Emergency cleaning: Unfuck your whole house in the shortest time possible

So, your landlord/parents/home inspector/favorite movie star is dropping by, and your place is a disaster. You don’t have much time to clean it up. You’re in emergency mode. Let’s get started.

You can do this. It’s overwhelming, yes, but it is not impossible. You just need to do it. You have a list. You have directions. You have a whole bunch of Internet strangers who have been there before and who are cheering you on. You can do this, but you need to get started.

Why are you still here? GO. START. NOW.

the number of times in my past that I desperately wanted/needed someone to sit me down and tell me this stuff. I will never get back the hours and hours lost to headless-chicken mode, but it’s nice to know that in the last year I’ve learned so many coping mechanisms :D

My Adventures with Superman — "Let's Go to Ivo Tower, You Say"

My Adventures with Superman — "Let's Go to Ivo Tower, You Say"

As a nonbinary person it feels uncomfortable when strangers perceive my partner and I as a straight couple,

But it's hilarious to me when they perceive us as father and son.

"Does he have his own luggage?" the agent behind the check-in desk asks brightly, making eye contact with my partner.

"Just carry-on," I say as I slide my driver's license across the counter toward her. Confusion dawns on her face. She glances up at me briefly before printing my boarding pass in silence.

"A soap making booth!" I exclaim. I've been to the renaissance faire a dozen times but I've never visited this shop. "Let's make soap!"

"First you have to ask your Responsible Adult for five dollars," says the vendor in a measured, singsong voice, and wags her index finger at me.

I look around, confused. Who is she talking about? Does she mean the young man trailing behind me? I turn back to her.

"I have five dollars ..."

"Well you still have to ask him," she smiles sweetly.

As I open my mouth to ask why, I suddenly realize she has misjudged my age by at least two decades.

"I'm older than he is," is all I can think of to say.

"Would you like a children's menu?"

"Sure, and if you're taking drink orders, I could also go for a Corona."

Hey op?

HOW???

I'm short

when i first heard Link hum to familiar tunes while cooking…happiness

Ok, I cheated a little with Macbeth because honestly, everyone knows all the cool moments in it, but the REST.

Coolest moments from Shakespeare you didn’t know, from the plays you do.

A concept: me, 5 years on T, lounging under my messy duvet with my faded top-surgery scars brushing against it. I am covered in tattoos and my house plants are thriving

hi, past me. here’s what you’ve got to look forward to:

almost 8 years on T. fluffier duvet, still messy. fading top surgery scars, abdomen cranky post-hysto but it’s finally gone & no regrets. more tattoos but not as many as you would think (surgery is expensive). houseplants? oh they are THRIVING and you’re still depressed, but not enough to neglect them.

you’ll get there, just slowly.

[ID: A screenshot of the original post reblogged by @dreamlogic on March 9th, 2017, with tags that read: “me atm: 2 years on T. messy duvet. no surgery. not nearly enough tattoos. houseplants suffering because i’m too depressed to water them. but!!! that’s like 50/50! i’m getting there just slowly!!!”. End ID]

they don't see it, because it is around them like air. to them, it would have to be through movies, through magazines. they think it happens outside of life, like it must be selected to be interacted with.

but you discovered in the fifth grade that you couldn't wear shirts with words on them, it was an excuse for someone to look at your chest. you were catcalled before you were in middle school. sometimes you look at that memory and deny it - surely that can't be right, you were young. but you were in a skirt, so maybe that was a natural byproduct. it was a skirt from that place "justice by limited too" - a store literally for kids. it was popular around then. you wore that skirt twice and then never again.

you can't wear headphones, because what if a man wants to talk to you? there's a guy on the internet who complains that women shut themselves off from being approached. at night, you often keep the headphones positioned but with the sound off, just in case you need to hear something behind you.

you learned at 12 that you can't make eye contact, don't acknowledge the aggression. just walk faster and hope he picks on somebody else. don't wear your hair like that. do not park next to that kind of car, park an entire cityblock away if you must.

you can't go to the museum, you're sitting and tying your shoe when he approaches you and mentions that nobody understands art anymore. that in the whole world, it's just you-two. you have no recourse for eating a meal (it's rabbit food if it's salad, and someone will roll their eyes, eat a sandwich. it's pick-me behavior if it's a burger, we get it you're a cool girl). if you like mushrooms you are cottagecore, which is cheesy. if you like video games you're an egirl (similar to a pick-me). boys do not get categories, but if you point out the categories are sexist, you are told okay but these girls really exist.

it is somehow developing, a little undercurrent that you've been uncomfortable with. the nickname "karen" went from being "a white woman that uses her whiteness as a weapon, particularly against people of color," to now mean "any woman raising her voice or being even a little upset." the reappropriation of a term used specifically to call out white women for their racism has set your skin on edge. now it is just another version of "bitch," one that can be said on television. recently you saw a woman get called a karen because a drunk driver sideswiped her, and she screamed when it happened. the comments on the dashcam video all say "why do women always scream about everything." "when has the world ever been bettered by women screaming." "this fucking karen. she deserved to get hit."

in the sitcom, it's a joke that the wife is furious; slamming her hands down into the sink. i do everything around here, might as well do this too. in your house, your father is always in-his-office. before you know better, your first boyfriend is the type to say it's just easier for you. you used to beg him to take you on dates. he used to make a big deal about it, about the sacrifice of effort, even if you were the one who did most of the planning.

someone on the internet makes a "POV: the most boring person you've ever met" where he puts a towel on his head and just talks like a normal person. his impression of a boring woman is just a woman that is talking about her pretty-average life without exaggeration.

you are sometimes actually sad in the reverse, because actually you did used to struggle to pay attention in conversations. you were also easily bored of normal things, your adhd pinging off of every radio tower in the vacinity. it took time and therapy and patience, and now you delight in the small things about your friends. you like having them show you their organizational systems and talk about their taylor swift tickets. you are entertained by them because you learned to be, even though your brain is structured to only be excited by novelty. you kind of hate the idea that the reason your father will never actually pay attention to you is that you're no longer interesting. eventually the shine wore off, and you were just a person, not a spaceship. he never learned how to just, like, form an actual intimate friendship. it was always at a distance, this sense - emotional closeness was too much. (and yes. he's homophobic).

you're already tired of whatever the fuck is happening with the words "divine feminine", a rancid take that is basically just a rebranding of the patriarchy in action. what the fuck do they mean "being small and delicate and needing protection" is feminine. the words they are looking for are that they want a partner, not that their desire for equivalent support is relegated to gender. the human desire for community is not actually gendered at all. also, what fucking wolves are these "divine masculine" men even battling. fuckken taxes? shouldn't their "desire to protect" also mean "protect you from emotional neglect", or are all emotions off-limits (and how sad would that be. that's a horrible bar to set.)

and they tell you it's really not bad actually, because it's just there. they suggest you get off the internet or you stop reading that book or you stop thinking so hard about the movie or you stop just-being-a-feminist because honestly it's a killjoy sort of thing and then you tilt your head to the side and there's that little siren in the back of your head. if things were actually fine, being a feminist wouldn't put a stop to anything, it would go completely unnoticed, because you wouldn't have any comment to make about any of this

but you are ruining your own life, they tell you. also, girls don't sit like that. also, all girls are catty. also, all girls are bad drivers. also, all girls just need a cute bracelet and an iced coffee.

you do like iced coffee, is the thing. when you close your eyes, the world around you has this strange note to it. and once you hear it, it never stops ringing.

the gimmick blogs are like tumblr’s rogue gallery. yes we’ve got some heroes, yes we’ve got some villains, but more importantly if you look over here you will see some freak who devotes all their time to counting the number of “t’s” in a post

T Count: 15

Letter Count: 198

Your T Percentage: 7.58%

Average T Percentage: 6.95%

You used the letter T 1.09 times as much as average!

YOU EXIST???

Sometimes you create a guy and it turns out they already exist

Sometimes that guy has skills beyond your comprehension @identifying-cars-in-posts

1993-1997 Mazda 626

I love all the fun kinds of autism we get here

a perfect microcosm of who i am as a person:

after months of hemming and hawing, i bought a new phone. new phone causes a ton of really annoying electromagnetic interference with my desktop pc speakers (that have been in the family since at least 1995) and subwoofer (that i bought for $1 at a thrift store). my immediate first thought for a solution was, rather than "maybe i should finally lay my 30 year old computer equipment to rest" was "i wonder how hard it would be to build a faraday cage to put my speakers in"

Reblogging for

1. The sewing machine from the 1960's I decided to start learning on rather than go through the hassle of getting a new one,

2. Somebody in here knows how to build a faraday cage

We’re honestly past the point of arguing over whether piracy is a morally correct practice or not.

Studios are removing shows and movies from streaming services like it was nothing, all while telling us that “You don’t need to pirate stuff anymore, it’s available legally!”

Writers and actors are being denied residuals because the studio heads don’t view them as people, all their hard work is being thrown into the ether because a CEO needs to save up money for a yacht.

Like it or not, piracy is becoming a necessity at this point. As a lot of the shows and movies that are being taken down would be lost forever right now if someone hadn’t pirated them.

This will probably fall on deaf ears I’m guessing because the people who should be listening aren’t going to pay attention the reality of what this means

But yeah most people striking don’t even come close to making a proper living wage let alone in the LA area

Are there rich people in the guild? Of course

But that’s not the majority who need the better contracts

The rains have ceased, and we have been graced with another beautiful day. But you are not here to see it

The fact that SAG-AFTRA has concessions in the strike for actors to attend cons for meet-ups/photos.

The rule is that they'd like to keep actors off panels to discuss particular projects because that's promoting stopped work.

But a LOT of actors, especially older actors, characters actors, and voice actors rely on the ability to do photo ops and meet-and-greets with fans for a good chunk of income.

So, good job on that, SAG-AFTRA. That's thinking of the 98% of the union who aren't multi-millionaires.

This is the reality for the writers sadly...

Follow the writers guild (east and west) on socials. Pay attention to what's happening and the progress being made (or lack there of).

If you live in an area that you can attend a picket or rally, please do it. Numbers matter. Support and solidarity is everything.

If you don't have that access, talk about it on social media. Use the hashtags.

The strike has been going on for 51 days now.

My cartoon for this week’s Guardian Books.