The difference between boundaries and control
Boundaries and controlling behaviors are two very different aspects of relationships that can have a significant impact on it's dynamic.
An example of a boundary would be:
"I do not like people who do x, so I will not date people who do x,"
By doing this, you are establishing a boundary around the behavior or trait you find undesirable. It shows a clear personal limit that you have set for yourself in terms of the kind of behavior you do not tolerate or find compatible with your values or preferences.
It speaks to your personal standards and helps you protect your self and your values by choosing people who align with them. It is important to set and communicate your boundaries to ensure you are compatible.
An example of control would be:
"I do not like people who do x, so you need to stop doing x so that I can be with you." This suggests that the partner's decision to stay in the relationship is contingent on the other person changing who they are or what they do.
Control involves imposing your own desires, expectations, or values onto the other person while disregarding their autonomy and individuality.
Remember that you can only control yourself.
In a healthy relationship partners should respect each other's individuality and have open and honest talk about their preferences and dislikes instead of trying to control or change the other person.
- Boundaries are our individual limits and guidelines we establish for ourselves to maintain our well being. They define what we believe is acceptable and unacceptable behavior for each person.
Emotional Boundaries:
Sharing feelings and emotions at a pace that feels comfortable to us.
Requesting space and time to process emotions on our own.
Physical Boundaries:
Communicating personal comfort levels regarding physical intimacy.
Respecting personal space and the need for physical distance.
Communication Boundaries:
Expressing needs and expectations openly and honestly.
Setting limits on disrespectful or hurtful language during disagreements.
Privacy Boundaries:
Having personal passwords or private accounts.
Requesting privacy during certain activities or conversations.
2. Control: Control involves exerting power, dominance, or manipulation over a partner, infringing upon their autonomy and personal freedom. This could possibly stem from insecurity, jealousy, or a desire for control.
Isolation:
Restricting or discouraging a partner's social interactions. Discouraging or preventing contact with friends and family.
Constant Monitoring:
Checking phone calls, texts, or emails without consent.
Demanding access to personal social media accounts.
Financial Control:
Restricting or monitoring a partner's access to finances.
Forbidding or controlling their spending habits.
Decision Making:
Making big decisions without consulting or considering their partner's input.
Dictating choices regarding the partner's appearance, career, or personal life.
