feeling I don't belong

Again and again

For some smiles and family

Others loneliness and pain

Sadness versus merry

Blessings versus blame

To some who waited a full year

To enjoy a special day

For others just tears

I wish it would all just go away

Void

I don't want to talk

I don't want to eat

I don't want a "comforting" hot drink

Keep your words unspoken

Take your well meaning looks some place else

No I don't want a doctor

I don't want to pray about it

Or drink

Or get high

I don't want to think

I don't want to brush my teeth

I just want to be alone

The den

I'm going to tell you a story

It's about three men

They are alive still today

In a lions den

They are young knowing little of each other, had questionable mothers

But all of them are precious

Each is my brother

Their legacies are not unique

Yet each one is a mess

If you want a name I cannot on here say

So they are J, D and S

J is really depressed many times has he moved,

His life is not over by far, he's covered in scars and desperately needs to be loved.

I don't know much about D his uncle is a bit of a chancer

Ok it's a poor flavour to rhyme but he has no time

At just twenty with terminal cancer

S I know best he's a lovable mess

Subject to family scorn

A life of drugs fitting in with thugs and craving satisfaction through porn

These are men not bold, defiantly not old just spanning three generations

Yet my friend each of these men are the backbone of our nation

I can't state anymore clearly that I love these guys dearly

With all that they have been through

And I know past their surface that they have much more purpose

And that they are loved also by you

She's a blurry

She hates me so and I hate her too

She stands in my place before I know what to do

She is a slanderer and a hypocrite

Often she's a whore

I'm sick of her manipulation

Can't take it anymore

She makes off with my good intentions

Replacing them with lies

She's happy with my chaos

Loves it when I'm despised

In my life she's a bully

Leaves my whole being sullied

She spends my wealth and my mental health

Her whole goal is to ruin my soul

And I hate her I hate her so much

Together since I was small

She took and took needed it all

Blinded me so I could no longer see

No voice left to shout

"I need your help to take her out"

Her name is namy and she lives in me.

Twenty one pilots zox thank you Leola😍

UK government manages to ruin Christmas in may.

Sincerely, fear

I was always with you

I knew you from the start

Your mother as she carried you

Carried me also in her heart

When you got up on rubbery legs

I held you back down

I reminded you of my brother pain

No fun to be around

As your small hand gripped a pen

I'd often make you chilly

Even now, what you write down is probably just silly.

I was with you in the mirror at the reflection you examine

I said," your fat!"

Remember that? How you starved yourself past famine

Remember how I reminded you before you gave away your name

I said, " you have had one , probably will have many, now every one thinks you're game"

Remember through all the bleeding as you tried to carry a child

I told you this, I told you that, I drove you almost wild.

I tell you through all the tears every time you are crying

"you stupid sod, there is no God you would be better off just dying"

I speak to you through whispers and I deafen you with shouts

If you are in you will only sin

But woe and betide if you go out

I'll echo through your body when prayer and healing you crave

I'll say,"no one's there, would He even care-i bet your not even saved"

I hate it when you take a chance,

Take it from me in advance

That on this scale you will only fail

Be it in faith, work or romance.

I'll come to you by your children, by your marriage, or through a brother

I'll leave you there feeling scared

That you suck as a person, wife or mother.

I'll use clear situations, I may even be disguised

What ever the place, leave my look on your face

And your being paralysed.

Try to trip away with courage, have yourself a beer!

Just try to learn that I will return

I'll be here.

Sincerely, fear.

The divide

Trip to town it's Saturday night

Hustle bustle the odd fight

The music pumps from here and there

Security at each door

Tension in the air

It's cold out starting to rain

Town in the dark just don't look the same

The glittering pavements reflect bouncing lights

Exited crowds enjoying the night

Bare legs, bare arms chips on the floor

Man in a blanket huddled at the door

He's just out for the night but not by choice

The evens excitement swallows his voice

While in the busy public houses people gamble and dance

Out here in the cold there's hardly a chance

He quietly watches bouncers turn drunks away

They feel it once he feels it all day

People waiting for taxis are feeling bitter

Take bare notice of the cold damp sitter

Looking for a great night chance to flirt

Guy out there begging hoping he won't get hurt

While the tinseled town sparkles the blemishes she can't hide

Each man and woman at the wrong end of the divide

Happy birthday to Tyler Joseph🌼