unworshipfulleader reblogged
unworshipfulleader reblogged
This is a heartbreaking scene not until you realized this thing happened a lot of times. Cycle. Déjà vú. Loop.
Mother! (2017)
I can’t believe I let you inside me.
I can’t believe I am so hardcore in love with you. I know you were in love with me at some point, and I know I am an idiot for holding on to that… cause at this point… I am just allowing you to tear my heart into tinier and tinier pieces.
Mebe I should just ask you for 20,000 and get on with my life. You basically say, in your own way, that nothing will matter, and nothing will change anything.
Which means that, all our dreams, and plans, and what not, are being fulfilled in a different universe. :/ in this one, I’m just constantly getting treated like shit.
I’m sad. But I think I’m actually getting used to it.
I think the scars on my heart is finally growing that thicker skin it needs to keep me survive.
Why couldn’t it just give up like my will so I can be buried already? :/
I will keep things friendly. But, you show no interest in wanting to make memories with me, or do anything with, or for me, so why should I bother. That’s all I do is try. Why should I? So you can just walk all over me, and shove in my face how stupid I am for believing you? No. You hurt me with that over and over again. And I’m not in the mood to let you keep doing that to me. So whatever.
I will smile and nod, and let you make fun of me, and let yo… whatever, just so I can have a place to stay. But I am done trying, when my efforts are just mocked and made fun of. You would rather me be using you than actually live you, fine.
I’m done forgiving you doing the same shot over and over.
Why. Just why
So last night I stuck around a bit longer before heading out to get smokes. I heard the other voice that you "falsely" accused me of being with.
So I see now that you... do have someone else. I see that I really am nothing to you. And that's why you got so offended when I said you kissed me, cause they were around, and that's why you came at me like that.
And I know... that I am just a joke to you. To whomever.
I see that you hate me. You don't want me around. You don't want my love. Or affection.
So.
Yay.
So you keep me around to make fun of me. I assume that you plan on paying people to physically hurt me, if not kill me... and well. I hate myself so much. I have nothing. No one.
So. I'm really hoping that my life will be over soon.
Im glad you found someone that actually makes you happy, even if you both are evil pieces of shit. I have nothing to look forward to. SO. Just. Please.
Kill me.
You've destroyed me.
I really hope you gave the balls to finish me.off.
My head is spinning over you
I think I'm losing my defenses
And when I'm standing next to you
I feel the failure of my senses
You keep me locked under your spell
I think I'm losing my direction
And when I hear you say my name
My body falls under sedation
And I'm trying and trying and trying
And I'm trying God knows I'm trying
And I'm trying to take you out of my mind
My head is spinning over you
Spinning over you
I'm getting shivers in my skin
Your voice is feeding my obsession
And when you're standing close to me
I feel I'm trapped in this temptation
And I'm trying, and trying and trying
And I'm trying God knows I'm trying
And I'm trying to take you out of my mind
My head is spinning over you
My head is spinning over you
And I'm trying, and trying and trying
And I'm trying God knows I'm trying
And I'm trying to take you out of my mind
My head is spinning over you
My head is spinning over you
Spinning over you
My head is spinning over you
unworshipfulleader reblogged
Tw: depressing stuff
Some days are heavy, and other days are heavier.
By heavy i mean you still feel this weight on your shoulders, but you still wake up after snoozing for 2nd time, get up, do your tasks finish your studies, maybe you go to the gym meet up with some friends, and this soreness in your heart might go away for a few seconds so that you feel a bit lighter, a bit loveable and slightly like you're finally being yourself and you have this hope that you still remember how being happy feels.
But on the heavier days, the weight on your shoulders is so heavy it crashes you, and you barely get out of bed, so after snoozing the alarm for the 11th time and rewatching 7 episodes of friends but not actually watching you decide to get up, you walk with your head so low and your legs are barely holding your body.
You do your tasks then redo your tasks cause you weren't reading, then redo your task cause you forget what you read, the redo your tasks cause you were absent binded then you give up.
You switch to studying maybe that will go better but then you realize that half of the information is new to you even tho you know it before and after reading and forgetting then reading qnd forgetting then reading and remembering few words you finish.
You don't want to go to the gym because you barely capable of letting your body function, like you forget how it works, and you replied to your friends by "sorry can't got another plans".
And you do have another plans that plans are to go to bed and rewatch "F.R.I.E.N.D.S".
You go to bed and your heart sinks more than the usual, your head hurts your soul is tired, and you think maybe that's the new happy.
But for now you lay in bed and watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
unworshipfulleader reblogged
She was my heroin. I could never get enough, and when I had her I was already thinking about when I could have her next.
unworshipfulleader reblogged
"just as clay needs to go through intense heat to become strong,
Love can only be perfected in pain"
- Forty rules of love.
unworshipfulleader reblogged
The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Volume 1. (via ancient-serpent)
unworshipfulleader reblogged
People who try to bring you down are already below you
unworshipfulleader reblogged
Left on read again
unworshipfulleader reblogged
Left on read again
unworshipfulleader reblogged
unworshipfulleader reblogged
One time i read a quote that said " May you fall asleep in the arms of a dream, so beautiful you wake up crying", after that i remembered my beautiful dreams, like how i dream about our first date and what i will do.
the dream about how i hug you so tight and not with the friendly intentions.
the dream about how i hold your hand for the 1st time and how you fall asleep in my arms, and about me cooking for you.
The dream about how i kiss your lips so gently and taste them for the first time and then going back for more.
The dream that your first message is good morning, the last is goodnight, and i miss you in-between.
The dream where you pour into my hands all your secrets, and your fears aand me promising you that you don't have to worry again.
The dream where i get my new year's kiss and my birthday wish.
The dream where the i love you's are all their.
The dream where there is a universe we both end up together.
And then i woke up.
I cried.
I cried.
And i cried some more.
Playing your part
Playing the game
I don't expect you to believe me
Missing the mark
We tear it apart
I never ask you why you need me
And you will never see my side
And I will always think I'm right
But I always regret the night
I told you I would hate you 'til forever
Please. Stop.
Please just stop this.
Please just fucking stop.
unworshipfulleader reblogged
the song of achilles by madeleine miller // oscar wilde to lord alfred douglas // the embrace painting by peter wever, 1950 // unsourced painting // heaven by troye sivan