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“I remember when you changed. I remember because my gut was telling me something was wrong. I remember because our conversations changed, you became cruel and cold. You started to ignore me instead of listen. You left me alone in the dark. I couldnt find my way out. I called for you and waited and waited for you, but you werent there. Then finally days later you came, when you wanted my attention when you wanted something from me, when it was ideal for you. You never told me why you left me in the dark. What i did to deserve it…..everytime i thought i could see a little hint of light, it vanished. I felt sick, my body was cold. I couldnt breathe. Then you came back…i was happy. I let you come back because i was inlove, you were my everything. I tried and tried but it was never enough. You broke me, you took everything in me and ripped it out. You spit on my soul and my heart. I believed your bullshit, your half truths, your love. I believed i deserved an angel, i was dancing with the devil in a beautiful mask. I didnt care. I lived him, fuck i loved the mask. No matter what i was going to love you despite a broken heat, losing my breathe and feeling my self fade. I was and did love you. You fucking destroyed me…because you were selfish, you gave nothing but always wanted more more more. Whatevere you could take you did. And i let you because i loved you. Hoping one day youd wake up and realize how much i did for you, for us. The efforts i made. The smile i forced my self the have every day. The tears i held back just to be okay. One day i layed there…..it was dark, my body shook….i lost my breathe. I tried and tried to gasp for air, but i couldnt. I woke up. I had no more left in me. My eyes went dry. I missed you, i still miss you. But i dont want you. I cant be broken anymore…you took any chance of happiness i had. Because of you i wont ever open up to another person. I will never dance with the devil in a beautiful mask again.”

“Depression isn’t drinking coffee and shaky hands holding a cigarette or writing poetry late at night. It’s not sleeping in cold Winter mornings or a bookstore visit where you meet the love of your life and they somehow put the broken pieces back together with a smile. Depression is staying home all the time sleeping for 4 days in a row. It’s greasy hair because you haven’t showered in a week. It’s not eating or eating too much. It’s tear stained pillows and trash covering every inch of your room because the thought of cleaning it makes you feel sick. It’s a pill when you wake up. It’s like slow traffic in your brain you want so desperately to get out of it, you want to find the nearest exit but you’re stuck. It’s therapy every Wednesday. It’s telling your friends you’re busy when in reality you can’t handle the thought of leaving your bed. It’s a report card with all failing grades and trying to explain to your mum that you’ll do better next time when you both know that’s a lie.”

“What happened to us? I remember how you called me in the middle of the night just because you wanted to “hear my voice before going to sleep,” and how I melted inside. You used to tell me that I was beautiful. You used to drunk text me, saying how much you wished that I could be with you. You used to want to facetime…all the time. You’d be doing your thing, and I’d be doing mine. But we’d both be comforted by the others’ presence. I was so sure that you loved me. What happened? It’s been a week now since you’ve left to visit a friend, and we’ve barely said two sentences to one another. You’re busy. I know. But what happened to the effort? What happened to “hey just wanted to tell you that I love you” or “you make me really happy?" What happened to the little videos you’d send to ensure that I knew I was important to you. What happened to all of the sweet things you used to do? Babe, what happened to us?”