he isn’t quite sure what hurts more. is it the tears or the belief that they will continue to tear one another apart?  regardless of his own pain, the sadness that had been hanging in the tension around them was suffocating.  a lesser man would have choked on it, but instead he drew a shaky breath ( it was all spite and determination ) .  tears were all but w i l l e d away from eyes, green becoming the steady promise that the tide would always come back in, instead of the uncertainty of the waves.  “no one else dies.”  the words are ones that he is willing to repeat until they become truth. 

he’s never expressed it,   the guilt  . the guilt for emily, the guilt for cassandra. neither woman he saved, but both he should have. sure, there was no predicting what happened, but he could have been    better   . again, should have. it’s then that the bow b r e a k s, and a sob seems to surprise even him. it’s roped back in, but barely as he is forced to part from him, to take a ragged breath. “  no one else dies, especially not you. i’ll keep you safe, i promise. i should have...  ” he waves his hand in a particularly hopeless manner, unsure if he’s promising him, or apologizing to the two they’d lost. “  i’ll be better, for you. you don’t have to be afraid.  ” 

ALREADY,  REGRET  SINKS  IN.     it’s  not  too  late,  she  can  back  out  now  and  pretend  this  isn’t  happening  for  a  little  while  longer.  it  takes  her  a  long  moment  of  silence,  debating  and  nodding  her  head  in  response  to  grizz’s  words.  he  has  a  point,  but  it  still  feels  more  complicated  than  he  makes  it  seem–  she’s  about  to  point  out  that  they  made  a  movie  where  maleficent  was  the  good  guy,  but  she  doesn’t  because  it’s  not  important.  she  shakes  the  thought  out  of  her  head,  and  shakes  the  fear  and  doubt  out  as  well,  turning  her  blue  eyes  to  look  at  him.     ❝    i  just–  i  think  i  might–  well,  i  know     …     eugh     …     !!     ❞     stammering  dissolves  into  a  frustrated  sound  from  deep  in  her  throat.  burying  her  face  in  her  hands.     ❝     i’m  pregnant,  grizz…     ❞

mouth falls open in surprise, and he is instantly cursing himself for allowing that reaction to the first one she is greeted with. however, calm collection allows for hand to creep across the table with purpose, fingers seeking out her own, something he’s done a thousand times. affection is given freely, threading them through her own, and passing on a reassuring squeeze. “being pregnant doesn’t make you a bad person, if that’s what you were trying to ask.”  eyes are searching her face for answers, but moreso, they are trying to make sure that she knows he put weight behind those words. they meant something, and so did she. “it’s okay, o. you’re going to be such a good mom, and we’ll make sure you’re okay. every step of the way, i promise.” 

@klaens ASKED “tell me about the future again.”

he’s always been so good with words, it’s funny how easily the question disarms him. a slight stumble in green gaze, eyes flashing with a temporary loss. mulling it over, buying himself some time, top row of pearly whites bother his bottom lip. it’s pulled into mouth a bit, distorting expression before lips are instead forced apart, making room for the weight of the sigh that is exhaled. optimism is so hard to find these days, but he’s intent on making his tragedy a work of art. “the future is the white fence, two dogs, some kids mulling around. the american dream, but not so painfully straight.”  he winces as he throws a very purposeful wrench in the plan of the conservative future. grin eventually flashes, and finally he’s buying into his own fantasy. “it doesn’t matter if we go back in the long run, because were happy no matter what fucking alternate universe we end up in, together.” 

@exguard ASKED  “i’d wait forever for you.”

leaving was no more a part of his plan than falling for luke had been. it wasn’t slow, either. the way his heart was suddenly sent off in a rhythm that was the soundtrack to their own fairy tale ending, it happened all at once. he welcomed it, and welcomed him, like coming home after waiting out in the rain for all those years. their foundation was strong enough that he didn’t need the promise of forever, but god, it sounded so good. perhaps that was why it seemed to choke him up a bit, getting lost in the words so much so that you could practically see the future forever’s he was planning, painted like the perfect finale, masterpieces lying in the fragments of his expression. “two weeks.”  he makes a promise he intends to keep. “it won’t be forever, besides...” he pauses, the casual crinkle of features telling on him a bit, betrayal in its natural, and only innocent form. “you’d miss me too much.” 

rejection is the opposite of what luke gets, and instead, he’s pulled in for another kiss. he’s so certain that his heart might explode, but in the good way. he’s kissing grizz back, and hoping that this moment would never end, holding onto him until the moment that grizz pulls back, and even then, luke feels almost like he’s floating. that maybe he would suddenly wake up, and find out that this was all some sort of a dream. it somehow felt too perfect, too easy, to simply be there with him, foreheads resting against one another.

“a lot.” and sitting there, he can’t help but laugh just a tiny bit. lately, things have felt so dark, and grizz has been the light poking through. it had been a while since luke had really felt this happy, the kind that just filled him with energy, and made him feel light. it was almost like this happiness bubbling up and out of his chest, in the form of laughter. he was so happy, he almost felt stupid.

“i really, really like you, did you know that?” he’s trying to not to smile as much, because he still feels vulnerable, and there’s still that fear of being too much. but he can’t help it, now. “and i think that maybe we should go out sometime.” voice a little bit softer, here. “if you’d be okay with that.” he didn’t want grizz to think that this might be a mistake, or left behind the moment they left the rooftop. 

this is a new high, and he never wants to forget it. he tries to remember a time he had felt this happy, and can’t recall. it’s different, it’s giddy, touching. it feels like all the emotions he’s been saving, borrowed from the lines of poetry that speaks of the greatest loves. “a lot.”  he repeats the words, unsure if it’s because he likes the way they sound on his lips, or because he wants to taste them again. a contented, breathless sort of sigh leaves him, eyes fluttering closed for a moment so that he can take a minute to pull himself together.

“no, i didn’t know that.” he admits, a quieter voice that sounds almost unsure. it’s not because he isn’t sure what he wants, it’s because he can’t believe this is happening, really happening. “but i’m starting to figure it out.”  he admits, grinning despite himself. the expression is full of joy, and happiness he has not seen since they were all trapped here. he needs this, and he needs him. if he didn’t know that before, he definitely knows it now.

“you know, i’m not sure there are very many places to go out, but anywhere with you.”  he offers, pausing for just a moment. “is definitely where i want to be, since were making things clear.” he knows he should probably move, give him some space, but he can’t. not yet, instead he holds onto it, trying to memorize the feel of him under fingertips.

his heart feels like it’s going to beat out of his chest at his words. it’s not just the quote, or the way that grizz talks about love, or the way that the moon shines in his eyes. it’s the way that he separates his name, as if luke is something else entirely. and now that luke’s thinking about it, he thinks that grizz would get his own category, as well. they’re in this in between. more than friends, but not quite. the in between is safe, it’s a way of somehow being both, but at the same time, you’re neither. and all of a sudden, luke feels so tired of that in between.

a moment of bravery. his movements are fast, simply out of the fear that the moment might slip away if he doesn’t move quickly enough. a hand to the other’s cheek, a soft kiss to his lips, and then the bravery has somehow worn off. he moves back slightly, afraid that he has someone made some giant mistake, before grizz has even really had the chance to react.

he just assumes that maybe he moved too quickly. or maybe he was wrong in his assumption based on all the little moments that had led up to this big moment. “i…” the world is moving a little bit slower now, and he feels he has to explain himself. “my heart talks a lot about you, grizz.” stealing his words, which were even someone else’s words, but he feels like it fits. “sorry, that sounded a lot better when you said it.”

not in his wildest dreams did his rambling end in this. the kiss was something that he had read about only, he had experienced that pitter patter of his heart beat only when tucked away in his own imagination. but this, this was real. almost too real, and he was struck with that when luke pulled away so quickly. too quickly, because it was a fleeting moment that he needed more of immediately. before his thinking was able to get the best of him, he followed suit.

leaning forward, it was his hand that lifted to allow thumb to brush against his cheek. it was a simple gesture, but it was full of affection, touching him as if he were the most precious thing in the world. in that moment, to grizz? he was. that hand moves, leaning despite the way ankles remain crossed, allowed for fingers to find the back of his neck and tug him gently back. his kisses him once more, this time just a touch deeper, and passion feels like it will overwhelm him any second now. unsurprisingly, he’d happily allow it to drown him, if this feeling would stay.

he doesn’t pull away properly this time, but instead leans his forehead against lukes. his eyes stay closed, for just a moment because he needs to keep this for as long as he can. “no, i think it sounded really good.”  he pauses. “what else has your heart got to say now?”

it’s a good question, and maybe luke should have an answer. he has plenty of thoughts, but suddenly, this feels so important. this whole moment feels so important. almost as if saying the wrong thing could end with grizz going back inside, and then something like this might never happen again. the small touches, the little glances. luke knows, but he can’t make himself move to do anything. the fear that maybe he’s reading this wrong, or maybe he’s just stupid, is all too overwhelming. so instead, he takes a drink.

“i don’t know.” he admits. luke loves to think as if he could have an answer for everything, but when it really comes down to it, he just tends to do what he’s told. the only thing he’s ever been good at is football. he doesn’t consider it critical thinking. “can i just jump in and save him myself? then no one has to become a swan. we can be in love, and everything’s solved.” though he doubts it’s that simple. if it was, he wouldn’t feel so stupid saying it out loud.

“what would you do? would you do the swan thing?” and he’s genuinely interested. he likes the way that grizz words things, and the emotion that always comes with what he says. he’s so jealous of his ability to string together thoughts and make them sound so… perfect? beautiful? he’s not sure. even in his own head, he can’t manage it.

to say that he didn’t feel it too was a lie. he wasn’t stupid, by any means. he did however, chalk most of that feeling up to his own want, the need for fantasy to bleed right into reality. there was also the awareness that they had both been drinking, the alcohol had to be a factor here, right? that must be why everything felt so very right between the two of them. he looked up to the sky, as if it had answers on why the stars felt so aligned. 

“no, he was in the middle of the ocean, you’d never make it back.”  he shrugs, as if he understands where luke is coming from entirely, but there are stipulations that say it can’t be quite that simple. nothing with the greeks ever was, after all. the insinuation calls his smile back though, leaning elbows on his knees, so he can cradle his own chin for a moment. 

“yeah.” he nods emphatically. clearly having through about it before. “that’s love, if you ask me. if this has taught me anything, it’s that i would do anything for my friends, the people i love, you.”  luke’s set aside on purpose, and he doesn’t really realize why that is, or how much it means. he shoots a side glance to the football player. “my heart talks about nothing but you, thomas camus. i think, if i loved someone like that, if someone loved me like that, i would do anything for them.”