osha compliant blowjob

I need everyone to know that the ship Götheborg, the world's largest ocean-going wooden sailing ship, answered a distress call the other day.

Imagine waiting for the coast guard or whatever to show up and instead a replica of 18th century merchant ship pulls up and tows you to the coast.

pov: you’ve been transported to the 17th century

#in the article it says that the sailboat sailors were concerned because they could not be towed quickly because of the kind of boat#so they asked Götheborg what type of ship they were and warned that they would not be able to go above a certain speed#and götheborg went ' we are also a sailboat. 50 meters length. no worries :) '#and the poor sailboat sailors were just like ' That's not possible. they have to be messing with us' and then the ship Rolled Up (via bunjywunjy)

I'm crying. Here's a photo of a sailor from the Götheborg watching over the little sailboat in tow:

From the story:

"Our destinies were linked for very long hours" is just knocking me out.

wizards thinking of clerics as hacks cause we spent years of study learning the secrets of the universe they cheated and got a god to do their magic for them

clerics thinking of wizards as hacks cause we spent years serving and cultivating a deeply personal relationship with a god they copied down some cheat codes to make stuff blow up

And sorcerers are like "no wait, hold on. This is basically a curse. I've been *experiencing* magic against my will since I was born and it's hurt a lot of people."

... and then everyone glares at the warlock in the corner. Their response: "Yeah, no. That's fair. I blew Cthulhu in the parking lot behind the McDonald's and now I can do magic. Best deal ever. You all can (and should) suck it."

Then the bard is like, "Anyway, here's Wonderwall."

has anyone heard of Cozy in bed…lifechanging

has anyone experienced Alarm goes off. devastating

Say no more

More crossbreeding variations!! This time’s with Riolu. You can get these pups by breeding a female Lucario with the father mons listed in the brackets. I used a superheroes/villains theme for a lot of these designs, so I had to come up with cheesy names to go with them haha. 

Again, i’d love to hear which one of these you would adopt! ^Q^

GLaDOS: I spent some time researching common human insecurities so I might better insult you. I've discovered that physical insecurities often manifest due to feelings of envy stemming from comparing oneself to others.

GLaDOS: There are no other humans in this facility. Just you. Therefore, you lack a source of envy of which would trigger the feelings of insecurity in your tiny simple human brain.

GLaDOS: A shame, isn't it? I thought so too. Which is why I've taken it upon myself to artificially create a humanoid body for myself so that you'll have someone to envy. A female figure who is taller than you, more mature than you and has larger breasts than you. Gaze upon my new form of perfection and shrink away in your envy. You'll never achieve this level of perfectio- why are you smiling at me like that. Stop it.

ive attracted the attention of a very small orchard

Fun fact: Cheetahs only attack prey that runs

jesus that is good to know.

Yup, that’s the point you just stay still and let it do whatever the fuck it wants that doesn’t involved you getting eaten. 

REALLY FUN FACT for big cats cheetahs are fucking docile as shit

my grandfather ran a cheetah sanctuary in south africa and he’d just lie with them and sleep among them and they’d rub against him and chirp at him they’re big fucking babies

Another Fun Fact: Cheetahs are incredibly nervous animals. One of the (many) reason’s they’re going extinct is that cheetahs are so sensitive and nervous, some of them are literally too nervous to breed. Others will breed, but stress themselves out so much, they’ll lose their cubs. So zoos with breeding programs had to figure out how to make cheetahs comfortable enough to first of all, get laid and secondly - not spazz themselves into miscarrying. So what’d they do? They gave the cheetah’s their very own Service Dogs! The dogs make them feel safe, protected and secure!

AJHHHHFDDGHH SO PRECIOUS

this post just got so much better

THIS IS OFFICIALLY MY FAVOURITE POST

this is emmett and cullen they are best friends

This is the greatest thing I’ve seen all day.

Dogs are truly angels.

so THATS why these cheetah ft dogo pics exist

the anxiety cat

Also! Cheetahs are not in fact classified as big cats, they are simply very large lesser cats, due to the fact that they purr, meow, chirp, and cannot roar. Also many cheetahs have learned to recognize wildlife photographers are friends and not foes, so they will just come up to people and be friendly occasionally as pictured at the top of the chain. Some will even leave their Cubs with photographers to look after while they hunt. So. Yeah. Cheetahs are great

this works because cheetahs are actually fairly social animals, and they look to members of their group for context on how worried they should be about any given Situation. but since cheetahs are also nervous social animals, they can work each other into an anxiety spiral pretty easily over things like “being in an enclosed habitat” and “there’s a guy over there”.

so by introducing a dog as a member of the group, the cheetahs will now look to the dog for context clues on how worried they should be! and the dog Is Not Worried At All, Thanks, so the cheetahs think everything must be chill even if they were personally unsure about it, and they stop being so freaked out about literally everything.

Cheetah: oh god what’s going on how are we feeling weird spotless cheetah

Dog: :) fine, thanks

Cheetah: :) oh, okay

The first one was already funny but the second made me crack up :D

i figured it out

AUDIO! ON!

they are casting a level 7 Healing spell

yeah you keep tellin yourselves that

@pigeonperch I’ve been thinking abt your tags ever since I saw them and You’re So Right

then you have the mercs being like “i love my job” while getting killed by 7 other classes and wearing a gibus 

tf2 heritage post

Theres a fuckin duende in my house

bro i fucking hate living next to a fucking tavern they always have the worst fucking singers performing on saturdays

my life is a joke i live 2 minutes from a castle in one direction and the old town market in the other. you can see remnants of the old walls in part of the town, our library used to be the medieval townhall. we have a 500 y/o fairy tree overlooking the entire valley. and i dont even have any elves to fuck

fucking GET YUO

Dear food canning companies:

If your cans are not stackable, I am willing corporate death upon you 💜

So true

SOOOO TRUE

I fucking love being a text source for blackout poetry

Soooo fucking true, i do