I think we should have a turn of phrase for "I'm not in the right, but I AM annoyed with this situation, so I just need to go bitch to a friend about this before I suck it up and go do the right thing" because more and more I'm finding this is a critical element of functional adulthood.
I am aziraphales #1 Defender like how can you look at him and hate him he's so squishy
you know that quote "when you have a hammer everything looks like a nail" bc that's how i feel whenever i have a lysol wipe in my hand
*raises my hand to ask a question* what if we collectively refused to refer to AI as 'AI'? it's not artificial intelligence, artificial intelligence doesn't currently exist, it's just algorithms that use stolen input to reinforce prejudice. what if we protested by using a more accurate name? just spitballing here but what about Automated Biased Output (ABO for short)
I've been informed that in australia, "Abo" is a slur against Aboriginal people. therefore a respectful and clear differentiation must be made:
- when spoken aloud, 'A.B.O' (Automated Biased Output) should have the distinct pronunciation of an acronym (Aee-Bee-Oh).
- the written form becomes a little trickier in the age of social media, where periods and capitalization are often considered optional. therefore, i would suggest a less common punctuation mark to distinguish the acronymic version of "Automated Biased Output"
in summary: a more descriptive, respectful, and practical term for Artificial Intelligence is, quite logically, A/B/O
is anyone gonna say it
it's SO nice out that i am sitting on my porch reading a book. in august! unprecedented.
and very, very often, self care is not plants and ice rollers and fluffy blankets of peace.
it’s standing over your kitchen sink and crying while doing the dishes because you just want to go back to bed but the dishes need done. and you don’t know why you’re crying but you're trusting you need it. and you aren’t listening to the music that pulls you into a spiral; you’re listening to some cheerful shit your friend sent you. it’s getting up and staring at your fridge and closing your eyes and then cooking yourself food even though you hate it and it’s miserable. because you know that you’d cook for your friend, and you are trying to befriend yourself. it’s dragging yourself into the shower because you know you’ll feel better afterwards. it’s doing mundane tasks with patience, cursing under your breath, trying desperately to give yourself grace. grace is the beginning of care. care is the beginning of love.
we think it’s supposed to be peace and yet the most powerful self care moments are when we hate everything but especially ourselves. and life does not feel worth the loving. to look into that pain and yet choose to care for yourself in however many pieces you are — that is care. love. grace. trust. belief. it hurts because it’s love where there was no love before. it heals because it believes there will be love, one day, soon.
Visual Comparison Of Bird Beaks And Their Uses
me and the girls
Nervously, I pull from the tarot deck. It’s the Nine of Clocks. My fate is revealed to me: It’s my bedtime, and I gotta go to sleeps
omg imagine being born and you are on a spaceship and everyone aboard is sooo so mad at you just because you burst out of some guy's chest to be born. like um sorry i've not been alive before i didn't even know that's not allowed please be nice to me um the spaceship floor is cold is no one going to knit me some little booties i am calling child protective services
Today I saw a pic of a baby cowbird next 2 its nest "parent" and it was so much bigger!!!!! Which is the sort of thing that gets normal people upset about the injustice of nest parasitism but makes *me* worry if baby cowbirds get bird dysmorphia
This (from Cornell Labs via Merlin) is the pic I was looking at. It's just a little baby but it's so much bigger than its "parent"!!!! Do baby cowbirds feel isolated? Do they understand they're a different bird, or are they just a really bad sparrow?
hey, good news! ecologists have been studying this very thing! it seems young cowbirds have some kind of innate sense that leads them to sneak out of their foster nest at night to hang out in grasslands where they—more often than not—meet other cowbirds and learn more about what they really are.
Thanks I am going to cry so hard I throw up ;-;
Aziraphale's favorite color is yellow #confirmed
the repetition of Crowley saying, "i'm a demon, i lie" (white lies. little lies. he doesn't lie about stuff that actually matters) vs Aziraphale thinking he really does lie (about stuff that does matter, like not wanting to be an angel, like not being a good person, like not wanting forgiveness). they really are listening to each other but hearing something different. (aim for my mouth, shoot past my ear)
what were the initial script notes for aziraphale i wonder. “hey michael you just need to act like you’re in active heat every time you’re in a scene with david tennant. yeah like seriously you need to be ready to go face down ass up at any moment.” actually on second thought do you think there were even script notes… do you think michael insisted
i have watched the kiss scene and the breakup as a whole more times than i can count and my brain is still trying to process all the things it picked up on.
my newest painful obsession: aziraphale thought crowley came back for him.
they kiss, aziraphale says i forgive you and instead condemns them both, crowley leaves. the lip touching itself is fucking essay worthy because holy SHIT the amount of micro expressions flickering across his face is endless, michael sheen acted his ass off.
i think it's a mixture of surprise, unspoken love, a HEAVY dose of fear, disbelief, and oh my god what did he just do what did i just do. he turns away from the door and we get a very very quick shot of how exactly he is angled.
standing up straight with faked spiteful anger, the same anger he spit at crowley out of fear and insecurity, chin up, clearly waiting for something - or rather someone. we gotta remember that every single time crowley has left aziraphale, he came back. every. single. time. he came back and apologized, that's what they do.
crowley comes back and aziraphale forgives him and they continue bearing their silence.
the bell rings when the door opens again, just like it did when crowley left, and just. look at his face. how quickly he swivels around. the blink and you will miss it spark of hope.
and then the pure devastation when he realizes it's not crowley.
aziraphale thought crowley was coming back for him. he was WAITING for him to come back. even after all that, he couldn't imagine crowley actually leaving him behind, especially not after that kiss and his entire indirect love confession.
just like crowley thought for a tiny heartbeat that aziraphale was kissing him back, aziraphale hoped, hell, he fucking thought he KNEW crowley would never abandon him. not after "i could always rely on you. you could always rely on me." aziraphale has taken him for granted, of course he thought it was him coming through the door.
but that spark of hope gets stomped out beneath the metatrash's feet and he fully turns around, unable to face him and the reality of it all.
this time, he went too far.
this time, crowley did not want forgiveness.
he was about to say i love you and turned it into i forgive you, still clinging to their old ways, their old rituals, just that they are no longer those beings, no longer in that specific relationship. everything has changed.
they both thought the other would never abandon them. turns out they were both wrong.
see. the issue is what maggie n nina pointed out after three days of knowing aziraphale and crowley. they don’t talk. they don’t communicate. they love each other, sure. they banter and have meals and drinks and would die for each other. but they spend so much of their relationship inferring how the other feels. assuming what the other wants. aziraphale assumed crowley wanted to be an angel again. crowley assumed aziraphale would be able to give up being one. they don’t have a middle ground bc they didn’t know one was necessary
Hurt as he is, I'm just certain Crowley will visit the bookshop all the time in Aziraphale's absence to take care of the place and make sure every single book is in perfect condition when his angel returns. He'll rearrange them in correct alphabetical order, dust them off, sometimes even read a Jane Austen one to his houseplants for old times sake, remembering the ball and how happy Aziraphale looked that night. He will remember the dance and holding his angel close until he can't take the weight of his memories.
Then he will bury himself in grief again. Whenever that happens, he's usually got his glasses on and hides in empty corners of the shop all alone. Since Aziraphale got into that damn elevator Crowley's been waiting for him to come back or contact him but it's been years now and sometimes he doesn't see hope. Why's he even here? Will Aziraphale ever realize the danger he put himself in or how much better it could've been if he stayed here with Crowley? Did power change him? Did he ever think of them anymore? Was he safe up There? Did he hate him?
Muriel is typically the one to find Crowley in those moments and she always tries to cheer him up in the silliest ways cause she doesn't have a clue how to help a demon but can't stand to see him hurt like this any longer. Crowley probably resents her all along and complains about her loud presence or the way she's running stuff all wrong and how Aziraphale would collapse if she let Maggie put another one of her teacups on top of Cleopatra's diaries again, but given time she'll become his only company and perhaps even somewhat of a friend.
One day he tries to trick her into praying while she's preparing a bath for him - an offer she thought he'd refuse on spot like all the previous ones and was quite surprised when he instead enthusiastically accepted. She doesn't pray that day, though, and it's not until the next week when he tries to trick her into prayer again, this time when watering the plants, that she realizes he's been in search of holy water.
Maybe after that, after watching Crowley be miserable for so long, Muriel's the one to come up with a plan to help him find Aziraphale and end this. She goes Up to Heaven to scold Aziraphale and inform him of Crowley's situation and intentions. She tells him everything. Even if Aziraphale did accept the job in Heaven under some kind of threat of Them erasing Crowley from the book of life, what'll he do when he realizes his efforts aren't making a difference in saving anyone, not even his best friend? Humanity isn't safer, Armagedom is still set to happen with or without his interference, and Crowley is in deep suffer and danger down here anyway. Aziraphale will definitely fight to get out, then.
Metatron won't hold anything to prevent Aziraphale from coming back to Earth. He will lock the angel somewhere to avoid all and any attempts at a reunion between the duo who blasted a miracle through Earth's atmosphere or even rebeled the AntiChrist against his own Father.
And maybe there's nothing Crowley can do to save his angel. No, this time, it's Aziraphale who has to save himself and go after his demon. It's Aziraphale who shows up at the bookshop last minute and stops something terrible from happening to Crowley, and cries in his shoulders and apologizes for leaving.
Ineffable husbands reunite and this time they finally talk. They finally kiss. They finally understand each other. After all is said and done and forgiven, they save the world a second time - closer and stronger now. And then they finally go off together.
Books and houseplants and the Bentley and an eternity awaits them in a South Downs cottage. There are no sides but their own side.
How are we all feeling about Aziraphale’s last “I forgive you”? Does it mean I forgive you for kissing me to try to get me to stay, I forgive you for choosing this moment to reveal your feelings, I forgive you for not coming with me, I forgive you for kissing me period??? What?
I keep going back and forth on it and I NEED to hear what everyone else is thinking. Lay it on me, I’m open to new interpretations because everything hurts and I’m dying.
It's his default dance step in the same old game. Crowley challenges him: i forgive you. Note this isn't the same as a 'no'' - more and more across the years it becomes coded speech. Crowley says something or does something Aziraphale secretly agrees with or Aziraphale wants, but doesn't think he can have, and so he responds with the same words.
Fuck the plan! / i forgive you
Run away with me / i forgive you
Be mine / i forgive you.
And this last one, oh this last one HURTS because they both know the code. They both know the dance. And Crowley's response to that last overture?
"Don't bother."
It's not "don't bother forgiving me', Crowley is stepping out of the dance. He's giving up. They're done. He threw everything in and lost.