🌺Year of the Tiger 🌸
One of the things that baffles and pains me most, is the way authors will go to extra lengths to dunk on aromanticism and asexuality as concepts, even when there isn't any reason to. Especially the times where romance and sex only come up SPECIFICALLY to let a character say "Of course I feel attraction, I'm human/of course I fall in love, I'm not heartless" and then never again.
They're not satisfied with just saying nothing. They have to take the time out of a busy narrative, competing with who knows how many things that didn't make the cut, to deliver this message.
new rule: if you don't understand this you're not allowed to write superman
A polycule of aromantics, call that a quiver
hanahaki could be so good if it was just "you will die if you don't accept that the other person doesn't share your feelings" instead of "you will die if the other person doesn't share feelings that they have no control over" it would be so good and cool and i'm so mad it's not
the idea of hanahaki as toxicity not only in a physical sense but in an EMOTIONAL sense. the sickness coming from the toxic state of mind that the person is in. its so good it could be so good why do alloromantics exclusively like things that suck so bad but could be so good just a Little to the left
not to be aro on main or anything but I just think so many things would be better if we told kids “oh that’s ok, not everyone likes that kind of relationship” or “not everyone likes doing that” instead of “oh how silly, you’ll understand when you’re older~” when they express disgust or confusion around romantic and/or sexual relationships
I think a lot of people in the comments are taking this to mean ‘disgust at your relationship, how could you do such a thing, how dare you exist in my vicinity’ when I mean more of ‘disgust at the idea of personally being in a relationship’ which tbh was a very common sentiment even among my allo peers when I was a child. kids whispered about cooties and balked at the idea of Relationships™
and this misunderstanding is at the root of a lot of acephobia/arophobia. even for sex-repulsed and/or romance-repulsed individuals, this is largely a non-issue. noone is telling you your relationship is disgusting. we just want space to say ‘ew, no thanks. that’s not for me’ without your advice or sorrow or pity or outrage at our perspective. that kind of repulsion gets a million times easier to handle once people stop shoving you towards it
also yes, this is a low bar! the response could be far more comprehensive, but so many parents still limbo under while clinging to amatonormativity and the idea of whatever preschooler their child tolerates at the moment marrying them someday
Not to sound nitpicky but I wonder why articles about asexuality will define asexuality as "not experiencing sexual attraction" but then, if aromantism is mentioned, it's defined as "not wanting romantic relationships" instead of "not experiencing romantic attraction". It's just something that bothers me. Describing aromantism as not wanting romantic relationships is the same as describing asexuality as not wanting sex (which is, you know, the wrong definition).
Alloromantic people can not want romantic relationships for whatever reason, that doesn't necessarily make them aro. Aro people can want to be in romantic relationships for whatever reason, that doesn't mean they're allo. I know the difference is hard for people to understand but it's kinda important?
Anonymous asked:
I’m swear i’m not trying to police anyone or anything but i just don’t understand the concept of being loveless and i really want to I’m aroace myself and i can’t imagine like not loving my friends or my family or my pets... Is it just that loveless aroaces don’t feel any type of attraction or do they not feel love period? And if they don’t feel love does that just go for people or would they not love pets or anything either? I’m so sorry if this seems accusatory i really don’t mean it like that
For me, calling myself a loveless aro comes from the weird interaction of amatonormativity and well-intended but ultimately unhelpful attempts of aro allyship. I’m an aroace in a society that treats “love” as synonymous with “romance”, which means that in most circumstances, I’m cut off from conversations about what love is, what it means, if it’s important, and so on. Through the lens that “love”=“romance”, love is unattainable to me, and since “love is what makes us human” is such widespread propaganda, I’m dehumanized for being loveless.
These days, people are slowly starting to learn more about aromanticism, to understand the hardships we face, and the subtle ways we’re dehumanized; we’re fortunate that people want to support us and be good allies to aros. Sometimes their allyship is good, but often times it falls into the trap of what I call the Unhelpful Broadening of Love. The motivation behind the Unhelpful Broadening of Love comes from the right place; people are recognizing that dehumanizing aros for not feeling love is wrong. Unfortunately, people try to fix this problem by unhelpfully broaden the concept of “love” to include "romance” as well as “love of friends/family/pets/hobbies/interests” and so on, instead of dismantling the dehumanizing rhetoric of “love is what makes us human”.
This broadening is unhelpful for two reasons: first, it robs me of my agency. No one’s ever asked me if I’d like to be included in love. They’ve just assumed that, after years of being told my identity makes me incapable of feeling love, I’d like someone to shout at me that I do in fact feel love. I was forcibly disconnected from love against my will, and now I’m being forcibly connected to love against my will; clearly, no one’s learned that aros should have the agency to dictate our own relationships to love.
Second, the broadening only applies in the specific context where we were trying to help aros. When we go back to mainstream society, amatonormativity and arophobia are still rampant. The platonic love that I’m told makes me not loveless is still treated as a second class citizen while romantic love always gets first class. My platonic love might be “love”, but it isn’t “true love” or “real love”. The rhetoric of “love is what makes us human” is just as alive as ever, so I’m still seen as inhuman or less human for not feeling romantic love. Given all of this, what good is it for me to have a connection to love that only helps me when we’re focused on aro issues?
I’m a loveless aro because I call myself that. Whether I experience attraction, how I feel about friends, family, pets, hobbies, or anything else is irrelevant. I’m loveless because at some point it’s easier to cut myself off from the idea of love than it is to fight my way back to it. I’m loveless because I’m reclaiming my agency to define my relationship to love.
Can non-aspec people be in QPRs? Can you be in a QPR and a romantic relationship at the same time?
Yes on both counts! QPRs are for anyone who finds them useful. This is what the coiner said about it, it's also good for both ace/aro people and for allo people for QPRs to be more widespread and normalized.
I know of a few people who will have romantic relationships and QPRs at the same time. It's up to the individual and the people they're partnered with to decide what's right for them, some people prefer being exclusive, including with romance, in a QPR and some don't. The important thing is communicating well and making sure everyone is on the same page.
All the best!
Anonymous asked:
As an alloaro, it’s really annoying how everyone always assumes I’m ace when I say I’m aro. It doesn’t help that I used to think I was ace, but no matter how many times I correct people for that, people will still call me ace. I’m not ace. Asexual isn’t the only identity with a lack of attraction
dont tag as ace or aroace
I've never felt more alone as an aromantic person than in the middle of a wedding.
there. that's the thing, right in front of me, the thing I don't have. and I don't want,
love
so why is there a pit forming in my stomach?
is it because i feel completely alone standing in a crowd, like we're not even the same creature at all?
iv never feel more like i don't exist then when i hear the officiant say 'love is the one thing that we all have, that brings everyone together',
she doesn't mean it, and im sure someone's already itching to say 'that means platonic love too',
but i ask, why does my entire existence rely on an addendum, on a concession,
and what if there are days when i don't feel any kind of love?
am i no longer a person then?
iv never felt more alone than when i listened to someone else's wedding vows in a garden,
if no one ever sees you, or really understands, do you even exist at all?
- rjb, weddings and love (don't tag as ace or aroace)
Fun things alloromantics can do to support aromantics
- Stop putting romantic love on a pedestal
- Stop painting those who dont feel romantic love as inherently evil or predatory
- Stop with the fucking frat boy and smash and dash jokes
- Include aros in talks about aspec identities and in your aspec flag posts
- If your post only includes aces keep it out of the aro tag
- Stop mocking terms like queerplatonic, aplatonic and attraction outside of the platonic and romantic spectrums
- The A stands for more then just aces, it stands for aros and agender people too
- Stop with calling aros fetishists, especially when those aros are part of other marginalized identities
That's all I can think of for now, other aros please feel free to add on
Its really funny how im aromantic (cant feel romantic love/affection), but my romantic relationship with my boyfriend is the healthiest ive seen yet, when compared to my friends (some of which are married with children), my moms, and every other family members (excluding my aunt Deedee).
Its almost like you can have an extremely deep and meaningful relationship with someone, even if you cant love them the normal way.
Its almost like love isnt just strictly platonic or romantic; and can operate/exist/gravitate far outside those set boundaries/categories.
don't get me wrong, i am SO GLAD that asexuals are being included in pride this year. and i don't want to sound rude, but i swear, if there's one more thing that leaves out aro people, i am going to scream. and probably punch a pillow. anyway, bottom line is, i want aro stuff in pride too. we're pretty cool once you get to know us <3