The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
Aragorn identifies as a problem
The Ring: If I had a quarter for every time a hobbit picked me up, I’d have two quarters. The Ring: Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice.
Of all the bearers of Sauron’s ring, 4 of them were hobbits.
I was wrong. It’s 5. Not 4
The lineage of ring bearers is as follows.
- Sauron.
- Isildur
- Deagol
- Sméagol
- Bilbo
- Frodo
- Samwise
I love how Deagol counts as a ring bearer even though he had it in his possession for all of like five seconds
He held it for the rest of of his life!
[Image description: Tweet by @banalplay saying “but something happened then that the ring did not intend. it was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable: a hobbit, the same fuckin thing that just had it for like 500 years.” End Image Description.] Link to original here. Otherwise reblogging for the final rb there, which made me cackle.
From the ring’s perspective:
1. Home, the finger of my creator and other self.
2. Well, I don’t like it but I can work with this. Cause some trouble, get some revenge, find my way home, this is fine.
3. What the fuck is you?
4. Right personality, wrong species, I don’t know what you are but I hate you and I don’t know why you’re so resistant to my powers.
5. NO NO NO there are goblins everywhere how did I find another one of THESE horrible things. This one’s even more resistant than the last one and also disgustingly nice. I suffer.
6. Listen, I’ll cooperate, just get me the fuck out of this hellhole full of small cheerful people my power doesn’t work on properly. No, not like that. I hate you. Please stop.
7. FUCK
8. (Frodo again) I still hate you with every molecule of my mortal form but at least you’re not number seven. Think I’m starting to get through finally.
9. (Smeagol again) YES it’s you I actually missed you now get me back to the Master and NO FUCK NO I HATE YOOOOUUUUU…. *fzt*
pmmeyourrenamon
you CHAIN The One Ring?! you chain it like the prisoner?! oh! OH! trauma! deep psychological trauma for hobbits for One Thousand Years!
Heh. :)
Love that one scene in Return Of The King that's like "bad news, sauron knows everything pippin knows. good news, pippin knows absolutely fuck all."
saurons-flaming-eye-deactivated
A lovely commission of Sauron done for me by the wonderful @sharklight-art ! <3
pippin is my favourite character in the trilogy :)
continuation of the second picture:
Frodo: *stabbed by an immortal blade*
The Hobbits: What do we do Mr. Strider
The Hobbits: *looking to this big scary mountain man so intimidating and mysterious they don’t even know his real name*
Aragorn, truly just some guy at heart: I’m gonna call my dad
me after reanimating the corpse of tolkien: so later on in the show, galadriel’s new bestie, halbrand, is revealed to be sauron, which kind of erases celebrimbor as a character and his contribution to the main conflict
tolkien: that’s what you’re worried about when two of the beatles are still living? go finish the job
we make fun of thorin getting lost in the shire but you know the nazgul also had to keep asking for directions to find bag end so maybe hobbits’ city planning is just wack
The Hobbits have spent generations making their roads complex af to keep Gandalf out
Theory accepted
Which is also why Gandalf is always late
but of course this is the absolute Least successful way to keep GANDALF of all people out, because-
- it’s a challenge
- that WON’T potentially kill him
which is really in short supply lately.
so while the hobbits think they are being hostile. what they are actually saying in Gandalf-speak is “please come back. we love you.”
Gandalf needs environmental enrichment
Seeing as I am seeing tons of racists go on and on about the new Lord of the Rings Magic set they never have to interact with but love to because it’s the new tissue paper veil they use to try to get away with open racism you need to remember two things. 1. *Points to the image* 2. The Tolkien Estate approved all the art so…*points to the image again*
I’ve seen this comic for a bunch of other ships and I couldn’t help myself, so here, have my 1am, i-haven’t-slept-in-two-days, bagginshield version.
Dangers of working on a set.
That’s what I said.
Okay but you forgot the best part! During the scene where Aragorn, Gandalf and the other Main CharaktersTM ride ahead to go shout at the gate (and talk to the mouth of sauron in the extended edition) they were very firmly told only to ride up ahead “this far” because that area was cleared and beyond that it wasn’t.
But. Viggo Mortensen is absolutely mad and lead them just…. a bit farther than that. Everyone else was very scared they might blow up any second. Viggo said it “added a little extra tension”.
Sam, looking in the first aid kit: Why did you fill this with pop-tarts?!
Pippin, bleeding out: I thought it was funny at the time.
I had a dream that Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli were solving a murder mystery in a giant mansion. Legolas kept eating popcorn.
Part II