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#ActualAlchemistEdwardElric

@vantasticmess / vantasticmess.tumblr.com

a space where van is a nerd. probably old enough to be your mom.adhd sideblog: @adhdpie || CLAMP sideblog: @syaoranli || vld sideblog: @projectshirogane

shoutout to the adhd people who did well in school for years but suddenly crashed and burned when the responsibilities outweighed their coping skills

shoutout to the adhd people who couldn’t finish college

shoutout to the adhd people who do great work but lose their jobs because of poor time managment

shoutout to the adhd people who don’t lose their jobs but can never advance because of their inconsistent performance

shoutout to the adhd people who want more work responsibilities but are afraid of what will happen when they inevitably make a careless mistake or their inattention leads something important to be forgotten

shoutout to the adhd people who have damaged their credit rating by forgetting to pay bills or return library books

shoutout to the adhd people who work their ass off every day but never know if the results will be stellar, average, or terrible

shoutout to the adhd people who have done just well enough to go most of their lives knowing something was wrong, but figuring they just needed to work harder to fix it.

Shoutout to @vantasticmess for all these shout outs. We see you too!

Thank you @allieformentalhealth ! This made my day a while back and it made my day again today when i remembered you doing this 💕

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Our Community Guidelines are changing

To keep Tumblr the constructive, empowering place it should be

It was a little more than 10 years ago that we introduced the humble reblog, not knowing how much it would change the growing Tumblr community. The ability to take one person’s idea, build on it, and share it as something new transformed Tumblr from a simple blogging site into a social network where people were talking, exploring, learning, and growing through reblog chains.

We’ve been thinking about that a lot recently—the kind of place we want Tumblr to be, and our responsibility to you here and out in the world.

At its core, Tumblr is a place to express yourself and connect with others who share your interests. Over time a knot of diverse, kinetic, passionate communities sprang up. You can jump from things you love into things you didn’t even know existed. And it’s on all of us to create a safe, constructive, and empowering environment where you can continue to do that.

Our Community Guidelines need to reflect the reality of the internet and social media today and acknowledge that the things people post and share online influence the way others think and behave.

The following updates will go into effect on September 10, 2018 and can reviewed here.

We won’t tolerate hate speech

We believe in a free and open internet but we can’t ignore that the internet is being exploited by hate groups to organize, recruit, and radicalize with horrifying efficiency. Updating our Community Guidelines and internal procedures is necessary to address a very real threat to members of the Tumblr community.

When it comes to hate speech, we’re redrawing the line between what’s uncomfortable and what’s unacceptable, and have struck 41 words of gray area from this section in the Community Guidelines. It now reads:  

Hate Speech: Don’t encourage violence or hatred. Don’t post content for the purpose of promoting or inciting the hatred of, or dehumanizing, individuals or groups based on race, ethnic or national origin, religion, gender, gender identity, age, veteran status, sexual orientation, disability or disease. If you encounter content that violates our hate speech policies, please report it.
[DELETED: If you encounter negative speech that doesn’t rise to the level of violence or threats of violence, we encourage you to dismantle negative speech through argument rather than censorship. That said, if you encounter anything especially heinous, tell us about it.]
Keep in mind that a post might be mean, tasteless, or offensive without necessarily encouraging violence or hatred. In cases like that, you can always block the person who made the post—or, if you’re up for it, you can express your concerns to them directly, or use Tumblr to speak up, challenge ideas, raise awareness or generate discussion and debate.

While the deleted language was well-intentioned (and we still need your help reporting hate speech) a post shouldn’t have to be “especially heinous” to merit reporting.

We’re also banning the glorification of violence and its perpetrators

Not all violence is motivated by racial or ethnic hatred, but the glorification of mass murders like Columbine, Sandy Hook, and Parkland could inspire copycat violence. With that in mind, we’re revising the Community Guidelines on violent content by adding new language to specifically ban the glorification of violent acts or the perpetrators of those acts:

Violent Content and Threats, Gore, Mutilation: Don’t post content that includes violent threats toward individuals or groups—this includes threats of theft, property damage, or financial harm. Don’t post violent content or gore just to be shocking. Don’t showcase the mutilation or torture of human beings, animals (including bestiality), or their remains. Don’t post content that encourages or incites violence, or glorifies acts of violence or the perpetrators.

Lastly, we’re eliminating any ambiguity in our zero-tolerance policy on non-consensual sexual images

We’re adding a very simple statement (in bold below) to our existing policy on harassment to remove any uncertainty:

Harassment. Don’t engage in targeted abuse or harassment. Don’t engage in the unwanted sexualization or sexual harassment of others.

Posting sexually explicit photos of people without their consent was never allowed on Tumblr, but with the invention of deepfakes and the proliferation of non-consensual creepshots, we are updating our Community Guidelines to more clearly address new technologies that can be used to humiliate and threaten other people.

So what can you expect going forward?

The new Community Guidelines will go into effect on September 10, 2018. After that, if we determine a post or blog is promoting hatred, glorifying violence, or is engaging in the unwanted sexualization of another person, it will be taken down. This includes (for example) posting Islamophobic, anti-Semitic, or anti-LGBTQ+ content to promote or incite violence or hatred; using symbols of hate movements to intimidate or harass others; and the glorification of mass murderers.

Of course, context is everything. Posts and blogs that generate open, constructive debate are always welcome here. A heated conversation about race or gender identity in media is not hate speech, nor is a factual, educational history of Jim Crow.

An overwhelming amount of care and nuance is needed to evaluate reports fairly and accurately, so we’ve increased the size of our team to review the reports we receive.

What should you do if you see content that violates the CGs?

Report it. We’ve added hate speech reporting to the mobile apps. Just tap the airplane icon on any post to open this menu 👇 — then tap Report (flag button) > Something else > Hate speech.

One last note

We are fierce defenders of free expression. We want Tumblr to be a place where people come to be themselves and engage diverse points of view through constructive dialogue. The lines we’re drawing today around hate speech, violence, and non-consensual sexual content are designed to protect that vision.

We’ll continue to review and revise our Community Guidelines to make sure they remain an accurate reflection of our community and its values. And as part of our commitment to transparency, we’ll always make sure previous versions are available on our public GitHub repo.

You’re going to have opinions on these changes and what more we can do. We encourage you to share your thoughts (especially constructive feedback) in the notes. And if you feel that Tumblr is no longer for you, there’s a whole world of internet out there.

❤️ Be kind to each other, Tumblr.

please promise that real people will look these things over? because otherwise it’s going to be just as abused as the previous language. 

HELLO TUMBLRVERSE

Long time no see, hope you’ve all been well!

I don’t think it’s a secret that I haven’t been the most active on Tumblr for the past…while, but since I’ve been gearing up for some big changes at the beginning of this year, I figured it was about time I let y’all know what I’ve been up to! 

Firstly, yes I’m still doing cosplay! The past couple years have been pretty slow, and I’m perpetually awful at updating my social media (something I’m trying to get better at), but if you’re still interested in following me for that, I highly recommend following me on Twitter (where I’m very active, plus all the multi-fandom exploits you’ve come to expect over here), Instagram (mostly cosplay-related or IRL posts), or Facebook (more professionally toned, mostly cosplay and streaming focused) – whichever of those social media outlets seems to suit your fancy. Probably not Facebook though, because as we all know the algorithms suck and you’ll never see anything.

Nextly, look at this shiny branding update! Logos! Imaging! Text coherency! It’s all there! Not a huge thing for myself perse, but it was a lot of work I put into prepping for the finally,

and probably most importantly – 

If you saw streaming in there, that’s right, I’m launching my Twitch channel this Friday (or, uh, tomorrow!! haha)

I’ve been doing a lot of work to gear up for streaming on a semi-full time basis – I’ll be playing video games, chatting with viewers, and you might even catch me doing a cosplay WIP stream if you’re lucky! I’m super super excited to get this off the ground, and I’m really hoping to get to engage with people and share content in a way that’s more comfortable for me than words through the internet, so if any of that sounds interesting to you, click the follow button on my channel for notifications on when I go live. Not only would it mean a lot to have you tune in, I seriously want to see you there (yes, you!).

I’ll be doing a bit of a preliminary test stream tonight (playing Bastion from 6pm-9:30pm EST), and if you can’t tune in then, we’ll be kicking off the launch party tomorrow night at 6pm EST where you can watch me remember just why I never decided to finish playing Portal on PC. It’ll be fun! :D 

And even if you can’t make it then, don’t worry – I’ll be trying to stream on the daily if I can manage it so feel free to pop in whenever you have a chance. 

If you stuck out reading this whole post, thanks a bunch! I feel really fortunate to have gotten so many people following me on Tumblr over the years, and if you’d like to continue to support me on my other social media and especially with streaming, I’d super appreciate it. I’m hoping to use streaming as a spring-board towards bigger and better things, so even just a follow or whenever you can tune in would mean the world. <3 

Thanks for everything, Tumblrverse! Good luck, and follow your dreams.  ☆ KnightArcana -  Al ☆

I heard that Portal is such a good throwback game that if you tune into KnightArcana‘s launch stream tonight at 6pm est you’ll actually portal back in time a whole week, saving you from KatsuCrunch

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the ridiculous rumor that Spock caused ADHD

gtubahsbro replied to your post

What? “You were never taught how to focus as a baby”?? How do you even teach that to a baby?¿

STRAP YOURSELF IN BRO, WE’RE GOING TIME TRAVELING [IN AMERICA]

sooo after a bunch of civilization advancements (technology, food supply, modern medicine) started giving caretaker parents serious free time (1940′s-ish onwards), parents had the option to pamper their kids instead of scheduling nursing time for baby #12 between hand-washed laundry loads and making bread dough. 

In the US, this meant a bunch of dudes took it on themselves to write books and make lots of money telling people to never neglect baby cries and never put kids in playpens and stuff 

  • (the most famous one was Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care, 1st edition published in 1946 but new ones published like every decade the whole century)
  • people were like yeah!! that sounds like a great idea! and stopped putting their kids in playpens and scheduling nursing and whatever. 

and then the civil unrest of the 1960′s and 70′s happened and everyone was like ‘OH MY GOD THIS IS BECAUSE WE NEVER PUT OUR BABIES IN PLAYPENS ISN’T IT’

but even though their parents were freaking out because they figured hippies were the result of free-range babies, baby boomers were like ‘this Dr. Spock guy is GREAT’ and in the 1980′s they also were all about Free Range Babies.

  • I mean, his name is DOCTOR SPOCK. dr. spock
  • are you not going to do what dr spock tells you to do????
  • so all these babies born in the 1980′s never went in playpens and were fed whenever they were hungry instead of scheduling mealtimes and whatever 
  • and playpens are SO out of style that we don’t even call them that anymore and everybody is like ‘they probably fuck up your kid. they probably just fuck your kid up so bad’

ANYWAY

then in the 1990′s: BOOM. Suddenly all these kids born in the 80′s/in elementary school in the 90′s were getting diagnosed with adhd left and right! and it never stopped getting diagnosed a lot??? the percentage of kids diagnosed with adhd keeps going up (11-13% of kids in 2011)

  • aaaaaaaah whyyyyy— oh look an article that talks about why
  • (spoilers: starting in 1991 adhd got disability help, lots of publicity, standardized testing increased, cultural standards changed, etc)

but although Science™ had linked adhd with heredity and neurological function, not diet or parenting methods …

“excuse me, the explanation that Science™ gives for kids getting diagnosed with adhd does not satisfy me, a layman, and therefore I would like to seek an uninformed second opinion” - 90′s/00′s parents, probably

“did somebody say they wanted an UNINFORMED SECOND OPINION?” - 90′s/00′s media, probably

…. the idea that adhd is an uncontrollable inherited disorder is actually kinda scary. and if you think the stigma against mental illness and neurodiversity is bad now, man. you should have seen the 1980′s/1990′s. so even as people were getting their kids checked because they didn’t want their academic life to suffer and studies said adhd would make you a bad student for life without treatment, there was this lingering feeling that adhd was just some kind of excuse for being undisciplined.

and hey! people sure do love to tell other people what they’re doing wrong, especially if it will make them money.

 so there’s plenty of people eager to write books and articles that explain that while they’re sure adhd is real …. probably………. you know, in some case study somewhere …………….  …. the large majority of ‘adhd’ people are totally normal - or would have been, if you hadn’t been a terrible parent(!!!):

combined with the fairly reasonable assumption that we’re overdiagnosing/overmedicating adhd in the US*, this sort of reporting leans hard on how people think mental health issues are just excuses, anyway.

“10,000% of the time adhd is a misdiagnosis. so maybe your kid does have adhd, but it’s way more likely that they just have a short attention span, can’t stand being bored, lack self-discipline, and don’t know how to organize because you fucked up your parenting so bad!

PS and even if they do have adhd their symptoms would be less bad if you were a better parent. you ass”  - an uninformed second opinion media piece, probably

so in conclusion: as late as 2012, something like 1 out of 3 people thought your adhd is just because your parents/guardians did a bad job raising you. they let you do whatever you want too much, didn’t pay enough attention, let you watch too much tv or play too many video games, never put you in a playpen, or something else. i don’t know. but it’s sure not neurodiversity or anything.

that’s what we get for listening to Spock about parenting.

(final but not necessary to read note under the cut!)

This is the most sarcastic thing I’ve ever written and honestly I still think I’m hilarious

Anonymous asked:

Have you ever seen Titanic?

so fun fact: Titanic came out when I was a tween and lET ME TELL YOU. ABOUT HOW LITERALLY EVERONE WAS IN LOVE WITH LEONARDO DICAPRIO. that movie was entirely sponsored by young teens in hormones with Jack WhatsHisName. 

I wasn’t allowed to see it because of the sex scene in the car but eventually i watched it at a house party I think

Anonymous asked:

I believe that you played Karkat Vantas in a 2012 homestuck panel thing, and I would like to know if you are ever going to do that again.

I did! I played Karkat in ... 4 panels, I think, in 2012. (and I was every bit as arrogant and wanting to be the center of attention as Karkat ever was, lmao.)

anyway, no, I don’t expect to ever play Karkat in a character panel again. even if I had the opportunity I would have to catch up on an awful lot of Homestuck. I pretty much stopped reading after Karkat got Deaded by mind-controlled Jane and then brought back to life a panel later b/c when death is that cheap, what’s the point anymore?

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Anonymous asked:

Hi I was wondering if I could have some advice. I told my bf about rsd because everytime I argue with someone I start crying. I tried explaining it to him as "I feel like I need everyone's approval," but I don't think he really gets it. He asked why I feel that way and I didn't know how to respond. He says I can get over it if I try to by arguing with more people. However I feel terrified of this idea and I don't believe I can just get over this symptom that easily. What do you think?

so … honestly, no, I don’t think this is something you can ‘get over’.

this is just me theorizing, but I think the reason adhd people of certain personality types can really struggle with the idea that literally anyone hates them/is angry with them is because it’s hard for us to rank importance of feelings, just like it’s hard for us to prioritize/properly rank anything else. like:

say you accidentally cut somebody off while driving. the person zooms around you a little further down the road and yells curses at you out the window.

rational brain: there’s no reason to care what that person thinks. they’re over-reacting to a mistake. I should care more about what people who see me all the time think about me.adhd: bUT THE FEELINGS OF EVERYBODY IS EQUALLY IMPORTANT?? rational brain: that’s ridiculou–adhd: I might as well have killed the baby of my best friendrational brain: consider: accidentally cutting someone off in traffic is nothing like killing the baby of your best friend.adhd: TOO LATE ALREADY CRYING

because your adhd brain can’t tell the difference between level of offense, or what’s an overreaction because EVERYTHING IS EXCLAMATION POINT IMPORTANT!!!!!, or whose feelings should matter the most, it takes the feelings of everyone way too hard. 

so even little things feel REALLY TERRIBLE!!! to us! and because this is due to chemical imbalances in the brain rather than untrained oversensitivity, you can’t just exposure therapy your way to not feeling that initial burst of emotional pain when somebody expresses a negative feeling towards you or something you did. That initial feeling will probably never stop happening.

However, you can teach yourself to better cope with that initial RSD emotional geyser. it’s hard, though, and take a lot of brain training. The best advice I’ve ever seen on the subject is from @wrangletangle​: here’s a link to their description of how they walk off the sharp initial emotional reaction to perceived rejection. (I’m far from good at employing this myself, tbh.) It also helps to know that first reaction isn’t really my fault so I’m not sitting around like ‘what is wrong with me?’ when I feel super depressed at a person’s words. 

for what it’s worth, I’m a person who absolutely loves to debate. I’ll talk about controversial subjects with other people all day long! and sometimes those debates get really heated. but the moment I get the impression it’s getting personal, I cave, crumble, and have to go cry my feelings off. And I’ve been like this for 25 years (that I can remember). RSD doesn’t go away, but if you can learn to categorize certain arguments into ‘this is not about me, this is about the issue’ it can go a long way to keeping your brain from taking it as a personal rejection. 

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tadhdfw you get diagnosed as an adult and suddenly your whole life makes sense

  • so THAT’s why I couldn’t hear my name being called sometimes
  • so THAT’s why I keep getting speeding tickets
  • so THAT’s why I’m 28+ years old and still don’t know who I am or what I would want to spend the rest of my life doing
  • so THAT’s why I do all my long-term projects in 1-2 nights immediately before/right after the deadline
  • so THAT’s why I literally want to die when someone is angry at me but become completely normal the second they forgive me
  • so THAT’s why I never knew what to say when someone asked ‘why did you do that?' 
  • so THAT’s why my performance is so inconsistent
  • so THAT’s why forming a habit is nigh-impossible for me (30 days? hah! try 30 YEARS)
  • so THAT’s why I struggle to pay attention to anything I already knew or was out of my league
  • so THAT’s why I dropped out of college with a 1.6 GPA after 3.5 years of trying
  • so THAT’s why I forget what I was talking about when I ramble
  • so THAT’s why I can’t remember the birthdays of even my closest friends
  • so THAT’s why I didn’t pay my student loans for 8 years
  • so THAT’s why I smoked cigarettes
  • so THAT’s why I thrived in restaurant work
  • so THAT’s why I struggle to stick a point in the face of difficulties
  • so THAT’s why I do everything in a sudden burst of motivation and can’t finish stuff any other way
  • so THAT’s why I had fantasies ready for every dull moment
  • so THAT’s why I abuse the skin of my hands when I don’t have something to fiddle with during a conversation or lecture
  • so THAT’s why I’m addicted to learning new things but can’t stick with any one thing for longer than a year or two
  • so THAT’s why I’m such a flake about commitments
  • so THAT’s why I love organization but can never stay organized
  • so THAT’s why I lose my eyeglasses every single day
  • so THAT’s why I’ve always thought I was st*pid my whole life has been one long fight to focus long enough to get something done
Anonymous asked:

Hello, What is the difference between adhd and executive dysfunction? thanks.

Executive function is a name for a cluster of frontal lobe-managed brain functions that enable a person to break a task down to its components, organize them, act on them in the correct order, and see the task through to the end.  If a person has chronic problems with starting and/or completing tasks it could be Executive Function Disorder (EFD). 

  • EFD is an symptom of adhd, multiple mental illnesses (including depression), and some learning disabilities.
  • While the manifestation may be the same, the reason for the EFD is different in each case.
  • EFD will often be accompanied by different additional symptoms depending on the cause.

adhd-pi’s primary symptom is executive function disorder. it deeply affects all steps of the decision-making and task completion process: 

  • unable to decide how to prioritize tasks to complete when presented with a variety of things that need doing
  • inability to parse the steps involved in completing any task or create a plan of how to get from start to finish
  • can’t easily conceive how much time the task/each step of a task will take
  • can’t organize the materials needed to complete the task
  • easily distracted from the task
  • can’t remember what step of a task they were on, especially if distracted from the task
  • struggles with motivation to start a task, continue with a task, and complete the task
  • may forget the task exists or fail to tie up ‘loose ends’ of a task when mostly completed.

this is why they can seem indistinguishable at a first glance: executive dysfunction is the main thing that people notice about people with adhd. but the reason for the efd is the lack of control over attention (itself likely caused by low dopamine levels), which causes more than the inability to pick and complete tasks. other symptoms include impulsiveness, difficulty controlling moods/emotional state, and ‘hyperfocus’ or ‘hyperfixation’, which is when the attention locks onto a particular task or topic. when hyperfocus is achieved or a task falls under the hyperfixation of a person with adhd, executive function can appear to be normal or even excellent.

In short: EFD describes a symptom of neurodivergence caused by either brain differences or mental illness. it is only part of ADHD. it also occurs outside of ADHD, though usually for different reasons and impairing function in different ways.

some ADDittude articles about EFD and ADHD:

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period-haver adhd hell feels

  • my period is probably getting close but I don’t remember when I last had it so i can’t count days to figure it out
  • forgetting to bring painkillers with you
  • forgetting to bring tampons/pads with you
  • remembering pads/tampons/cups/painkillers but at the wrong time so now you’re at school/work and they’re in a little pile at the end of your bed, mocking you from afar
  • forgetting to bring these things but finding out you still have both at the bottom of your bag because you forgot to take them out after your last period
  • ‘did i put in a tampon?’
  • ‘did i take out that tampon?’ (D:!!!) (this is super dangerous if you have this problem like I do make sure you c h e c k)
  • when you really need painkillers but your hyperfocus or executive dysfunction has locked you in place and you can’t stop doing what you’re doing long enough to take some meds so you just feel the pain but do nothing to stop it
  • is this pms or rsd or the dreaded combination of B O T H
  • i am on my full dosage of meds why do i feel exactly zero difference
  • ‘post-menopausal people report adhd symptoms returning to pre-medication levels due to lowered estrogen’
  • oh
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‘i don’t have adhd but this adhd post is #relateable’

(the majority of this post is pulled from an older reblog I did on my main, @vantasticmess.)

it’s ADHD Awareness Month so here’s a post about it. :D

I’ve gotten sooo many ‘#not adhd but man i feel this’ tags on adhd posts i’ve made, and tbh tags of this type drive me nuts (b/c they make me doubt the validity of my diagnosis.)

but if you, a not-adhd person, see a post about adhd experiences and relate to it, please consider the following: 

  • maybe you do have adhd?
  • maybe it’s because most things that adhd people experience are things that most everyone experiences sometimes, only they experience it all the time.

at its heart, adhd is the inability to pick what your attention is locked onto, sometimes combined with a need to move constantly (hyperactivity).  This manifests as:

  • lively internal life + rapid thought & intuitive leaps of cognition - good when being creative, bad when trying to make a logical decision
  • overthinking things
  • impulsive behavior
  • short attention span + being easily distracted
  • unnaturally long attention span + inability to notice outside stimuli
  • short term memory dysfunction
  • executive dysfunction
  • no sense of priority (everything is equally important)
  • no sense of time in relation to self (cannot effectively tell how long an activity will take or develop a sense of urgency based on a deadline until the deadline is perilously close or already passed)
  • failure to follow through (leaving work incomplete)
  • forgetting to remember/remembering tasks at inappropriate times
  • intrusive thoughts

And pretty much everyone experiences one or all of these things at times, and these symptoms can spring from other causes than ADHD (for instance, executive dysfunction accompanies depression and anxiety as well).

But adhd people have this happen so constantly and so intrusively that we cannot complete basic tasks, even if we want to:

  • The only thing consistent about us is inconsistent results: sometimes we’re on time, sometimes we’re not. sometimes we’re reliable, sometimes we’re not. sometimes we’re studious, sometimes we’re not … (and trust me we’re not enjoying it any more than you are)
  • We fail classes, we drop out of college, we lose jobs, and no matter how much we try, we cannot fix it.
  • We can’t just remove distractions - our brains are a distraction.
  • We can’t just ‘try harder’ - our wayward mind might be focusing on our studying today, but tomorrow it might not. The same effort level will have wildly different results on different days because our attention cooperated … or didn’t.
  • it is literally impossible for us to choose our focus. pretty much ever.

it pisses off our friends, it pisses off our bosses, it pisses off our family, and it even pisses off ourselves. it affects every part of our life.

So adhd shitposts can be pretty relateable, even if you don’t have adhd.  But if this list sounds familiar - if the contents of it happen to you to the point that you’re getting in trouble at school or your job and you’re pissing off your friends? might be worth looking into what’s going on with you.

i did the thing. i made an adhd blog @adhdpie

I fINALLY settled on a satisfactorily punny adhd url and created a sideblog for adhd rambles:

it will probably be a solid mix of adhd-pi shitposting and talking about all the wild things about myself that i’ve since found out are actually very typical of adhd people and you should follow it if you like my rambly meta posts about adhd :v

shoutout to the adhd people who did well in school for years but suddenly crashed and burned when the responsibilities outweighed their coping skills

shoutout to the adhd people who couldn’t finish college

shoutout to the adhd people who do great work but lose their jobs because of poor time managment

shoutout to the adhd people who don’t lose their jobs but can never advance because of their inconsistent performance

shoutout to the adhd people who want more work responsibilities but are afraid of what will happen when they inevitably make a careless mistake or their inattention leads something important to be forgotten

shoutout to the adhd people who have damaged their credit rating by forgetting to pay bills or return library books

shoutout to the adhd people who work their ass off every day but never know if the results will be stellar, average, or terrible

shoutout to the adhd people who have done just well enough to go most of their lives knowing something was wrong, but figuring they just needed to work harder to fix it.

Library books effect your credit??????

If you forget to return them and they go to collections, yep! Or if you return them super late. The late fee can also go to collections. And anything with a 'collections' tag affects your credit. :(

adhd college gothic

  • it’s 2:20 pm. you blink. it’s 2:20:01 pm. you blink. it’s 2:20:02 pm. you blink. it’s 2:20:03 pm. you blink. it’s 4:36 pm
  • the next chapter of your textbook is 5 pages long. when you turn the page, it’s exactly the same as the page before it. you read it anyway, and turn the page. it’s exactly the same as the page before it. you can’t remember what you read on the page before this one. you still have 5 pages left in the chapter.
  • you are told to highlight the important parts. you highlight the important parts. when you look back, everything is highlighted.
  • you leave for class ten minutes late and get there ten minutes late. you leave for class 30 minutes early and you get to class ten minutes late. you leave for class on time and get to class ten minutes late.
  • the professor says your research paper can be about any subject. ‘any subject,’ he repeats. he meets your gaze, his pupils swallowing the iris and whites of his eyes. ‘any subject,’ he drawls. the floor cracks open at his feet and you can hear the buzzing of millions of flies from the crevice. ‘you have all semester to finish,’ he adds. ‘no check-ins.’ the crack in the floor extends under your chair. the flies swarm up under you. ‘good luck,’ the professor says. the buzzing fills your head and blurs your vision.
  • the professor is talking about something you learned last year. you pull out your phone to play a cell phone game until she gets to something new. when you look up, she’s handing out the final exam. you check the date on your phone. the semester has ended. you remember nothing.

University is where I learned that if I want to pay attention through someone speaking I have to more or less take a transcription. If I’m not focused on catching almost everything said, I’ll check right out and come back later with no idea.

I don’t have a background of ADHD so frankly I have assumed my focus issues are just how folks are. Is that… not a thing?

i mean there’s lots of reasons that you could have trouble with focusing in lectures! (it’s a fact that lectures are the least engaging form of teaching and many people can’t sit through one without losing focus.) adhd is only one possible reason, and it usually comes with a loooot of other signals that affect every aspect of your life, mostly involving failure to executive function + emotional wtfery, that have gone on since childhood.

for example: you say you need to nearly take a transcription. I don’t write fast enough to do that + thorough note-taking would itself be distracting. furthermore, I can pay attention through a lecture ... provided it’s new material, even in a class I don’t like (I might doodle a lot to keep my hands busy and if the teacher has a study/visual aid printout available I bring that to class & try to write one or two notes per printed bullet point so I dont’ forget everything.) but the second we hit material that I either don’t understand enough to engage on or stuff I already know - boom! snoozeville. I tune out w/out even meaning to.

(though my biggest college problems (before dropping out with a 1.6 GPA) were showing up to class at ALL, and doing the homework. I only did homework that was due the next class period. anything long-term I dropped.)

anyway the point is focus isn’t easy for anyone, especially in hideously boring classes! but if you have a lot of focus problems looking into reasons for it isn’t a bad idea.

depression: literally everything is equally uninteresting. guess i'll just play this cell phone game all day long b/c i can't make myself do anything else
adhd: literally everything is equally interesting. guess i'll just play this cell phone game all day long b/c there's no way i can decide between all the other things i wanna do

adhd college gothic

  • it’s 2:20 pm. you blink. it’s 2:20:01 pm. you blink. it’s 2:20:02 pm. you blink. it’s 2:20:03 pm. you blink. it’s 4:36 pm
  • the next chapter of your textbook is 5 pages long. when you turn the page, it’s exactly the same as the page before it. you read it anyway, and turn the page. it’s exactly the same as the page before it. you can’t remember what you read on the page before this one. you still have 5 pages left in the chapter.
  • you are told to highlight the important parts. you highlight the important parts. when you look back, everything is highlighted.
  • you leave for class ten minutes late and get there ten minutes late. you leave for class 30 minutes early and you get to class ten minutes late. you leave for class on time and get to class ten minutes late.
  • the professor says your research paper can be about any subject. ‘any subject,’ he repeats. he meets your gaze, his pupils swallowing the iris and whites of his eyes. ‘any subject,’ he drawls. the floor cracks open at his feet and you can hear the buzzing of millions of flies from the crevice. ‘you have all semester to finish,’ he adds. ‘no check-ins.’ the crack in the floor extends under your chair. the flies swarm up under you. ‘good luck,’ the professor says. the buzzing fills your head and blurs your vision.
  • the professor is talking about something you learned last year. you pull out your phone to play a cell phone game until she gets to something new. when you look up, she’s handing out the final exam. you check the date on your phone. the semester has ended. you remember nothing.