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UnicornDG

@unicorndg

Nothing special
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“Rowers do more before 8am than most people do all day.” “Real athletes row. Everyone else just plays games.” “The oars gave me power, but also taught me humility.” “Winning medals is good, racing is better, loving the sport is best!” “Glory is in the team not the individual.” – Sean Sullivan “To increase your success rate, double your failure rate.” “Leadership is doing what is right when no one is watching.” “The pain in your legs is a hell of a long way from your heart.” “Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings us but by the attitude we bring to life.” “A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts events and outcomes. It is a catalyst, a spark that creates extraordinary results.” “For the rest of your life, you will always be able to say I was a member of a very special team whose whole was greater than the sum of its parts, and it was one of the greatest experiences of my life.” “I’ve worked too hard and too long to let anything stand in the way of my goals. I will not let my teammates down, and I will not let myself down.” “All your life you are told the things you cannot do; all your life they will say you’re not good enough or strong enough or talented enough; they will say you’re the wrong height or the wrong weight or the wrong type to play this or be this or achieve this. They will tell you no, a thousand times no, until all the no’s become meaningless. All your life they will tell you no quite firmly and very quickly. But you will tell them yes.” “There is no strength without unity.” “The greater the difficulty, the more glory in surmounting it.” “A coach is someone who always makes you do what you don’t want to do so you can be who you’ve always wanted to be.” “There may be many things we forget in the days to come, but this will not be one of them.” “If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it. It’s the hard that makes it great.” “Adversity causes some to break - others to break records.” “If everything seems under control, you’re just not going fast enough.” “There will be fear, anger, difficulty, sadness, joy, love, even hate; but at the end there will be pride in yourself and your teammates for what you are able to accomplish.” “Fight one more round – when your arms are so tired you can hardly lift your hands to come on guard – fight one more round.” “When your nose is bleeding and your eyes are black and you are so tired you wish your opponent would crack you one in the jaw and put you to sleep, fight one more round, remembering that the man who always fights one more round is never whipped.” “The best pace is suicide pace, and today is a good day to die.” “Compete like you’re in first place, train like you’re in second.” “We’re not here for something to do – we’re here to do something.” “Pain is weakness leaving the body.” “You hear the voice whisper ‘can’ and you discover that the person you thought you were is no match for the one you really are.” “When everyone is moving forward together, success takes care of itself.” “Always remember the distinction between contribution and commitment. Take the matter of bacon and eggs: The chicken makes a contribution – the pig makes a commitment.” “No matter how well you know the course, no matter how well you may have done in a given race in the past, you never know for certain what lies ahead on the day you stand at the starting line waiting to test yourself once again. If you did know, it would not be a test, and there would be no reason for being there.” – Dan Baglione “The self-destructive way to do it is to convince yourself that 'there’s just one more to go’ and pull out at about a 1:30. If, and only if, you can convince your body that it’s only got one stroke left, you can really empty the tank (and, immediately afterwards, your stomach).” “The window of X Factor opportunity opens up in the closing seconds of a race—you might be sprinting at the time or just hanging one, trying to get across the finish line. With a supreme act of will, you can prolong your effort, essentially fighting off the inevitable lactic acid shutdown. You’ll have little time for contemplating the options: either wholeheartedly go for it, or back off. You must train your X Factor to unequivocally respond the way you want—go for it. Once the window is closed, it’s closed forever.” – Brad Alan Lewis “I watched them carefully, as always, searching for a sign of mental weakness. But there was none. Every man was coping well with the hardship, each one of them locked into his task. But it is one thing to practice, and quite another to race. And the trouble is, you never know who, on the day, will find it within his soul to give more than he has ever given before. It takes a kind of madness to compete like that because of the willpower and the ego and his loyalty. And while some men have it, others have yet to find it. And a coach can only use his best judgment as to who those men will be.” – Dan Topolski “We can’t have a perfect world, but hopefully there is at least a balance between times when you say to yourself,"This sucks,” and times when you say,“This Rocks!” I guess as rowers we should have a bit of an edge on other people. We erg 10 and 12k on the side to get ahead, row in cold, rain, sleet, barge wakes, snow; and then to top it all off, when we go up and over heads, a torrent of water comes pouring down on our heads. But then for 20 minutes on a brisk fall day or 6 minutes on an equally brisk spring day we push to the max, feeling on the verge of dying, then we cross the line first, and the pain, the cold, wetness, blisters, and even the frost on our brows doesn’t matter, as it is all swept away in a wave of victorious jubilation and most importantly, satisfaction. As in rowing, academics and many aspects of life are hard work, and I think I’d pull a 15k over writing a paper or physics problem set any day. But when academic work gets hectic, WE REMEMBER the hundreds of thousands of meters we’ve dug out of lakes and ergs with our bare and often frostbitten hands, and we know beyond the shadow of any doubt that there is nothing that can truly resist our power. I say this not just to remind you, but also to write it out for myself so that I never forget. And when I’m racing this Sunday, I will remember every subfreezing degree, 12k, wake, and frickin’ legs-only-make-my-back-hurt workout that is fueling the burning desire to destroy boats that would resist me. With that, I now begin my physics homework, which is presenting considerable resistance… but it’s still futile.” – Vesty Black, Class of 2005 “There are none in this world who can understand the glory of crew except those who have done it. There is something unimaginable in the sport of rowing - it cannot be described, it cannot be taught, it must be explored through experience. There is something about gliding quietly across the water at five in the morning that subconsciously satisfies the very depths of the soul. Peace is found during morning practice, shared only with eight other teammates, the rising sun, and the silence. There is something about the repetition of the stroke; catch, pull through, release - that exposes the mind to a higher level of placidity found nowhere else. "There is something about pushing yourself farther than you can go, until you feel ready to collapse, and then pulling that last five hundred harder than any before. There is something cleansing to the being in all the sweat and tears and blood that pour out over the course of a season. Nowhere else can such a rollercoaster of emotions be felt; adrenaline at the start, exhilaration during the sprint, fear at the necessity of another PR, sadness at the loss of oarsmen, frustration at every obstacle that rears itself. In no other sport is such a chaotic control present. Quick hands, quick body, slow slide; all eight oars in at perfect time.” “In no other sport is the word TEAM so meaningful as in crew. Together in a shell, eight oars and eight sliding seats act as bindings - stroke to seven, seven to six, six to five… all the way to the bow. One rower’s demon haunts the entire boat; perfection in one oarsman means nothing. A set boat and solid row is achieved solely when eight minds think identically, eight bodies melt together to form one machine.” “One mistake can cost a race; one stray thought from the goal can cause a dream to die. Yet somehow, the end is always reached, the destination is always found, only to become a challenge again the next day. Never are you the best; never are you the worst. We are all floating somewhere in the middle, fighting to take the number one slot at any given time.” “You see, it’s not about winning or losing. It’s about competition with yourself - going out there to do your very best, to give it your all, to have nothing left. It’s about supporting your teammates, pulling for them when you have all but lost faith in yourself. Crew is a sport that demands all of these things. It is not a sport of fame; it is not a sport of popularity. Rowing is above all that. Rowing is a sport of purity and strength, constantly made better by you and I.”
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The boy who sits next to me in math class, known for his love of partying and use of drugs, draws the most beautiful drawings in the margins of his homework. Pictures of flowers curling around radical signs and fire that swirls until the words are no longer legible. He sits in a lower level math class as if he belongs there but he can help me with the most complex problems when I am struggling. He does it without complaint. He shows me his pictures as he explains what he was trying to do, shyly as if he is not aware of his talent.                                                                                                                                         The girl who usually rolls in late on a Monday morning after a weekend of drinking too much and kissing too many, is the greatest listener. She smiles at me and laughs brightly, her mouth stained with liquor and regret. Her lopsided smile tells the story of the boys who treated her wrong, the bruises they left her not evident on her skin but in the way she is hesitant, always trying to avoid getting hurt but never getting far. She pauses too long before answering questions about her life in order to figure out the best way to present herself.                                                                                                                                      The girl who is my lab partner in chemistry, who patiently goes through the instructions with me every time when I am lost, helping me when I make mistakes with a positive attitude, never scolding me, has to take daily anxiety medicine to keep her under control. She helped me choose my schedule for senior year as I panicked in class. My hands shaking against my jeans and my teeth biting into my lower lip as she whispered to me the best techniques to stay calm.                                                                                                                                    The nerdy boy who helped me pass Algebra last year works 30 hours a week only to come home to an unwelcoming house. The school jokes about how he can wear a different Star Wars shirt everyday for two weeks without ever repeating an outfit but he uses them to cover up the bruises on his arm. He smiles shyly to disguise his chip tooth given to him too many years and too many incidents ago for him to truly remember what caused the fight.                                                                                                                                         The heartbreaking girl on the school newspaper came after me when she saw me leave lunch half in tears. She sat with me for close to an hour as she listened to my story and she filled the silences with her own. Not of the hearts she has broken but of the damages done to her own. She held a paper towel to my red face as she told me words of encouragement with a sympathetic look on her face. She sat me on the ground as she redid my makeup, she knew exactly how to hide the evidence of my meltdown.

We are not what we seem (via hope-for-happiness)

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prosebyday
My mind is full of numbers. I’m always counting and dividing and calculating ratios. I hate math, but it comes so naturally when the person I miss and the goals I work toward are foreseeable in the future. Each time I drive, I watch as the miles tick away on my GPS and consider the direction. It all revolves around whether or not I’m nearing you and how much time I spend wandering about, lost, and how much time it would take, if I left in that moment from that obscure mid-trip location, to find you once again. Each time I look at food, each time I take a bite a counter is ticking in my mind tracking the precise amount of calories consumed compared to an underestimated amount burned that day. Constantly counting how many calories I have to burn until I lose a pound and how many pounds I have to lose to drop a size and how many sizes I have to drop to be comfortable within my own skin. Each time I dream I find myself in your arms once again. I never realized how much everything in my life truly revolved around you. All the pounds I try to lose, all this effort into becoming small, was so you would not be burdened with a greater weight to bear. I’m a pedometer Counting out every single step until I meet my goal. You’re a long walk away but I’m coming and I’m counting on you.

“Counting,” by Grazia Curcuru (via prosebyday)

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Just Another Reason to Love Years & Years

Olly Alexander, the out lead singer and songwriter of Years & Years, gave an incredible interview about his own history of mental health. He talks openly about the effects of the stigma against same sex love and growing up gay in a straight world. I am so happy a pop star like him exists and am insanely jealous of the 13 year old gay boys of today. 13 year old me could’ve used such a positive and open role model.

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Depression isn’t always crying your mascara off in the shower and playing sad songs in bed. Sometimes it’s not wanting to talk to anyone for days and other times it’s desperately needing to be around people. Sometimes depression is having no appetite even though you haven’t eaten anything since yesterday and sometimes it’s eating everything you have in the fridge. Depression isn’t your boyfriend holding you and telling you that it’s going to be okay. It’s sitting across the table, not eating, having him ask you what’s wrong and knowing that you’re ruining his night because you can’t seem to snap out of it and just be happy. It’s the frustrating feeling of desperately wanting to enjoy something and just fucking be normal for once. It’s keeping things a secret from the people you love because you don’t want them to look at you like you’re broken. No, depression isn’t beautiful black and white images. Depression is lonely and frustrating and mostly just fucking exhausting.

Midnight thoughts (Depression isn’t trendy)

This is the fucking truth and honestly it sucks 💀

So. Damn. True.

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I’m sorry. I know I’ve apologized to you a million times, but I really am truly sorry because I now understand your frustration. I get it.  I understand why you always ball your hands into a fist when you speak to me. I understand why you grip me so tightly when my mind goes in waves of panic. I understand why you always raise your voice. I understand your frustration. Because there’s a level of frustration A level of patience That comes with loving me. And for that, I am sorry. I know you were patient with me because you wanted me to understand, you wanted me to feel the love you felt for me but I couldn’t. I’m sorry that I’m always anxious, and over thinking everything. I’m sorry that I’m so clingy and always needs reassurance. I’m sorry that you have to express your love for me every second of the day, or I would panic and think that you’ve found someone new to love.  I’m sorry that the girl you met isn’t the same girl you’re looking at now. I’m sorry for making you lose your temper. But, It’s okay, I understand. I am hard to love.  I find it hard believing that I deserve love. I’m sorry that I’m like this. I’m sorry that I’m possessive. I’m sorry that I’m sometimes too clingy. I’m sorry that I cry about things that don’t matter. I’m sorry for always accusing you. But I love you. And I’m scared that I’ll lose you, and I think maybe I love you a bit too much. But I do, I love you, and I’m sorry for hurting you.

Apologies. (via spilledinksaboutyou)

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What is depression? It’s an ache deep within your bones because the nothingness is consuming you. It’s the cry of your soul because it’s suffocating. Just like lungs beg for air, your heart begs for the life you just can’t grasp. There’s just a tint of sunlight in the rear view mirror, but there’s not enough to turn around, because the sun is still hundreds of miles away. It’s waking up and wishing more than anything to go back to sleep because when you’re asleep you’re not consumed with the agony of a disease no one believes in. It’s pretending to smile and be happy so you don’t have to try and explain why you’re upset. Everyone wants an answer, but what do you do when there isn’t one? They all say to be honest, but they can only handle so much of the truth before puking because even as a baby they were spoon fed lies. It’s cringing, hearing the conversations of your friends, because there’s so much stigma around mental illness. You’d rather be involved in the joke than inadvertently be the punch line. It’s not being able to participate well in classes and activities, but you can never catch a break. Because you don’t want to carry around a doctors note the way an athlete walks in a cast with your illness and prescription. It’s feeling everything and then nothing in the blink of an eye and never telling anyone because you don’t want to be ‘moody’. It’s easier to push all your feelings into the cracks of your bones and just feel empty because a corpse is better off than someone who only feels heartbreak. It’s hating yourself because you have a good family, and a good life, and yet you still feel hopeless and the pain of sadness. You’re always being told you have to be happy because so many people have it worse than you, but it just makes you feel worse. You know you shouldn’t feel this way, but you do and it never fully goes away. It’s being okay one day and then having your life crash and turn into flames the next and never being able to explain it to anyone because you still don’t understand it yourself. It’s going to therapy and taking medication and fighting to get better everyday, but it’s never enough to make it fully go away. (A.)

(A.) on @letters-2-myself|tumblr (via letters-2-myself)

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I never expected you to love me

and I never wanted you to be mine,

but years from now when you wake up in the morning

and your feet are cold

even though you slept under two blankets

you’ll know it’s because of the dream you had of me

and you’ll wish that you could turn over in your bed

and tell me all about it.

But all you’ll find is an empty spot

for you to stretch your arms out.

The arms that should have been wrapped around me.

Years from now,

you’ll stop on the sidewalk when you think you hear my laughter.

Or did that even sound like mine?

You’ll be scared that you’ll forget me.

When you stargaze,

you’ll unknowingly look for a constellation

that resembles the way I looked at you.

And when your sister asks what happened to me,

you’ll hate that you won’t be able to answer.

Years from now,

you’ll sit in your parked car 

and remember the night I told you I loved you.

You’ll forget the exact words

but you’ll remember how you felt.

Your mind will run through the details of my hair and my lips

and you’ll surprise yourself because

you never knew that you even noticed.

I never expected you to love me,

but the crazy thing is,

neither did you.

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This probably comes off as very selfish and dumb but I would so love to have a person to be there for me, who loves me, who would do everything for me, who would fight for me and who would just take me for who I am and won’t change me. I have found a person like this but he’s gone and he won’t come back and I just hope I will find someone like him again. Someone who loves me with all of his heart, just like he did. I don’t want to run away from love, I only don’t want to get hurt again. People tell me I can be happy on my own and I don’t need other people to be happy but that doesn’t work for me anymore. I’ve fought for so long and now it’s enough. I don’t want to be on my own anymore. I want to be happy. I want to live. But I need someone by my side. I need kisses and cuddles and real love. I’m 19 years old and I’m still alone. I’ve lost a lot of people, I have lost the people I loved. And people lost me but they never cared. No one ever fought for me the way I fought for them. And I need someone who is willing to fight for me. I know I’m young but there’s so much pain that I can’t handle alone. I hope I will be happy soon. I hope that person will come into my life soon. I need someone.
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Bukowski Quotes for the Signs

Aries: "If something burns your soul with purpose and desire, it’s your duty to be reduced to ashes by it. Any other form of existence will be yet another dull book in the library of life."
Taurus: "What a weary time those years were- to have the desire and the need to live, but not the ability."
Gemini: "It is only once in a while that you see someone whose electricity and presence matches yours at that moment."
Cancer: "We don’t even ask for happiness, just a little less pain."
Leo: "It is so nice when people care. (It is also emotionally exhausting like motherfucking hell.)"
Virgo: "I felt like crying but nothing came out. It was just a sort of sad sickness, sick sad, when you can’t feel any worse. I think you know it. I think everybody knows it now and then. But I think I have known it pretty often, too often."
Libra: "Why do you insist upon destroying yourslf?"
Scorpio: "My dear, Find what you love and let it kill you.
Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness.
Let it kill you and let it devour your remains.
For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover."
Sagittarius: "The free soul is rare, but you know it when you see it- basically because you feel...very good when you are near or with them."
Capricorn: "We must bring our own light to the darkness."
Aquarius: "Lighting new cigarettes, pouring old drinks. It has been a beautiful fight...Still is."
Pisces: "I believed in too much, too early and when reality
arrived I couldn’t stand it."
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Charles Bukowski

“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”

“Love need not be a command nor faith a dictum. I am my own god. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.””

“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I’m not going to make it, but you laugh inside — remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.”

“You have to die a few times before you can really live.”

“I wanted the whole world or nothing.”

“Find what you love and let it kill you. Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness. Let it kill you and let it devour your remains.”

“If you’re losing your soul and you know it, then you’ve still got a soul left to lose”

“Some lose all mind and become soul,insane. some lose all soul and become mind, intellectual. some lose both and become accepted”

“I felt like crying but nothing came out. it was just a sort of sad sickness, sick sad, when you can’t feel any worse. I think you know it. I think everybody knows it now and then. but I think I have known it pretty often, too often.”

“I will remember the kisses our lips raw with love and how you gave me everything you had and how I offered you what was left of me, and I will remember your small room the feel of you the light in the window your records your books our morning coffee our noons our nights our bodies spilled together sleeping the tiny flowing currents immediate and forever your leg my leg your arm my arm your smile and the warmth of you who made me laugh again.”

“those who escape hell however never talk about it and nothing much bothers them after that.”

“the free soul is rare, but you know it when you see it - basically because you feel good, very good, when you are near or with them.”

“People with no morals often considered themselves more free, but mostly they lacked the ability to feel or love.”

“Nothing was ever in tune. People just blindly grabbed at whatever there was: communism, health foods, zen, surfing, ballet, hypnotism, group encounters, orgies, biking, herbs, Catholicism, weight-lifting, travel, withdrawal, vegetarianism, India, painting, writing, sculpting, composing, conducting, backpacking, yoga, copulating, gambling, drinking, hanging around, frozen yogurt, Beethoven, Back, Buddha, Christ, TM, H, carrot juice, suicide, handmade suits, jet travel, New York City, and then it all evaporated and fell apart. People had to find things to do while waiting to die. I guess it was nice to have a choice.”

“There’s nothing to mourn about death any more than there is to mourn about the growing of a flower. What is terrible is not death but the lives people live or don’t live up until their death. They don’t honor their own lives, they piss on their lives. They shit them away. Dumb fuckers. They concentrate too much on fucking, movies, money, family, fucking. Their minds are full of cotton. They swallow God without thinking, they swallow country without thinking. Soon they forget how to think, they let others think for them. Their brains are stuffed with cotton. They look ugly, they talk ugly, they walk ugly. Play them the great music of the centuries and they can’t hear it. Most people’s deaths are a sham. There’s nothing left to die.”

“when God created love he didn’t help most when God created dogs He didn’t help dogs when God created plants that was average when God created hate we had a standard utility when God created me He created me when God created the monkey He was asleep when He created the giraffe He was drunk when He created narcotics He was high and when He created suicide He was low

when He created you lying in bed He knew what He was doing He was drunk and He was high and He created the mountains and the sea and fire at the same time

He made some mistakes but when He created you lying in bed He came all over His Blessed Universe.”

"Would you be thirty minutes late to a wedding or a funeral?” “No.” “Why not, pray tell?” “Well, if the funeral was mine I’d have to be on time. If the wedding was mine it would be my funeral.”

“nobody can save you but yourself. you will be put again and again into nearly impossible situations. they will attempt again and again through subterfuge, guise and force to make you submit, quit and/or die quietly inside.

nobody can save you but yourself and it will be easy enough to fail so very easily but don’t, don’t, don’t. just watch them. listen to them. do you want to be like that? a faceless, mindless, heartless being? do you want to experience death before death?

nobody can save you but yourself and you’re worth saving. it’s a war not easily won but if anything is worth winning then this is it.

think about it. think about saving your self.”

“we know God is dead, they’ve told us, but listening to you I wasn’t sure.”

“We waited and waited. All of us. Didn’t the shrink know that waiting was one of the things that drove people crazy? People waited all their lives. They waited to live, they waited to die. They waited in line to buy toilet paper. They waited in line for money. And if they didn’t have any money they waited in longer lines. You waited to go to sleep and then you waited to awaken. You waited to get married and you waited to get divorced. You waited for it to rain, you waited for it to stop. You waited to eat and then you waited to eat again. You waited in a shrink’s office with a bunch of psychos and you wondered if you were one.”

“Stop insisting on clearing your head — clear your fucking heart instead.”

“Understand me. I’m not like an ordinary world. I have my madness, I live in another dimension and I do not have time for things that have no soul.”

“Do not ignore it. Fuck it. Cry your heart out. Then fuck it some more.”

“Basically, that’s why I wrote: to save my ass, to save my ass from the madhouse, from the streets, from myself.”

“I was a bore and didn’t know when to smile or fake it. Or rather worse, I did but didn’t.”

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I used to self harm. I liked to think of it as art, sketching masterpieces into my skin, running out of all colours except for red and not stopping until all the red was gone too. I liked to think of it like a magic trick. My veins are blue but the blood comes out red. I put on a show and people wonder how I did it, how I could handle the pain. But a magician never reveals their secrets. I liked to think of it as searching for treasure. Like if I got rid of the skin, there’d be something better underneath. Like if I dug deep enough I’d eventually hit gold. I never liked to see it for what it was. An addiction. A problem. A disease. An affliction. With other addictions at least you can remove the temptation, but you can’t with self harm. Because you don’t always need a razor blade or a box cutter, one time, I was so desperate I used the spring from a pen. But even without that you still have your nails, you still have your teeth to dig into your tongue, you can still draw blood. Because the temptation will always be right in your hands— literally. And some nights I would lie in my bed, scream into my pillow, because the urge was so strong it was beginning to take me over. Some nights I would dream of trauma and wake up to find refuge in a knife because at least I can control this one damn thing in my life, I’ll be the one responsible for these marks on my body. And it is nights like these that I think of my future daughter. Now I’m only 16, and I don’t plan on being a teen mom but I was born with a maternal instinct, long before I was old enough to have a child. And some nights I picture her face and I have no idea what I am imagining but I know that she is beautiful. Her face stops all my nightmares, the waves stop crashing upon the shore, the sun sets a little bit slower. And when I picture her baby soft fingers and arms, it is impossible to cut my own. Children pay more attention than you’d think. They copy you. I never want her to see my scars, and to try to recreate them on her own skin. I will take care of everything that is hers, including her momma. I will love this body because it will be the first home of my child. I will not shrink myself down anymore. And when she gets hurt, I will grab her a Polly Pocket band aid, and when I get hurt I will grab myself a band aid. And when her heart gets hurt, I will cradle it in my arms and tell her of my first heartbreak and I will never say no when she asks for a second slice of cake. In my head, hearing the laugh of my future daughter, that was reason enough to give up this self slaughter. Because I will not hold my baby with cuts on my arms. I will love her until the sun goes cold and I’ll love myself just the same. And when I curl her hair for her dance recital, I won’t once think of pressing the iron to my own skin, because she is so much more beautiful than the pain has ever been. I will tell her that she is an artist. The stretch marks of her have left a memorable form. I will tell her that she is a magician. That she is the reason for rainbows after storms. I will tell her that my whole life I’ve been searching for treasure, and that I definitely hit the gold mine with her.

for my babygirl (via whatever-is-pxre)

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How To Tell If Somebody Loves You: Somebody loves you if they pick an eyelash off of your face or wet a napkin and apply it to your dirty skin. You didn’t ask for these things, but this person went ahead and did it anyway. They don’t want to see you looking like a fool with eyelashes and crumbs on your face. They notice these things. They really look at you and are the first to notice if something is amiss with your beautiful visage! Somebody loves you if they assume the role of caretaker when you’re sick. Unsure if someone really gives a shit about you? Fake a case of food poisoning and text them being like, “oh my god, so sick. need water.” Depending on their response, you’ll know whether or not they REALLY love you. “That’s terrible. Feel better!” earns you a stay in friendship jail; “Do you need anything? I can come over and bring you get well remedies!” gets you a cozy friendship suite. It’s easy to care about someone when they don’t need you. It’s easy to love them when they’re healthy and don’t ask you for anything beyond change for the parking meter. Being sick is different. Being sick means asking someone to hold your hair back when you vomit. Either love me with vomit in my hair or don’t love me at all. Somebody loves you if they call you out on your bullshit. They’re not passive, they don’t just let you get away with murder. They know you well enough and care about you enough to ask you to chill out, to bust your balls, to tell you to stop. They aren’t passive observers in your life, they are in the trenches. They have an opinion about your decisions and the things you say and do. They want to be a part of it; they want to be a part of you. Somebody loves you if they don’t mind the quiet. They don’t mind running errands with you or cleaning your apartment while blasting some annoying music. There’s no pressure, no need to fill the silences. You know how with some of your friends there needs to be some sort of activity for you to hang out? You don’t feel comfortable just shooting the shit and watching bad reality TV with them. You need something that will keep the both of you busy to ensure there won’t be a void. That’s not love. That’s “hey babe! i like you okay. do you wanna grab lunch? i think we have enough to talk about to fill two hours!” It’s a damn dream when you find someone you can do nothing with. Whether you’re skydiving together or sitting at home and doing different things, it’s always comfortable. That is fucking love. Somebody loves you if they want you to be happy, even if that involves something that doesn’t benefit them. They realize the things you need to do in order to be content and come to terms with the fact that it might not include them. Never underestimate the gift of understanding. When there are so many people who are selfish and equate relationships as something that only must make them happy, having someone around who can take their needs out of any given situation if they need to. Somebody loves you if they can order you food without having to be told what you want. Somebody loves you if they rub your back at any given moment. Somebody loves you if they give you oral sex without expecting anything back. Somebody loves you if they don’t care about your job or how much money you make. It’s a relationship where no one is selling something to the other. No one is the prostitute. Somebody loves you if they’ll watch a movie starring Kate Hudson because you really really want to see it. Somebody loves you if they’re able to create their own separate world with you, away from the internet and your job and family and friends. Just you and them. Somebody will always love you. If you don’t think this is true, then you’re not paying close enough attention.

Ryan O’Connell (via wank-r)

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It’s essay writing season for tons of students!

After being a college writing tutor for over a year, I thought I would share my advice with all you awesome people on tumblr. This is how I write essays, but if you’ve got more tips, feel free to add them below. 

Happy writing. You can do it!

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reblogged

A Thank You Letter To My Ex;

Each relationship is a learning experience. Relationships mature you; you gain confidence and insight about life, yourself, and others. I can’t say that that is always the case right away, but I can tell you that one day, you’ll wake up and that person’s presence will make all the sense in the world. Suddenly, no matter how you and your ex ended, you will thank them for what they, both, did and didn’t know they taught you.

First off, thank you for putting me back together.

Thank you for taking all my broken pieces, and somehow finding enough glue to put them back together. Without even including my consistent need for attention, stubborn personality, and never-ending hunger, putting up with that alone was hard work. You found me beaten and battered, and without even a second thought, you put me back together the only way you knew how in this technologically advanced era mixed in with some old-fashioned love…with endless text messages and snapchats, and consistent compliments and love notes.

Thank you for teaching me how to love.

The reason I fell so quickly and so wholly for you was because of your ability to love despite all the hurt you had endured. Your intentions were selfless and pure, and you never asked for a thing in return for your love. I thought love was selfish, a take thing. But you taught me that love is actually quite selfless, it’s more about the giving rather than taking. You taught me exactly how much love I could hold in my being, and it was tenfold the amount I thought I was capable of. In your words, “I guess you just bring it out in me.” I realize now that I was selfish while loving you. I took more than I gave, but please understand when I tell you I’ve never loved something more in my life, I don’t mean it lightly. I so desperately wanted to be fixed so that I could treat you the way you deserved to be treated, and I am sorry that it was harder than we both had imagined.

Thank you for the mushy stuff.

You knew my childhood fantasies. You knew my hopes and dreams. Hell, you knew about my secret Pinterest boards (mostly due to my stubbornness and my consistent insisting that you look at just “one more” living room idea). You did the best with what you had to make sure all of my short term dreams and goals were fulfilled, while never forgetting to remind me that the long term ones will be to one day. Thank you, my love, for always holding me tight in public…although I’m mostly sure that was just because you knew how clumsy and accident prone the girl you were dating was. I think we both can agree I never needed much. I didn’t need expensive gifts or surprises. Your occasional mushy paragraphs were enough to make me swoon. I would have spent every birthday in with you if it involved pasta, makeshift forts, and scary movies. It was the little romantic things you did, the gestures you didn’t believe were enough, that meant so much more than the restaurants and presents.

Thank you for putting my in place, but also knowing when to just deal with me.

I was always the first person to admit to my stubbornness. But thank you for calling me out on it when I needed to hear it. Sometimes, one’s judgement gets clouded, and they are hellbent on proving that they’re right…even when they’re clearly not. Thank you for the times when you told me what I was saying was ridiculous, thank you for quieting me down and being reasonable. And even know there weren’t many times when you dealt with my attitude without trying to give me one back, thank you for the few times when you did. I think that shut me up quicker than the times you told me to stop being stubborn and cut the shit. Although I know I’m not always right, you reassured me, which I definitely needed sometimes.

Finally, thank you for leaving and not coming back.

Despite all of our good times together, now that we are done, I’ve become so content with the person that I am. Nobody can deny that you and I are soul mates, but I believe that we are soul mates that met at the wrong time. We met at a time when we both thought we were sure of who we were, but in reality, were far from it. We have yet to experience what life has to offer us, we still have room to grow. We both made mistakes, some bigger than others, and as cliche as it sounds…time heals all wounds. I believe we both have things to reflect and work on, and time will let us do that. So, thank you for giving me room to grow, for giving me time to think about my mistakes, and thank you for teaching me so much about life, myself, and us.

I have learned so much, and I am forever grateful. I am stronger now, but I owe that one to myself.

Thank you, and I love you.

Derrian

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You don’t realize how much he ruined you until you start talking to someone new. You do not realize how much you miss the way he talked to you, the way he took care of you, until someone else tries to do those same things. You will think about the fact that you miss the way he was always there. You will think of the way his presence always calmed you and the way his touch lingered on your skin whenever he was gone. You don’t realize how much you fucking ache for that familiarity, for the way you were comfortable and how normal it felt to love him. You don’t realize it but you look for it in everyone, and it keeps you up at night that you haven’t found anyone that can make you feel like he used to. You don’t realize any of it till you meet someone new and think, oh god, maybe he could be someone that stays. The worst part is that you hardly recovered from the way the last guy tore you apart. The worst part is that it terrifies you to think that you could get attached to someone like that again, because it felt like you pinned your heart to your sleeve only for the needle to break through the skin. The idea of loving someone the way you loved him makes you sick because you never thought you’d ever have to find someone else to begin with.

You realize that no matter how many new band aids you use or how many times you try to fix it, some wounds just don’t stop bleeding. (via sorryalways)

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mar-rs
1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them. 2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message. 3. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it. 4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck. 5. Always use ‘we’ when referring to your home team or your government. 6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it. 7. Don’t underestimate free throws in a game of 'horse’. 8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. 9. Don’t dumb it down. 10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut. 11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack. 12. Never park in front of a bar. 13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly. 14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first boy/girlfriend. 15. Hold your heroes to a high standard. 16. A suntan is earned, not bought. 17. Never lie to your doctor. 18. All guns are loaded. 19. Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know. 20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once. 21. Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year. 22. Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good. 23. A handshake beats an autograph. 24. Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out. 25. If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short. 26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature. 27. Never get your hair cut the day of a special event. 28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets. 29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it. 30. When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends. 31. Eat lunch with the new kids. 32. When traveling, keep your wits about you. 33. It’s never too late for an apology. 34. Don’t pose with booze. 35. If you have the right of way, take it. 36. You don’t get to choose your own nickname. 37. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family. 38. Never push someone off a dock. 39. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she’s pregnant. 40. It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry; live up to it. 41. Don’t make a scene. 42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best. 43. Know when to ignore the camera. 44. Never gloat. 45. Invest in good luggage. 46. Make time for your mom on your birthday. It’s her special day, too. 47. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser. 48. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp. 49. Give credit. Take blame. 50. Suck it up every now and again. 51. Never be the last one in the pool. 52. Don’t stare. 53. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally. 54. Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once. 55. If you’ve made your point, stop talking. 56. Admit it when you’re wrong. 57. If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done. 58. Look people in the eye when you thank them. 59. Thank the bus driver. 60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table. 61. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. 62. Know at least one good joke. 63. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son. 64. Know how to cook one good meal. 65. Learn to drive a stick shift. 66. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime. 67. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself. 68. Dance with your mother/father. 69. Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work. 70. Always thank the host. 71. If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late. 72. Know the size of your boy/girlfriend’s clothes. 73. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt. 74. Be a good listener. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk. 75. Keep your word. 76. In college, always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately. 77. Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for nine months. 78. Be patient with airport security. They’re just doing their jobs. 79. Don’t be the talker in a movie. 80. The opposite sex likes people who shower. 81. You are what you do, not what you say. 82. Learn to change a tire. 83. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them. 84. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it. 85. Don’t litter. 86. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important. 87. You won’t always be the strongest or the fastest. But you can be the toughest. 88. Never call someone before 9am or after 9pm. 89. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly. 90. Make the little things count. 91. Always wear a bra at work. 92. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it. 93. You’re never too old to need your mom. 94. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date, commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill. 95. Know the words to your national anthem. 96. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun then sitting on the bench alone. 97. Smile at strangers. 98. Make goals. 99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime. 100. If you have to fight, punch first and punch hard.

a high school teacher’s list of 100 wisest words (via mar-rs)