summers like. you will feel a loneliness so profound youll fear it has no end but also sometimes God will place their cooling hand on yr forehead & you will feel held for the first time

I feel like we've lost something linguistically with the rise of professional subtitles for everything because they just adapt jokes and idioms into their nearest English equivalent and lose cultural context. I miss watching anime in 2002 with subs by some guy who was just really passionate about japanese and would fill half the screen with an in-depth breakdown of why a pun works. I'm serious I want that again.

If you work a tipped job literally make up a silly name for yourself and people will think you’re so much more charismatic and personable for the exact same service. People are soo much nicer and tip me better when I say my names Melon. They fucking love it all I gotta say is yup that’s my real name. my parents are huge hippies. I know fucking insane right. Fucking stupid. With a straight face and especially the old people they have to fan themselves they get so excited

you ever take a uquiz and realize halfway through that you don’t respect the author and their opinion is useless to you

everyone shut up except this person

Listen to me I am sick of your dumb ass reincarnating as animals over and over again and coming to visit me at my house as a supposed "sign of your presence" I keep killing the things you come back as every time on purpose I do not want a dog to live here nor a cat nor a beautiful bird nor that which crawls beneath the Earth. We're THROUGH. The relationship ended when your life as a human did. I get that you want to keep this "Twin flame" soul mate reincarnation bullshit afloat but 1. I will not be returning to the cycle of death and rebirth due to my dark heart AND 2. Even if I did come back, good luck being born a human around the same time as me once more. Asshole. I'm salting the earth around my yard so that from the ground no plants may grow and from there comes no germs from plants, no bugs from germs, no birds from bugs, no beasts from birds. No you.

like there comes a point where you think something is fundamentally wrong with you. and then it turns out it’s just Friday and you haven’t washed your hair in three days and maybe you’re also just a little lonely and the combination of all three of those things is whittling a hole into your chest every time you breathe. but also the sun’s up. and you’ve survived everything so far, so you’ll survive this too, even if it hurts, even if you have to survive it many times.

@wearepaladin

Today, one of my second graders was working on shape name recognition, and we got to this picture of a pyramid shape with a wide-ish base. When he saw it, his eyes lit up and he turned to me with a huge grin on his face, pointed at it, and said "When the teacher forgets to assign homework" before bursting out into hysterics, covering his mouth and giggling. I don't understand what happened except this kid CLEARLY knows about the strong comedic and memeable value of mathematical shapes and emotions that I, an old millennial, cannot comprehend I did, however, try to recreate this moment as the meme this child must have seen in his head

maybe he was thinking of the dancing triangle meme??

i have seen this gif with that exact caption before. this is absolutely the one he was thinking of

That kid saw one of the simplest geometric shapes and said that's blorbo from my memes 👍

just give me 20 to 40 minutes to think on it and i can come up with the most passably human sentences you've ever heard so help me god

Like?

i don't know i was lying

dream girls

dr seuss yaoi

I was gonna say “I bet this exists” because I had genuinely forgotten one of the most gargantuan eras in the history of this website

Posts that scare new tumblr users

Why would this scare new users? How bad could it possibly be??

I feel cheated. no one on Reddit told me that tumblr is a serotonin factory. Keep liking and reblogging my posts please thanks

Just don't fly too close to the sun.

Throw me to the sun and I’ll get it pregnant

Fellas (gender neutral), you heard him. Ready the catapults.

Now this is one of my favourite tik toks

Trans ppl really are savants at turning the mundane into the sublime huh

:)

baseball different than I remember

For the record, the team in yellow is a sort of "performance" team, similar to how the Harlem Globetrotters played. Their entire shtick is doing goofy stuff like this, and it's hilarious.

The team comes out of Georgia, and they're called

The Savanah Bananas

idk what traumatized or mentally ill person needs to hear this but dreams (especially the really disturbing ones you dont want to talk about to anybody) arent some deep peek into your psyche or a sign of your True Desires or whatever theyre quite literally your brain making fruit salad with whatever it can find on the shelf. just putting all that shit in a blender and hitting obliterate. its fine, youre fine, youre not a weirdo for it

Actually forget what I said. This dream is more important than anything

I post for the bitches who stutter, misspeak, mumble, and speak with an incoherent flow that only makes sense if you are in my brain

you know when you and that e-girl you fancied actually make it and hook up but you live in different cities and shit. yeah that was chill and dating some sort of girl creature is nice but you know when you’ve endured weeks of “would you love me if i was a lamp🥺🥺” and “please mod my stream please mod my stream please mod my stream” and “spit in my mouth” messages and you go to her place for date weekend and the smell just hits you like a wall when you open the door. homegirl got that reek. that no shower november, that cheap vodka and mcdonalds sweat vibe. That thank god you can’t smell me thru twitch kinda beat and you find her huddled in her cave watching whetever chinese cartoon is on the meme this week and before she gets at you with that “daddy i’m not dirty i’m just based and lainpilled” you drag her scrawny lil ass to the shower. she’s passed grimes and moved onto mud and baby you’re a gas station powerwasher. There’s no use resisting, you’re filled with the concerned rage of a diappointed parent. You ain’t daddy, you’re Father dearest. you hose her down properly but there is challenge waiting. the layers of filth, makeup and grease has formed a waterproof cocoon. girl putting the crusty in crustecean and you need a hammer and a chisel to break open the shell to get at the juicy pale white girlmeat inside. She makes a fuss like an angry cat and threaten to refuse wearing the asuka costume for you ever again, but she eventually drops the hissing and succumbs to the soap and water. Colours you ain’t ever seen before swirls around the drain hole and you just know you have to bleach the shit out of that later. Your creature is reborn as she emerges from the dirt and you remember why you love her. She’s beautiful. Cracked open and freed you dry her off with a towel and kiss her forehead. You cook her dinner after airing out her place and she nearly pukes before once again adjusting to solids. You two talk about how you feel as the evening drags on into the long night. Two humans connecting, breaking bread and caring for eachother. Love wins

collection of posts that have made me yell YOU NEED TO PLAY RAIN WORLD out loud

hehe