Heyward proving that black dogs are just as cute as the rest 😊

wear a different perfume when you commit murder fuckin amateurs 

also wear shoes that aren’t your actual size and use gloves if you have to touch anything

what the hell is this here? A how-to-commit-the-perfect-crime??

Wear a wig. Contact lenses . Change your accent . Change Hand when writing . Layer up to make you look big if your small n vice versa . Contour the hell outta your face.

Get your car interior thoroughly washed, then purposely dirty it up again.

Also use an icicle for the weapon because it melts away Buy a ticket to a show and tell as many people / post it on social media that u went to the show

Y'all suspect af😂

*adds 363,462 more people to list of that I will fuck never with*

Make sure you set up a solid alibi Pay for everything in cash

Or, for those of you who’ve read Roald Dahl’s Lamb to the Slaughter, feed the murder weapon to the police

this gif ruined my life

Had this old man staring at me during my entire tube journey!

“you sure thats the right word?” “yeah im sure” “okay post it”

http://iglovequotes.net/

When I grow up I want to be Ming-Na Wen.

She’s the voice of Mulan, as if she wasn’t amazing enough.

She broke it with her fingers. Not a fist, her fingers.

Girl is 50 years old.

FIFTY. YEARS. OLD.

fun fact: When you break things with your hands like that you have t break your fingers on purpose before so that they heal stronger. So basically this woman is so badass she broke her hands just to do this. 

You asshat, you’re making it sound like she snaps her fingers in half. 

Martial artists like Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee (and yes, fucking Ming-Na Wen, that beautiful badass) will build up their bone strength by repeatedly (and fairly gently) striking sand, gravel, wood and steel - this creates tons of microfractures in their bones (smaller than even a hairline fracture) so the bones will heal over again and make the bones stronger and denser with increased deposits of calcium. 

This has to be done over long-ass periods of time, so the bones have time to heal, and none of the fractures expand into actual breaks. 

Oh, and she’s doing precise-ass kicks in HIGH HEELS. 

she kicks ass like a coursing river

Saw this post so many months ago and I still think about it from time to time lol so badass

When your lady on her period.

this got  funnier as it went

“Don’t call her a bitch but

GET YOUR BITCH SOME CHOCOLATE”

Facts 😂

There needs to be some sort of induction ceremony

This is the only comedy sketch that doesn’t make fun of women and their period. It try’s to make you relies how weird and annoying periods really are. That’s really refreshing

(via an_angry_moose)

at my funeral there is going to be a closed casket and then it will be opened to reveal that i am not inside. instead, they will turn on the ceiling fan and my lifeless body will swing around the room while the space jam theme song is playing in the background.

nevermind, my mom says i can’t do that.

guides to life

cat on bed: [sneezes] cat on floor: [jumps in surprise]

I hate intellectuals

If you know shit fuck you

Define “Know shit”

if you know anything fuck off

Didn’t you just tell yourself to fuck off tho like you know shit too

I don’t know a fucking thing my guy