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Voltronimus Prime

@voltronimus-prime

I reblog what's interesting and occasionally comment. I love Gundam, Transformers, RWBY, Marvel, DC, and more. Pro all LGBT+. Feel free to message me but I may forget to respond. Please let me know if I reblog from a bigot or something, sometimes when I'm tired I don't realize they're bad.

The devil walks into your work on a Thursday.

“Hi,” you say, “welcome to McDonalds.”

The devil clops up to the register, red eyes sliding from the cartoonish picture of Grimace, to the Coca Cola drying in the grout, to the ketchup stain on your pale blue button down.

“What can I get started for you today,” you prod when he continues to stare.

“Uh,” he says. “I came for your soul?”

Your smile slips for a moment before you can pin it back in place. Thank goodness your manager is on their lunch. “We don’t sell that, I’m sorry. Have you tried a Big Mac?”

“I know McDonald’s doesn’t sell souls,” the devil says. “Your parents sold your soul. Before you were born.”

“Oh,” you say. That would explain…a lot, actually. “Well. I’m at work, so…can you collect later?”

“I’m owed your soul on your 18th birthday,” he says.

“It’s my birthday today?” You glance at the register. “Wow. I forgot.”

“That is so fucking sad,” the devil says. He punched the bridge if his nose. “When is your shift over?”

“3am.”

Jesus,” the devil says. He turns on his hoof. “I’m going to go buy you a cake or something.”

“Wow,” you say. You press a hand over your heart. “That—that actually would make my week.”

“And that’s sad,” the devil calls over his shoulder. “See you at 3!”

Now you have a reason to look forward to getting off work.

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2:30 am rolled in at such a snails pace, but you kept that plastered mask on the whole night.

You had to deal with a rainbow of people all day. From rich kids looking down on you to that poor homeless guy that comes by asking for your stale fries.

Your boss had watched over you and your coworkers and have scolded you a few dozen times for not upselling, or even appeasing the Karen at max volume.

But now you were doing the one thing no one in a McDonald's would dare do. You cleaned the mc flurry machine. A rare sight to see and probably the only working one in town.

You hear the chime, the chime of dread, your stomach drops, and you fix that mask turning to face the next customer.

Only to internally sigh in relief. Oh good, its just the Devil.

He walks in with what appears to be a medium sized box. He still looked as disgruntled as before. Maybe even more so as he looks around the dingy Mc Donald's.

"Welcome back! You're early!"

"Is... that.. a working mc flurry mechine?" He answers instead looking over you. You nod with perhaps a hint of pride.

"Yes Sir! Just cleaned it. Would you like one?" You can see him staring into your soul. Which, you suppose is his soul now.

"No. Just.. be done already."

You nod to him watching him clop over to a table setting the box down. Huh... your soul is now his? You didn't have time to think about that.

Your manager pops their head out from the back. "Hey. Josh said he's gonna be late. Need you to...." you glance over to see your manager staring at the gargantuan devil sitting there. He looks back causing your manager to freeze in horror. You never seen them so pale.

"Your employee quits as of this moment. Figure out your own issues. Leave." He said with menacing eyes that flash. Your manager turns around and books it to the back, possibly to pray for forgiveness.

You take that as your cue to clock out. You offer a goodbye to your boss but they won't have any of it.

The devil watches you slip from out behind the counter now with even more distain. Your pants look... questionable.

"How often do you even do laundry?"

"If I can have a day off that doesn't involve driving my younger siblings to and from their music classes and tutors."

The devil stares in disgust now understanding what your parents did.

They sold their first born and invested in the younger siblings.

And they say the devil is the worst..

"Just... damnit just sit down."

You do as he sets out two golden plates opening up the box to reveal a professionally made cake with a black marble icing and gold flakes. Set on top are black candles that's wax looks to shimmer like a dark rainbow. The flames flicker and crackle shifting from one color to another. Its beautiful.

You don't know what you were expecting. You almost expected a cheap sheet cake from the store down the street.

"... happy birthday... make a wish I guess... blow out your candle..."

You smile, you make the same wish you made every year. "I wish for a pet." You don't say it out loud. It was out of habit even though you know it won't come true. Least you now understand why.

You blow out the candle and it gives off a sigh like a ghost had escaped your lips.

You watch this soft glowing whisp floats around you while the devil cuts you a piece of cake. You only look back when you hear your fork be set next to your plate.

"Thank you.. its a lovely cake."

He brushes it off. "Just.. eat."

You enjoy your cake as he watches. After a moment he speaks.

"Your parents sold your soul to me."

"Mmhmm.."

"Meaning you belong to me."

"Mmm"

"In hell."

When you clear your mouth you reply. "So, what will I be? Burning punished for all eternity? Slave labor? Dealing with karens?"

He stares at you not sure if he should feel impressed or bothered by the fact you just don't seem that fazed.

"Souls sold to me become whatever I feel like them being. You..." he stares at you as you enjoy more of your cake.

"Your not even fazed by the fact your going to hell."

You shake your head. Simply enjoying the sinfully delicious cake.

"You could be tasked with cleaning up hell hound shit."

"Oh! This mean I can see hells good bois??"

"...... you could be handing out toys for orgys...?"

"Sounds like they be having fun."

"Cleaning up torture chambers?"

"Have you seen the bathrooms?"

The devil takes a breath to compose himself. Mortals these days... whats the point of hell when theres a worse one on earth?

When your full he closes the box, the plate and fork vanish.

"Come with me"

You oblige following him out of the McDonald's.

He doesn't even bother asking about if you have a car. He already knew that answer.

"Your going to be one of my messengers to the other realms."

You blink looking up at him.

"Really? Nothing nasty like the ones you mentioned?"

"Look kid, if you can keep a straight face serving me, practically live like your in hell, and still be the only few willing to keep a mc flurry working.. I'd rather you go deliver things to and from hell to like... I dont know anubis or Hades."

You follow along your little whisp still dancing around you.

"Okay... one more question..."

He sighs "what?"

"Can I pet a hell hound?"

"....... yes.... yes you can pet a hell hound."

When I think about American attitudes to parenting there's something that always comes to mind, but I don't know whether it's a real thing. All my life in American films and TV I've heard child characters addressing their dads as "sir" or being told off for not doing so.

Is that really a commonplace thing in American families, or is it just a shorthand way of showing that the character is a shitty dad?

There's still time to increase the sample size!

It's more outdated than anything, hence why these days it'd be a red flag

Or maybe it's a republican thing these days idk

my uncle was in the navy and he made all his kids call him sir

Option one and option three are functionally the same.

i've seen this . first-hand. on discord voice chat. friend called his parents ma'am and sir. i very carefully asked him if he lived in a group home type thing, like, foster care. we're not super close and haven't talked in a bit so idk if his parents are shitty or not

my dad still calls his parents 'u', which is the dutch formal you, that apparently went mostly out of fashion here in the 70s, but they were not living here at the time. my mom says 'jij" to hers i think. currently formal you is something i use to cashiers and other people i'm interacting with in purely short and professional fashion, and sometimes teachers (used to be always teachers but i'm an adult now so i'm just sorta,, alternating)

the last part is for context on what formal you means in dutch context, since formal yous have various meanings/uses in different countries

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So I love the fics of the Batfam finding out Jason is alive and has been alive for a while through the most random circumstances, but what if he got back to Gotham a bit saner and decided to just... see how long it took his family to notice him?

Like food goes missing from the kitchen and Alfred can't figure it out for the life of him until he catches Jason raiding the fridge at two am.

Tim sees Jason sneaking around the manor and just assumes he's hallucinating again.

Bruce notices things around the cave have been moved or are missing and scolds Dick and Tim, who keep denying it was them.

Dick finds the Discowing suit laid out for him everywhere he goes.

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Damian: Father, who is the man who keeps sneaking through the house? He is impressively trained, has this been a test?

Batman: There shouldn’t be anyone sneaking through the house, where did you last see him? *begins to check the cameras*

Damian: In the library eating a sandwich, he won’t be on the cameras, he’s already looped the feed for today.

Batman: For today?

Damian: I have happened upon him a few times, but didn’t deem it important to engage in conversation. He also hasn’t caused any harm to the premises, but he has been taking out Grayson’s first Nightwing costume regularly to post through the house.

Batman: Taking out Dick’s first… how long has this been happening?

Damian: About six months I believe?

Batman: And you didn’t tell me sooner?!

Damian: I assumed you already knew he was here. But seeing as you berated Drake on tampering with the Batmobile systems after I saw this man changing out the tires, it appears that you do not.

Batman: The tires… ?! Jason!

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literally it's so easy to be happy online. delete your tiktok and your twitter and instagram. now look at this picture.

what a lovely smile, right? feels better, right? you're welcome.

really love the idea of Amity Park residents all being bloggers.

Remember how everyone from 2012-2016 ish had a blog? Yeah, that but it's 2020-ish now and for some reason, it has only caught on in Amity Park now.

Paulina's got a makeup blog but it's riddled with anecdotes about how hard it is to shop due to attacks. Dash's sports blog mentions ghosthunting as a good exercise. Wes' conspiratory blog actually has no difference. Valerie's blog about corporations and unsafe building practices discusses how building on burial grounds is Bad™. Tucker's tech blog provides tips on anti-ghost possession.

and like, a conspiracy starts to form about some huge unfiction project connecting these random blogs that just so happen to have overlap every time an "attack" occurs. The only firm connection is the casual references to Amity Park as their hometown.

People begin to frantically try to find a connecting blog whenever a new name pops up and, sure enough, there's another "Amity Park" blogger with completely normal advice with an occasional allusion to ghost attacks.

Combined with the headcanon that Amity Park just doesn't exist on the maps, I think it'd be glorious. There'll be Redditors praising the level of photoshop and others rolling their eyes at how "unbelievable" it is.

(added thing, I'd so love it if they were all held on Geocity-level websites. Spinning gifs, bad text colors on a colorful background, and awful transparent pngs)

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op what if they connect all of their blogs in webrings for peak vibes

All of the A lister blogs link together. The trio links their blogs and also connect to Val and Jazz's blogs (Jazz writes armchair psychology and some very concerning bits about the effects of longterm violence that sounds a lot like living in an active warzone. At no point does she ever indicate that this is unusual for a small town in the midwest). The Fentonworks website isn't part of the webring, but Vlad links it one time from the Dalv Co website. The school staff has a webring.

There's an overall Amity Park link page that looks like a government website from the early 90s because the town has actually maintained their own servers which is why they didn't go down with geocities, but none of the blogs link back to it so the directory only gets found when someone tries to hack their servers for a joke

The blogs go interdimensional each time the portal opens, so every so often different universes randomly get a bunch of updates all at once.

Amity Park doesn't just not exist, in some places there's not even a state called Illinois.

Ok but like, it’s also throughout time, hence the time travel. But what if it goes back in time too, like imagine, the internet is created, but there’s already websites there.

Like full on blogs, but they’re dated in the future. So they delete them, but new ones intermittently pop up, eventually they just leave them. So people looking really into it would see future ones that maybe the amity Parker’s wouldn’t be able to see. Idk, I just think it’d be funny. And it would further convince people that it’s fake

WHAT IF THE GHOST BLOGS ARE WHAT CAUSES JACK AND MADDIE TO MOVE TO AMITY???

the hilarious thing about Danny moving to Gotham before it became Gotham TM is that, if you think about it, crime rate aside, Gotham's brand of villainy was fairly...normal. The early years of the Batman were spent fighting the mob, after all. And the sudden bam! weirdly themed rogues, killer clowns, lady with a plant body, condiment king—

You think Danny just sat down at some point and was like "is it me???? did I bring the weirdness to Gotham??????"

New headcanon that the whole family carries on their own versions of the Brucie Wayne persona in order to keep up appearances, giving the whole family a reputation of a bunch of beautiful idiots. Everyone EXCEPT Damian. He understands the necessary evil of it, but he can't. He can't do it y'all it's beneath him.

So this child, who is known among the other children at his school to talk like he swallowed a dictionary and get into screaming matches with his history teachers, gets the title of The Wayne Family's Single Brain Cell. This is furthered by the fact that every time he's seen in public he has an exhausted expression on his face like

He becomes a localized meme. The Baby Wayne, fighting for his life every day against his family of well meaning morons.

I don't think I've ever seen a murder ever so thoroughly committed online before as by a man who reports only on men's fashion.

There's hate, and then there's "I called your tailor and interrogated him on his process to prove that your suit is not bespoke" hate.

whole thread is wonderful, but personally I love this related tweet:

this is everything I aspire to be

Cleo helping Frankie out with social cues they haven’t come across yet because once upon a time she was a freshly embalmed mummy brought to life and she still can’t really read a room but she’s trying and she knows they are too so she just teaches them the popular response to key phrases in social situations and then completely tears down the entire lesson because Frankie should get to speak their many combined minds and decide for themselves outside of social rules and boundaries

Cleo at her eyeball, at the end of the episode: “I mean I COULD show them all my ghoul tricks to making small talk and looking like you’re owning a room even when you have no idea what’s going on."

Cleo: "Yes, acting perfect doesn’t come as naturally to those of us not named heir apparent and NEFERA, buuuuuut I’ve still got centuries of experience figuring it out! I could totes let Frankie in on my color-coded binder of small remarks to fill awkward silences. They’re, like, SCARY smart, they’d pick it up in a ZAP!”

Cleo: “I could teach Frankie how to mask the strange way their wonderful, amazing, beautiful brain works…”

Cleo:

Cleo, grinning:BUT  I SHRIEKING  WON’T!!!!”

Cleo: “Oh oh, you have GOT to hear their little rant on this law thing that happens ages ago. I have no idea what they’re talking about, but their grin when they mime being in a court room is So. Cute!”

I feel like the DP fandom and especially the DPxDC fandom are sleeping on the idea of astronaut Danny, especially retired astronaut Danny.

Being able to turn intangible is a very valuable skill for a scientific endeavors and exploration, especially when it allows you to get inside a complex machine and see where the faults are.

And if turning intangible means he doesn't interact with air, that means he's not experiencing air pressure, aka he's in a vacuum. Not dying in a vacuum is a very attractive quality to the "traveling through the vacuum of space" people.

The average astronaut career, from selection to retirement, is about 15 years, and the average retirement age is 48 years old. This is due to radiation exposure limits for missions, and I doubt that Danny would be exempt from this even if he couldn't get cancer.

As long as a premise allows Danny to be in his 40s or 50s, he can be a retired astronaut.

And being a retired astronaut makes his sudden appearance in situations even funnier because it gives other characters something to fixate on.

"Who is this random guy and why he is involved with ghosts?" → "Why is this random astronaut involved with ghosts? What does NASA have to do with ghosts?"

"Why did my summoning circle summon this guy?" → "Why did my summon circle summon this guy? Wait, he's an astronaut. Why did my summoning circle summon a retired astronaut?"

Being an D-list celebrity also gives him lots of leeway to be weird. "Why does Danny know so much about alien cultures?" "He's an astronaut." "Why is Danny weirdly good with tech?" "He's an astronaut." "Why do phones pick up a lot of static around Danny?" "Must be from all the space travel."

And... you know... it's his dream job. He deserves to be happy. Let the boy follow his dreams. Do whatever you want to him when he retires.

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@tachvintlogic and! The VITAL and VERY IMPORTANT scene of:

JLA or Somebody Else: "Why are you so full of Ghost?! Weren't you part of Nasa??!"

Danny, retired astronaut and life long troll: "Sorry to break it to you guys :T Space's Haunted."

The "moon's haunted" meme is probably a reference to him in his universe.

If he's pretty out of the public eye then someone could start the rumor that he lives up there, that he was left there on his last mission (like on the movie about the man left behind on mars)

He becomes a cryptid because he doesn't talk to reporters after he retires and it becomes a meme that if NASA doesn't like you it'll leave on the moon.

The moon is populated by disgraced ex-NASA employees

I adore this concept but I need to know if NASA and therefore potentially the US government know he’s got haunted blood or if he’s pulling absolute Clark Kent buffoonery to keep people from knowing.

  • Danny absolutely chugging energy drinks before his physical to raise his heart rate to a normal level.
  • Not sure how he’d fake out the thermometer. Maybe the crown of fire is now a tongue piercing and between the two of them the thermometer thinks he’s a normal temperature.
  • Danny listening with his ghost hearing extra hard to know when to do the reflex kick.
  • Danny is secretly the ghost in the machine doing maintenance and repairs but on the outside he smacks it twice and suddenly it’s working again.
  • Danny’s missions have a perfect record of not needing to be saved by any heroes. Ever. How weird that parasite that almost certainly sucks brains has frozen solid. And thank goodness nothing important was damaged in that asteroid field.
  • There’s a imposter who tried to kill him when he went outside the ship? He didn’t even notice he wasn’t getting oxygen anymore. Wow the readings must be off guys I got plenty of oxygen. But just in case we should fix that before anyone else goes out.

NASA knows, or at least, certain people in NASA know. They join in on gaslighting the American government.

Danny coincidentally has the meta gene, though it didn't activate, so they assume any physical oddities like being cooler are due to having ice powers. One of the lab assistants once watched him cool down his water bottle when the water got hot sitting in the sun, but since he's not using his powers for evil, they don't bring it up.

It IS marked in his file that he has heart problems due to being electrocuted when he was younger, but Star became a doctor after high school and wrote up a note stating his only difficulty is a slightly slower heart rate in exchange for a moon rock. The energy drinks are enough to get his resting heart rate up high enough that he still passes the test.

Tucker had a blast practicing reaction tests on him until he could mimic the right time and strength, secretly recording the whole thing for future blackmail material.

During Danny's this trip into space, his entire team comes into contact with an alien disease. They're quarantined immediately upon return, and more thorough blood tests are ordered on everyone. There's a large panic due to the abnormalities showing up in Danny's blood, leaving the doctors to believe that he's been infected. There's no known treatment or cure, and everyone is super sad thinking that their favourite genius himbo only has days to live.

Danny manages to finally convince the higher-ups to let him see his bloodwork (he took a few courses in university) and realises that is just his normal ecto- contamination. The micro-blob ghosts aren't visible during normal testing, only showing up when a radioactive dye is added to it, which was how he managed to hide it the first time around. Danny now has to confess to a select team of NASA executives and medical personnel exactly what's going on with him, as his only other option is to fake his own death.

Thankfully, the anti-ecto acts are enough to convince them to keep their silence. Though they were repealed when the meta protection acts were created, there are still nutjobs out there who will hunt down contaminated individuals to experiment on. NASA agrees on the plan to gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss past any abnormalities with Danny, and he in turn starts using his powers more on trips to make them go smooher.