Editing? Oh you mean fic patching.

@thebibliosphere

It’s funny how science fiction universes so often treat humans as a boring, default everyman species or even the weakest and dumbest.

I want to see a sci fi universe where we’re actually considered one of the more hideous and terrifying species.

How do we know our saliva and skin oils wouldn’t be ultra-corrosive to most other sapient races? What if we actually have the strongest vocal chords and can paralyze or kill the inhabitants of other worlds just by screaming at them? What if most sentient life in the universe turns out to be vegetable-like and lives in fear of us rare “animal” races who can move so quickly and chew shit up with our teeth?

Like that old story “they’re made of meat,” only we’re scarier.

HOLY SHIT THEY EAT CAPSAICIN FOR FUN

YOU GUYS I HEARD A HUMAN ONCE ATE AN AIRPLANE.

A HUMAN CAN KEEP FIGHTING FOR HOURS EVEN AFTER YOU SHOOT IT

humans are a proud warrior race with a pantheon of bloody gods: Ram-Bo, Schwarzenegger, etc.

REMOVING A LIMB WILL NOT FATALLY INCAPACITATE HUMANS: ALWAYS DESTROY THE HEAD.

WARNING: HUMANS CAN DETECT YOU EVEN AT NIGHT BY TRACKING VIBRATIONS THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE

WARNING: HUMANS CAN REPRODUCE AT A RATE OF 1 PER SPACEYEAR. DESTROY INFESTATIONS IMMEDIATELY

THE HUMAN MOUTH HAS OVER THIRTY OUTCROPS OF BONE AND POWERFUL JAW MUSCLES.

HUMAN BITES CAN BE FATALLY INFECTIOUS EVEN TO OTHER HUMANS

WARNING: HUMANS CAN AND WILL USE IMPROVISED WEAPONS. SEE CLASSIFIED DATA LABELED J. CHAN.

HUMANS CAN PROJECT BIOWEAPONS FROM ALMOST EVERY ORIFICE ON THEIR BODY. DO NOT INHALE

OH GOD THE HUMANS FIGURED OUT DOOR HANDLES OH GOD OH GOD

More seriously, humans do have a number of advantages even among Terrestrial life. Our endurance, shock resistance, and ability to recover from injury is absurdly high compared to almost any other animal. We often use the phrase “healthy as a horse” to connote heartiness - but compared to a human, a horse is as fragile as spun glass. There’s mounting evidence that our primitive ancestors would hunt large prey simply by following it at a walking pace, without sleep or rest, until it died of exhaustion; it’s called pursuit predation. Basically, we’re the Terminator.

(The only other animal that can sort of keep up with us? Dogs. That’s why we use them for hunting. And even then, it’s only “sort of”.)

Now extrapolate that to a galaxy in which most sapient life did not evolve from hyper-specialised pursuit predators:

In essence, we’d be Space Orcs.

I do hope you realize I’m going to be picking up this stuff and running with it right? 

Our jaws have too many TEETH in them, so we developed a way to WELD METAL TO OUR TEETH and FORCE THE BONES IN OUR JAW to restructure over the course of years to fit them back into shape, and then we continue to wear metal in out mouths to keep them in place. 

We formed cohabitative relationships with tiny mammals and insects we keep at bay from bothering us by death, often using little analouge traps. 

And by god, we will eat anything. 

Klingons and Krogan and Orcs ain’t got shit on us

We drink ethanol (in concentrations high enough to be used as an effective as microbicide or a solvent!) for the express purpose of achieving blood toxicity and disrupting normal brain function… AS A RECREATIONAL ACTIVITY!

On the same subject, we also deliberately incinerate assorted substances and then inhale the particulate-heavy smoke and vapor resulting for the same effect. EVEN IN THE FACE OF SAID SUBSTANCES BEING CARCINOGENIC, BECAUSE WE JUST DON’T GIVE A FUCK.

Humans do not have biological castes. Kill their commander and another will take its place. Soldiers left alone on a planet will start farming and manufacturing to survive. Farmers and manufacturers will take up arms and kill you if pressed. Just because two humans look different doesn’t mean they cannot do each other’s jobs.

Breeding does not kill them. A single human can mate dozens or hundreds of times in a lifetime. They often do so as recreation. Xenobiology team six believes they do not have a mating season but this is too strange to be true.

Their appendages are not designed for hitting, so they developed special training to make them very good at hitting anyhow. 

The proteins making up their bodies are toxic and cause prion disease. Do not touch anything humans have touched. Do not consume earth foods. Fire does not adequately remove this contamination.

Humans perceive sixteen times the colors we do. Do not hide in bushes or vines from humans. They can distinguish your pelt from the foliage with ease.

We tried venting waste gas into the tunnels to kill the humans when they attacked. Turns out they breathe it. 

Everything on their planet came from a single biological strain. They developed comprehensive genetics BEFORE they developed space travel. 

They lack radio receptors and cannot be brought into compliance with right-thought simply by broadcasting to them. Even after we learned how to translate it into sound-waves one of their hatchlings drove the Great Authority mad by responding to every demand with a single question: “Why?” 

Humans are not born with dedicated skills and knowledge but are designed for open ended learning and assimilation. They can even assume the characteristics of other species, when the young is raised by non-humans.

You, a postmodernist, naiive human: our hunter-gatherer ancestors lived in peace with eachother! war and violence are modern inventions perpetuated by the creation of hierarchy and capitalism!

Me, an archaeologist:

People in the notes: arguing that previous cultures wouldn’t have used biological or chemical weapons

Me:

A forgotten god cannot run my life any worse than I am currently running it myself.

Bog mummy take the wheel

this would make a great novel

I am screaming lmao also this reminds me of @rosewater1997

@kingofthewilderwest

I really do love that people have legitimately always just been people. Like how many angry breakup texts have their been that end with “Come get your stuff or I’m donating it to goodwill”? People never change.

“Come pick up your shawls and sandals” I’m dead

temple of the moon god looks like an abandoned laundry

that reminds me of a couple years ago when my dumbass stupid bee post was going around and someone was trying to argue w me abt how unethical beekeeping for honey was so i was like “ahaha what? i don’t beekeep for the honey i throw that nasty goop out! i eat the bees. crunchy” and i thought they were going to try and kill me in real life

OP I want you to know that you are a hero.

okay so are the beekeepers who wear protective gear just weak or are these bees tame or is there some wild bee magic I'm unaware of

If bees can become tame is a topic of hot debate on beekeeping forums, and my opinion they can certainly become desensitized to a certain amount of human intrusion. The difference between opening up a beehive that gets inspected regularly and one that never gets opened is pronounced— the one that gets opened regularly will ignore you much more than the one that’s never been opened (I once got stung six times opening a hive that my mom had neglected ☹️). At the end of the day it’s best to wear a veil and long sleeves no matter what because bees unsurprisingly don’t take too kindly to a giant breaking into their house and stealing their food

IMO this is some cowboy shit she’s doing and I’m not sure she’s being totally accurate with her representation of what’s going on here. When bees swarm (move to a new hive) they’re very very docile because they don’t have a hive they need to defend, and then you can totally pick them up by the handfuls with no real fear of being stung. What I think might be happening is the original colony moved out/died, and this is a swarm that has just moved in and can’t believe their good luck.

thank you, bee keeping side of tumblr!

Item: Fist of the Beeholder

Headline reads “Man Transports Bee Colony By Holding Queen In Fist – Letting The Insects Swarm His Arm”

i mean that’s basically how you do it. they don’t have a hive to defend, so they’re nonviolent, and they’ll just follow wherever the queen goes.

well now I wonder how you put her back down, do you just get as close to where you wanna put her without smooshing anyone, then let go?, does she fall through the other bees do they move aside or is she just held there now, I know swarming bees are pretty chill so you could scoop the, m off with your other hand, but idk how clingy they are and I’m in the mind of that video of the Chinese zookeeper trying to clean up a panda habitat, insects, Queue87.

disclaimer: i am not a beekeeper. i just like bees a lot and occasionally go through spasms of bee research wishing i could keep bees, though for Reasons i can’t. ok so as i understand it, hives swarm when their population gets too big. they feed some female larvae royal jelly, which makes them grow up to be queens, and then they take some of the hive with them and go off to find a new living situation. unfortunately, most swarms don’t find a good spot, and die off. that’s nature for ya. it’s one of the reasons beekeepers take honey; surplus honey encourages swarming, and you lose a lot of your bees.

but ok, say your hive swarms and you want this. you have space for them and you want a new hive. when the new queen emerges, you find her, pick her up – people usually use a container of some kind to avoid accidentally hurting her, but if you’re gentle you can just hold her in your hand like this guy. you take her to where you’ve prepared an empty hive and let her go, she inspects it and declares it good, and they all move in! new hive established!

the bees don’t particularly want to stay on you. you’re just scenery. they’re waiting on the boss to find a housing solution. so when she does, they go with her, and you just walk away.

maybe with an extra check through your hair and shirt in case some silly babies dozed off in there. :D

Bees transmit their hormone through touch and it only takes a minute of the ‘pulse’ of hormone to be missing before they notice. It’ll be the mother queen who has been laying eggs in a hive for a while who leaves as her hormones are stronger. When she lands somewhere the other bees will ‘ball’ up around her to keep her warm (or possibly kill her if they decide to) in the centre of the swarm. If he has a hive box ready, he can just open his hand over the top or at the entrance of the box and she’ll march right in over everyone else because she’ll be looking for a dark hole to hide in, his fist is perfectly dark and warm to keep her safe.

oh, thank you for this clarification! i didn’t know it was the old queen who leaves. for some reason i really like that. “all this is yours now, my daughter; serve them well.” and then she buzzes majestically off toward the sunset, to do or die in the great wide open like the fierce monarch she is – and some guy catches her in a matchbox and takes her to a pre-furnished condo twenty meters away. and she’s like. oh. well. i mean. it’s free real estate?

That is exactly how bees are and I LOVE THEM for it

I just learned that the term for when a hive has a queen they like and everything is good is “queenright” and I think that’s really pretty.

What does it take to teach a bee to use tools? A little time, a good teacher and an enticing incentive. Read more here: http://to.pbs.org/2mpRUAz

Credit: O.J. Loukola et al., Science (2017)

@clockworkrobotic

“Friend? Friend push ball? I push ball. I do good.”

Bees.  Smart enough to push a ball, not smart enough to not be fooled by a stick masquerading as a bee. 

maybe they know and they’re just being polite

Other dimensional beings are undoubtedly amazed at what human beings will accept as human beings too. “But it’s just a stick with a person on it.”

#excuse me neil but what the FUCK was that #thanks for that terrifying thought (nooby-banana)

NEIL WHY. WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT.

This turns up on my dashboard. And I read it and am impressed that someone writes exactly the post that I’d write, without actually reading the name of the person who posted it.

And then I’m puzzled at all the Neil Why’s, and realise that this was me in the Wayback Long-ago.

At least I’m consistent.

And, I should point out, we are no closer to being able to spot the extra-dimensional stick “people” who move unobserved among us.

Tell the Bees

Tell the bees. They require news of the house; they must know, lest they sicken from the gap between their ignorance and our grief. Speak in a whisper. Tie a black swatch to a stick and attach the stick to their hive. From the fortress of casseroles and desserts built in the kitchen these past few weeks as though hunger were the enemy, remove a slice of cake and lay it where they can slowly draw it in, making a mournful sound. And tell the fly that has knocked on the window all day. Tell the redbird that rammed the glass from outside and stands too dazed to go. Tell the grass, though it’s already guessed, and the ground clenched in furrows; tell the water you spill on the ground, then all the water will know. And the last shrunken pearl of snow in its hiding place. Tell the blighted elms, and the young oaks we plant instead. The water bug, while it scribbles a hundred lines that dissolve behind it. The lichen, while it etches deeper its single rune. The boulders, letting their fissures widen, the pebbles, which have no more to lose, the hills—they will be slightly smaller, as always, when the bees fly out tomorrow to look for sweetness and find their way because nothing else has changed.

Sarah Lindsay

do you ever think about how wild it is that cranboo met ctubbo after so much terrible shit had already happened to him. how he missed such crucial context that other people in tubbo's live had!! like. he shows up in this country that's been very recently blown to bits by some dead guy everyone refuses to talk about, and the new president is literally just some kid covered in bandages + wearing this suit that looks ridiculously big on him, and ranboo is probably super caught off-guard at first but pretty quickly he gets the idea: this kid's got a funny sense of humor, and he's been horribly messed up by whatever Bad Thing happened here, and sometimes ranboo blinks and the president's eyes have glazed over and he's shouting, commanding this measly broken country with a presence you never thought could exude from such an unimposing little guy. sometimes tubbo gets angry, and yeah ranboo thinks that looks unnerving on him, but it's nowhere near how jarring it probably is for everyone else who remembers the OLD tubbo, tub-in-a-box tubbo, lika-da-bee tubbo, silly fun happy tubbo. he never knew the tubbo before the scars. to ranboo this is, like. just how tubbo is.

while it may not be dotted with countless eyes, this angel's halo allows it to know the state of the world.

task: answer the following question. do you believe in curses? respond as completely with relevant information as possible.

Grian: Well, that's a lie. This isn't a task. I know it's not a task, I set the things up! Not sure why we're getting a question as pointless as this one, but sure, mysterious scroll, I'll answer. There's no such thing as curses, unless you're Timmy, in which case it's funny, yeah? Besides, I didn't actually kill Etho. Even if that did count, self-fulfilling prophecies aren't the same thing as curses, and I know which one I fall under.

Joel: Do I believe in bloody curses what kind of question is that? Do I really get hearts just for answering this? This feels like a prank or something... well, whatever. There are no such thing as curses, except the Boogeyman curse, which I sort of had today, but it wasn't actually the same at all. A lot of the bloodlust, sure, but a lot more... Etho had to be the one to do it, huh? And it's not the same. Not comforting. That's a stupid thing to say actually. Take it out of wherever you're putting this. Cut it out of the recording. Comforting. Please. As if it were ever... Yeah, I'm done actually. Don't have a good answer. Go away.

Scott: What, other than Jimmy? Bless that man, he may not have died first, but he sure tried his best. Sure, I'll believe Jimmy is cursed. I mean, mostly he's just kind of stupid. Lovingly so. I mean, despite him being stupid, I put up with him, right? That seems like a complete answer to this question. Jimmy's an omen but we put up with him anyway. That's all.

Mumbo: NO RESPONSE GIVEN.

Pearl: Oh, I mean, I'm probably cursed. That's what everyone liked to say at one point. I think... I mean, I think this time I have good friends, which is nice. They don't think I'm cursed. And it's not like I--I mean, it's surprisingly fun, acting cursed! And I am just acting. Acting scary, blowing up dance floors, all of that. And I don't really have to this time, so... Maybe I'm not cursed? And since it's acting, it's not real? This is a weird question.

Etho: Oh, man, that's a question. Um, do I have to answer? Because I feel like if I say no, that's really just asking for it, but if I say yes, I have to explain myself. Uh, I think I'm abstaining, unless the zombie thing from earlier counts. That was scary and I hated it. Curses are scary and I hate them in general, but apparently I'm good at them, if you ask everyone else. Um, it's not the only thing I find scary that apparently I'm good at.

Scar: Why, of course I believe in curses! Look at poor, poor... Timbert? Timmy? Jim? Gosh, sorry, I'm very tired right now. That's more proof of curses, by the way! That I'm tired. I've been tired straight since the desert, let me tell you what. And that, my friends, is a curse like no other. What a terrible beast, loneliness is. Wish me luck breaking it, because it's not happening this season!

Cleo: Oh, you mean the thing people like to blame instead of their own actions? Nah. My soulbond was kind of a curse, I guess, but even that's at least half just... bad people. Bad relationships. Good ones, too. We're all just doing what you can, you know? No script, no curses, no characters, just... Oh, I hope everything turns out tomorrow. Sorry, that's unrelated. It's just nicer to hope than to preemptively blame things on curses that don't exist.

Impulse: Well, I mean, I didn't until you just asked me that, but now I feel like I should. Wouldn't that be nice? Being cursed instead of just sort of unlovable? Sorry, no, that's mean to Gem. I shouldn't say that about Gem, she's been good this season. Super, super cursed, mind you, in the like, game mechanic sense? But she's been good, no backstabbing or inability to get love involved. Um, and I guess that's not fair to Bdubs, kind of, except it also totally is and I haven't forgiven him. So I guess if they ask I said I believed in curses, and that's why my life keeps circling clocks? Don't put any of that other stuff down, I'm trying to work on that.

Lizzie: NO RESPONSE GIVEN.

Gem: I was just cursed for a task, but that probably isn't what you're asking about, right? I'm new, so I don't know! A task is a concrete thing to believe in, like bloodshed or victory or fun and games. You don't have to believe in those to know they're real, either! They just are, whether you like it or not. I understand that much!

Tango: Gah, don't talk to me about... Deep breaths. Look, I don't care if it's a curse, or if it's just me being really bad, or what, I'm not going out pointlessly this time. Jimmy managed not to die first, I can manage to not go out to a stray arrow or my own bomb or a misstep this time, right? Is that so much to ask?

Skizz: Huh? Curses? I mean, I don't think so, and to be totally honest I think it's kind of mean the way people sometimes rag on people about them. Everyone's got so many good things about them! Why do people like to focus on the unfortunate luck, huh?

Bdubs: Hah! Curses! Let me tell you about curses. When I see curses, I eat them for breakfast. I don't got curses, I've got better things to do! I've got my buddies with the Mounders, and I've got-well, I'd say keeping Etho safe, but he's being weird at me again this season. Not that it matters. It never matters. Etho and I, we're... The point is, that doesn't matter anyway, because I have the Mounders, and they're the ones who matter here. And because I'm a strong, independent Bdubs, who doesn't need anyone but my bow and my perfect, flawless fighting prowess! Sorry, what was the question? I've been thinking so much lately that it's just sort of made everything else pop out of my head, so it's hard to keep track. I'm sure I answered it flawlessly, though.

Martyn: Of course there are curses. That's half the fun for you lot, isn't it? Putting your little curses on us and watching us rail against them. Bet you think it's real cute to ask us what we think of the things, too. "Oh, what do you think of curses," like we have any control over them. Please. If I had any control over curses, Jimmy--or, well, no, I guess that one was technically broken, wasn't it? Sure doesn't feel like it. Point is, curses are bad, and they're definitely real, and I hate you for them, got it?

BigB: Look, man, if you're trying to get me to write my character out for you, just say so! I won't tell anyone. We can come up with a hole thing about holes and red tasks and the Backrooms together! It'll be fun! After all, you probably don't know what kind of curse to say I have, right? Haha, just kidding. I have no idea what I'm talking about. Luckily, neither does anyone else, so I think that evens out between the lot of us.

Jimmy: NO RESPONSE GIVEN.

STAR WARS #15 IS A GREAT COMIC AND IT’S A GREAT PORTRAIT OF OBI-WAN KENOBI, especially when you read the whole issue (and the follow-up with #20 and it goes beautifully well with a quote from From a Certain Point of View - “Master and Apprentice”:

In a previous issue, Obi-Wan definitely had moments of stumbling, but he’s never truly faltered.  This is someone who is a genocide survivor, this is someone who had his dearest friends and family betrayed and slaughtered by the person he loved so dearly, this is someone who has absolutely felt the weight of that loss and the difficult path he has on Tatooine. But Obi-Wan Kenobi is also someone who is able to survive all of that.  This is someone who has had a lifetime of reaching inward, of meditating to understand himself, of mastering himself before he can reach for the Force, to have the kind of emotional strength necessary to not just survive this kind of horror, but to still have hope.  To still be kind.  To reach out and pat Artoo’s head when they’re on the Millennium Falcon, to pat Ezra on the shoulder, to smile at people, to leave toys for Luke to play with, to leave Skyhopper parts for him, to respect Owen’s wishes, even when he’s being an asshole out of fear, to rise above the deliberately awful comments and understand the source of them, to have compassion for Owen, to be willing to put his own life on the line to save him, to intensely care about Luke and have hope that he’ll find his path one day. Sometimes he does this with wry humor.  Sometimes he complains about the food or how much his back aches.  He is not untouched by the nearly unfathomable losses he’s been put through, he misses openly being a Jedi, misses being able to practice his own goddamned culture openly.  But at the same time, every single panel in these issues is one of hope, of faith and belief in the good still existing in the galaxy, that he still has determination, he still can center himself and has that laser pinpoint focus that he spent his life honing. Even when Owen hurls these incredibly hurtful words at him, “Haven’t you murdered enough Skywalkers already, Kenobi?”, he bows his head at how much that cut, but the very next moment on the very next page is Obi-Wan picking up his lightsaber again, acknowledging that he did indeed bring trouble around, but that he would never let it touch Luke, not while he still lived.  That kind of emotional stability (because he’s not trying to die, he doesn’t want to die, he wants to be a Jedi again!), given the sheer scope of what Obi-Wan Kenobi has lived through, is incredible.  But that’s who he is, who he has always been.  Obi-Wan Kenobi has spent his entire life understanding himself, that that’s what being a Jedi meant, taking to heart the spirit of the foundations of his religion/culture. “Meditation is about more than just forging a deeper connection to the Force, it is about gaining a deeper understanding of ourselves. It is a means of obtaining greater control over our thoughts. Our emotions.  Peace.  Serenity.  Harmony.  We must master ourserlves before we can hope to master the Force.” –Age of Republic - Obi-Wan Kenobi #1

And even when the structure of his entire family, religion, and culture is gone, Obi-Wan Kenobi remains true, because he took those lessons to heart, because he truly understood and mastered himself, so that when the worst thing happened, he remained warm, compassionate, kind, and believing in hope.  He believes in the good in the galaxy, he remains clear-eyed and focused on the path in front of him, he finds moments of humor and connection, whether the nod to Owen where they understood each other or going back to his home and jokingly chatting with the animals or watching over Luke from afar and caring about him. This is who Obi-Wan has always been.  Often it’s easy to slip into the idea that, because Obi-Wan isn’t effusive about his emotions, that he’s repressed or broken, but he’s really not.  He experiences feelings like any sentient person, he’s horrified or angry or upset, but he masters his own reactions because he often has other things to do–and we see that he never breaks.  Not throughout his entire life.  Even on after the loss of everyone he loved, even after the horrifying solitude of Tatooine, he never breaks, he remains kind and caring.  The closest he comes is when he faces Anakin again on the Death Star, when saying his name would threaten to undo him, but even then Obi-Wan is focused and solid, even as much as it hurts.  He still offers Vader a choice, he still smiles to see Luke safe–as long as he lived, he would protect Luke, and that’s exactly what he did–still manages to BECOME A FORCE GHOST because he had his shit so thoroughly together.  He has all too human reactions, but when push came to shove, Obi-Wan Kenobi had his ducks in a fucking row. And it’s reflected in how the comic isn’t just about the things Obi-Wan does or says, but it’s about the tone of them as well–and he is focused, he is on the path he’s needed on, he’s the bedrock that all goodness is built on.  Because Obi-Wan Kenobi has and always has had his shit together, he never would have survived all that he did, THE SHEER FUCKING SCALE OF IT, would never have rose above all of that shit, if he weren’t rock fucking solid.

Part one of that master swap au I said I’d do a while back, this one is the start so its master Dooku with his padawan Ahsoka  

More sith Kenobi and sith Ahsoka bc i made several mistakes in the last goof i posted of them and I wanted to try drawing them properly 

Been in a sith separatist Anakin mood recently so heres some sith separatist Anakin

(full au guide)

I know I said I was gonna draw Padme meeting sith Anakin next but instead I drew Sith Anakins first meeting with Obi-wan

(this is part of my Separatist Anakin Au where anakin was raised a sith and is a general in the separatists army)

More of that sith separatist Anakin au this time including Ahsoka and Obi-wan