@violetemerald / violetemerald.tumblr.com
I’d like to talk about Alex Manes forever a minute. And to do that I need to talk about Roswell as a whole for a hot sec.
So……this is a really long Alex Manes meta post. Because I’m bored. And because I can.
This was SUCH a fantastic meta essay. I am in all the feels right now again. Miss this show so much and it's only been off the air 6 months. And Alex Manes was always my favorite character and who I identified with most.
https://twitter.com/mohammadhussain/status/1340439172687998981?s=21
“This text and the one beside it are equal.” Lessons from this collaborative work by artist Micah Lexier and poet Christian Bok:
via Font Bureau’s Twitter by way of Booooooom, using a photo by Jacklyn Atlas.
How many of spouses must be present at wedding for marriage to be valid.
this might be because I’m a family law lawyer and also an old crone who remembers when marriage equality wasn’t a thing (as in, marriage equality only became nation-wide two months before I went to law school), but I have Strong Feelings about the right to marry and all the legal benefits that come with it
like I’m all for living in sin until someone says they don’t want to get married because it’s ~too permanent~ and in the same breath start talking about having kids or buying a house with their significant other. then I turn into a 90-year-old passive-aggressive church grandma who keeps pointedly asking when the wedding is. “yes, a divorce is very sad and stressful, but so is BEING HOMELESS BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT ENTITLED TO EQUITABLE DISTRIBUTION OF MARITAL PROPERTY, CAROLINE!”
“oh, he thinks a piece of paper shouldn’t define your relationship? ASK HIM HOW HE FEELS ABOUT BEING ON YOUR BABY’S BIRTH CERTIFICATE, PATRICIA.”
“oh, sure, it’s all fun and games until your estranged parents are making medical decisions for you and inheriting all your property, TIMOTHY.”
so, I’ve gotten this question and similar ones before, and I want to use it to go into what marriage actually is.
so, in law, there are a couple of legal assumptions made when someone is a close family member, like a parent. the assumptions are that this person knows you well enough to make decisions on your behalf in an emergency, supports or is supported by you financially, and, most importantly, that they are emotionally significant to you in a way that makes them different from a total stranger or a good friend. immigration law, for example, prioritizes families over people immigrating for jobs alone, because not getting a job doesn’t have the same emotional weight as never seeing your mom again.
the difference is that you don’t get to choose your family (outside of adoption and, uh, legally that’s not a bilateral decision). you do get to choose your spouse. the fact that you chose them is why they get priority for things like inheritance and immigration, even over your parents or your siblings or your grandma.
how does the government know that this particular person is someone you want to have as part of your family? you fill out a form and you tell them.
what happens if you don’t want them in your family anymore, and don’t want those assumptions made about them? you fill out a different form and you tell the government that.
the thing I think that’s hard for people to wrap their heads around – whether you’re a starry-eyed romantic or a pragmatic bitch like me – is that marriage isn’t an announcement of how much you love someone. that’s what a facebook status update is for. you do not need to be in love, or sexually/romantically monogamous, or be religious, or any of the other things people associate with marriage, in order to be married.
it’s a legal decision. it is choosing to get certain benefits (like taxes, because it’s assumed you’re financially supporting each other) in exchange for certain responsibilities (because it’s assumed you’re supporting each other, it stops mattering exactly who bought what after you got married, so divorce splits the whole pool of stuff even if one person bought like 75% of it).
you don’t get the one without the other, and you don’t get either if you don’t affirmatively say that’s what you want to have happen. it doesn’t happen automatically, or in every romantic relationship no matter how serious, because the choice is the point.
and, to be clear: if you do not want, or do not care about, the legal rights and responsibilities of being married, you should not get married. it’s a fucking legal contract that has serious legal implications! it’s not something you should be doing for funsies!
tl;dr: if you want all the shit that comes with a marriage, good and bad, you need to tell the government that’s what you want. if you don’t want it, then you don’t need to do it, but you need to also be aware of what you’re potentially losing (in exchange for what you’re keeping). that should be an informed decision, not one you make for emotional reasons like “I just want everyone to know I’m only having sex with this person forever” or “our love is so pure it transcends legal boundaries.”
Is there any option other than marriage for telling the government you want this person to be part of your family? Like, can you draw up some kind of homebrew contract?
Short answer: No. If there was, queer people would have done it already.
Long answer: That’s a little like asking “can you become a citizen via contract rather than going through the immigration and naturalization process?” Marriage is a legal status: you either are or you aren’t. Can you cobble together very specific stuff, like advanced healthcare directives and wills and whatnot? Yes, absolutely. But anything that requires you to be legally married as a status cannot be contracted away: you can’t file taxes jointly or sponsor someone for a green card or get someone’s Social Security benefits if they die if you’re not married to that person.
Now, to be clear: some things that often require marriage do not always require marriage. For example, usually you need to be married to have someone unrelated to you be on your health insurance, but my job’s specific health insurance plan allows coverage for domestic partners, which they define as a single person who has cohabitated with you for six months or more and is in a committed relationship with you. So even though my fiancé and I are not married yet, he’s been on my health insurance for the past year and a half, because we hit the six month mark of living together right around when I had to re-enroll in my health insurance for the year.
But if we’d gotten married sooner, he’d have been able to get on my health insurance right away (getting married is a qualifying event that lets someone get on a health insurance plan outside of the enrollment period), but since he’s just a cohabitating partner, we had to wait six months for him to get on my insurance. And if he’d moved in with me a month later, we’d have to wait a whole year before he could enroll with me on my health insurance. Even though it’s allowed, it still doesn’t have the same standing as a marriage.
I guess technically adult adoption is an option, in that it is what queer people did for a while in lieu of marriage, but it’s a bad idea for a lot of reasons (not least of which being that you can divorce a spouse but you can’t undo an adoption).
this, THIS is why QPR make me so fucking nervous. i’m not trying to shit on your beautiful poly aroace love affair, i’m asking you HOW WILL THIS RELATIONSHIP HOLD UP IN COURT. cause, news flash: it won’t.
if you have shared bank accounts and a house and a kid with someone who isn’t married to you, they can wipe you out – legally speaking – and you have no recourse. none. you will never see your kid again, unless you’re lucky and contributed half their DNA.
if they have a car accident and end up in hospital, you don’t have a legal right to see them. if they’re in a coma, their parents can pull the plug and adopt that child and you can do nothing.
queers wanted marriage equality not to Be Like Teh Hets, but because it is the most legal protection you can ever have against that bad stuff that comes (and it comes for everyone).
if you don’t have that stuff, if you’re relying on your partners to do the right thing forever and be perfect people and never have a business collapse or a messy family situation or an accident or even to get sick … you’re being really, really naïve.
Pre-legal-gay-marriage, I saw this happen. I was on a parenting board and one day a woman we’d posted with for years told us her partner and one of their children had died in a car accident. And because she wasn’t the biological parent of the surviving child – the child she’d been a parent to since conception – her ex’s parents took custody and took the child away and kept her from seeing that child. Ever.
Because here’s the thing: children are not property. Specifically, in estate law, children are not, and cannot be “Real Property.” You cannot bequeath them like furniture, books, and bank accounts.
“But my will states who I want as guardian!” You say. Welp. That statement is, in law, only a (strong) suggestion. A judge still still have to rule on guardianship of your minor child, and you cannot, from the grave, dictate where they end up.
Again: Children are not real property. If you are not their biological or legal parent, the state can remove them from your custody and hand them to someone more closely related, or not related at all but merely less gay, less queer, less “inappropriate” by your state’s legal standards.
The woman I knew back then was on good term with her not-quite-in-laws. Or thought she was. Because as soon as her partner died, their tune changed 100%, they found anti-gay legal support, and they took that woman’s child from her. Forever.
That’s not my only “my outlaws are great and fine with us and its okay we’re not legally married” story, but it’s probably the most heartbreaking. Though the image of a man who has just lost his partner of 25 years watching his ex-outlaws take ½ of his chairs, ½ of his pillows, ½ of his sheets, ½ of his napkins, ½ of his towels, ½ of his dishes, ½ of his books….. is pretty fucking close. After they made him sit behind “the family” at his partner’s funeral.
My mother was a lifelong Republican, a very conservative Catholic. The thing that pushed her over on legalizing gay marriage was stories about people being in the hospital and their partner of 20 years not being allowed to see them, because they weren’t legally married. She thought that was wrong and unfair.
Also a reminder “get married” does not mean “have a wedding.” You can file the paperwork and get married in a courthouse or office. There doesn’t even need to be a ceremony, you just have to sign some papers. (Bonus: you get access to the legal privileges of marriage as well as the protections, AND you get to stick it to the billion dollar “wedding industry” that preys on us all.)
Yeah. It was like this.
That’s what Republicans want back with their Federalist Society court.
They also want to make us illegal again.
Yeah. Like we were before 2003 in 19 states. For fucking EXISTING.
That’s what they want.
Marriage IS the contract that tells the government you want this person declared family.
This is also why you should be allowed to get married to more than one person. I want all of my polycule to have legal benefits and legal rights in our relationship especially if something were to happen.
But when you (someone upthread) are saying: "this, THIS is why QPR make me so fucking nervous. i’m not trying to shit on your beautiful poly aroace love affair, i’m asking you HOW WILL THIS RELATIONSHIP HOLD UP IN COURT. cause, news flash: it won’t." that's... Wtf. You're assuming people in QPRs don't want marriage. Plenty of us love the idea of a queerplatonic marriage. Stop acting like the idea of queering what platonic relationships can be doesn't include that marriage doesn't have to be romantic because that's literally what my dream of a queerplatonic marriage would be.
If you're trans -- if you have a gender identity that doesn't exactly match the gender you were assigned at birth, regardless of whether you have transitioned or intend to and whether you're nonbinary -- and live in the US, ok and are 16 or older, you are eligible to fill out the 2022 US Trans Survey, crafted by trans people.
This is a big deal, it's the largest national trans survey and the last one was in 2015. The next one won't be for at least another five years.
There's some fairly personal questions and some heavy ones, like ones about harassment and domestic violence. They don't ask for your name or other definitively identifying information, and take steps to keep the rest of the data confidential. You can skip (most) questions you don't want to answer while filling out the rest. Data can be useful for lobbying politicians for things that are good for trans people, especially ones who are basically sympathetic but not sure they should prioritize trans issues. (In their words, "The USTS fills in some of the large gaps in research about transgender people, and it provides critical tools for researchers, policymakers, and advocates seeking to better understand the needs of transgender people and to find ways to improve their lives.") Most questions have set options, but there's also an opportunity at the end to share personal stories in your own words.
There's also a Spanish language version and Spanish speakers, people of color, older people, immigrants, those who live in rural areas, and people who are HIV+ are especially encouraged to fill it out (because when people don't it's harder to advocate for services for those people, even when people providing the services know damn well there's a lot of need.)
Some answers to elegibility and accessibility questions:
"The U.S. Transgender Survey documents the experiences of trans people, which it defines as anyone who identifies with a different gender than they were assigned at birth. That includes nonbinary people. We aim to be as inclusive as possible about what it means to be trans, and we welcome nonbinary people and others who identify with a different gender than they were assigned at birth to take the survey."
"No, you don’t have to be currently out or living as trans or nonbinary. The survey is open to trans people at any stage of their lives, journey, or transition."
"The survey is accessible to people with physical, sensory, and cognitive disabilities consistent with Section 508 of the Rehabilitation Act. The USTS is accessible for screen reader technology to assist people that are visually impaired. Please contact ustranssurvey@transequality.org with additional questions about accessibility."
*pinching the bridge of my nose*
TIL that postural sway is the body’s method of maintaining balance in response to changing external stimulus. More pronounced postural sway, linked to poor balance and coordination, often occurs in people with ADHD, leading to clumsiness and increased potential for injury, particularly in adults, especially in adults with a late-life diagnosis who didn’t have their postural sway corrected as children.
It’s not just that if you have ADHD you’re not watching where you’re going so you trip and fall or walk into doorways or drop shit, which is what I’d been assuming (tragic backstory associated with this involving parental assumptions about my physical carelessness as a child that we’ll just take as read for now).
The problem isn’t the deficit in attention. It’s that your body literally doesn’t always know how to stay upright or what parts of you are where in a given space because your amygdala is fucked up. And suddenly the two decades of jokes about bubble wrap are simultaneously not funny anymore and much, much funnier.
Forty years old and the concussion was probably because I forgot how not to fall down. Sure. Why the fuck not.
*Accidentally poking myself in the eye while pinching the bridge of my nose*
Every day with this nonsense, every day. It simultaneously makes everything make sense and makes a farce of it.
I probably shouldn’t jump in on this but it’s bugging me so I’m just gonna say this and then be done with it.
There’s a lot of talk in the Roswell fandom right now about biphobia, specifically around characters (Michael) being made to “prove” their bisexuality, and perpetuating negative stereotypes (promiscuity).
And I really, really don’t want to invalidate anyone’s feelings because if that’s what you’re seeing in this show, that’s valid and it’s hurtful and I’m sorry you’re hurting. I’m not writing this post as a way to brush your feelings under the rug and say your experiences and trauma are negligible- I’m writing this because I’m seeing a lot of people that I’ve come to care about hurting and maybe, just maybe, I can show a perspective that doesn’t hurt.
(and also before I say any of this - I am an unrepentant Michael stan and an endgame, soulmates, nothing-will-ever-compare Malex shipper, so, context is key.)
Because I just… don’t agree that what we’re seeing is hurtful to the bisexual community.
So my original idea was to just tackle my thoughts on RNM’s portrayal of Michael Guerin’s bisexuality, which is something I have loved a lot. But then 2x06 aired, and we got some beautiful insight into Alex Manes, and I had to shift gears a bit to include that.
Because I know tensions regarding this episode are high, consider this a warning - I am going to talk about Michael and Alex, and a bit about the airstream scene in 2x06. And I am going to discuss how it has resonated with me in a positive way. But mostly, this is about how sexuality is complicated, and how amazing it is to see depictions on television that truly make me feel seen.
This is brilliant :)
In 1x07, we see two really great interactions between Max and Michael. When the episode first aired, I was very defensive of Michael (and I probably still am), but these days I’m more sympathetic toward Max, which has changed how I view these scenes (aka I’m not quite as angry at Max). And these two scenes between them are some of my favorite, especially on the heels of the previous episode with the flashbacks to both 2004 and 2008.
Max learned in 1x05 that after Rosa’s death, Michael and Isobel made the decision to send Liz away, convinced that Max would break under the pressure. We know from the previous episodes that the three of them have basically had a pact to not ask questions, to blend in, and to do whatever it takes to protect their secret. We see this with both Max & Michael and the cover-up of Rosa’s death AND Michael & Isobel making the decision to send Liz away from Roswell (and away from Max).
He doesnt! Alex always calls him Guerin, even when they were in hs, this all just means that when he does call him Michael to his face WE'RE ALL GONNE DIE, I bet it's gonna happen like either in the MOST dramatic way possible, or a whisper of the name right between their mouths, before they kiss for the first time, again!
I didn’t have any memory of him calling him Michael to his face so thank you for confirming that!
I’ve also noticed he only uses “Michael” when being protective. MICHAEL is a good person. He uses his first name to humanize him to other people while also maintaining the use of his last name when they’re together. (Which I still think is a defense mechanism. “Guerin” provides emotional distance. It lets him maintain control in the face of cosmic passion. And Alex NEEDS to maintain control.)
Yes, the first time Alex calls him Michael to his face, we’re all gonna die.
Idk for sure if this is true but I would believe it lol
i don’t believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now
Thinking about why Clyde is not a good villain, and realizing all the other villains were family members of our mains...
~ 𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓔𝓷𝓭 ~ ✨️
...which is more like a beginning! ❤️
~All I've ever wanted my whole life was to make you happy and I wanted to build a home together~
I am not okay 😭
I kept waiting for Michael to eventually express his feelings, his dreams for Alex to Alex for long time but never imagined it would have been that perfect 😭
Last 3 episode's #Malex is all we ever wanted and I just - 😭😭😭
Cosmic they are, indeed ❤️ ✨️
Where Is My Home?
I left this all as a comment on this post that I’m reblogging, left it as a comment about a month ago in July but now I decided to repost it to my own blog for any of my own followers to get a chance to read. It’s not polished, ends kinda abruptly, but at least it’s something. And I have been wanting to get back into blogging. The only modifications are to fix typos and fix for grammatical…
I haven't been using tumblr in a long while and today was surprised to learn that tipping is even a thing on tumblr. Do people have thoughts on this manner of creators getting financially compensated? Has anyone seen it much around, being used?
Everything’s Gonna Be Okay’s asexual representation
This is a submission for the April 2022 Carnival of Aces, which had a prompt of “200 words”. The Call for Submissions is here. I’d been considering watching Everything’s Gonna Be Okay ever since I saw autistic activists on Twitter sharing a scene from the series in March 2020, explaining it finally had the authentic autistic representation they craved, unlike Netflix’s Atypical. In January…
is it possible to be an aro-spec who still feels some level of romantic attraction (eg. demi, gray, lith/akoi, etc.) AND have a squish?
Yes! Squishes are manifestations of platonic attraction, and you do not even need to be aro-spec to experience platonic attraction.
Squishes get talked about more in aro circles because friendships/platonic relations are prioritized more compared to romantic ones, but experiencing romantic attraction in any capacity does not prevent you from experiencing platonic attraction (and vice versa).
I miss when everyone on my dash listened to Welcome to Night Vale so there’s be a good chance that on any ole day someone would reblog a quote that would grab me by the throat and forcibly ascend me to a higher plane where I understood myself and the universe better and with more kindness but also a little spook
“The past is gone, and cannot harm you anymore. And while the future is fast coming for you, it always flinches first and settles in as the gentle present” are you kidding me this quote has propelled me through at least three emotional crises
“The desert seems vast, even endless. And yet scientists tell us that somewhere, even now, there is snow.” That quote literally got me through grieving my brother like WTNV goes HARD
I discovered this podcast at the beginning of high school, and let me tell you, it rewired my synapses.
Not only was it my first experience with positive LGBT representation, it was the show I clung to when everything else went to shit. Whatever was going on in my life, I knew I had this show in my corner, making me laugh, making me cry, making me feel okay about my place in the universe.
I owe the creators of this podcast more than I could express.
"the lights over the Arby's" is such an intrinsically queer piece of writing that it hits me *hard* every time.
"We will never be the same again. But here's a little secret for you: no one is ever the same thing again after anything. You are never the same twice, and much of your unhappiness comes from trying to pretend that you are. Accept that you are different each day, and do so joyfully, recognizing it for the gift it is. Work within the desires and goals of the person you are currently, until you aren't that person anymore, and everything changes once again." (from Episode 75)
They’re making a tv show! I can’t wait for the Night Valessance
