We don’t appreciate the fact that Bruce Wayne is a Kardasian level celebrity enough. Everyone knows him. I want more one shots and crack fic moments where the League (Pre identity reveals) just openly talk about Bruce Wayne in front of Batman.

Just imagine them playing fuck, marry, kill with famous actors and such and throwing Bruce into the mix. And Batman just sits there, silently suffering as he listens to the reasons why Flash and Lantern would marry, fuck, or kill him. He prays they choose kill. They don’t.

Barry: Eat the rich!

Bruce: Oh thank Go-

Clark: Oh, I intend to 🥴🥵

It’s Batman’s turn. Bruce needs to decide whether to marry himself for the money or throw himself off the cliff.

Okay but can you imagine what kind of identity reveal situation that would be?

“I would fuck —-, I would marry —-, and then I would commit suicide.”

“Batman, that’s not how the game is played. You have to choose for Bruce Wayne.”

“I did.”

“…WHAT?!”

“I would kill Bruce Wayne just to get him out of this conversation.”

This works best if the reveal comes after literally everyone else has played, and half of the people have said “I’d marry Bruce Wayne for the money” and the other half have not only said that they’d fuck him, but been reasonably graphic as to how.

Flash: So, tall, dark, and scary, what’ll it be? Are you going to marry Bruce Wayne so he can fund all of your sick gadgets? Maybe you’ll be a gentle lover to him like Aquaman here, work him over like a hunk of meat like Supes? Or maybe Brucie is the one person in the world you break your code for. Come on, what’ve you got for us?

Batman: -pauses- Honestly, I don’t think there will ever be a better time for this. -pulls off his cowl-

Justice League: -horrified screeching-

Via @milfmarthawayne

[Image ID: Tags reading “#bruce to himself: #do I keep my secret identity secret or deliver the greatest punchline in the history of situational comedy” End ID]

Not even Batman would resist. It’s the most perfect opportunity in the history of perfect opportunities.

There's four ways an Ironstrange fanfic starts:

1. They meet at some high class gala and hook up afterwards, both of them leaving with feelings and stuff.

2. Peter is in trouble and these two have to co-parent and eventually fall in love in process.

3. Post-endgame where both of em have lost too much but somehow they are only keeping each other sane so they fall in love.

Last and my most favourite one-

4. They meet pre-Ironman or during Ironman, go through messed up stages of relationship, insecurities, hurt each other, one of em comes close to dying and they both realise how much they love each other and make it work, bonus if Pepper, Christine, Rhodey, Wong or Peter are involved in getting these idiots back together.

PS: Feel free to add more.

5. Time travel.

6. Infinity war AU Dr. Strange was SO in love with Tony after seeing the future he found a different way to win.

reblog if your name isn't Hans.

We’ll find you Hans.

This post is scandalous.

reblogging because hans cant. 

If you scroll past this I am going to assume your name is Hans.

I couldn’t not reblog…

3,531,544 non-Han’s

Oh hans, if only you could reblog this.

3,697,721 non Han’s

im not hans

by process of elimination we will find every Hans on this site

Why the fuck are there 10 million people on this site??

Where are you Hans

We’ll find you Hans

Come out, come out wherever you are Hans…

hans can’t run forever.

Tumblr will find you, hans. There’s no escape.

Hans will be found and eliminated

One by one they will f a l l

✨✨✨✨✨✨

Nuh, not me

My name is Roller and I support this message

nearly 11 million people not named hans

MY NAMES NOT HANS K I D

Oh wow looks like I am not Hans.

Wow, thats a lotta people who aren’t Hans

It’s OK, Hans. Come live in my closet. I’ll feed you cereal ‘til the mob abates.

Why are we hunting down Hans?

Hans knows.

Not Hans uwu

FUCK I FORGOT THAT THE BIRD STORE I WORK AT HAS ONE BABY BIRD THAT LIKES TO SLEEP IN PEOPLES POCKETS IM HOME AND SOMETHING IS MOVING IN MY POCKET OH FUCK

YEAH ITS THE BIRD I JUST ACCIDENTALLY STOLE A BIRD

 MY BOSS JUST GAVE ME THE MOST STERN LOOK OF DISAPPROVAL BEFORE HE STARTED LAUGHING SO HARD HE HAD TO GRAB THE EDGE OF A TABLE

NO GOD PLEASE DONT LET THIS BE THE POST THAT MAKES ME TUMBLR FAMOUS

I've read a lot of fan fiction where Zuko is captured. And almost always he is saved by Gaang, Sokka or himself. But is there at least one where the Fire Nation find him? The closest is one, where they find some prisoner (Zuko), but after five minutes they try to kill him.

It's not so impossible that some patrol or squad, reconnaissance or strike, or even just a particularly lost soldier would find a captured compatriot or a prince, even if he was exiled, right? Right?

Ooo

Zuko bonding with his countrymen? Especially some common soldiers, maybe conscripts, who have been on the ground in the Earth Kingdom and Seen Some Shit™? They just want to go home, man, but they're stuck out here until the Fire Lord says otherwise.

Zuko: *can relate*

It’s all fine while they’re scouting earth kingdom territory. But one day everyone is in high spirits, looking forward to actual beds instead of cots and to good food instead of road rations. They round the corner and see the gate. Zuko abruptly freezes in the road. This isn’t another occupied earth town it’s a full colony base. They’ve reached the border. He can’t go in.

The idea that Zuko shadows the Fire Nation/Earth Kingdom Front to undergo suicide missions to retrieve wounded soldiers, liberate POWs and deliver supplies to cut off units behind Earth Kingdom lines as well as to redistribute food and necessary building supplies that was being hoarded by greedy Top Brass to the newly “enlightened” conquered Earth Kingdom civilians is just such a Zuko thing to do.

Like Ozai is such an ego maniac that he thinks his plans are working but Azula just knows that the only reason why they’re not stuck in an endless meat grinder is because Zuko keeps fixing all the FUBAR situations that come up due to Ozai and his incompetent war council.

And on top of everything, not only are the field officers not reporting the near endless accounts of Zuko breaking the terms of Banishment, but they are activity supporting his one man mission any time they can. He may not be able to enter a fully developed colony, but there’s no rules on them going to him.

came back onto tumblr after all these years to say WHAT THE FUCK DESTIEL IS CANON ???:!;&:&:&&/&:

Same, but I never left tumblr only the fandom

when you are on the internet, and you happen upon a ship you did not previously know existed, and you think to yourself “lol why the hell would anyone ship that”, and you go into the ao3 tag for a laugh just to see what the fanfiction ecosystem is like for this absurd new rarepair you have discovered, and you see a fic and think without a trace of irony “hm i kind of wanna read that”. that is your last chance to get out. your make or break moment. you are icarus and your wings are starting to smoulder. you need to make a decision there and then about who you are, what kind of person you’re going to be. because once you click that link there’s no going back for you. and that is a promise.

Let me drop one question on you guys, during the Ten Years Later arc, what are the Blacks doing in this future where Skull died?

Like they wouldn't ally themselves with the Vongola and completely obliterate the Millefiore the moment they caught wind of Byakuran going after the Arcobaleno. They are proactive like that

Wow. Viper must get very curious when they can’t find any records of either Skull’s family or original name. That could be the beginning of the end for Skulls separation of work and family. Would Reborn be angry that Skull had managed to keep a secret from him? And why we’re the arcablenco storming into Skulls apartment in the first place?

Viper is curious, yes, and very much in search of something to hold over Skull’s head - just in case - but it’s kind of a low priority to look into when the more dangerous members of the group also need investigating. Plus the confundus helps make it seem unimportant/disrupts trains of thought / makes it harder to connect the idea of Skull > Izar > Black > Pureblood Wizard.

Yes, but mostly Reborn is angry that Skull - the civilian lackey - actually managed to keep a secret from him. (It’s a bit of a hit on his pride)

External surveillance - because there is NO way that Narcissa would allow for internal - caught sight of a stranger entering Skull’s apartment with a suspicious bag - Sirius decided to go do a snack run - and past experience for the Arcobaleno is that, when strangers go to Skull’s apartment it usually means he’s in trouble. Again.

I love the idea that Sirius is one of those people who keeps nibbling at the snacks till they’re all gone incredibly quickly. When Skull say that they are his family, do the arcablenco think that he may have joined a Mafia family? If Skull didn’t clear it up, they could spend far too long looking for the up and coming Black family- they must be good if they’ve managed to bring in the Cloud Arcablenco willingly, right? (I like shenanigans and false assumptions that make much more sense than what actually happened) .

Izar must be a code name (the same way that the CEDEF uses herb names) , and the names that the others give just confirm it, because it’s obvious that that the name giver like pretentious Latin , who would actually name their kid that.

Alphard must be the man in charge, or at least in charge of whichever unit Skull is in. He’s the eldest, all others in the room defer to him, and he has an air of command. Alphard means “the solitary one” (according to google at least) and that must mean he is the Single one in charge. Narcissa must be the spy, or maybe diplomat, or maybe both. She was the one who stepped in to make the hostile party calm down, and picked the tone of voice carefully. She was also the one monitoring the boys behaviour (obviously looking for signs of disloyalty). Narcissa is the feminine version of Narcissus , who is from Greek legend, and was so beautiful he fell in love with his own reflection. Reborn thinks it is a very apt name. Sirius is Alphard’s loyal enforcer. He is wiry, fairly wild looking, and was the one sent out for food. Sirius means “the Dog Star” and so he must be his master’s loyal attack dog. Regulus must be the second in command. He is fairly regal looking, and Sirius concedes to him, but he is still submissive to Alphard. Regulus means “a petty ruler” which fits pretty well. They call Skull Izar. Izar means “veil”. A veil can be used to hide things. Obviously Skull is their secret weapon. They keep him happy and loyal and friendly, and if an enemy attacks , the new Black mafia family drop a raging Cloud Arcablenco on them.

…I honestly have nothing to add but:

YES GOOD

Alright, what if one of the Blacks somehow gets hold of the arcablencos’ theory and decides to make that theory real. Sirius thinks it would be funny, and that he would be able to mess with So Many people. Narcissa wants to get back at the people who have been awful to Izar, and also thinks it would be nice to have an independent income hidden from any wizard who try’s to cut her off somehow ( slitherin paranoia). Alphard sees the advantages of the Blacks gaining a foothold in another secret society, and also getting lots of loyal followers who would commit crimes on his behalf that wouldn’t be tracked back to him (at least be the wizarding world, and he doesn’t exist in the muggle world). Regulus wants to be in more contact with the muggle world, and he thinks that having trained flame users in/working for the family would be useful.

But they have to find out about it somehow. Sirius is the prankster of the group (so is Izar but he is used to the arcablenco) but I don’t think he would be able to convince his family by himself. Maybe he browbeats Regulus into coming with him. Regulus lets him, partially so he can act as impulse control, and partially because he also has some vindictiveness in him against the people who think they can treat a Black like a minion. They sneak into one of the arcablencos houses while Skull has said they are away under lots of spells- they don’t know what will and won’t work against both flames and technology, so better safe than sorry- and start spelling things. Sirius knows a lot of spells specifically designed for pranking, while Regulus is quite creative at using the spells he knows creatively (muggle-repellents on treasured looking items, spellcheck on paper (who here hasn’t had issues with a spellchecker) , making a hoover clean when the owner isn’t there to mess with their memory- how much have I forgotten if I can’t remember cleaning- and so on) . One of them is going through a desk and finds the notes on what everyone thinks Skull has gotten into (I don’t know who would be the most likely to take notes during the paranoia-fest of a meeting they had after leaving Skulls apartment) . The brothers have a good laugh over this and copy/take it to show the others. On their way out Sirius starts to think it would be funny to give the arcablencos more “evidence ” for this theory and talks Regulus into thinking it would be a good idea- he takes it one step further and suggests making a temporary mafia group (if Izar thinks he would be a good cosplayer, he’s probably a decent actor, and thinks he can pull off pretending to be a mafioso ) . They talk Narcissa and Alphard into it, and they are both thinking that getting a handle on the world Izar was dragged into could only be a good thing .

When Skull find out, he thinks it’s a terrible idea, but cannot talk them out of it. He ends up telling them how to make a mafia family (where and how to recruit, rules is omerta, dos and don'ts, how to get a base, where there is territories, etc) because he doesn’t want them to get hurt.

I don’t know if they bring in any more family members or how the react, but they may start finding muggleborn mafia children before they get sent to the magic school of their country, training them as wizards/witches, flame-actives if they can, and above all else, completely loyal to the Blacks. And thus the Blacks spread their influence across the world. Since neither secret world is aware of each other, they covertly use the abilities of the other to gain an advantage. Magical wards on the Mafia safehouses, legimacy on recruits to weed out spies, Mist flames to hide things from the ministry, Cloud flames to multiply the power of spells.

Skull both loves and is embarrassed by his relatives.

YOUR TAGS OMFG KJKSDGLDHLSH

Alright but I support this 100% and I imagine that the Marauders, Lily and Izar’s year mates all get dragged into this to some degree or another (also, Andromeda is inducted into the group with her bb!Tonks and Lucius is a periphereal member). Of course, Narcissa won’t allow for potential betrayals so each member brought in has to take an Unbreakable Vow to not betray the Family.

They start in the UK, their take over of the world - Alphard and Lucius collaborate to buy out properties and businesses in the wizarding world covertly, Izar’s former classmates - the ones whom became VERY proficient in fighting his creations - coordinate several take overs of mafia families already in the UK while several muggle-borns become leaders in various communities and, in the next election, one even becomes Prime Minister.

(and just imagine Skull using Wingardium on things like cotton balls to create ‘safe’ monsters for the baby Clouds of their group to fight)

Alright, I’m splitting this into two parts 1) more about the Black Mafia family. They accidentally already have a theme for names- Latin , preferably to do with stars. So they use the Latin equivalent of the names of the flame types, and name their divisions after Star signs , I don’t know enough about star signs to make them appropriate, but maybe the one that is the bull mean that it’s full of tanks and heavy hitters? They will need appropriate code names for the inner circle as well, but those with Latin based names probably just need to think up a justification for it. Remus - brother of Romulus founder of Rome, raised by a wolf. He’s an academic, so probably researches flames a lot (looking for a suppressant of werewolf time?). Rome was a centre of knowledge, so he can use that, but if he’s captured for that knowledge, there’s a risk of him showing the raised by wolves bit (delay until the next full moon) at which point he gets others to make sure there’s not any escapees to create an epidemic. If the Blacks are fine with recruiting Remus , they might be fine with hiring other werewolves, who have heavy ministry restrictions on getting jobs. I don’t know if you want include Peter. His name is of Hebrew origin, meaning Rock. He is sketchy looking and probably relies on his animagus abilities. He could be a seller of Black family things to other Mafia groups. If there is a raid, then he can ran away as a rat and anyone that sees will just assume he’s a talented Mist. The Latin for Rock is petram, and I can’t think of an appropriate name other than that. James would both be a shareholder (helping pay for it and getting a lot back) and take a more active roll. He could convert his pranking skills into sneaking and trapping. The Latin for trick is dolus. It also means deception, so it would trick people into thinking he was a spy. Lily is the only muggleborn of the group, and so knows the civilian view of the Mafia. I don’t know what her role would be, other than moderating her husband and his friends. There are two options for her codename. She could be the Latin for reason, ratio, or the scientific name for the lily plant, Lilium. Andromeda could be leading the deniable section of the family (both  wizarding and Mafia ) as she is disowned at this point. Andromeda is a separate galaxy from ours , so that could work. Nymphadora (Tonks) means gift from the nymphs (fairies ). Due to her metamorphagus abilities, she would probably be apprenticed under her aunt cissie, and could play up the changeling interpretation of her name. Lucius seems like he would be the politician, dealing with other groups, forming alliances and treaties. People would never be sure if he was actually married to Narcissa or it was just an act to get the spy into the negotiations. Lucius means light , which I can’t quite warp into fitting the job description, but that would just make people more paranoid about what he can do (is he their flame expert? Is he a sky?) When they bring a baby one time, the carrion birds start circling, but when he is referred to as Draco, a dragon, he is obviously not defenceless and they back off.

2)How this messes up canon. Sirius is in better contact with the rest of his family, so they would try and get him out of askaban, and find out that he didn’t have a trial. His family would also help him fight for guardianship of Harry, and if he still couldn’t, arrange for some “muggle criminals “ to kidnap Harry and they would raise him anyway. Same thing happens if they can’t get him out of askaban legally. Regulus would probably not end up a death eater, and even if he joined to keep an eye on them, instead of dying to find the horxcux, he would either use his flames to get out if he has been trained, or call a mist to teleport him out. He would also tell his family, and they would work to get rid of the rest (can storm flames eat horxcruxes? lets find out and Remus will take notes). Peter is a lot less likely to betray the Potters when he knows he has a growing criminal empire at his back who can hide him when he runs. Isn’t impossible, but less likely . James and Lily have other means of protecting themselves other than wands, and a huge motivation to do so. Place Mist protections round their house- maybe even hire Viper for the best quality. Use flames and magic mixed for maximum effect. They’ve had to defend themselves without revealing magic, and so will ha e guns and knives. Voldemort is in for a surprise, though it probably will not kill him due to horxcruxes. It may slow him down enough for reinforcements to arrive (you bet the potters have an emergency button) though wether they arrive in time to save James and Lily depends on wether you want them to survive or not. Draco is most likely a much less spoilt and bratty kid, and almost definitely raised alongside Harry.

What flame types do you think everyone would be? I think Sirius would be a Storm, and so would Lily, but other than that i’m stumped.

I am seeing Regulus as a Mist, James too. Narcissa I see as a Rain and Lucius as a Sun.  Remus….hm…Rain? And I think both Andromeda and Peter would be Lightning. Alphard is a Rain-Mist.

…so, basiaclly, the start of the Black Family as a mafia family has no Sky at all.

No one tells a Black what they can and cannot do, this particular group takes a bit too much joy in wreaking other people’s perception on what should be and what is possible.

Ok, the Black Family starting out without a Sky is the best thing ever. But. Hear me out.

Harry turns out to be a Sky.

Harry eventually becoming the boss, because once he is old enough to get involved with the "Family Business" someone finds out he's a Sky and they make Assumptions™ and decide he must be training to be the next boss.

The Blacks are like "Huh, why not?" because No One would expect the Boy-Who-Lived to be a Mafia boss. And he doesn't even have to really be the boss, he can just be the figurehead that gets all the attention while they do whatever in the shadows (Slytherin thinking ftw). Besides in this AU I'm guessing the press wouldn't be nearly as bad about Harry as they are in canon because the Blacks would have none of that bullshit.

Consider, Wade Wilson meeting Skull de Mort

Polished Malachite Stalactite - Copper Crescent, Congo

*looks around*

Is

Is anyone gonna say it

malachite is a poisonous mineral. please do not fuck the malachite stalactite

@lizaleigh do you know any rock people that can confirm/deny because I am very curious and really don’t feel like getting into a conversation with my geophysicist brother that MAY somehow get back to the fact I saw a malachite that looked like a weird dildo.

…sadly, I am not on good enough terms with any of our partner geologists to just attach this to an email with the subject line: “EXPLAIN.” Although I think @mollisaurus is a mineral person. Thoughts?

oh geeze, i’m kinda rusty on minerals but malachite is just copper carbonate and is really common in both antique and modern jewelry so i think like if you were really gun-ho about it you could go ahead and put it wherever you want?

It’s really only a problem if you’re polishing or cutting it. The particles would be bad to breathe. It’s rather porous too, so I would worry about bacteria growing. Well, being literal anyway… Better to leave the poor thing alone. ._.

I mean it kinda depends on where you stick it because malachite does not like acidic environments very much and the malachite will degrade and also might dye your bits blue-green as the copper dissolves out.

So use a condom when fucking rocks is the takeaway here.

Oh my god guys it’s poisonous

It is super poisonous

There is a reason we do not use it in make up any more

Not even with a condom, do not fuck the rock

Try this one instead. 

malachite literally explodes in water does it not?

I… no… I think you’re thinking of pure sodium?

Malachite is however water soluble, which really just means it will poison you quicker

This is both hilarious and cool as fuck because you’re getting all this information on minerals and rocks. You’re also watching people argue over wether or not you can fuck this rock

I go on hiatus for a week and come back to find tumblr molesting my post, but hey, at least we all learned something so yay tumblr, you just keep on  being you.

I’m still not sure if I can fuck this rock.

I’m looking into it.

UPDATE:

Today in “I’m so sorry, coworkers, it’s for Tumblr,” I brought this post to the attention the science reporters at BuzzFeed. Dan Vergano did a some research and weighed in on the question “Can you use malachite as a dildo or is it toxic?”

The answer is “It’s probably fine, just wash it first and maybe use a bunch of lube.”

Oh man this got so much better than the last time I saw this post

This is my favourite. Science side of tumblr: asking the REAL questions

*biologist crashes through the underbrush* Ok so here’s the thing though Malachite is not poisonous to YOU. BUT fucking this stalactite will probably wreck your vaginal flora and leave you with a gruesome infection within a couple days. Want details? SO GLAD YOU ASKED, ‘CAUSE HERE THEY ARE. • Malachite is not copper oxide. It’s Cu2CO3(OH)2. Like most carbonates it’s water soluble– that’s how it became a stalactite in the first place! And technically any given chunk of “malachite” isn’t just malachite– it’s a mix of various copper carbonates & oxides. This will become important later.  • When malachite dissolves it makes a bunch of copper (Cu++) ions. Cu++ is GREAT at killing bacteria and fungi– so good at it that sprays with Cu++ get used a lot as a spray in agriculture to stop plant disease. It takes such a large dose to harm larger organisms that copper sprays are used a lot in organic agriculture (like Bordeaux mixture).  So bottom line, yes malachite is technically nontoxic to humans. But it kills bacteria when it dissolves and releases Cu++. • Malachite dissolves somewhat slowly in water– but vaginal secretions aren’t just any water. A healthy human vagina has a pH of 3.8-4.5 and a salinity of about 0.9%. It’s also warmer than your average underground cave at 37°C (or 98.5°F in American meat units). As luck would have it, acidity, salinity, and warmth all make malachite dissolve faster.  • In other words, the human vagina dissolves malachite.  • I have no deeper explanation for why human females can dissolve rocks with our genitals. It simply is.  • Gonna to take a quick moment to point out that sex toys that dissolve when you use them are maybe not the best investment.  • Anyway the key question now is “how fast does the human vagina dissolve malachite?” Are we talking geological timescale, a Nazis-in-Indiana-Jones situation, or something in between? If the reaction kinetics of dissolution are very slow, then there’s nothing to worry about. An encounter with a stalactite would have to last years for enough Cu++ to leach out to cause problems. If it’s quick then we’re in trouble.  • Unfortunately it looks like nobody really knows. One of the best sources on how malachite dissolves & precipitates in water– an EPA document on how to avoid too much Cu++ in municipal drinking water systems– helpfully says “The kinetic constraints on the formation of these solids in water systems are largely unexplored” (p. 42) because end equilibrium points is all you need to run a city water system safely. In other words, the experiments that would tell us how fast malachite dissolves in various types of water just don’t exist because nobody’s ever needed to know before. So we’d better assume it’s going to happen reasonably quickly, #for safety. • So in best scientific fashion, we’re just going to bullshit our way ahead using what facts we DO have on hand: endpoint equlibria.  • Is there any info out there telling us what equilibrium concentration of Cu++ we get in salty acidic water at body temperature? Almost! One J.F. Scaife published some great data on this back in 1957. TAKE IT AWAY, SCAIFE. 

That orange box is how many moles of dissolved Cu++ Scaife got from sticking malachite in some water that had 0.171 moles NaCl/L (body salinity is about 0.154 moles NaCl/L so this is slightly less salty than people) at 30°C. He’s got no acidity in there, and again the salinity and temperature are slightly lower than people. But this is probably the closest we’re going to get to data on how malachite behaves in vaginas anytime soon, folks. From this we can take away that if you leave malachite alone in a vagina you’ll get AT LEAST 9.12 x 10^-4 moles/L, or 5.8 ppm, of Cu++ at equilibrium.  • Recall from above that most “malachite” isn’t actually pure malachite, it’s a mix of various copper carbonates & oxides. The EPA document elaborates: “[T]raditional ‘eyeball’ identification of malachite by its blue-green color is extremely unreliable, because almost all cupric hydroxysulfates, hydroxycarbonates, hydroxychlorides, and even fresh cupric hydroxide can be some shade of blue-green. … Thus, the uncertainty in the computed copper concentration in equilibrium with malachite is at least about a factor of 2 … until further experimental data focusing on this problem is generated.” In other words, “do your math and then double how much Cu++ you think is going to be in the water, just in case.” So that gives us 11.6ppm Cu++, at equilibrium, with malachite in a (til now!) healthy vagina.  • Next step: do we have any idea what happens to bacteria in acid conditions with copper? OH MY GOD WE TOTALLY DO. Gyawali et al 2011 checked this out in the context of “so what if we rinsed tomatoes with a solution of lactic acid and copper, because that would be a safe & organic way to get rid of E. coli?” So now this post has officially ruined stalactites, vaginas, and tomatoes.

^This would happen. These are the counts of 4 E. coli strains exposed to various levels of lactic acid & Cu++ for 8 hours. This table only shows the end counts but it represents the death of 99.7% of bacteria*. • Losing 99.7% of your vaginal flora is seriously bad news. You’re looking at really good odds of a yeast infection, bacterial vaginosis, and/or other infection issues. And that’s if you’re lucky enough to not be in the 4% of the population or so that’s sensitive to skin contact with copper.  • The good news? Biochemically speaking, you’re probably ok to put it in your butt. It’s not as acidic or salty in there, plus there’s a huuuuuge stockpile of gut microbes right upstream that can quickly repopulate the colon after spelunking is complete. However this stalactite is not flared at the base so it is the wrong shape for putting in your butt. Do not put this stalactite in your butt.  • This all looks like fun and games, but I think it’s really interesting that the internet’s mistake in concluding that this stalactite is fuckable is very similar to the mistake made by the Flint water management system. Hear me out.  • Central to the Flint lead poisoning crisis is that authorities only looked at & tested Flint’s water in its central treatment plant before it went out through the pipes. Not after it went through the pipes. They did not consider what would happen biochemically as it went through the pipes and metals started dissolving.  • Similarly, in concluding that the stalactite is fuckable, the internet only considered the stalactite itself. Not the biochemical processes that would happen to it as it, welp, went through the pipes.  • Media frequently reports that the Flint River’s water is “corrosive,” leading many to believe the river is full of industrial waste. This ain’t the case. You’d need industry to fill a river with industrial waste, and industry left decades ago. That’s why Flint’s so poor. So what IS in the water? Road salt. Plain old stupid road salt. The old Detroit-based source didn’t have salt because it came from Lake Huron which has a large, mostly rural watershed. Meanwhile the Flint River runs through a lot of towns, making it slightly salty as everything melts down in spring. And as we recall from the stalactite experience, a little salt is all it takes to get metals to dissolve.  • Information on this engineering problem was not coming through clearly from the engineering or chemistry sides. It took a biologist, pediatrician Mona Hanna-Attisha, to document the real-time results and provide the data to kick-start a high-level investigation.  • Morals of the story: when dealing with a biological system pls consider asking a biologist, your vagina and/or city could depend on this • Pls use a condom when fucking any water-soluble material • Still don’t put the stalactite in your butt -3/10 do not recommend

OK, I haven’t reblogged this before now but the final post takes it to a whole new level and I can no longer resist. 

please read this oh my god

These are better than the originals tbh

GUYS THEY FIGURED OUT THE ROMAN CONCRETE RECIPE THAT MAKES IT IMMUNE TO SEAWATER

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/technology/mystery-of-2000-year-old-roman-concrete-solved-by-scientists/ar-BBDO5VC

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I KNOW RIGHT?!???

I can’t help but feel this is one of those things where we had actual documents saying “it was done with this and this”, and some old rich white guys looked at it and went “oh mirth, the ancients were so silly. They probably wrote this basic stuff down and the actual builders had Secret Techniques we need to Discover”

For a long time, archeologists didn’t know how greek women did their high-piled braids and hair. There was a word that translated to “needle” in the descriptions. They went, “seems like we’ll never know.” Then a hairdresser took a fucking needle (big needle) and did the fucking thing you do with needles, which is sew - and by sewing the braids into place, she replicated ancient styles.

The Egyptians had diagrams of construction steps for their pyramids. Archeologists went “oooh, ancient primitive people, how they do this?” LITERALLY MYTHBUSTERS OR THE OLD DISCOVERY CHANNEL or someone went “what if we did the thing the pictures said they did” AND GUESS FUCKING WHAT. GUESS FUCKING WHAT.

Also that thing with native Americans saying squirrels taught them how to get sap for maple syrup, and colonizers going “that’s a myth sweaty”

Sincerely, if the scientists had to do actual analysis like spectroscopy or whatever, kudos, and no flame. But swear to god, if all these years, we’ve had the recipes and there was just this fuckin institutional bias against just TRYING THE THING THEY SAID WOULD WORK, HELLFIRE AND DEMENTIA.

In this case, it was more they had roman writings saying what went into it but figured there was some secret because when they followed roman recipes it never turned out quite right. 

Because the sources left by Romans always just said to mix with water. Because, if you were a Roman??? Obviously you knew that you used seawater for cement. Duh. That’s so obvious that they never really bothered specifying that you use seawater to mix it, because it wasn’t necessary, everyone knew that. 

But then the empire fell, other empires rose and fell, time passed, and by the time we were trying to reconstruct the formula the ‘mix the dry ingredients with seawater’ trick had been forgotten, until chemical analysis finally figured it out again. 

It’s sort of like the land of Punt, a ally of Egypt that’s mentioned all the time, but we don’t actually know where it was located. Because it isn’t written down anywhere. Why would they write it down? It’s Punt. Everyone knew where Punt was back then. It’d be ridiculous to waste the ink and space to specify where it was, every child knows about Punt. 

3000 years later and we have no damned clue where it was, simply because at the time it was so blindingly obvious that it was never written down. 

So moral of story is be specific

I was thinking it was stupid that they didn’t specify seawater but then I had the thought that we don’t specify to use chicken eggs in baking because DUH so we just write eggs

2000 years in the future people are going to be making scrambled fish eggs and crying bc the ancient recipes make no sense

Forget eggs what about milk? They’ll look back in the ancients and think we drank human breast milk by the gallon. When asked for evidence they’ll pull out from the deep archives the historical records of anime tiddies proving ancient humans had huge boobs. i mean some serious honkers. a real set of badonkers. packin some dobonhonkeros. massive dohoonkabhankoloos. big ol’ tonhongerekoo—

Shrek

dunkirk?

Beauty and the Beast

I'm pretty sure that applies to the Uchiha too

Se atormenta una vecina.

EL DRAMA ES INMINENTE.

Some things transcend the barriers of language

That feeling tho when you find that fic writer that just absolutely fucking

@raendown @a-boy-named-mike @writhingbeneathyou @asknotbug

Y'all are amazing

@raendown @a-boy-named-mike @writhingbeneathyou @artbythedarkside @kaiyaru @officerjennie @dahtwitchi

You guys are amazing!! My day gets 100 times better when I can read your beautiful stories! I <3 you all!

@sanjuno I thought of you the second I saw this