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VENDETTA

@vttanon / vttanon.tumblr.com

18 ☆ they/he/she ☆ genderqueer lesbian ☆ based in the twin cities ☆ pro gift-economy ☆ hellenic polytheist ☆ adherent to the xenia law ☆ religious studies student ☆ @vttanon on instagram
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vttanon

☆ pinned post (abt me) ☆

salutations!

i've noticed more and more people putting pertinent info about themselves in pinned posts rather than about me pages and so, in true conformist fashion, i figured i'd do the same.

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☆ you can call me vendetta or v, or make something up i don't really care as long as yr nice about it

☆ i am 18

☆ they/he/she

☆ genderqueer lesbian

☆ hellenic polytheist

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i started this blog to promote my zines, but since then it's grown beyond that-- along with my zines and art, i post a lot of writing (mostly prose and mostly queer) as well as a lot of photos/ graphics i find around the internet.

☆☆☆ things i mostly post about: -> my experience as a queer/ trans dyke -> musings on queer theory and gender theory -> punk culture (especially queer core and riot grrrl) -> feminist, punk, and queer history -> my art & creative writing -> queer solidarity -> literature -> religions (especially victorian era occultism, the hellenistic age, and christian mysticism)

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i do not care who interacts with my blog-- if i find someone truly tedious i will block them. that being said, this blog is a safe space for:

-> trans people -> queers -> transmasc lesbians -> transfem lesbians -> lesbians on t -> he/him lesbians -> transfem butches -> all lesbians (i love you) -> gender hackers, gender pirates, gender outlaws -> theory readers -> theists -> atheists -> punks

interact at your own risk. i don't use tone tags and rarely use content warnings, but i will give content warnings for:

-> graphic descriptions of suicide -> graphic descriptions of self-harm -> eating disorder/ weight talk (i try to block all accounts that talk about this but if, for some reason, it ever comes up i will give a content warning) -> graphic descriptions of abuse -> flashes/ strobes

i will not give content warnings for: -> artistic gore (i do post some body horror literary content and artistic gore art i find on the internet) -> vague/ non-graphic references to violence, nudity, or otherwise nsfw content.

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☆☆☆ my links ☆☆☆ ☆ instagram ☆ zine fest catalogue ☆ google drive folder of queer theory/ literature pdfs ☆ riot grrrl archive ☆ twitter archive of literature quotes ☆ tumblr desktop page (organised links to specific posts) ☆ digital PDFs of my zines (in case u can't receive queer mail/ don't have an address) ☆ linktree with other things from me + charities to support

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my dms are always open, as are my asks! if email works better, mine is lttrs2vtta@gmail.com

χαἰρετε! - VTTA (Vendetta)

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#vendetta#vtta#vtta about#punk#punk rock#riot grrrl#queer#genderqueer#trans#transneutral#transgender#lgbtq#lgbt#zine#zine culture
vttanon
strange-aeons
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ohfolie

hey sorry we put your good friend jonathan harker in a time loop. yeah he’s about to leave for his business trip again. but at least he’ll send you emails

vttanon
repunknant
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repunknant

I just want to put it out there whether it means something or not. I am not going anywhere. I refuse to go anywhere and I refuse to go back in the closet in anyway. I am so sick of coward queers, because yes it's scary, it's dangerous, every trans person has been affected by all of the bullshit laws they've been passing/trying to pass, but submitting or leaving the country is literally what they want from us. They want us to stop existing, that's the whole fucking point and everyone is just making it easier for them. I'm sick of bullshit online performative "activism" why does no one realize you actually have to physically fucking do something. The only way things will change is if we stand strong, if we say "fuck you I'm trans anyways." and fucking unite and take to the streets. I refuse to lose another generation of queers, I refuse to not at least fucking try to make things better, I refuse to let future queer/trans kids and present queer/trans kids down, and a lot of my own community needs to wake the fuck up and do something. You need to think more than about yourself in this situation, again I fucking know it's scary and dangerous, but doing nothing just means things are going to get worse. Fuckin protest, organize, find your local civil rights group, I'll fuckin help you if you need it I'm just so sick of people doing nothing or thinking they can't do anything when they damn well can.

vttanon
vaspider
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isa-ah

am i insane or should masks be mandated for hospitals as a permanent installation. a forever institution. always. covid is an irrelevant factor when hospitals are always full of both very sick and very immunocompromised people..?

vttanon

last year on trans day of visibility i rambled on here about what it was like to live translucently, in the liminality of being out to oneself but not exactly out to the world. a lot has changed since then, and a lot hasn't.

last year i wrote "i have come so far from where i used to be, but it gets exhausting. because when you stop hating yourself and start hating the world, there’s a whole lot less you can do about it." i was hurting, then, as i had just started to tell my closest friends about my shifting identity, and they didn't yet fully see me. i understand now that these things take time, but that my pain also was justified. things have gotten a lot better since then-- my best friend wished me a happy TDOV and i have found a support system in a couple friends and teachers who i can relate to in my liminality and queerness.

by recommendation of my english teacher, i read paul b preciado's book, "testo junkie," and reading that text truly was a pivotal moment for me. i felt, as i continue to feel, seen by preciado and by the gender anarchy he embodies. since reading that book i have begun to turn more and more to literature in order to feel seen. through preciado and beauvoir and butler i am learning the words that i have needed to tell my story. i'm making up words, too. i've written a lot of autotheory this year that has allowed me to create for myself a space in the world. i have found language, which has always felt oppressing, to be empowering as i learn to wield it more deftly.

in coming into my identity as a stone butch, in addition to allowing myself to live in the word "trans," i have begun to slowly transform into a version of myself that feels honest to put forth into the world. i got my hair cut professionally for the first time in years, i got a beautiful tattoo done for my birthday, i pierced my septum and have started writing and reading relentlessly. i am writing the theory i wish had been around for me to read this day last year. i am doing the research that i have always sought out to no avail.

do i feel visible? have i succeeded in becoming opaque? i don't think so, not yet. i still am writing this here, anonymously, instead of posting it to instagram where it is attached to my face and my person. i still feel like an impostor, unworthy of claiming a trans identity despite knowing that is what's right. i'm getting there, but it hasn't happened yet, and i'm not sure if it ever will. in many respects, i am in the same place i was last year.

i have stopped hating the world, even though the world has hurt me. this is what has changed. i have fallen in love with the world and its people through the books i've read and the people who have welcomed me into their communities with open arms. i have fallen in love with the world through june henry, ezra furman, laura jane grace, ezra michel, genesis p-orridge, antonio de erauso, judith butler, paul b preciado, yannik thiem, chris letissier, through my english teacher, my tattoo artist, my dyke friends on twitter who trans both ways, my trans friends who have loved me and seen me without my even having to ask, through every trans writer and artist and musician and lover and friend in the entire world. i have seen too much beauty and compassion in this world to hate it, and so, although i am still translucent, i am less bitter. i have found a community that accepts my translucence and that has protected me this year, in the ways that i needed, even if those ways differed from theirs. i have found safety and power in the world that i claimed to hate this day last year. i have found love here.

in my translucence i want to tell you, my trans siblings who i love with all i am, that i will never stop fighting for our joy. all of the research i do is for us-- all of my writing and theorizing and organizing and vandalizing and creating is for us. someday, i will be visible and when that day comes i will hug you all so tightly, but until then, i will become corporeal through my words, and for me, that is enough.

i love you always and forever,

#tdov#trans day of visibility#trans day of liberation#queer#trans#genderqueer#transmasc#gnc#vtta
vttanon
random-conspiracy
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luulapants

Story time:

In middle school biology, we did an experiment. We were given yams, which we would sprout in cups of water. We then had to make hypotheses about how the yams would grow, based on descriptions of yam plants in our books, and make notes of our observations as they grew.

Here’s what was supposed to happen: we were supposed to see that the actual growth of the plant did not resemble our hypotheses. We were then supposed to figure out that these were, in fact, sweet potatoes.

What actually happened was that every single student in every single class lied in their notes so that their observations perfectly matched their hypotheses. See, everyone assumed the mismatch meant they had done something wrong in the process of growing the plant or that they had misunderstood the dichotomous key or the plant identification terminology. And, thanks to the wonders of a public school education, everyone assumed the wrong results would get us a failing grade. We were trying to pass. We didn’t want to get bitched out by the teacher. Curiosity, learning, science - that had nothing to do with why we were sitting in that classroom. So we all lied.

The teacher was furious. She tried to fail every student, but the administration stepped in and told her she wasn’t allowed to because a 100% fail rate is recognized as a failure of the teacher, not the class. It wasn’t even her fault, really, though her being a notorious hard-ass didn’t help. It was a failure of the entire educational system.

So whenever I see crap like Elizabeth Holmes’s blood test scam or pharmaceutical trials which are unable to be replicated or industry-funded research that reaches wildly unscientific conclusions, I just remember those fucking sweet potatoes. I remember that curiosity dies when people are just trying to give their superiors the “right” answers, so they can get the grade, get the job, get the paycheck. It’s not about truth when it’s about paying rent. There’s no scientific integrity if you can’t control for human desperation.

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msaprildaniels

There’s no scientific integrity if you can’t control for human desperation.

vttanon
olreid
“As long as we, as trans people or gender different people, continue to subscribe to the psychiatric model in any regard, we put ourselves at risk, and we put other people at risk. It’s not enough to get our identities out of the DSM, because somebody else’s identity is in there. It doesn’t say in the DSM anywhere “young, black men’s anger syndrome,” but it might as well. There are a disproportionate number of young black men diagnosed with schizophrenia. Soon it may not say “gender identity disorder,” but it will say “anger disorders,” “oppositional defiance disorder,” “anxiety disorder.” They might as well call those “people who have been oppressed disorders.” And that includes us as trans people. So, it’s not enough to just take our identities out of the DSM, and it’s not enough to have this psychiatric model that we tweak. It’s a model that we need to get rid of, and we need to get rid of it precisely because, at the heart of that model is this idea of mental illness – mental illness that you cannot find in the brain if you do an autopsy.”

— Ambrose Kirby, Trans Jeopardy /Trans Resistance: Shaindl Diamond Interviews Ambrose Kirby (via angstravaganza)

vttanon

yeah so what we're not gonna do is reblog my shit with ur rancid ahistorical terf perversions of lesbian history k??? and u are absolutely not gonna tag my shit with terf summoning tags and use my posts to find more transphobic pieces of shit to circlejerk with.

just to be crystal fucking clear i am a genderqueer dyke and all of the art, writing, and research i do (a lot of which i post on this blog) is done as an act of devotion to my community. transphobia and terfdom is not and never ever fucking will be tolerated on this page.

also, just btw, trans-exclusionary feminism is the least radical feminist position you can take.

xx,

VTTA

#radfem#terf#radical feminism#genderqueer#lesbian#also i blocked this person just to be clear#vtta
vttanon

"I love you for all your most perfect qualities, yes, but more than that, I love you for all you have ever believed was unlovable."

With this, she put down the hair scissors and leaned down to kiss her sweetie, who smelled of shoe polish and tobacco. Every point at which the two of them met, skin to skin, hand to shoulder, hand to hand, lips to lips, burned warm with the tenderest electricity.

The world had done a cruel thing when it decided to tell butches that they were abominable creatures, because how could someone with a touch so gentle and a love so strong be an abomination? She rested her chin on the top of her sweetie's head and watched the two of them together in the mirror. She thought they were the most beautiful picture they had ever seen.

#lesbian#lesbians#butch#femme#butchfemme#butch4butch#vtta