"roommate's cat" is the ideal pet. This creature is not my responsibility in any way and I spend zero dollars of my income keeping her alive and she lives in my house and is obsessed with sitting on my lap. Perfect arrangement

for a better tomorrow

make your own foot scrub

please stop making me read this

i am shrunken down and brought to the gnome world and when i attempt to assimilate to their culture I use an acorn cap as a hat and they all laugh cheerfully at my silly mistake of wearing what they use as a bowl like a cap and though this is a transgression that would have humiliated me in my human life I am instead laughing alongside them at my humorous misunderstanding

they ask me what I would like to eat and knowing that gnomes enjoy fruit i ask for my favorite fruit, an apple, and they all laugh raucously and say that i must be very hungry indeed to desire an entire apple rather than just a small chunk, and i go along with their joke and say that while my body may have shrank my stomach has not! and they all guffaw with delight until their faces turn red and see that my request is met and we all sit around a toadstool and share many apple slices together

over my time spent with the gnomes, my antics are still regarded with much delight. though i am past the age in which i am confused by their customs and norms, i occasionally pretend to be clueless about simple and easily understood things, such as shock at how toads are as tall as I am. they all continue to laugh at my feigned surprise, and sometimes join in, asking me if I need any help distinguishing what berries are for eating and which are for painting. i laugh, too. there is a sense of grace that comes with my shortcomings amongst the gnomes. they are entertained by my misunderstandings, yes, because life is to short to not be jolly.

i wake up one morning back at my original size. the small cavern in the roots of a tree that i lived in is destroyed in my sleep. my clothes, tailored from cut-up scraps of fabric, are shredded around me. i am a human again. i am horribly embarrassed.

the gnomes of the community gather around where i sit, all looking at me and exchanging glances with each other, none of them speaking the obvious. i can no longer stay here, now that i am not their size. but i was part of their community. i became one of them, indistinguishable from these people only from my past. how am i supposed to return to the world of the humans now? there is no life left for me there. that is not a life where i may fish for minnows in a babbling brook and feast off a bounty of raspberries. i am distraught. i cry.

my community comforts me. friends, all minuscule to me now, pat me wherever they can reach, nimbly dodging the tears that fall from my face. one of them offers me water. they don't have any containers that are big enough for me, they apologize, so just this acorn cap filled with morning dew will have to suffice.

i take the acorn cap and look at it in my hands. it is so small now. with a sniff, i put it atop my head.

the gnome chuckles. then laughs. then bends at the waist, bellowing with laughter, supporting himself on my knee. then i am laughing too, face red, tears still falling, and my community of gnomes laughs with me as well, so loud that a flock of birds takes off in the distance, and i am still laughing even as i stand to my feet and lumber away, back to where i once came.

The myopia of American liberalism is astounding. "Yes, it's bad that Joe Biden is supporting a genocide. But just think! If Donald Trump is elected, we might see a genocide here! You know, to people who matter!"

the best piece of official ingame touhou art

thank you for your time

Touhou Heritage Post

I think what really makes this is that his American accent is perfect, he clearly has no issues with English, it's just that the way we spell words is complete bullshit.

What's the point of the un, the geneva conventions, international law, etc if we see a genocide happening in front of our eyes but nothing is done to stop it.

Shedding velvet.

The skin of the antlers is temporary. The bones of the antlers are temporary. The stag is ultimately temporary.

Digital. 8x10. Prints are available, $30 each, free shipping worldwide.

Don't mind me, I'm shilling this one more time because I've got some large expenses coming up and I'd like a little buffer.

let the world never forget that it’s AMERICAN weapons being used to wipe out Gaza. that it’s AMERICAN tax money funding this genocide while the AMERICAN president and AMERICAN leaders support this mass murder of innocent people. let the world never forget America has Palestinian blood on its hands

I had to take a piss test for a job I got hired at today, and this is the name of the fuckin company that makes the tests

claire’s

OH BITCH IT'S HAPPENING 🙏 FUCKING FINALLY

oh?

??? maybe???

actual diary entry from when i was in 5th grade oh my god

Becoming rich hasn't changed me. I'm still all about teaching the average person how to fix their own stuff. For instance, I just launched this new YouTube channel called "Accountability." You might think that's a weird name, but let me explain.

Each and every one of the things that has broken on you throughout the course of your life has been touched by an engineering team of some kind. Most of the time, that failure was planned. Even if not malicious, someone's manager told them to cut out all the doomsaying and save a few bucks here and there by making the part flimsier, or stop updating the software, or not give it a second turn in the etchant mixture because we gotta ship this thing now buddy, now, so I can get my bonus.

You can get mad about it all you want, but that anger could be unjustified, something the Buddha says is a big ol' bummer on your road to enlightenment. The question is, how do you know if the failure was planned or if they genuinely didn't know?

That's where my YouTube channel comes in. Remember, it's named "Accountability," and that's just what we do. I spend the billions of dollars that my cocaine kingpin uncle, Sniff Safety-Switch, gave to me on travelling the world, and investigating the individual people behind the things you use (and break) every day.

Then, once I've got them on camera, I tie them to a chair and pull their teeth out, one by one, until they tell me the truth about their quality-assurance plans. Last week, we had the guy who made the little rubber stopper on the end of my cheese grater fall off. He didn't want to spend an extra five cents per unit on a better glue, so he told production to cut it, knowing full well that it would crack after a few years and cause me to slip and scrape my knuckles while preparing a macaroni and cheese feast. Let me tell you this: he is very sorry now, and he would like to offer you a full refund.

Sure, this money might not last long (advertising revenues are in the shitter,) but I don't do it for the money. I do it for humanity. Please like and subscribe.

Hey, so we haven’t forgotten that Scott Cawthon is an awful far right wing trumper nutjob, right? We’re all agreed it doesn’t matter how fucking awesome the Henson shop effects or whatever in the movie are, y’all aren’t going to pay to see it and give him more money, right?