Hello pretty person :)

worst part about getting angry is how much it makes you want to be mean

sorry i said something dickish. a few mildly frustrating things happened to me in succession and it turned me evil

i hope i never ever ever see this image while im high or it will also straight up kill me. it would make me so scared my skeleton would run away And id be a boneless scared heap on the ground

I’m in the woods placing cardboard cutouts of morels in the leaf litter to trick and bamboozle people

I’m about to ruin someone’s whole life

Scamp

tee hee hee hee hee

gnome ass prank

Jesus turned his whimper into whine

Jesus' body was bred you say?

god I fucking love strawberries

ooghhh ohgg stummy hurty too many strawberries

With God as my witness, if this gets 10k notes I will add Strawberry to my legal name

Strawberry as a name would suit you, methinks

god if there was a book of forbidden spells I wouldn’t even hesitate

i bet being a fish whips ass. smooth and wet as fuck. well except for the bears

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO SAVE AS A DRAFT.

HELP

In the town where I grew up, there was a large statue in one of the parks, of a famous historical white colonizer. I'm not going to say who specifically, suffice it to say that it was someone who wasn't worth memorializing for their deeds. And as you can imagine, this statue was a frequent target of vandalism, with paint or toilet paper or eggs on multiple occasions. Now, the local council was generally pretty lax when it came to repairing potholes or other public damage in the town, but every time, 24 hours after this particular statue was hit, the same person would always appear in a Hi-Vis vest, hat, mask and sunglasses, carrying a bucket of water, and wash it clean. They would do it as quickly as possible, but always made sure the face and the name carved at the bottom were generously scrubbed. This only encouraged people to do it again, and so it became a vicious cycle.

Within a year, the statue had sustained so much damage that it was unrecognizable and the lettering unreadable, so eventually the council came and took it down. Also apparently, the person in the Hi-Vis vest didn't even work for the council. They were supposedly just some 'good samaritan' who cleaned it, often before the council even discovered it needed cleaning, so they just let them do it and ignored the problem. They didn't bother putting the statue up again.

Much later, we found out that the anonymous 'samaritan' had been deliberately washing the statue with a bucket of saltwater, which had dramatically corroded it, causing irreversible accumulative damage far worse than spray paint ever would have done. It's even theorized that they were also often the one spray-painting it, just so that they had an excuse to come back after a day to wash it.

A good samaritan indeed

hold on. Was suck him good and hard through his jorts supposed to conjour the image of someone who has an unzipped fly because this entire time I've been imagining someone slurping on wet denim

Truly one of the sentences of all time. Wetpilled denimmaxer

my 8 year old has some emotional regulation difficulties, and I've done my best to help him with those.

unrelated, I gave him a shovel a couple of days ago and told him to go have fun in the field because I was tired.

He suddenly seemed happier, having less trouble breathing through disappointment and just being generally all around more cheerful and able to focus in school better. Sure, my partner had to pull him out of a six foot by three foot hole today, but he was stoked about it!

Marked places in the yard where I needed holes and he happily dug them and helped me plant trees, then helped me turn the compost pile and dig the garden beds. He is happy, my back isn't killing me, and we have discussed erosion and soil quality with the gravitas of an 8 year old discovering something they enjoy

Congrats on your future landscaper. Make sure he catches you reading books that will take him up a good path to a rewarding career.

Or gravedigger. Boy might just be in it for the holes.

Seeing a post that you know a mutual will like and reblogging it to add enrichment to their dash like giving a tiger in a zoo a cardboard box

Thanks

huh i didn’t realise that was an actual thing

You didn’t?

My dude

It is Such a Thing

I’m so excited to introduce you to it

randomly remembering the time in 2012 when everyone kept saying the world was going to end at midday that day and like, i didnt really believe it, but i didnt want to be a complete fool if i was wrong, so i excused myself from class to go sit the field and perfectly timed the beat drop to a skrillex song just in case something happened. and im just. retroactively amused by the idea of ushering in the appocalypse with skrillex. most 2012 thing you could possibly do.

staying with my father and my teenage brother occasionally has been very enlightening actually i need to think about it positively

hmmm ok. fascinating. okay. amazing. and i have to live like this? okay

hey boss i can't come in today it's a sunny day and there's a lovely breeze coming in through my window, yeah it's rustling the branches of the tree outside that's finally bloomed so it's pretty serious