veryhairywizard

one of my cousins has one of those wretched sequined nicolas cage pillows and today the rest of us received this photo of perhaps the most upsetting thing i’ve seen all year, slugolas cage

people love extolling the virtues of ball-and-socket joints and how it makes us more advanced and all that but I don't see any fucking octopuses in slings now do I. Bones are overrated and I want a refund.

how dare you lay this curse upon my home

you don't frighten me

Everyone in the notes saying "this is a 10k post to me" "posts that have 100k energy" "posts that are 30k to me" or whatever - alright, fine! Put the fuckin' work in then! You'd better have this queue'd up every day for the next six months! You'd better have all your friends queue'ing it up too!

You want me to suffer?? You want to treat me like my own goddamn bones do??? MAKE AN EFFORT

TIL that the Hoover Dam is expected to be one of the last remaining visible structures from our species, and it contains a star map that if no other means were available, could be used to determine the exact date on which Hoover Dam was completed.

via reddit.com

we could’ve just chisled in the fuckin date on it it’s not some stone age creation

yhea because the squid people that inherit the earth will know when Christ was born

They 👏 Will 👏 Be 👏 Catholic

Being nice to someone you don't like is not manipulation btw it's being civil

Mmm no, this is like seeking validation. Ofc it's best to be nice but if I don't like you or we both dislike eachother, then there's no reason for us to communicate or be around eachother. It's not about being immature, I would much rather not put myself in such a situation.

Have you ever had a job

you don't like bajo? 🪕? plunk plunk?

damn ok owned

the older I get the more I relate to Bert

פותחת חנות בשם אגתה קריספי שמוכרת אוכל מטוגן וספרי מתח

I've survived my first day on Tumblr

Achievements:

Oh boy oh boy you're gonna get a Rare achievement for this one

Containment Breach

when people are like “the hunger games just stole the plot of battle royale” like listen everything steals from the plot of everything the lion king is just furry hamlet westworld is jurassic park but sexier lost is edgy gilligan’s island there are no original stories and the only good piece of media is jennifer’s body

Michael crichton wrote westworld and jurassic park tho so he just pirated himself

michael crichton keeps TRYING to tell y’all about the evils of capitalism impeding on the progress of science when will y’all LISTEN

Maybe he just doesn’t like theme parks

michael crichton in line for a roller coaster at six flags: fuck this

Jesus Christ, that’s the height at which every rollercoaster and dark ride is a decapitation threat

how am I ever supposed to leave tumblr when it takes me on journeys like this

reiterating because maybe we weren't clear the first time

reddit refugees, reblog art, don't repost it

if you really like someone's art, reblog it. you can do that by clicking the little looping arrows at the bottom of the post. this will make it so the art appears on your blog and shows up to your followers, but the op is still credited and given notes.

reposting does not give credit. and no, saying "artist is ___" as the caption doesn't count, unless you have permission given directly by the artist.

if you have a funny or pretty image on your phone that you saved from reddit, don't post it here on tumblr, because 99% of the time it came from tumblr. use a reverse image search to try and find the original tumblr post, and reblog that.

taking that extra five minutes to find the original post of an artist you love will absolutely brighten their day and make the entire world a better place.

please, I'm begging you. reblog art. don't repost it.

Do you ever eat popcorn out of the palm of your own hand with such ardent desperation that you feel like both a wild horse and the gentle schoolgirl feeding it treats to gain its affection 

Hey there guys. It’s me, in 2022, commenting on this post from 2016. There’s been a lot of people on this site lately being like “oooh no don’t make viral uwu I’m so pathetic, little, and defenseless and my poor notifications can’t handle 10k reblogs” well first of all ALL of us are pathetic, little, and defenseless and secondly none of our notifications can handle 10k reblogs and thirdly I’m not a coward and I think this should have a million notes. Not because of its own merit as a post, I just think it’d be funny if when I turn 30 this year and I reflect on the greatest accomplishments of my life thus far, I have to at least consider putting “famous tumblr popcorn post” on the list

Hey there guys. It’s me, in 2023, in May specifically, I’m 30 and for the record it rules, I had a lil aging crisis and now I’m past that and I’m just like goddamn it is great being in my thirties and I had a wonderful birthday NO THANKS TO YOU GUYS

actually, much thanks to you guys. Some of you were inspiringly crazy about this post. Frankly you worked harder for this than I did, and your efforts were touching and inspiring and funny and yet we STILL FAILED. GUYS WE GOTTA PUT OUR EYES BACK ON THE BALL. We have ehhh about six months before I turn the big three-one, which is actually the most important birthday because now you’re in your thirties For Real, and I personally can’t think of a better way to ring in my 31st year of life than by trying and failing to do something that I was hoping to knock out in my twenties.

Good luck, kiddo

Are you satisfied, op? When will it be enough?

I feel I couldn’t have been clearer about the number at which this will be enough

if i was an assassin in the john wick universe and i saw an open contract for mr john wick himself well i’d just lock my penthouse apartment up and open a bottle of wine, make myself a nice dinner, and let everyone else get killed by the baba yaga. that’s just me though

"oh hell yeah i am gonna earn so many extra coins during the imminent labor shortage"

i love this wolf so much i had to draw him….. 

Sasha the Christmas Tiger has a new friend

If you're new to tumblr from reddit, we don't do down vote here.

We have a much more …elegant system in place, which I’m sure one of my mutuals would be willing to demonstrate here.

K

U

N

G

P

O

W

P

E

N

I

S

For folks not intimately familiar with shitty US restaurants, Cracker Barrel is Very White, and they were sued in 2001—settling out of court—for discrimination against black customers.

Anyway, my partner just informed me that, after the restaurant chain tweeted something for Pride, some conservative org in Texas tweeted this:

Let's just say the internet is having some fun with how wildly dramatic that tweet was 😂

And this is one is a very US-specific meme:

Why Wayne got socks in the jacuzzi

those are his hooves you bitch

just a friendly reminder that june 6th, 1218 b.c. was identified as the day patroclus was killed by hector in the trojan war. patroclus died 3240 years ago today.