Mood

Am I okay enough to enjoy the trip or am I insecure to just look at myself in the mirror? Am I crazy for thinking the world has so much to offer but I'm just to weak to want the air.

Pushing away!!

My anger, pain, and sadness is all I can fight. I try everyday to please everyone around me. Only to hurt myself. Was I ever safe with the people I loved or the people I hurt. No I'm nothing but a push.. Everytime I walk in a room. I'm a mess... A damn mess... I ruin all my days.... I push everyone away... I can't breathe and do I want to... No. Can I die instead of pleasing people I can't please.. I'm fucking dead.

Love! Hate!

The first love... My transaction to becoming myself and falling in love with a guy. Maybe it wasn't love it was sex but the heartbreak is what makes us all of us crazy. His tan skin. Dark brown eyes... The charming smile... But his lips so warm on mine.. the lies that came out of them. I'm not the love of your life... Never was... When your ex's hit me up they sound dumb as fuck. Although it's not even love cause you do them all the same... Oh your just a heartless lover.. but a great fucker. Knowing we would all come back cause you fucked us first. I loved the warmth and your anatomy. I loved the real you. I loved the arguments and the sex. The loneliness I drown in everyday or the whore shit I do to try and fucking have you replaced... One day I'm gonna be loved the right way.. not the lies and the inscurity. The fake bipolar feelings... You love me then hate me love me when it cold out and hate me when its warm. I found out i was a scheduled fuck.. two years in a nother half wasted and being vulnerable. Thanks for fucking up my life.😘

Black out

My confidence level is high... I'm so barred and in desperate need for alcohol... Haha don't remember the rest.. maybe tried to rob gas station... and not succeed. I black out in my friends room wake up in my bed. Get xans and forget everything now people got videos of me doing things I willingly wouldn't, like getting in a trunk and going for a spin downtown.. these black outs so fast and so sweet. Memories gone. Loosing control of my life that I never could control. Oh dear Xanax never leave my side.