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@virtual-vain

✭✭Dance Gavin Dance | Vocaloid | Moon Knight✭✭ this has not been used since i was 19 i am now 21 and coming back to it so be patient thx
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Joaquin Phoenix as Arthur Fleck in Joker, 2019. Directed by Todd Phillips

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ur local sad boi vs ur local clown daddy 

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“when i drift off, i will dream about you. it’s always you. “
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adziedoodle

crowley makes signs on pull doors say push and routinely runs face first into them

imagine if on a date with Aziraphale, Crowley tries to be all chivalrous and open the door for his husband, but instead just ends up having it out with the door because it won’t fucking cooperate

crowley, approaching what appears to be a push door on his first official date with aziraphale, muttering to himself: please work. please work. plea

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amaranthology

It’s true I have evidence on film

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cheeseanonioncrisps

Okay, but this is even funnier (and a bit angsty) when you consider that, in the Good Omens universe, angels and demons work by Discworld rules, where they can affect the world around them just through the power of belief.

And Crowley, especially, is really good at this. As well as the obvious scene where he imagines that his car isn’t burning to bits, and so it doesn’t, there are little things as well. His music system works without speakers because he forgot that it needed them. A military jeep grows a cassette player when he gets into it because he assumes that all vehicles come with music systems.

So logically, this should never happen to Crowley. Like, it can’t happen, because the laws of the universe state that if Crowley opens a door believing it to open one way then it will open that way, even if it opened the other way just a moment ago.

So the only reason this could possibly happen to him, is if his belief that the door opened one way was overshadowed by the far stronger belief that the universe at large is Out To Get Him in some fundamental way.

So, y'know, imagine Crowley struggling with a door for a full minute before Aziraphale steps in and opens it with ease.

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blue-rick24
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moonemojii

*friends car is locked*

Friend: stop pulling the handle

Me:

The disorted version is a million times funnier than the original one… i’m wheezing

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fakemichaelsheen

crowley, in the garden of eden: everything’s going to be fine. it’s just a crush

aziraphale, every century: hi, crowley

crowley: I love you

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anthonyandaziraphale
(Based on the idea from thelibrarina’s original post)

Okay guys grab some popcorn because some wild shit just happened to me.

  • Im on vacation
  • Going window shopping bc why the fuck not
  • Had crepes for breakfast
  • See this really weird??? Old bookshop, apparently established a really long time ago (I didn’t get the year down bc. I got distracted.)
  • Think ‘holy fuck yeah haunted bookshop let’s go’
  • It was open. Apparently. Like it was unlocked and there wasn’t a sign that it was closed or anything and its shutters were partially open
  • Anyway. I go inside, because fuck yes I wanted to see the old bookshop
  • Dust everywhere
  • Reeks of mildew
  • And hot chocolste???
  • There’s no one in there, not even a clerk
  • But I start browsing anyway because why not
  • Find some seemingly authentic Da Vinci sketches and notes? Maybe this was like a prop shop or a copy shop or something (if those exist)
  • I start to take a picture; the architecture is at least v old and v nice to mayhaps post on here
  • As soon as I take one (1) photo, a middle-aged dude who looked stuck in the nineteenth century comes out from nowhere and taps my shoulder. Assumed he was the owner, but he never??? Really said???
  • “You can’t take pictures in here on your tiny telephone”
  • Ok. Fine. Some places don’t want to be photographed / posted online
  • Put my phone away
  • (Tiny Telephone?)
  • Told him I’d like one of those Da Vinci sketches (i have an aesthetic for my room, thought asking was fair.)
  • He Immediately Looks Angry
  • Says I wouldn’t want it, that I should get something as a real poster maybe at one of those “super markets”
  • I let it go, because clearly he has a chip on his shoulder, probably because I was taking pictures
  • Someone else finally shows up in the shop, though comes from upstairs
  • In black silk pajamas
  • Pretty sure he was hissing to himself?
  • Went into the back room that really looked too small to have a kitchen attached to it
  • Comes back out with a steaming mug of coffee seconds later
  • Is wearing sunglasses. Inside. After it looks like he just woke up.
  • Okay. They’re sorta weird but. Okay. Must be the owner’s,,,,,,, Resident? Boyfriend? who fckin knows
  • “I hear the shop across the street has newer selections” this dude says.
  • They obviously don’t wanna sell anything to me and honestly that suggestion sounded tempting. I had been looking for a specific modern poetry book, and it didn’t seem like this shop would have it
  • Also he??? Sounded like he was hissing?? All his S’s
  • Get a good look at him as he steps closer up behind the owner
  • Has a snake tattoo
  • On his face
  • Ok
  • He likes snakes. Fine. Sorta looks like a cool older rockstar, so,,,
  • This shit got weird super fast
  • I just nod, take a step to the door, but caught a glimpse of like, I think it was a First Edition Frankenstein
  • Snake dude has disappeared
  • Guys
  • Guys. There was. A snake. Where he was standing. A huge boa. Just there. On the floor. And crawling up the owner’s leg
  • I look Scared, Owner laughs at what I’m scared at, and just picked this fucking HUGE snake up in his arms
  • Is2g the snake dude is a magician at this point, maybe snakes are his act
  • “Would you like to hold him?”
  • It was clear he was Joking
  • But I said yes
  • And ended up with
  • A giant
  • Snake
  • In my arms
  • Hissing Very Loudly, but like, at the owner ?
  • Owner immediately takes him back
  • Scolds the snake
  • But kisses. Its snout. Like dude. It was JUST hissing at you
  • N e wayz
  • I just back out of the shop
  • With both the owner and snake staring at me
  • Am now in the bookshop across the street and found the exact poetry book I was looking for on the first shelf I looked on

Conclusion: I think I fucking found two Mythical Gods living in SoHo thanks for coming to my Ted Talk